by Robin Hobb
Yet before she reached Malta, the woman had gracefully but with weariness come to meet her. She took both of Alise's hands in hers and said, 'I truly don't know how to thank you. I wish that I myself could be going. Not that I have any great fondness for dragons; they are difficult to deal with, being nearly as stubborn and self-justified as humans.'
Alise was astonished. She had expected the Elderling to declare her undying devotion to dragons and to beg Alise to do all she could to protect them. Instead, she continued, 'Don't trust them. Don't think of them as especially noble or of a higher morality than humans. They aren't. They're just like us, except they are larger and stronger, with potent memories of always having their own way. So, be careful. And whatever you learn of them, whether you find Kelsingra or not, you must record and bring back to us. Because sooner or later, humanity is going to have to co-exist with a substantial population of dragons. We have forgotten all we ever knew about dealing with dragons. But they have forgotten nothing about humans.'
'I'll be careful,' Alise promised faintly.
'I'll take you at your word.' Malta smiled and her face seemed briefly more human. 'You seem to be a Trader who remembers what a promise means. In these times, we could do with more like you. And now, I'm afraid I must go home to rest.'
'Do you need any help to get home?' Alise was bold enough to ask. But Malta shook her head. She released Alise's hands and slowly but gracefully climbed the shallow steps to the entry doors. Alise was still looking after her when she felt Leftrin's heavy hand clap her on the shoulder.
'Well, didn't you turn out to be just the ticket for both of us! I wonder if Brashen Trell knew what a bit of luck he was sending my way when he sent you to me! I doubt it, but there it is. Well, my lady luck, the deal is signed, save for your mark, and we're all waiting on that.'
In astonishment, she turned to find that it was so. The Council members were still seated in their places. The pen in its stand awaited her. As she glanced from it to the Council leader, Trader Polsk gestured at it impatiently. Alise glanced back at Leftrin.
'Well, get it done,' he urged her. 'The day gets no longer!'
In a sort of daze, she crossed the room. She shouldn't do this. She couldn't do this. Had she ever before set her signature to a document that bound her? Only when she had set her hand to her marriage agreement with Hest. She recalled as a waking nightmare all the particulars of that agreement, and how she had willingly marked her name on every one.
It was the only time her signature had bound her as a Trader. Time after time, she had recalled that afternoon. Now when she thought of how quickly Hest had moved through the ceremony, she saw it not as a bridegroom's eagerness, but as yet another mark of how he would trivialize their bond. She had lived to regret binding herself that way. How could she even think of setting her hand to another document? Her eyes wandered over the words above her name. Someone had negotiated a wage for her, a daily payment for each day she was on the vessel. How peculiar to think that she would earn money, money of her own, doing this. If she did it. And then she knew that she would.
Because she wanted to. Because despite being Hest's wife, she was still of Trader stock, and still capable of making her own decisions. It was her hand, her familiar freckled hand that lifted the pen and dipped it. She watched, oddly distant, as she formed the characters of her name in her strong sloping penmanship. 'There. It's done,' she said, and heard how small her voice sounded now in that large room.
'Done,' agreed Trader Polsk, and dumped a generous measure of sand on the paper. She watched as the sand was shaken off, leaving her signature strong and black on the page. What had she just done?
Captain Leftrin was at her shoulder. His hearty laugh boomed out and he took her arm and turned her, leading her away. 'And that's a fine morning's bargaining for both of us. I'll admit that having your company on this expedition suits me very well indeed. The Council insists that it can have the Tarman loaded and ready to sail by late afternoon. Between you and me, that won't be much of a trick. I knew I'd get the contract, and I've already made arrangements for the supplies that I want. Now. "We've not far to go for the first stop on our journey. The dragon grounds are an hour past the city docks. But for now, there's a bit of time for us to spend as we wish. I've arranged for a runner to take the news to Hennesey. He's a good mate and I've no worries about him seeing the cargo loaded. So. Shall we take a bit of a tour of Cassarick before we go? You didn't have much of a chance to see Trehaug from what you've told me.'
