“When did Nate say this?” she asked.
“When we were building birdhouses,” Josh continued. “He said it to Denny. He sounded really sad.”
The same afternoon she had overheard Nate saying that he had to leave.
What had he meant? She looked down at Josh, knowing she wouldn’t get the full story from him, but she knew there was someone who could tell her.
“I’m sure Nate’s heart is good,” Mia assured him, then bent over to kiss him good-night.
She prayed with the boys, adding her own prayer for answers and wisdom.
She checked on her sleeping daughters, then walked downstairs, made a pot of coffee, pulled out her Bible and sat and read while she waited for Denny and Evangeline to return and update her on Nate’s progress.
Half an hour later, the sound of the outside door and the subdued sounds of Denny and Evangeline’s voices on the porch combined to weave a web of dread around Mia.
She closed her Bible, her hands clutching the fresh cup of coffee she had just poured for herself. When they came into the kitchen and she saw the anxiety on their faces, the web tightened.
“So. How is he? Is he going to be okay?” The words spilled out in a rush of worry and fear.
Denny gave her a careful smile as he shifted Ella to Evangeline. “He has about a dozen stitches in his head, but yes, he’ll be fine. Like I told you, the doctors simply want to keep him in for observation. He’ll be discharged tomorrow.”
“What did you think, Evangeline?” Mia needed a second opinion.
“I think he’ll be okay.” She laid her hand on Mia’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Just give me a minute to put Ella to bed and I’ll join you.”
Evangeline left and Denny poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down with Mia.
He gave her a reassuring, fatherly pat on the arm. “He’ll be okay, you know. He’s tough. He’s lived through a lot worse.”
“I’m guessing you’re talking about Karl?” Mia asked.
Denny nodded as he spooned some sugar into his mug. He stirred it, the faint clinking of his spoon the only sound in the quiet of the kitchen. Then Denny leaned back and gave her a penetrating look.
“Nate’s talking about leaving when he gets out of the hospital,” Denny said, pausing to take a sip of coffee. “Stop me if I’m sticking my nose in where I shouldn’t, but can you tell me why? He said it was what you wanted.”
Mia frowned, puzzled that Denny would draw that conclusion. “He was the one who was talking about leaving.”
Now it was Denny’s turn to look confused. “Do you mean for the futurity?”
“No. I mean for good.”
Denny shook his head. “Nate never said anything about leaving permanently. In fact, he had been making plans to stay.”
“Stay? Where?”
“Here. He had been looking at the Miedema place. Looking to buy it.”
His words fell into her mind like pebbles, each one creating ripples that intersected, disturbing her perceptions.
“Buy it? But...I thought he was leaving.”
“For the futurity, yes. But then he was coming back.”
“But I heard...I heard him say that he had to do what he had to do. That he had to leave.”
Denny looked taken aback. “When did you hear that?”
Mia tried to not blush. She hadn’t deliberately eavesdropped when she overheard this. She had been on her way to deliver Nate’s jacket.
The jacket with the phone number of Lacy Miedema in the pocket.
“Can I ask you something personal about Nate?” Mia asked, suspecting that what Josh had said and what she had overheard were part of the same conversation.
“Ask and I’ll see if I can answer it,” Denny replied.
Mia hesitated a moment, not sure how to word the question that had been hovering at the edge of her mind ever since she came down from her son’s bedroom.
“This evening, when I was tucking Josh in, he asked about Nate’s heart.” Mia suppressed a faint blush but then forged on. “He told me he had heard Nate say something about being afraid of opening his heart. That it would hurt if I pushed him away. Can you tell me what he meant by that?”
Denny didn’t answer right away, which made Mia wonder if she had overstepped a boundary. Then he leaned forward, looking into his coffee as if looking for inspiration there.
“Nate has had a tough life,” he said. “I’m sure he’s told you a few things.”
“He told me about Karl.”
“Did he tell you how he ended up with Karl?”
Mia shook her head. She remembered wondering but the conversation had moved on and she never thought to ask the question about his mother.
“Nate was about seven when his mother moved in with Karl. She was a single mother who had drifted from place to place. She would live with a guy, leave Nate with him for a couple of days at a time, then come back. Then she met Karl. He had a ranch and was well-off, so she moved in with him. She settled down, but after a couple of years, Karl’s true colors came through. She decided she didn’t want any part of that and left. But she left Nate behind. She abandoned him. That haunted Nate for years.”
Mia felt her breath catch in her throat as she listened to the painful story of Nate’s childhood.
“When he came to live with us he was wary, careful and never said anything about his past,” Denny said. “Living with our family was like an out of control rodeo and I’m sure it was a huge switch. But in time he grew less reserved and slowly opened up. That’s when I found out about how he felt when his mother left. Abandoned. Afraid and very cautious about, as Josh had said, opening his heart to anyone. I know when my parents died, it was another blow that made him retreat emotionally again.”
Then Denny looked over at Mia. “And then he came here and he met you.”
