Each move he made caused her gut to twist. Jessup wasn’t going to listen to any explanation. “Hurt the child and they’ll do more than that.”
He laughed. “Din ya hear? Lad slipped o’er the rail. Lost ’im we did. Couldn’t even yell fer help.”
Fear crept under her skin. If she could get him to loosen his hold on Bump, she could blind him with her ale.
“Then it be yer turn. I’m gonna split ye from stem te stern and feed yer heart to the sharks.”
“Going to claim I slipped over the rail as well?”
“Tupper’s disappeared?” He laughed. “Don’t know nothin’ about it.” Jessup jerked his chin at her. “I been watchin.’ Ye’ve been disappearin’ all week. Think yer smart. Leadin’ the capt’n around by his cock. He’ll thank me.”
A group of three boisterous seamen came down the ladder way. Jessup cursed under his breath and pushed Bump at her. He sneared into her face. “Don’t be countin’ on seein’ many more days. Talk ’n ye’ll not live long enough te take yer next piss. It be a mighty small ship, an’ I ken all the hidin’ places. Ne’er see me comin.’”
He gave her a sharp shove. Bump took off like cannon shot.
Chapter 14
Alice bided her time. There was no chance she would let Jessup’s threat against her and Bump go unreported. Quinn had to know. Not for her sake, but for the boy’s. She could defend herself, but Bump was helpless against Jessup’s plot. He couldn’t even cry out. The thought froze the blood in her veins.
Jessup was on third watch. It was her chance to slip into Gavin’s quarters and wait for him to return. Entering, Alice’s breath caught. His quarters were in total disarray. Clothes littered the floor, the once-clear desk lay cluttered with parchments, maps, and discarded food. The bed barely looked slept in.
What was happening? She sat behind his desk and tried to make sense of what she was seeing. She’d never known Gavin to drink anything stronger than weak ale, but the scattering of empty bottles told another tale.
A tumbled stack of yellowed letters caught her eye. Beautifully scrolled writing upon the face of the envelope captured her attention. Pale, faded brown ink read, “My Darling, Gavin.” A deep hollowness filled her belly.
Alice lifted one of the letters, turning it over in her hand, noting the wear. With gentle care, she opened it.
Dearest Gavin,
I miss you desperately, my love, my husband. It has not been a day since you left my arms and I wonder how I will bear the long months without you. I will keep the thought of our last few blissful days within my heart. Never have known such joy and passion, my darling. I’m counting the days until we can be together again. I love you with all of my heart and soul,
Your faithful wife, Beth
A wife. Counting the days until his return. Alice’s stomach twisted. Her eyes shot to the door, but fear at being caught could not stop her from reading the next letter.
Like the first, the pages were faded and worn and filled with love and longing. Beth was busy making their house a proper home for him. Another letter contained within the beautiful faded writing the sheer joy and excitement with which she announced she was carrying their child.
Alice dropped the letter to the desk as if the words struck her. She covered her eyes. A wife and a child. She had seduced another woman’s husband. Why hadn’t he told her?
The question needn’t be asked. The answer was clear. Like the issue of her virginity, there was no discussion before they fell into bed in a blind rush of lust. No regard for either’s circumstances. They were strangers driven together by their own careless desires.
Curiosity kept her reading. Beth’s touching words spoke of her growing excitement over the babe, as well as her growing waist. Her father had built a beautiful oak cradle with tiny ships carved into the wood waiting by the hearth for the baby’s arrival. Just as she would be waiting for Gavin to come home to them. Beth hoped the baby would have Gavin’s fair hair. If it was a boy, she hoped he would be tall and handsome like his father.
One letter was written on the day Beth first noticed the fluttered wings of movement in her womb. The words stung Alice. Envy soured in her stomach. Would she ever experience the miracle of that magic sensation? She remembered Annalise’s wonder over the same thing as she carried wee James. The urge within her to carry her own child surprised her. It wasn’t something she’d given much thought to before now. Pure folly to even imagine it.
