by Kate Stewart
“I’ll take a water.” Sitting on the other side of the island, I thanked him when he passed me the bottle and took a long drink.
“Ian got drunk early, try not to hold it against him.”
“Does he always get so philosophical when he drinks?”
“Only when he’s got something to think about. Today I’m thinking it was you?”
My cheeks heated slightly, but Julian was easy to talk to and far from hard to look at. He was shirtless and had an incredible build. I was happy Jasmine’s last fix was with a man that hot, and for the most part he seemed to be intuitive and kind.
“He’s a stand-up guy, but a bit opinionated and a little arrogant.”
Raising my pointer and thumb, I showed Julian an inch. He pushed my fingers wider apart and we both laughed.
“Did you know his wife?”
Julian nodded. “I was his best man.”
I left the question open because I was dying to know if his presence here had anything to do with her.
“He didn’t tell you why he was here, did he?”
Intuitive Julian. I liked him.
“I bet you’re the peacekeeper of the crew.”
“Yep, Drew is the clown, Doug is the “always up for it” guy. I’m the peacekeeper and Ian is the thinker.”
“I love that you guys still keep in touch.”
“Ian’s passed on most of our trips over the years, but he surprised us all with the invite out here.”
“Why do you think he passed?”
“His daughter. Always Ella. He’s a helicopter dad and won’t miss anything when it comes to her. None of us blame him.”
Finishing my water, I stood and threw it in the trash.
“I will tell you this. He’s not here because of his ex-wife.”
I nodded.
“But he’s been through hell because of her and the damage she’s done is going to fuck with him for some time.”
“Thanks.”
“Sure.”
“As long as we’re giving fair warning, you should know Jasmine’s in a… strange place.”
“We’ve been talking most of the night.”
“Okay, cool,” I said, relieved to be off the hook. “Well, see you in the morning.”
He pushed off from the counter. “Night.”
I got halfway to the hall when he spoke up. “Koti?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for having us.”
“Of course. I had fun.”
“And just in case you need to hear it from someone who knows him, you won’t be easily forgotten.”
But I would be forgotten, at least that’s the way I interpreted it. Unable to think of Julian as spiteful or having any reason to hurt me, my new hopes, even with Ian’s confession of falling, were obliterated. Though I was confused, I refused to ask Julian for a better explanation. I’d already shown too much vulnerability when it came to Ian. I’d given Julian a rock to my glass house and he’d used it.
“Night, Julian.”
“Night.”
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, brat.
Pain ripped through my chest and threatened my smile as I stared at my daughter on the screen. How many of his features did she have? Were any of her traits, the ones I thought were mine, his? Her smiles, especially those I earned, were those as hard-pressed to get from him? Did she suspect anything? Tara obviously hadn’t told her.
You look happy.
I am happy. It’s beautiful here. I can’t wait for you to come.
Next week?
Yes. I’ll be waiting at the airport. Are you sure you’re okay with flying alone?
She rolled her eyes and I cut my hand through the air to tell her that was not okay. It was a sign of disrespect and she got away with little in the way of that.
Sorry.
Forgiven.
Her beautiful smile faltered by the presence of someone coming into her bedroom.
Mom’s here, she wants to talk to you.
Later. I want to know how things are going. One more week until school is out. Are you excited?
Hell yes.
Language.
I reprimanded her even though I often let her get away with calling me an asshole. It was a long-running joke between us.
Do you love Koti?
No. Why would you ask that?
You can’t lie to me, Dad. You look happy and she’s behind you, staring at you.
That’s because she’s fascinated by sign language.
You should teach her.
I will.
Good.
What else is new?
Mom keeps asking me if I like Houston. I don’t want to move; all my friends are here.
I’m working on that.
Work harder.
Easy, brat. I’m not going to let her move the two of you without a fight. But that’s our business.
My business too.
True. But trust me to handle it.
She signed okay, but I could see the fear in her eyes which only infuriated me. It was only natural for Tara to move on and build a new life for herself, but her selfish choices were always an issue when it came between our daughter’s happiness and her own.
Are you getting excited about Washington?
Yes. They had us start writing to our camp roommates to get to know them before we went. I have a pen pal, her name is Melissa and she goes to The School for the Deaf and Blind in South Carolina. She might be going to DC next year too for the program so we can be friends.
Do you think you’ll like her?
I think so. Not sure.
No boys.
Dad!
If you roll your eyes again, you’ll be grounded.
Fine. But Jessica gets to date.
I’m not Jessica’s father.
Why are you so hard on me about this?
You know why.
I’m deaf, not stupid.
Exactly.
Then why can’t you trust me? What if I like a hearing boy?
