by Liv Morris
I have never seen such a community pull together. The teams were made of faculty from the school and then parents and students on the other. Students were made a part of the game no matter their disability. This is exactly why I loved the Special Olympics. Every person can do something; you just have to figure out their strengths. The game is full of excitement when a student gets a double and then due to an error, ends up a triple. I’ve never seen a wheelchair move so fast in my life.
As the game comes to an end, Joe and I clean the concession stand and watch the last inning. I enjoy watching these students, but the look on Joe’s face is priceless. In fact, it’s almost as if this is kinda like home for him. I need to make note of that. I glance his way, and that is when I get caught.
“What, Squirrel?”
“Nothing, you just look like you’re having a good time.”
“Yeah, this is a great idea. I haven’t done something like this in a long time. It feels good to give back.”
Joe’s comment is more than just a comment. I’m not sure what it’s about, but there is something there.
“Is there something you’re not telling me, Jackalope Joe?” I ask as I push into his shoulder.
He looks at me and smiles. I can tell he wants to say something, but I’m not sure if he will.
“Here’s a fact that you can add to your list. I have an abundant knowledge of special needs. It kinda hits home for me. My sister had cystic fibrosis.” Even though he is smiling I can see the tears building in his eyes.
I wrap my arms around his waist. By one word in that sentence I know that there is a lot of pain associated with this story, but also a lot of great memories.
We finish watching the game and talk to the students. I can see Joe’s face as well as some of the students’ faces light up when they are talking. It is the small things in life that matter, and today has helped me see that. I have a past; I’m not okay with it, but in the grand scheme of things, I will survive and it will be all right.
I watch as Joe gives a little boy a high five and invites him to their next home game. He looks at his mom, and she thanks Joe for his kindness.
After everyone clears out, Joe and I finish cleaning. Joe’s coach stays to help us and then signs our paper for Dr. Cope. Well, that is one more item on the Freshman Seminar completed. I have to say I enjoyed every minute of today and might just have to come back with or without hours for a project to do.
Our ride back to campus is quiet. I can tell Joe has something on his mind. I think it’s time that he starts to talk. I feel like he’s hiding something, but I don’t know what it could be. I take a minute and think back to what it could be. I have no clue.
I take my hand and place it on Joe’s leg. He looks at me confused.
“Joe, I don’t know what’s going through your brain, but something is bothering you. You can talk to me. You should know that by now.”
“I know, but I just don’t know what to say. I mean, it could take all night,” he says as his voice breaks. Those same glassy eyes begin to form, and my heart is breaking without knowing what is going on.
“Let’s not go back to campus yet. You wanna go fishing?” Joe looks at me and shakes his head no. “Oh, we don’t have any poles anyway. I got an idea. You wanna go to the driving range?”
Joe’s face lights up. With that hint of sunshine, we drive to the driving range. As we pull up, I can see the excitement in his eyes.
“So, you’re going to have to show me how to do this ‘cause I’m clueless.”
“Really? I’d never guess?!” Smart ass! I put my hands on my hips and just stare at him. I just hope I have beginner’s luck.
Joe goes to pay. We get a set of clubs and then walk to the range. I am so dead.
“How about I just watch?”
“Nice try, Squirrel, but I’m going to see what kinda swing you got going on there.”
After several failed attempts, I finally make contact with the ball, and I have to say I am shocked. I did pretty well.
“Well, you do know how to hit it!” Joe says with a smile. I just wink and knock the hell outta the next five balls.
Joe stands there totally floored. I think I just might have to help him pull his mouth off the floor.
“You are so full of it, aren’t you? You’ve done this before!”
“Not this, I mean, I don’t golf, but Cash and I used to have this game growing up where we would find a stick and see who could hit rocks, hay, pretty much whatever we could find to hit. Basically it’s just like golf minus the club and ball.” I smirk.
“Damn redneck games!”
“Hey, who you callin’ a redneck?” I laugh.
He looks at me and points before mouthing the word you.
“Hey, you know, Joe, I can give you a lesson if ya like?”
“Oh, really? I think I might like that.” From the look on his face I know there is something else going on. Surely, Cash isn’t right?
“Well, just so you know, I was going to surprise you, but I guess this has spoiled the fun. You wanna know what your surprise is for class?”
He stops and looks at me, “But, of course, I do.”
“Quail Hollow.”
“Charley, you are full of shit. There is no way you got me tickets to play at Quail Hollow.”
“Let’s just say it pays to know people. And I know people.”
“Really? You’re not kidding, are you?”
“Nope. Piper’s brother works there. He said he could get you in. I’m not saying it will be eighteen holes, but hey, something’s better than nothing, right?”
We finish the basket of balls we have and then decide to go back to campus. I feel like Joe might open up, but I’m wrong. He doesn’t. I just wish I knew what was bothering him.
When we get back to campus, I reach for the door handle only to have Joe stop me from getting out of the Jeep.
“Thanks, I had a great time today. I haven’t had that much fun helping others since before Lucy passed away. We used to always go to those events, but she got so sick and my parents fell apart after she died. I don’t talk about it much because after Lucy died my family died, too. Thanks, Squirrel, for letting her live another day.”
