by Nikki Chase
Mom takes a deep breath and starts to speak slowly, like she’s talking to an idiot. “Honey. Of course, I don’t want you to sue her. Of course, I don’t want you to sue a hard-working, single mom who bore you a healthy son and is raising him well. You know what you get if you do that? A son who hates you.”
As the son of a man who mistreated and left a hard-working, single mom, I can attest to Mom’s theory. “But how am I going to see William again?”
“She’ll come around. You’ll see,” she says confidently.
“What are you talking about? You don’t know that. You’ve never even met her.”
“I’ve lived much longer than you. I’ve seen things. I know how this is going to go down,” Mom says, taking another dainty sip of her tea.
And people wonder how I got so cocky . . .
“Just tell me what your genius plan is already,” I say.
Mom smiles from ear to ear, her green eyes lighting up. “Okay, so, you know how Kourtney and Scott are always fighting?”
I give her a flat stare. “Let’s clarify something here. You said you’d ‘seen things.’ By ’things,’ did you mean ‘reality shows’?”
“They’re still people,” she says dismissively. “As I was saying, they’re always fighting, but you can tell they still care about each other. If Scott can clean up his act and become the father his kids deserve, I’m sure they can work it out.”
“Honestly, I have no idea who those people are. But you’re telling me Katie may forgive me if I become a better dad, right?”
Mom frowns. “You should really pay more attention when I tell you things. Kourtney and Scott used to be—”
“Mom.” I protest.
“Okay, fine. You’re no fun,” she says. “But yes, I really think Katie will let you see William if you show her that you can be a responsible father.”
“And how do I do that, if I can’t even see William?” I ask the obvious.
Mom draws a deep breath, and her eyes take on a distant look. “I’ll have to think about that. I may be a genius, but even I need to let my thoughts marinate before I come up with a plan.”
I heave a deep sigh. She’s stuck, too; she just doesn’t want to admit it.
“Let’s say I manage to see William again.” I pause. “Do you think I can get Katie back?”
Mom puts her pink, floral teacup down on the saucer and leans forward. “You really like this girl?”
“I love her,” I say quickly.
Mom smiles. “I’m so happy to hear that. I thought you were going to miss out on life because you worked so much.”
“Thanks, Mom. But I already know I’m capable of having feelings.”
“Okay.” Mom laughs. “Well, the thing with love is, sometimes . . . Sometimes, even when everything seems like it’s going in the right direction, it all falls apart. And some other times, the opposite happens.”
I stare at Mom while I try to parse her words.
“You know what I’m saying?” Mom asks.
“Yeah. You have no idea how this is going to turn out either,” I say.
“Yes. As a single mom who knows quite a few other single moms, I can tell you that as long as the biological dad isn’t a complete jerk, the mom’s likely to let him see the child. It’s a good thing for a child to have both parents, as long as both parents care about him.”
I nod.
“But as far as a woman’s heart is concerned . . .” Mom gives me a soft, kind smile. “You’re just going to have to do your best and see how she responds.”
I groan. “What if Katie lets me see William, then she has a new guy so I have to see her with him, too?”
“Well, that’s just what happens when you co-parent with an ex. There’s a ton of people in the same situation, and they survive.”
I remain quiet.
“But . . . Since you two have a child together, you do have an advantage over other guys. And . . . You did it recently, right? Not just when William was conceived?”
“What?” I grimace, sensing the conversation going in the wrong way.
“Sex, of course,” she says in a hushed whisper.
“I don’t want to talk about that with you,” I say quickly.
“It’s an important factor in my assessment of the situation,” Mom says.
“Ha. As if I’m going to fall for that.” I chuckle.
“Can’t blame me for trying.” Mom shrugs.
“What if Katie decides to be with me just because of William, just because she thinks that’s the best way for her to give William what he needs?”
“Do you really think that’s what’s going to happen?” Mom asks, in a serious tone this time.
I pause to think.
“No, she won’t stay with me just for William’s sake.” I shake my head. “She’s too proud for that. She thinks—no, she knows she can handle William on her own.”
