“Okay, see you tonight.” Kyler bends to kiss me while standing in front of the picnic table I am sitting on top of. I grab his waist, pushing him in between my legs.
“Did I ever tell you how incredibly sexy you look in scrubs?”
I giggle because he sure knows how to make a girl feel special. “Nope, I can’t say you have honey.”
“Well you do,” he plants a kiss on the corner of my mouth. His lips travel to my ear. “Just imagining your scrubs lying on my floor and you sprawled out naked on my bed. God Haley, the things I would do to you. Are you sure you can’t get out of here early?” He coughs. “See baby, I’m sick and need my nurse to take care of me.”
“Shut up dork!” I hear my pager beep. “Shit babe, I gotta run.” I hop off of the picnic table and lean up to reach Kyler’s face. “I love you. I’ll see you tonight.” I give him a quick peck and rush back towards the hospital.
As I approach the sliding glass doors, I turn to see him standing in the same position I left him. He looks like a child pouting after being teased with his favorite candy. His favorite flavor being me. I dig my phone out of my pocket and dial his number. “Hello.”
“Hi, is Kyler there?” I ask, masking the sound of my voice. He sees me and waves as we both hold our phones up to our ears.
“Yes, this is him. Who do I have the pleasure of talking to?”
I laugh. “Oh shut up, you just look too cute standing out there pouting. Listen baby, I really have to go, but I love you, and I promise to do dirty, dirty things to you tonight. Okay?”
“Hell yeah! Love you too, Rocky.” We both disconnect our lines, and I find my way to the elevators that lead me back to work.
Later that night Kyler calls to tell me that the frat is throwing a New Year’s Eve party on Friday. We have been dancing around Jude since the night we said our goodbyes, hypothetically speaking. Jude hasn’t been at the frat house much while we’re there, but then again, Kyler and I have been spending most of our time at my dorm. I think Kyler is trying to keep us apart. I still haven’t had the courage to tell him Jude and I hashed things out, but it’s cute seeing him jealous once in a while.
“So, do you wanna go?” he asks nervously waiting for my answer.
“Yeah, sure, it sounds fun. Lucy and Kevin will be there, and I think Luce said Kristy was coming,” I say with a genuine smile on my face. He doesn’t mention Jude being there, although I know that he wants to.
“Ahh, okay, then it’s settled. We’ll go,” he says while trying to remain clam.
“Babe, listen, I know why you’re all weary, and you don’t have to be. All three of us can be around each other. I’m about to be his cousin too! So there isn’t a reason for this petty drama anymore,” I say while holding my hands out to the sides aggravated we are still living this same dilemma.
“You’re right. I just can’t stand the way he looks like he wants to kidnap you and take you away from me.” I know his jealously is peeking its ugly little head out. “You’re mine.” Kyler never had a possessive bone in his body until Jude came strolling into town. I can’t lie, I kind of like it… especially in the bedroom.
The week slowly drags on. Kyler got a call from Roy yesterday telling him Trent was back to managing the farm since he was cleared to resume normal activities from Dr. Stevens. He made a full recovery and is as rambunctious as ever. Kyler and I have even begun talking about the wedding. We’re thinking April, two years from now. I will be done with school and hopefully have my career going, and since Kyler is one year ahead of me, he will hopefully have a good job too. We both know we won’t have to worry financially about our future, but still, we want to accomplish things on our own. Lucy was excited to be given the title Maid of Honor and Kevin the Best Man. We haven’t figured much out other than we want a small ceremony. We both think it will be more intimate that way. Plus, with no parents on either side, the crowd will be pretty small.
I haven’t talked to Kyler about it yet, but I want to ask Jude to walk me down the aisle. I know it isn’t traditional, but nothing about our lives or relationship is. That plan will need some convincing on my end, so I store it away until I am ready to deal with it…later.