She should have said 'no'. She should have insisted on immediately returning to the boat. But somehow, after the morning's adventure, she couldn't bear to return to being not only rigorously correct but timorously so. Nor could she imagine meeting Sedric's eyes and admitting what she had done. Sedric. Oh, Sa have mercy! No. She couldn't confront that thought yet. She boldly set her hand on Leftrin's arm and said, 'I think I'd enjoy seeing Cassarick.'
And so he had shown her the 'city', though Cassarick scarcely merited the word. It was a lively town, still young and raw and growing. She was sure now that Captain Leftrin had deliberately chosen to give her the most adventurous tour possible. It began with a dizzying ride up in a basket lift. They entered it and shut the flimsy door securely. Then Leftrin tugged on a line and far overhead, she heard the tinkle of a small bell. 'Now wait for them to ballast it,' he told her, and she stood, heart thumping with excitement. After a wait, the compartment gave a lurch and then rose slowly and steadily into the air. The device they rode up in was built of light yet sturdy materials and was so small that they had to stand with their bodies nearly touching. Alise stood looking out over the rim of the basket but could not help but be aware of Leftrin's stout body just behind hers. Midway in their journey, they met the lift tender coming down in the opposing basket. He stood amid a stack of ballast stone, and by a means she couldn't see, he halted both baskets in mid journey for Leftrin to pay the lift fee. Once the man was satisfied, he continued down while their basket continued to rise. The view was astonishing. They travelled past thick branches with footpaths on top of them, past rows of houses dangling like ornaments from tree limbs, past rickety bridges and little basket trolleys whizzing past them on lines that reminded her of the washing line at home. When they finally arrived at their destination and the lift tender's assistant halted their flight, they were so high in the trees that stray beams of bright yellow sunlight filtered down through the thick foliage. The attendant opened the lift door and Alise stepped out onto a narrow balcony affixed to a heavy tree limb. She looked over the edge, gasped, and then nearly shrieked when Leftrin took a sudden and firm grip on her arm. 'That's a good way to get dizzy, your first time up a trunk,' he warned her. He guided her along a narrow footpath that ran along the thick branch, back toward the trunk of the tree.
She tried to be casual as she set both her hands to the coarse bark of the trunk. She wanted to hug the tree, but it would have been like trying to hug a wall. The flora and the foliage here in the Rain Wilds were on so immense a scale that they seemed more like geographical features than botanical ones. To Leftrin's credit, he hadn't said a word while she caught her breath and found her dignity. When she turned back to face him, he smiled in a way that was friendly, not teasing, and said, 'I believe there's a very nice little tea and cake shop this way.'
He led her around the trunk on the sturdy boardwalk. More of the town was awake now, and though the walkways were not nearly as crowded as the streets of Bingtown on a market day, there was still a substantial population in evidence. Watching them go so matter-of-factly about their lives slowly changed her perception of them. Their scaled faces and outlandish clothing had almost begun to seem mundane by the time they reached the tea shop and ordered a small meal. They had talked and laughed and eaten and for a time, Alise forgot who and where she was.
Captain Leftrin was a rough man, almost coarse. Handsome he was not, nor particularly groomed, nor even educated. He didn't care that he spilled his tea in his sauce
r, and when he laughed, he threw back his head and roared, and every customer in the shop turned to stare at him. It embarrassed Alise. Yet in his company, she felt more like a woman than she had in years, perhaps in her whole life. And that was the thought that made her realize that she had been behaving as if she were not only single, but not accountable to anyone else but herself. The shock of that thought made her catch her breath, and in the next instant she recalled that this sort of misadventure was exactly why Hest had sent Sedric to chaperone her and protect her good name. His good name, she belatedly thought. This was what Sedric had been trying to warn her about. She hastily finished her tea and then sat almost fidgeting as Leftrin slowly enjoyed his.
'Shall we look about a bit more?' he offered her as they left the shop, his grin confident of her agreement.