No boys period. Let’s talk about something else.
She blew her bangs out of her eyes and nodded. Are you staying in St. Thomas for the whole summer?
Yes, and you know you can come here with me instead of Washington. I would love it.
She was already shaking her head.
That was a quick decision. Don’t worry about my feelings being hurt. I bulged my eyes and she laughed. That sound would forever be the best sound of my life.
Sorry. I just don’t want you hounding me. You are the fun police.
Have I lost my little girl already? I finished signing slowly. My devastation unintentional.
Daddy? What’s wrong?
Nothing, baby. I’m just sad you’re growing up so fast.
Mom keeps telling me she wants to talk.
I shook my head. I’ll call her later. I’ll see you at the airport.
Can’t wait. Love you.
Love you so much. Be safe and get to me in one piece, okay?
She rubbed her chest with the sign of the P. Promise.
You are my heart, Ella Danielle Kemp.
You are my heart, Daddy Asshole.
I laughed as the screen cut off and then spoke to the sun-kissed beauty behind me.
“Ella says you were staring at me during our whole conversation.” I glanced back at the island where Koti stood peeling potatoes, her cheeks reddening.
“I love to watch you two sign, it’s fascinating.”
I drew my brows and stood. “That’s the only reason?”
“Yep. Love it,” she said, toying with me. Everything about her from her chin-length, gold-spun hair to the tip of her polished blue toes made my veins ache. I wanted to possess her. Her silver-blue eyes bled me and often. It was damn near physically painful to be so attracted to her. The warmth I felt when I was with her was something else entirely.
“If you really want to learn, I’ll teach you.”
“Really?” My heart began to race
at the appearance of her smile. Nothing affected me quite as much as the sight of it.
“We can start tonight after dinner. I’m going to teach you exactly as I was taught. There are strict rules.”
“I’m up for it. I learned the alphabet for sign language in grade school. I still remember it.”
“That will help,” I made my way toward her and saw her falter slightly when she read my posture. “You’ll have to do your part, study on your own, and use the workbooks.”
“I will, I swear. We have a few deaf renters come in once in a while…” she subtly smiled in an effort to hide her anticipation as I drew closer. “I can’t wait to be able to talk to them. Oh, and I can sign to Ella next week!”
“It takes time to master this language like any other and there’s slang to learn too.”
“Okay.”
I could feel the rattle in her posture as I slipped in behind her and leaned in a whisper. “It could take you months to be conversational.”
“Bring it on,” she said as her skin heated beneath my fingertips.
“After.” I pulled the peeler from her hands and set it on the counter.
“After.” She repeated, leaning against me and slipping her hand between us to brush it over my ready cock.
“After.” Turning her in my arms, I covered her mouth with my own.
After turned into a couple of hours of rough exploration by my nutty professor. The man was a God in the sack and though some days were filled with the painful effects of his aftermath, I couldn’t stop myself from my new addiction. He was a thorough lover with endless imagination. I smiled as I waited outside my front door playing with Disco. Ian demanded that we conduct class just as he would anywhere else and had been adamant about treating me as he would any other student. Restless with anticipation, I waited the five minutes he asked for to ready himself for our first class.
When I walked into the house, I saw he had rearranged the furniture putting his dry erase board where my coffee table usually sat.
“It’s getting hot out—”
My sentence was cut short by Ian’s stomping on the hardwood floor and the shake of his head.
I took his cue and zipped it. He pointed to the couch as he stood next to the board that read “My name is Ian.”
Once seated, he waved at me in greeting and I waved back. I could see a repressed grin lay idle on his lips before he wiped it away and replaced it with what I assumed was his teacher mask. He lifted his hands and signed.
Confused, I shrugged. He looked at me expectantly and signed again.
I gave him wide eyes.
Ten minutes later, we were in a lock of wills. He kept placing his hand to his chest, then crossing closed pointer and middle fingers on each hand before rapidly spelling out a word. I’d been working on that word the whole time because it was all of the language I knew but his fingers were moving so fast from letter to letter I couldn’t read it. The last letter was an N. I was sure of it. A light bulb went off and I jumped in my seat excitedly with an “Oh, damn, how did I not get that!?”
Ian stomped his foot again and shook his head, eyes narrowed.
He signed the same phrase, this time slower so I could follow.
My name is Ian.
This time I lifted my own hands repeating his movements.
My name is Koti.
He nodded and made a quick sign, which I assumed was the word good or yes.
Over the next hour, we remained in silent conversation as I stayed puzzled half the time before I began to catch on. By the time class was over I’d learned to introduce myself and ask, “How are you?” Also a few basic signs, how, who, why, when and where.
“That was pretty good,” he said as he erased the board.