Another letter dated several months later was filled with Beth’s impatience. She was anxious to see her child, and eager for the return of her husband. Her words sounded angry as she lamented over her awkward bulk and sore back, and her growing resentment that Gavin was not there to share some of the burden. But the next envelope overflowed with apologies for the previous one. It burst with her unfailing understanding as to his duty’s call. Spoke of her pride in him. More and more she was convinced she was carrying his son, and she wanted to pass on Gavin’s strength and conviction as well as his name.
This letter like the rest ended with love and devotion and signed, “Your Beth.”
Alice slipped the next letter from its envelope.
My love,
Your son has arrived. I fear he carries my impatient nature, as he was not due for weeks. But he already bears your adventurous spirit as he chose the height of a storm with which to make his appearance. He is tiny, but perfect, my darling. I have given him a fine, strong name. I’ve named him Gabriel. I cannot wait for you to come home and meet our beautiful boy. Hurry back to us, my love.
Your Beth
He has a son. Closing her eyes, Alice could picture the babe. Cherub-faced with pale, feathery hair. Would he have Gavin’s gray eyes as well? Chubby legs, dimpled hands and feet. She could imagine him toddling out to welcome Gavin home. A lump of jealousy caught in her throat. Tears pinched the backs of her eyes. She didn’t think she could bear reading any more, but the dwindling pile of notes seemed odd. Only three remained. The last looked as if it had been crushed.
She opened the next letter.
Gavin,
I pray I find the words to write. Our Gabriel, our sweet beautiful son, has been lost to us. Three days past a fever claimed him. I never left his side, but he was so small and slight. He fought bravely, but it was all in vain as God has called our angel back to Him. I fear I shall drown in my grief. My heart lies cold in my chest, shattered into a million shards. I am so sorry. I go over each minute in my mind worrying there was something else I should have done. Something else that could have saved him. I can think of nothing save the pain I feel pulling me into its dark depths of despair. I wish I were dead as well. B.
Tears ran unchecked down Alice’s cheeks as she read the words. Her heart broke for Beth, for Gavin. The poor babe. She cried for them all. Alice read the next letter through her tears. It was more heart wrenching than the last. The writing appeared shaky and spoke of the blackness of Beth’s heartache. She blamed herself for the baby’s death and was losing her soul to the overwhelming waves of grief and guilt.
Only one letter remained. It didn’t look like the rest. The pages were wrinkled, but were not worn like the others. The ink hadn’t faded. Alice wiped her eyes and read.
My dearest Gavin,
I can no longer bear this pain. The blackness surrounds me, engulfs me, and I cannot wipe it from my soul. I need to be with our baby. I’m his mother and it is only right I go to him and care for him and love him as I was prepared to do. I cannot live without him. I don’t want to live without him. I pray you understand. You’re strong and brave and I know you will survive without me. Your life is with the sea. My life is with my son. I hope when you remember me you will only feel the depth of my love for you. A love like ours can never die. I’m sorry, my darling. I know no other way out of this darkness.
Please forgive me. Beth
Alice covered her mouth as Beth’s words reached eerily off the page and deep into her heart.
“Oh, dear Lord, no….”
“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” Gavin slammed his door.
“Gavin.” His anger radiated from him like the sun. Alice scrambled to replace the letter into its envelope. “I’m sorry… I came to talk to you and… I had no business—”
“Get out.”
Alice was on her feet. “Please let me explain. I—”
“I don’t want to hear your explanation. I want you gone.”
She took a step toward him. “B-but I understand now.”
“You understand nothing.” His hands balled into fists. The muscle in his jaw flexed. As furious as he was, she wanted nothing else than to hold him. Love him. Somehow, soothe the anger and pain he held tight.
She stood her ground and met the heat of his anger until the wash of tears distorted his image. “I-I understand why you pulled an orphaned deaf child out of the gutters of Port Royal.”
Gavin’s breath rushed out of his lungs as if he’d been punched. “You had no right to read those letters.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. So very sorry for all of it.”