It’s almost the end of my shift. Since I am the new aide, I got stuck with the night shift for the holiday. I clock out and rush down the street to my dorm to shower and change. Lucy must be at the house already because her pillow is missing from her bed. I shower and straighten my hair before throwing on an oversized gray sweater with dark denim skinny jeans and black knee high boots. I don’t need to impress Kyler, but I still want to look somewhat presentable. I send him a quick text asking him to come pick me up. I wait several minutes with no response.
“Hmm…” I scroll through my phone until I land on Jude’s number. I hit call before my mind can talk me out of it.
“Hello?”
“Hey! Would you mind coming to pick me up? I can’t get a hold of Kyler, and it’s freezing out,” I say into the receiver.
“Yeah, give me a few minutes,” he disconnects the line. I feel nervous to see him but not nervous, as in I have butterflies, like I used to. It’s been a few weeks since our talk, and I don’t know where our friendship stands. I guess we will see because he texts me and tells me he is outside of my dorm waiting.
I button up my coat, grab my purse and overnight bag, and head out of my dorm. I see his car parked on the curb. I open the door and get into the passenger seat. “Hey stranger,” he says as I am buckling myself in. The smile on his face tells me he is okay, and it makes my heart feel at ease with the decision we both made to strictly be friends.
“Hey yourself.” We ride in silence. There are no words needed, no explanations, or deep conversations about where we stand. Jude is my friend. I am excited to start off the New Year with him in my corner. I can only hope Kyler is as understanding.
We park the car and walk into a mad house. There are people everywhere. I can see Lucy dancing on top of the counter. “Lucy!” I holler over the noise. She can’t hear me. I push my way through the crowd of bodies until I am standing right below her. “Lucy,” I tug on her dress. She looks down with glossy eyes.
“Oh, my bestie finally made it. Yay!” she squeals as she bends her knees to climb off of her makeshift dance floor.
“Honey, you reek of booze,” I say as she breathes into my face. She giggles. “How much have you had?”
“A-flippin-lot.” She says while grabbing an open bottle and taking a swig. I look around the room barely seeing anyone I know.
“Where is Ky?” I ask.
Her words are slurred, and I can hardly understand her. “There.” She points. I turn around to see him passed out on the couch. There are bottles and a dozen red cups surrounding him. I laugh under my breath as I look up to see Jude leaning against the wall sipping a beer. He sets his drink on the floor before nodding and walking over in my direction. “Want some help?”
I nod in acceptance. He leans down and sits Kyler up, positioning him against the back of the sofa. I have never seen Kyler so drunk before. Jude uses all of his strength to stand Kyler up. He can barely keep his eyes open, much less walk. I see a vein in Jude’s neck appear as he carries Kyler’s dead weight down the congested hallway. It feels like days before we make it to Kyler’s bedroom door. I dig in his pockets to find his keys and unlock the door, shutting out the commotion behind us.
Jude lays Kyler down on his bed then turns his head as I undress him. I take off both of his shoes before sliding his tattered jeans down his calves. I leave his shirt and boxers on as I fluff the pillow under his head and then pull his comforter up over his drunken body. I hear him start to snore as I sink to the floor in front of his bed. “Happy New Year,” I say along with everyone chanting from the living room. Jude sits down beside me. He extends his arm around my shoulder. I don’t feel weird or like we are doing something we shouldn’t. His touch is nothing but an innocent gesture between friends. I find comfort in knowing we are at a poin
t in our adult relationship where he can simply be here for me, like a normal friend should.
“To 2013 Hale,” he says while nudging me. We sit there quietly listening to the sound of Kyler breathing. He moves about a few times before he pushes the covers off with his feet.
“Thank you for helping me drag him in here, but you don’t have to stay cooped up with me all night. I’m sure it’s much more exciting out there.” I smile, but I’m sure he can’t see it because the room is almost pitch black other than the small amount of light shining in from underneath the door.
“As tempting as that sounds, I’d rather stay in here and keep you company.”
“Okay,” I whisper as I sink further down to the floor positioning my legs to sit Indian style.
“Remember that time Mrs. Childress caught us sneaking into the gym at school to swim?”