“That was incredible! You learned sign language this way?”
“Yes, my teacher was a deaf woman named Billy, and she was incredible.”
“It seems impossible to learn this way, but it’s really kind of amazing.”
“She could read lips and talk, but speaking was forbidden in her classroom.”
Excited, I jumped on him, he laughed at my unexpected enthusiasm and caught me easily, gripping my ass and holding me close to him. “I love it!”
“Really?”
“Yes, so much. I can’t wait for more. Do we have to stop today?”
“Yes. It’s easy to forget the signs. I want you to practice them all night and all morning. It may seem trivial to you, but you’ll understand why later. Okay?”
“Is this like the Karate Kid, where you make me wax on, wax off and then show me some kick-ass moves?”
Ian chuckled. “Something like that.”
“Well, I’ll make you proud, sensei.”
His eyes shone with something that resembled adoration and my heart warmed with the hope of it. “I suspect you will, puffer fish.”
Our matching grins disappeared as he leaned in and took my lips, kissing me with a lazy and seductive tongue.
“About what I said the other night while I was smashed.”
I gave him a side-eye. “You actually remember that?”
He winced. “Some of it?”
I shook my head. “No more. No more fighting, no more misconception, no more judging, speculating, worrying, none of it. I’m having a great time and so are you. That’s all we need to know. Let’s move on already.”
He let out a breath of relief. “Music to my ears.”
“Same here. Let’s leave it at the egg comes first and have some more fun.”
“What if I said the chicken came first?”
“Well then, I would have to burden you with coming up with proof, professor.”
“I have no proof.”
“Then we can debate about it during our swim like adults.”
“Swim?”
“Let’s go swimming and after,” I waggled my brows, “we can after.”
“Aren’t you hurting?”
“I’m good. Actually, I’m great. I’m growing into a huge fan of sex after years of being on team abstinence. Also, sex between us requires little communication which, if we’re honest, we seem to suck at.”
“Good point,” he said, smiling down at me. “But I think we’re getting better.”
“Agreed,” I said, as he let me on my feet.
“I’ll get my suit on.”
I took his hand and moved toward the front door. “That won’t be necessary, professor.”
ANXIOUS, I CHECKED THE ROAST in the oven for the second time in ten minutes. Any second, Ella would be walking through the door and I wanted more than anything for her to like me. Even if Ian and I didn’t have a future, some part of me hoped for a lasting friendship. I lost everything when I left New York and severed ties with everyone I thought was close to me, but Ian and I were a different kind of close. He understood me like no one else in my life ever had, including Jasmine. He knew me intimately and touched me in ways I needed. He knew my secrets, my fears and asked me constantly what my hopes were, to which I had no reply. I never thought past getting through my days when I arrived on the island. And now it seemed I had a whole different life in front of me. I didn’t tell him my hopes because the truth was I wasn’t sure. For the first time in my life, it wasn’t mapped out, which was both amazing and a bit terrifying. But I had learned I didn’t need big dreams and accomplishments to matter. And his question was more geared toward my happiness, I knew it without him telling me. So, when it came to hopes, I would let them evolve just like I had when I set foot in St. Thomas. And maybe before he left, I would have something to share. Even when our time ended, I hoped to remain a part of his life, even if it meant I would have to witness him living it with someone else.
His friendship was a rare gift when it came to acceptance. While a part of me knew I was in love with him, a larger part of me knew that for some reason, when I was six-years-old I was gifted with a best friend who later turned into a soulmate. We spent the first month together at odds, but the last few w
eeks had been some of the most blissful days of my entire life. When I knocked off work, I raced home without a clue as to where our night would lead. It was different from the predictability I learned to count on every day, but oddly the new routine felt just as safe because of Ian.
And the fact that I had never been in love played a large part of the reason for my happiness. I tried not to dwell on it due to the impending heartbreak, but the truth was I had never experienced the constant pounding heart, desire, the elation, the need, the torturous want, the playful comfort. All of that, from the time I was in my teens, was stripped from my life by my ambitious schedule and the aftermath of trying to keep up with it. There had been boyfriends, a few of them memorable but never had I ever felt such an attraction to a man. I’d never in my life been inspired the way I was by Ian. His ability to make me feel everything with a single look was unparalleled by any before him.
I was weeks away from thirty years old and had just found my first love.
And my soulmate.
But not my forever.
The front door opened as I lit a candle, and Ian and Ella appeared. I waved my hello frantically and Ella rushed to my side. We both hesitated briefly before we hugged.
I took my time signing my greeting.
I’m so happy you are here.
She began frantically signing as her father corrected her while talking. He made a fist with one hand and slid spaced fingers over it toward him.