I looked at Joe, and I fell apart. I never knew he had a sister, let alone that she was special needs, then to find out she isn’t alive. Right then, I realized that even someone who looks so put together on the outside can be completely shattered within. Joe is shattered within, and I want to help him pick up the pieces.
I take my hand and reach for his. There aren’t words to comfort him, but I have to try.
“Joe, I don’t know what to say. But it’s okay to let her live. I’m sure that is what Lucy would want. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a sister, and I couldn’t imagine losing Tessa. I’m here for you. You can tell me the rest of the story when you feel up to it if you want.”
He shakes his head, and I give him a kiss on the cheek. We get out of the Jeep, and Joe walks me to my room.
“Thanks for a great day. I guess I’ll see you at Hank’s tonight?” I look at him with a question in my eyes.
“I was thinking about skipping Hank’s tonight.”
“Oh.” I pause. “Do you want company?”
“That’s up to you.”
At this point in time, I’m not sure what I should do. I want to go to Hank’s, everyone does, but I know that Joe needs someone. I realize then that I can’t go to Hank’s, so I make plans to stay.
“I’ll stay with you. You want me to come to your room?”
“Yeah, just give me about thirty minutes.”
Joe heads back to his dorm room, and as I’m about to shut my door, Georgia comes creeping in.
“Char, what the heck was that about?”
“We’re just not going to Hank’s tonight. It’s been a long day.”
“I’m just surprised. I thought with it being right before break, you wouldn’t miss it and Joe either. I mean, I swear whatever y’
all don’t have going on as you say… I wish I had with someone.”
“You ain’t right, G!”
The girls all start partying it up, and I take a shower and partake in one drink for pre-game purposes. I don’t want to totally miss out, ya know?
“Alright, y’all. I’ll see you when you get back.”
“Whatever, we’ll see you in the morning!” Anna states matter-of-factly.
If looks could kill, Anna would be dead. I see where they are coming from and they just wouldn’t understand anyway. I tell them to shake their ass for me, and I’ll see them later. I walk down the stairs, down the stoop, across the lawn, and into Irvin.
I reach Joe’s door, and it’s cracked. I can hear him on the phone, and I knock before entering. I can overhear him. I’m not sure who he’s talking to, but I can tell he’s upset. Still on the phone, he opens the door and lifts his finger to tell me to hold on. I wait outside for what feels like forever.
“Sorry about that. That was my grandma.”
I walk into his room timidly unsure of what he is or isn’t going to tell me. I sit on the futon. The TV is on some random channel. He is still dressed in the clothes from earlier today.
“Is everything okay, Joe?”
“Yeah, I was telling Gran about today. It’s just hard to talk about her, but Gran is the only one who still tries to keep her alive. I’m gonna take a quick shower. Make yourself comfortable,” he says as he tosses me the remote.
Joe gets his stuff for the shower and then walks down the hall. I take a few minutes to flip through the channels. There is nothing on, and then I find Sweet Home Alabama on CMT. I just love that movie; in fact, my dad does, too. It makes me think of home. I check my phone. I send Tessa a message just to say hey ‘cause she never calls, but that is how she has always been. As I get a reply and see that everything is okay, I can hear footsteps coming down the hall, but I don’t think much about it. I get lost in the movie and then I realize that Joe has returned from his shower. He is standing at his dresser in nothing but a pair of boxers. Hot Damn! I try to act like I’m still watching the movie, but sneak a peek when I can. That body is fine!
He throws on a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut out. I guess someone’s getting comfortable. He walks toward me and sits on the futon.
“I love this movie!”he says as he gets relaxed.
“Really?”
“Yeah, my favorite part is when she realizes he’s not the loser she thinks that he is and actually makes something of himself.”
I just sit there. My dad loves that part too, but his favorite is when the country boy gets the girl ‘cause that is how things are supposed to happen.
“Well, I’m glad you like my movie choice ‘cause I’m not changing it. So, what’s for supper?”
“Ramen noodles?” he answers with a smirk.
“Fine by me.”
We microwave our supper. You know, what college kids don’t like Ramen? We then continue to watch the movie.
I snuggle into Joe’s arm. He is just so comfortable. I almost doze off when I jump outta my skin. You know the moment when you’re just about asleep, but your body decides to act like you’ve just been pushed off a cliff. Joe just laughs. I get comfortable again, and no words are said. I wake up at 2:30 a.m. to realize we have both fallen asleep. I grab a blanket off Joe’s bed. That’s when I hear Joe mutter something. I can’t quite make it out. I move back to the futon and cover us both. Joe moves and semi wakes up. He just smiles. I cuddle into those arms, and as I’m just about asleep, I feel those lips touch my cheek. Then he whispers, “Thank you.” I open my eyes and smile. I reposition myself to where I can look into those make ya wanna melt blue eyes. I take both of my hands and place them on his cheeks.
“Joe, I’m just glad you felt that you could talk to me like I talked to you.” I stare into those eyes and get lost because I am totally consumed by the need and desire he has within them. He needs me for whatever reason, and I’m going to be there for him in whatever way I can.