Mia sat back in her chair, feeling the gentle force of Denny’s words.
“What do you mean?” she whispered, part of her knowing exactly what he was implying.
“He met you and he realized that he had found what he had been looking for. An independent woman who he respected, cared for. A woman who loved her children without reservation. A woman he could see building a life with.”
Mia stared at him, her hopeful heart quivering at what he said.
“And what Josh had overheard was Nate telling me that he was afraid of his growing feelings for you and for your children,” Denny continued. “He couldn’t believe that something good could happen to him. That’s why he needed time to think about all this. But he always had plans to come back to you.”
More questions circled.
But she knew that anything else she needed to find out, she had to find out from Nate.
“Thanks for this,” she said to Denny, getting up and setting her coffee cup in the sink. “Thanks for what you told me.”
“I hope it helped,” he said.
“It did,” she replied, her voice full of conviction and her heart laced with hope. “It helped a lot.”
* * *
Nate heard a rustling in the hospital room but kept his eyes closed. The pain medication he had just received hadn’t kicked in yet and his head felt as if a sledgehammer had split his skull open. Every time he opened his eyes, he felt the hit again. Though he was glad he was going back to Denny and Evangeline’s place to recuperate, Mia was there. And he wasn’t sure how he was going to deal with seeing her again.
Denny had brought him a clean shirt and pants last night and he had changed into them this afternoon. He was resting on the bed, waiting for the doctor to come and discharge him.
But he wasn’t in any mood to talk to anyone. So he turned his head to the side, a silent directive to any nurse to leave him alone.
He heard the scrape
of a chair that cut into his head and then, as whoever had come into the room settled into the chair beside him, he heard a faint sniff and caught the scent of lilacs.
Mia?
He turned his head too quickly and pain knifed through his skull. A groan escaped as he opened his eyes.
And there she was, sitting on the chair beside him.
He couldn’t stop the lift of his heart. The expectation that quickened his breath.
Her dark eyes showed her concern as did the faint lines bracketing her mouth, and he tamped down his reactions. She was only here because she was a caring, loving person and she felt sorry for him.
“Hey, there,” she whispered as a careful smile teased at her mouth. “I’d ask how you’re doing, but I think the bandages and bruises say it all.”
Nate attempted a smile but at the same time he flashed back to their last conversation. How she had asked him to leave and pushed him away.
“I’m okay,” he said, keeping his tone noncommittal. Then a memory assailed him. “How is Nico? Did I really hear him calling out my name?”
Mia’s smile shone. “Yes. I’m bringing him to see Dr. Schuler on Monday. He’s been speaking more since yesterday.”
“I wonder what triggered it.”
“I think it was his fear of you leaving.”
Nate wasn’t sure what to say to that. Nico’s connection to him was still a puzzle. “I’m glad he’s talking again. That must ease a huge burden for you.”
She nodded, the hopeful look on her face creating possibilities. “So what brings you here?” he asked, trying to keep his tone brusque. Trying to maintain some distance between them.
Mia’s hesitant smile faded, but then she did a surprising thing. She reached over and swept his hair back from his bandages. Her fingers brushed his forehead, cool, soft and inviting.
Nate pushed back his reaction. He had to stay focused. He couldn’t allow himself to get drawn into renegade emotions. He had to keep himself aloof from her.
But even as one part of his mind tried to convince himself of this, he couldn’t stifle the hope her presence had awakened.
“I came for a couple of reasons,” Mia said, her hand slipping back to her lap. “One was to apologize for what I said yesterday. About how I thought you should leave. I...I was laboring under a misapprehension.”
“Been reading Dickens, have we?” he joked, hoping to deflect with humor.
“No, but I have been talking to Denny,” she said, seeming to ignore his joke. “I’ve found out things I didn’t know. Found out that I was wrong about you and that I was wrong to push you away.” She brushed her hand over her head, pushing her short hair away from her face. It immediately fell back, framing her thick-lashed eyes. A flush heightened the color of her cheeks, and as she looked at him he sensed a shift in the atmosphere. A return to the awareness that had once arced between them.
He tried to fight it, but found himself slowly drawn back to her.
“What makes you say that?” Nate prompted, not sure if the knock to his head was making him delusional or if she was backtracking from what she had said yesterday.
Or maybe she just felt sorry for him.
“I found out about your visit to the Miedema place,” she continued. “With Lacy.”
He frowned, then winced as pain stabbed behind his eyeballs. “Sorry,” he said, “I don’t know where you’re going with this.”
Then, to his surprise, she took his hand in hers. “Do you have time to listen to me?”
“I’m not allowed to leave the hospital until tonight, so yeah, I got time.”
Mia’s laugh ignited a faint spark of hope. Then her expression grew serious.
“I don’t know exactly where to start,” she said, gently running her hand over his. “I feel foolish but I need to tell you how things looked for me. Why I said you should leave.” She paused, her eyes lowered, watching her hand as it traced the scars on the back of his hand. Some of which came from working with his horses.