'I'm afraid I should get back to Sedric and explain to him the change in plans. I don't think he's going to be happy with it,' she said, and suddenly the understatement of that rattled inside her. Sedric had been miserable spending only a few days on the Tarman. How would he react to the news that she'd volunteered herself to be part of the expedition, a trip that would certainly take days and possibly weeks? Would he forbid it?
That thought made her cold with dread, and then a worse one came. Could he forbid it to her? Did she have to accept his judgment if he said she must give up her wild plan? What would happen if he did? She'd signed her name to an agreement.
No Trader would even consider backing out on such a thing. But what if he disputed her right to do so? Just how much authority did she have to yield to him? After all, he was her chaperone, accompanying her to preserve appearances. He was not her guardian or her father. And Hest had said, quite clearly, that he was hers to command. So, if need be, she could force the issue. Wasn't that why Hest paid him? To do what he was told to do? He was Hest's servant.
And her friend.
Her conscience squirmed uncomfortably. She'd begun to think of him more and more that way lately. Her friend. And she'd enjoyed the attentions and deference he'd been showing her. Today, when she'd left so early without even telling him she was going, she'd dismissed the need to do so. Because as her friend, he'd understand. But as her husband's employee, as her appointed chaperone, would he? Had she put him in a difficult position without thinking about it? She spoke quickly, before she could give in to the temptation to wander through Cassarick with the river captain as her guide. 'I'm afraid I must go back right away. I have to tell Sedric what I've—' She faltered suddenly, at a loss for words. What she had decided to do? Could she use such a word and not be humiliated in a few hours when Sedric overturned it? For she was suddenly certain that he would.
'I suppose you're right,' Leftrin agreed reluctantly. 'You'll be needing to make a list of the supplies you want. I've got good sources here. I'll pick them up for you, and we'll settle up when we return to Trehaug.'
'Of course,' Alise agreed more faintly. Of course there would be more expenses to extending her trip. Why hadn't she thought of that? And who would have to pay for those expenses? Hest. Oh, he'd be so pleased about that! She was suddenly feeling a lot less competent and independent than she had a few hours ago. It would, she thought, be almost a relief when Sedric forbade it. And now she looked at the sky, or attempted to, only to be thwarted by the solid umbrella of vegetation. Just how much time had passed? How many hours had she lost of the time that she could spend with the dragons? The Council had seemed eager to move them as swiftly as they could. Would she even have a full day of research to show for this impulsive journey to the Rain Wilds? She thought of how Hest would rebuke and mock her for her waste of time and money, and her cheeks burned. No more must be wasted.
So she had gritted her teeth and scuttled back across the swaying bridges with Leftrin. She'd never felt anything like the sensation of her belly floating up behind her teeth as they dropped far too swiftly for her comfort in the flimsy basket. Leftrin had a tendency to stroll, and to chat with every passing acquaintance. She stood impatiently at his side through what seemed like dozens of encounters on their way back to the docks.
To every acquaintance, he introduced her as 'the Bingtown dragon expert that will be heading upriver with the dragons to get them settled'. The title that at one time would have filled her with elation now agitated her. Her discomfiture was complete when she finally arrived back at the Tarman to discover that Sedric was not there.
Hennesey was already occupied with loading a stream of crates and barrels of supplies. He seemed surprised to see her. 'Well, we all thought you was just taking some extra sleep. That Sedric fellow said to tell you that he'd gone off to find "suitable lodgings" for the two of you.' The way he parodied Sedric's diction made her fully aware of just how the crew viewed Sedric's aristocratic manners and fastidiousness.
For a time, she stayed on the deck, watching with awe just how much the crew could fit into the Tarman's holds. She went back down to the captain's stateroom and tried to imagine living in it for over a week or possibly as long as a month. It had seemed quaint and nautical, but when she considered it for a longer period, she began to feel claustrophobic. She made an excuse to put her head into the crew's living quarters, and then hastily withdrew. No. She could not imagine Sedric existing there any longer than he already had. She was certain now that he would veto her participation in the expedition. She went back on deck and looked anxiously upriver. Several times Leftrin tried to engage her in conversation about what her own needs might be, and once when she asked in some agitation when she would get to see the dragons, he explained that the dragon beach was less than an hour away by river, but quite a bit more than that if she wished to travel there by re-entering the city and using the footbridges and lifts to reach it. She gratefully declined to do that and attempted to find both her patience and her aplomb.