“I don’t need your pity.” He searched through the clutter of bottles until he found one not empty and used a dirty glass from his desk to pour a drink.
“I don’t pity you. I ache for you. I can’t imagine your grief.” Gavin had turned his back to her. Shutting her out. Pushing her away again. “I’ve no excuse for what I’ve done. I don’t blame you for adding this to the long list of my offenses, but I came here to talk to you about Bump. And now I understand—”
He spun on her. “You understand nothing.”
Gavin wasn’t listening. She was afraid he wouldn’t hear her passed his anger, but she had to try. “Jessup has threatened to kill him.”
He lowered his glass and stared at her. “When? What has he done?”
“He was waiting in the shadows when I came down from the galley earlier. Holding a knife to the boy.”
Gavin slammed down his glass. “I’ll take care of him. I should have keel hauled the bastard when I had the chance. Now I’ll just put a bullet in him.”
“And hang for murdering a member of your crew in cold blood? There’s no proof other than my word. Bump can’t tell anyone what happened. No one else heard Jessup threaten him.”
“What else did he say?”
“It’s not important. What’s important is that we keep an extra watch on Bump. Jessup can’t have another opportunity to hurt him. The boy can’t defend himself. If he was able to sneak up on him once….”
“Jessup threatened you as well, didn’t he?”
Alice dropped her gaze. “I can look out for myself.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
She met his angry stare. “I can look out for myself.”
Gavin took a long moment. He turned the glass in his hand. Tipping the amber liquid to catch the light. “He would be eleven now.”
“Gabriel?”
“Yes.”
There hadn’t been a year on his letters, only the month and day. November twelfth was the babe’s birthday. “I’m so sorry, Gavin.”
“It was a long time ago.” He drained his glass and looked around the room as if he was just now seeing the mess he’d created.
“Eleven years, two years, I doubt if time matters. There are moments which never leave us. Define who we are. Change us forever.” Alice lifted her eyes and met his. “I think we’re more alike than you realize.” She tidied the letters and began gathering up the empty bottles. “We’re both trying to outrun our past.”
“I don’t see how one compares to the other.”
“Perhaps they don’t. But each drove us to who we are. Turned our lives into a battle to go on.” Alice took a deep breath before continuing. “I killed Wolfsan. I chose to kill him. Not in defending myself, but because he was evil. That coldhearted act has haunted my every step since. Its mark upon my life stained my soul. I keep trying to escape the memory of that day, but I can’t. All I can do is fight to survive.”
“You may be fighting to survive, but I have no wish to.”
“If that were true, you’d have placed yourself in front of a loaded cannon long before now.” She swept her hand over the letters. “You’re stronger than that.” Every fiber of her being wanted to go to him and ease his pain. She loved him. Now more than ever. She understood why he continued to keep her at arm’s length. It all made sense. His distance. The solid sense of duty he carried like a stone around his neck. The fierceness of him in battle. It all made perfect sense now. “None of this was your fault, Gavin. You couldn’t have prevented any of this.”
He held her gaze for a long moment. “Maybe not, but I can prevent what’s about to happen to you. We are three days outside of reaching land. Until you are safely on shore, I have your back. Don’t hide from me. And don’t make me walk this ship another time looking for you, wondering if you’ve been killed and thrown overboard.” Gavin ran his hand through his hair and retied his queue. “Bump will be watched. I’ll see to it. Jessup won’t get another chance to harm him. I promise.”
“Thank you.” She moved past him toward the door, but he caught her arm.
“Tupper.” He averted his gaze. “Alice….” His voice rasped. “No one has ever read those letters other than me.”
Gone was the anger. The walls had crumbled. Gavin stood there for the first time showing her the vulnerable, wounded man he had spent the last eleven years hiding. Bleeding in private. Her heart ached with the rush of sorrow. She reached out to touch him. Silently pleading for him to meet her gaze, When he did, Alice searched his beautiful eyes, willing him to know how much she respected him, and honored what he shared with Beth and their life together. If she told him she’d fallen in love with him, would he think it was out of pity?