Some from Karl.
But he kept quiet, letting the silence hang between them, rife with expectancy.
“I know what I am. A mother of four children. I know that it would take a special person to be...be with me. When I saw you with Lacy Miedema, when I found her phone number in the pocket of your coat, it was as if all my doubts had found an outlet.”
Lacy? Why was she talking about Lacy? “What? What are you talking about?”
Mia gave him a patient smile. “I thought you were attracted to her. I thought I didn’t matter to you anymore, and why would I? She’s attractive—”
“You’re a beautiful woman, Mia. An amazing woman,” Nate interrupted her as he tightened his grip on her hand, slowly beginning to understand what had happened. “How could you think that I’d be interested in Lacy?”
“I found her phone number in the pocket of your coat. And then, at book club, she and you went outside.”
“Yeah. To see Tango and to talk about her dad’s place. I was thinking of buying it.”
“I know that now, but you have to understand how it looked to me. I saw you with her—young, pretty, single, unattached—and compared her to me. Older, divorced, messy, tangled life and four children. I couldn’t imagine how you could choose me over her.”
“But I was never interested in her.” Nate felt a slow realization dawn on him. “You were jealous of her?”
Mia gave a tight nod.
“You didn’t need to be.” He drew in a quick breath, but the pain that had sliced through his head was now reduced to a dull throb. The pain medication must have kicked in. “I was never interested in her.”
She looked up at him and in spite of his assurances he still saw doubt on her face.
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
“I want to,” she said quietly. Then she sighed. “I have my reasons why I don’t.”
“Tell me,” he encouraged.
Mia bit her lip as if hesitating, then started talking. “I told you that Al left me when I was expecting. But I didn’t tell you the other reason. I found out later that he was cheating on me. With a much younger, thinner and prettier girl.”
“Al was an idiot,” Nate said, his voice growing harsh. “Don’t judge yourself by his actions.”
Mia’s smile grew at his words and in spite of his desire to protect his own heart, he knew he had to let her know his feelings. Needed to assure her of how important she was to him.
“You know I was attracted to you the first time I saw you.”
“And then you found out I had kids.”
Nate was quiet a moment, trying to find the right words to express his initial reaction to her. “It wasn’t the kids. I love kids. It was the fact that, as a mother, you would need someone I didn’t think I could be. You needed someone who could commit to sticking around. I didn’t dare make that commitment until...until I got to know you. Got to love you.”
Mia stared at him as if she hadn’t heard him properly. “Love me?”
He squeezed her hand again, the only way he could assure her right now. Then he sat up, facing her directly. “Yes. Love you. I didn’t think I could do that. Didn’t dare to.”
Mia smiled at that. “Josh was worried about you. Apparently, he heard you say that you were afraid of opening your heart and he thought that when you were injured that maybe your heart was hurt.”
Nate released a light laugh. “I was afraid. That’s why, when you said I should leave, I took you at your word. I thought for sure that you didn’t want me around.”
Mia shook her head. “No. I did want you around. I said that because of something I misheard. I didn’t think you were coming back.” She lifted his hand and brushed her lips over the back of it. “You mean more to me than any man ever has. And that made me afraid, t
oo. I was guarding my heart, as well. I was just as afraid as you.”
Nate hardly believed what she was saying. Could hardly believe that the relationship he thought was shattered beyond repair was slowly being mended and remade.
“So you told me to leave,” he said, his voice quiet, uncondemning.
Mia nodded, holding his gaze this time, her eyes steady. “I wanted to be the one in control this time around. I wanted to be the one who made the decisions. I thought it would be easier if I told you to leave than if you were the one who left me.”
“But I wasn’t leaving. I was only going to the futurity and then I was coming back.”
“I know that now,” she returned. “I talked to Denny. He told me that you were thinking of buying the Miedema place.”
Nate was suddenly tired of the distance between them. He carefully got up, then he pulled Mia out of her chair and drew her close to him, reveling in the feel of her fragile form in his arms. “I am thinking of buying it. I want to make a home for you and for your kids. I want to be beside you, supporting you and being a partner to you.”
Mia looked up at him, her hands now resting on his chest. And once again he saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes.
“I know you’ve lost so much the past while,” he said. “But I want to help you rebuild and be there for you.”
She could only shake her head, looking at him. “Is this true? Is this real?”
“Maybe this will convince you,” he said as he drew her close and caught her lips in a kiss. “I love you, Mia,” he said against her mouth, brushing his lips over her cheeks, her eyes, her forehead, ignoring the dull throb of pain in his own. “I love your kids and I want to make a life with you.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered, gently touching his face. “So much.”
She kissed him again and as they drew back, Nate felt as if all the loose ends of his life had finally been woven into a whole.
“As soon as I get discharged, I want to go to the ranch. Tell the kids.” Then he smiled. “Talk to Nico. Make plans for our future,” he said, brushing his fingers over her beloved face. “A future together.”
A Father In The Making Page 17