“Yeah, only to find out she was there with a date. Weird,” I say while trying to mute my laughter. We sit for hours reminiscing about our shared past, trying to muffle our laughter from waking up Kyler. The sun starts to peek through the windows, a sure sign why my eyelids are getting heavier. Jude stands up and stretches. I follow his lead.
“Ahh,” I moan out. “I feel like I’m seventy years old,” I say jokingly. Jude looks at me with a serious expression on his face.
“Promise we will still be friends then?” Friends when we’re seventy?
“Friends sound perfect. Forever,” I say while nudging in him the side to lighten the mood. He raises an eyebrow and lifts his hand up in front of him, holding it balled up. I ball my hand in a fist mimicking his before we bump fist.
“Weak,” he says with a smile on his face.
“Don’t hate on our new secret handshake,” I shake my index finger in his face with a smirk on my face. He slaps my hand away before pulling me in for a hug.
“Get some rest Hale,” he says into my ear.
“You too.” He turns to leave the room. Before his hand twists the knob, I stop him. “Jude,” I say while walking up behind him. “You’re the best friend a girl could ever ask for. Thank you for always believing in me and for letting me let go. I know it wasn’t easy for either of us, but I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that one day you can forgive me for everything,” I stand up on my tip toes and give him a friendly kiss on the cheek.
He nods his head up and down. “Remember when we were twelve and I told you I’d hold the key to your heart forever?”
“Yeah,” I say in a low voice careful not to disturb Kyler who is sawing logs behind us.
“Give it to Kyler. He deserves it,” he opens the door leaving me standing in the darkness of his shadow. The smile on my face could probably be seen from a mile away. Kyler owns my heart, and he is the only man on this earth who holds the key to it. I turn around and take my clothes off, leaving only my panties, before I climb into bed with my fiancé. Kyler wraps his strong arms around me as I say a quick prayer thanking God for helping me board that bus.
Jude and I hang out almost every day. It feels like we’re back in Jersey, laughing and acting carefree without the title of boyfriend and girlfriend hanging over our heads. Kyler doesn’t seem to mind us hanging out, which is a shock. We all haven’t hung out together yet, but I know it will be easier since I think Jude is seeing someone.
He has been really happy lately, and I have caught him staring at a blonde I got my nursing license with. When we first met, we worked together as aides on the same floor. The thought of him finally allowing himself to care about someone, other than me, brings a smile to my face and warms my heart. I assumed Kyler wouldn’t support the idea of Jude and me hanging out so frequently, but we talked about it, and he said he trusted me completely. Jude, on the other hand, Kyler doesn’t trust as far as he can throw him. It only makes me adore him more knowing he is taking a leap of faith with Jude and me. I don’t blame him for being a little leery. I still feel a little guilty knowing I had a huge hand in their feud. I’ve learned that time heals everything, and I know they will one day be the same annoying cousins they once were to each other so many years ago.
Although Trent has been better for a while now, Kyler has continued helping out at the farm. I know he feels obligated since it is technically his farm, so I overlook the countless hours and muddy jeans he comes home in. We’ve even talked about moving back to the farm once we get married. The thought of raising our family there makes Kyler giddy. He is more excited about it, but I have my own reservations. I was able to leave my childhood home and the bad memories that lingered there, but he isn’t so lucky. Moving to the farm to raise our future children frightens me. I don’t want the bad memories to taint the good ones we would be building. Luckily, we still have a few more years to decide.
Lucy says Kevin has turned a new leaf. He even admitted his resolution to quit drinking. I know he doesn’t mean to flirt when he drinks, but it is really bad. Sometimes I wondered how she handles him admiring God’s handy work on other females when she is right there. If Kyler did that to me, he would be a dead man walking, but my Lucy is patient and has a heart of gold. I know she would stand her ground in a heartbeat though.
I’m sitting on my bed doing some research for microbiology when Kyler comes storming into my room. “Whoa,” I say while pulling my computer to my chest to prevent him from squishing it as he sits down on my bed abruptly. I can see sweat on his forehead, and he is breathing heavily. “What did you do, run here?” I frown.