Joe stares back into my eyes, and the space between us closes. He looks at me as if to ask for permission. I don’t answer; instead, I close the distance between us and show him that it is okay. I can feel his hunger for me as he kisses me. His hands start at the small of my back and work their way up to my neck. I have never felt so needed in all my life.
“Char, we can stop. I know how you feel about...” I don’t give him time to say his name. I take his mouth in mine and take control. I can feel his desire beneath me, and I know that Joe can help erase the pain for me as well. We can take both wrongs and make two rights.
I take the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head. Joe stops and looks at me. I nod yes. He looks at me as if I’m unsure, and I decide to show him how sure I am. I stand up from the futon and remove my shorts before going to straddle him.
“Char, I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, Joe. I want every memory of that night with Dylan to be erased. Help me, please! I want you to now replace what has held me captive for too long.”
“But, you don’t want me forever. You need to wait for someone that you want forever.”
“Please, don’t make me beg you.” I kiss the inside of his neck right below his earlobe, and he gives in.
“Just promise me that this won’t change us. We’re just friends, remember?” he says.
“Uh huh.”
He lifts me off him and carries me to his bottom bunk. I forget everything that I felt with Dylan. I take every inch of Joe in and treasure it. As he shows me his feeling, I can feel a tear start to run down my face. Yes, Charley, this is what you want. You can do this.
Joe looks up at me, “Char, are you okay?” He looks into my eyes and realizes I’m not. He moves to my lips and kisses me down into my soul. Then, he pulls himself from me and takes me into his arms. He never says a word. I cry myself to sleep. I couldn’t go through with it. Dylan still has control over me, and it has to stop. At some time, it has to end.
I wake up the next morning feeling completely drained. Joe is already awake and hands me a Coke to drink.
“How are you, Squirrel? Really?”
“I’m so sorry, Joe. I wanted to, but I just can’t. I mean, I like you and you mean a lot to me. You are right; it needs to be forever.”
Joe takes a minute before he responds. “That’s why I stopped. I couldn’t let us take it to that level. I care about you too much.”
After an awkward silence, I finally change the subject. “What you going to do for break?”
“We have practice today and then we are good to go. I heard y’all have to stay until like Wednesday?”
“Yeah, we got a big meet with Livestone before Thanksgiving. Coach wants us to kick their ass. We totally are by the way!”
“Never doubted it for a minute. I was wondering if you could take me to the airport after practice Wednesday.”
“Sure.”
It is now close to noon, and the parking lot looks like a ghost town. I guess everyone has left for break. We have practice until Wednesday. The campus is deserted except for several sports teams. Joe is staying on campus as well and then flying home until Sunday.
I walk back across campus, and as soon as my toes hit the second floor of Kluft, it’s twenty questions. What happened? Why are you getting back at lunch? Was Joe okay? Did you get your freak on? I tried to be as vague as possible. I make it to my room and decide that a good conversation with Piper is needed.
“Piper, what you up to?”
“Packing. I’m heading home in a little while. When are you coming?”
“Wednesday. I got practice at seven, then I’ll be on my way.”
“What’s going on? I can tell something’s up, girlie.”
“Let’s just say I almost erased Dylan from my life for good last night, but I couldn’t.”
“Shut the front door, with who? Oh, I can guess… JOE!”
“Yeah, a lot’s gone on though, Pipe. He kn
ows about Dylan, talked to Cash, and Joe and Cash are like Team Keep Charley Safe. I mean, it’s great and all, but I just hope I didn’t mess stuff up last night.”
“I’m sure you didn’t. Oh, before I forget, I heard there’s a party at the pool hall Friday night. We are so there! I can’t wait to see you!”
“Okay, well, I’ll see you Wednesday.”
I get ready for practice and wait on Georgia and Tori. Dang! They are still hungover. I hate it for them, and I’m sure Coach is going to have fun with this. I was right; Coach has fun with them being hung over. We finish practice, and Tori and Georgia are now semi alive. We eat dinner at Subway and go back to the dorm. The RA’s are gone, and it’s just us. It’s time for a slumber party in Kluft. We all invite whomever we want over. I bet Caroline is going to hate that she missed this!
We rent movies and create our own club on the hallway, thanks to the decorating of Hayden and Sarah. I text Cash and tell him I’ll see him on Wednesday and at the pool hall on Friday, and then I text Joe. At first, I think he is ignoring me, but then my phone chirps.
Joe: Can I bring my pj’s with the feet or be the one that brings the vodka?
Me: Both ;)
Joe: See you in a few
I go out to help finish setting up the club in Kluft when I overhear Tori, “You know I heard that Charley had something going on with Dylan Sloan.” Oh shit! I sneak back into my room and listen to the remainder of the conversation. I can hear Georgia basically telling Tori whatever, and then the subject changes. As I’m about to walk out of my room, I feel someone’s presence, and I turn around to find Joe with vodka in hand.
“What are you hiding from?”
I take him and pull him into my room by the collar.
“Freakin Tori was talking about Dylan and me. What the hell? I hate Google sometimes. It would be a lot easier if they couldn’t search me.”
“Squirrel, it’s okay. They’ve forgotten that conversation already. Now, what you wanna do?”