Alice laid a hand over his heart. “I understand.”
Chapter 15
Fingers of a rosy dawn trailed across the morning’s sky. Gavin paced the decks keeping an eye on all the comings and goings. Alice had reported to MacTavish. He’d seen her go, and so had Jessup. The man spit in her wake and fingered the hilt of his dagger. It took everything in Gavin not to draw his pistol and shoot the bastard on the spot. Bump was with Robbins per his order, but only Gavin was watching Alice’s back. If he had to wear the ruby paint from the deck boards to do so, he would.
Neo met him mid pace. “Boy’s safe.”
Gavin kept and eye on Jessup. “Let’s keep them both safe. Once Tupper is clear of the ship, Jessup will have no use to make Bump his pawn, but until then.”
“Man won’t scratch his balls without someone noticin’.”
Gavin’s hand still itched to pull his pistol, but Alice was right. Until Jessup tried something again, he had no recourse. “He touches her, I’ll hang those balls from the crow’s nest.”
Neo gave a low rumble of laughter. “Still attached?”
“Depends on my mood.” His eyes never left Jessup’s back.
Three more days. They were close to sighting land. Gavin could sense it. With the winds holding in their favor, it could be sooner. Then Alice would be out of harm’s way. From Jessup and from him.
After last night, he could no longer deny his feelings. Finding her at his desk reading Beth’s letters had infuriated him, but that soon gave way to a surprising sense of relief. Alice knew and there was a lightning to the burden he’d carried alone for all these years. With that came another blow, however. In three days, he’d lose her too. The circumstances were different, of course. Unlike Beth, if he could keep her safe from Jessup, Alice would still be alive, but the pain at losing her would still be as great.
Last night he’d bared his soul to her. Never had he allowed anyone to see past his carefully erected walls. Not even Beth had seen him this broken and vulnerable. Instead of feeling shame, he was strangely moved. Alice loved him. He read it in her eyes as clear as if she had shouted it from the
bowsprit. Her compassion was genuine. It only strengthened his decision to see her safe. Even if it meant he’d never have her.
Out of the glare of the rising sun came cannon fire. The Scarlet Night was being fired upon. Men rushed the deck on full alert as Gavin raised his spyglass. The fire of the sun burned through the length of brass. A ship bore down on them. She was riding high. The black flag they flew only identified them as pirates. Waiting for the moment their mast crossed through the sun’s glare, he knew who was upon them.
Crown’s Curse. Gavin shouted to the crew. “Drop the reds. Warn that bottom feeder, Capt’n Gantry, who he’s shooting at.” The sails were lowered; the bones were raised. Gavin looked through his glass again expecting to see the smaller ship veering away. No. “Bloody hell. Gantry’s looking to make a name for himself. Forgets who he’s challenging. Take him down. No quarter!” The Scarlet Night was full and slow. They’d never outrun them. “Hard to port!”
Gavin caught Bump as Robbins rushed past to his position as forward gunner. Sweeping him high, the boy positioned himself secure in the rigging. Gavin’s gaze swept the decks. He didn’t see her. “Run the port guns.”
He saw Alice then behind the rush of the powder monkeys. Another cannon blast from the Curse gave him no time to send her below. A high-pitched whistling announced the speeding chain shot that clipped the top of their forward mast, shattering it like kindling.
Bump! Gavin raced beneath the raining debris and held up his arms, willing the child to understand and jump. The boy didn’t hesitate and leapt from the crumbling lines mere seconds ahead of the top portion of the mast and sail as it toppled toward them.
Curling around the boy to protect him from the impact of wood, sail, and rope, Gavin braced for the impact. But a sudden force from the starboard side propelled them hard into the gunwales. He looked back to watch the yardarm crash to the deck. One side crushed the gunwale above his head. Had he not been shoved tight against the ship’s side, both he and the boy would be dead.
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