“Yes,” he inhales a huge gulp of air.
“What is wrong with you?” I say with annoyance in my voice wondering what the heck is going on that would cause him to run all the way to my dorm.
“Jude.”
“Okay? What about him?” I wonder where this conversation is headed. He pulls out his cell phone, unlocks it, and then scrolls through his stored photos.
“Here,” he holds it out in front of my face. I look at the screen and see a guy kissing a girl with blonde hair, then look back at Kyler shrugging my shoulders.
“So instead of getting an education you are creeping on a young couple kissing?”
“No, I’m not a freaking pervert Hale. Look at the picture.” He pushes the phone further in my face. “Who’s in the picture?” He asks while shaking his hands urging my answer. I look at it carefully studying the girl’s features, but I don’t recognize her until it dawns on me. The guy kissing her is Jude. I can’t see his face, but I know it is him.
“Jude?” I ask, shaking my head and wondering why Kyler is lurking around taking pictures of his cousin making out with his girlfriend.
“Yes!” Kyler exclaims like I just cured cancer.
“Okay. So Jude has a girlfriend?” I ask now annoyed as to where the conversation went.
“Yes, it appears so!” Kyler slides his sweatshirt over his head. May isn’t normally cold here, but some of the classrooms on campus have already turned on the air conditioners, and a sweatshirt is a necessity along with your books.
“Good for him.” I’m still unsure why he is bringing this to my attention.
“Aren’t you upset?”
I bend to put my computer on my nightstand before I scoot back on my bed. “Why would I be upset that Jude is dating someone?” I bite the inside of my cheek. I’m not nervous about Jude’s new relationship status but nervous as to why Kyler thinks I would care. We have been through this countless times. I finally thought we were done with the love triangle jealously. I huff as he sits in silence. “Never mind, don’t answer that question,” I say trying to sound bitchy. “We’ve been together for more than sixteen months and,” I hold up my index finger, “one flipping time I gave you a reason to doubt me, and I’m still living with the consequences every damn day. Do you want it to affect me that he has a girlfriend Kyler? If you really want to know,” I take a breath, “her name is Emily, and she is an LPN who works with me at the hospital.” I get up and walk into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me in frustration.
Gripp
ing the counter as hard as I can, I do everything in my power not to punch the wall. Is he is kidding? Why would he want to get me riled up? Then it dawns on me; that is what he wanted. He wanted to see if I would be jealous that he caught Jude in the act. Little did he know I have been hanging out with Jude and Emily for weeks. His plan just backfired! My mother always said there are some arguments you let slide, that aren’t worth fighting over. This was not one of them. In order to move forward in our relationship, especially our future marriage, we cannot have jealously or resentment pulling us back. I take a few calming breaths then splash some water on my face before I stomp out of the bathroom prepared for another argument.
I look around to see the room is deserted. I open the entry door to our room and look down the hall to see an agitated Kyler pushing his way through the outside doors. “Kyler!” I shout to grab his attention. He doesn’t look back and continues walking. I take off running down the hallway, brushing by oncoming students who are probably looking at me like I am crazy. Correction. Their facial expressions tell me they do think I’m crazy. Before I can reach the sidewalk, I hear his throttle crackle. He climbs onto his bike and takes off leaving me standing on the sidewalk barefoot and in tears. I quickly look around to see several people staring at me and rush back inside. Once I make it to my door, I collapse on the floor and succumb to sobs. I hear the doorknob rattle, and I quickly jump up onto my bed, wiping my tears off of my cheeks. If Kyler is coming back, I don’t want him to see me looking like the mess I know I do. I don’t know what to think, other than I am hurt that he would think I still harvest feelings for Jude. I cough and sniffle a few times before the door finally swings open.
I look up to see Lucy standing with a worried expression on her face. She rushes over to my bed and sits in front of me. “Hale, what’s wrong honey?”
The Upside of Letting Go Page 19