She had caught sight of Sedric before he saw her. He strode down the dock, his normally pleasant face set in grim disapproval. When he looked up from the dock and saw her seated on top of the deckhouse, she saw him take a deep breath and hold it. Then he clambered aboard and came immediately to her. He didn't greet her at all but demanded, 'What are these ridiculous rumours I'm hearing? I tried to rent some rooms for us, but the landlady asked whatever I would need them for, when she had heard that the Bingtown lady who came to study dragons would be heading upriver on the Tarman before the day was out.'
She was shocked to find she was trembling. For all his sly mockery of her, Hest had never raised his voice to her. And in all her years of knowing Sedric, she had never heard him speak so severely, with anger so plainly bubbling under his words. She clenched her hands together in her lap and tried to force steadiness into her voice. 'I'm afraid that, yes, I did volunteer to go. You see, when I accompanied Captain Leftrin to a meeting with the Cassarick Traders' Council, I discovered that they intended to remove all the dragons from here, transferring them upriver. No one quite knows exactly where they are to be resettled, but the Council is quite determined that they must be moved immediately. Malta the Elderling was there, and was very dejected that she herself could not accompany the dragons, but when I said that I could, she was—'
'Impossible.' He cut off her flow of words. His face had gone quite red. 'I can't believe what I'm hearing! I can't believe what you've done! You left the boat without my knowledge and went off with that man, and now you've involved yourself in Rain Wilds politics, making offers that we can't possibly fulfil! You can't go off on some hare-brained expedition to an unnamed destination, with no fixed date to return. Alise, what are you thinking? This isn't some sort of pretend game. They are talking of going upriver beyond any settlements, perhaps beyond explored areas. They may encounter all sorts of dangers, not to mention the discomfort and primitive conditions of such travel. You are scarcely fit to endure such things. You cannot even imagine what you are suggesting. Or perhaps you can, but that «imagining» is all that you are doing. You have no concept of the reality. And there is the time factor to consider.
Summer does not last forever, and we did not pack the clothing or make any arrangements for an extended stay in the Rain Wilds. You may not have real commitments to return to, but I do! This is ridiculous! And backing out of it will be endlessly embarrassing! Hest has trading partners here in the Rain Wilds. How is it going to look, that his wife agreed to do a thing that she could not possibly do and then backed out of it? What were you thinking?'
Between the time when he began his speech to the moment he finished it, a strange thing happened. The trembling inside Alise stilled, and then hardened. In Sedric's outraged gaze she suddenly saw herself reflected as he saw her. Foolish and sheltered. Living out an imaginary adventure before fleeing home to her lifetime of no 'real commitments'. Ignorant of the real world in which he and Hest moved so competently.
And perhaps she was, but through no fault of her own. She had never been allowed to gather the experiences she needed to be competent and independent. Never been allowed. That was the thought that burned in her like molten iron and suddenly hardened into cold resolve. She was not going to be 'allowed' to do anything. Never again would she submit to being 'allowed' or 'not allowed'. She would follow her resolve if it killed her. For being killed by it would certainly be better than going home and dying of not being allowed to follow her dream.
So when he had asked her, so rhetorically, what she had been thinking, she replied literally. 'I was thinking that I would finally study the dragons, as Hest promised me I could. It was one of the conditions for me marrying him, you know. That I would be allowed to come here and study them. If he had kept his word, I would have been here years ago, and all of this would have been much simpler. But as he chose, over and over again, to ignore the terms of our bargain, here we are. And the only way that his promise to me will be fulfilled is if I follow the dragons upriver and study them as we go.' She ran out of breath and had to pause.