“I like her already.” Mom smiles, making fine lines appear on her smooth skin. “That wasn’t my question, but it was good to hear your answer. What I want to know is, do you think she has feelings for you?”
“Yes,” I say confidently.
“Then . . . Go get her, tiger,” Mom says.
Katie
“He what?” Daisy asks.
As I tell Daisy the full account of what happened, I watch William waddle off toward Daisy’s children, three-year-old Grace and one-year-old Gavin.
They don’t get to see one another as often as I’d like. William’s an only child, and due to my physical limitations, he’s unlikely to ever have siblings.
I was hoping Grace and Gavin could play that role in William’s life, but both Daisy and I have been too busy to see much of each other in person, even though we text and talk on the phone all the time.
Daisy’s been busy taking care of her two children and jet-setting all over the world, tagging along on her husband’s business trips. She tells me she’s just trying to use her time well because she’s going back to work once the kids are in school, but how can she go back to work after tasting this sweet, sweet life?
Luckily, though, she’s in town today, just when I need her the most.
Daisy’s stylish Persian rug feels like clouds under my legs. We’re seated along the edges while the kids play with some colorful stuffed animals in the center of the big rug.
“If you only needed William out of the way so you could clean the house, why didn’t you just tell Adam to watch him in one room?” Daisy asks, frowning as she adjusts the position of her folded legs.
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “It seems obvious now, doesn’t it? But Adam just offered to take William out for a short ride; it didn’t seem like a horrible idea to me at the time, and I said okay. I didn’t, like, run through all the possible disaster scenarios and come up with multiple action plans.”
“Okay.” Daisy nods.
“That’s all you have to say?” I narrow my eyes at Daisy.
“Not really . . . I don’t know. It’s just . . .” Daisy dumps her hesitation and says, in one breath, “When you said that Adam had almost killed William, I was thinking of something more sinister.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean . . .” Daisy studies my facial expression with concern. “I don’t know if you want to hear what I think.”
“I do!” I say. “You have to finish your thought. You can’t say something like that and just stop.”
“Okay.” Daisy draws a deep breath. “I just think that maybe it’s possible that you may have overreacted, a little bit.”
“Really? You’re telling me I overreacted?” I stare at her. “You’ve fired so many babysitters for the smallest mistakes. You made that one au pair fly back to Germany.”
“Hey, she didn’t leave because of me. She just realized that maybe being an au pair wasn’t the best job for her if she wanted to party every night,” Daisy says. “Anyway, babysitters and au pairs are different. We’re talking about—” she lowers her voice “—Willi
am’s dad here. Does William know, by the way?”
“That Adam got him into an accident?” I stare at her.
“No,” she says, laughing. “Does William know Adam’s his dad?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’ve been teaching William to just call him Adam. It all happened so fast I didn’t have time to think too much about these things.”
Daisy nods.
“So, you really think I overreacted?” I ask.
“It wouldn’t be the first time.”
“I’m not eighteen anymore, Daisy,” I say.
“No,” Daisy agrees, “and you’re a lot more mature now. Less impulsive.”
“I know.” I grin proudly.
“Except when it comes to William,” she says.
I tilt my head and give her a questioning look.
“I’m not targeting you specifically,” Daisy says. “I think all parents get a little crazy about their kids. We get paranoid and super protective, which is good in some ways because the kids are safe, at least. But it can also be a bad thing.”
“So, you think it was a bad thing that I told Adam to leave and never come back?” I ask.
“Remember how worried you were about William not having a dad as he grows up?”
“Yeah, but that was while I was pregnant. Now, I think I can handle it on my own. After having Adam try to ‘help’ me—” I make air quotes with my fingers “—I feel like it’s easier to do everything myself. It’s really hard, having to depend on someone else for something important.”
“Well, that’s what co-parenting is.” Daisy smiles. “You kind of have to trust each other for it to work.”
Trust. There’s that word again.
“What if I don’t trust him?” I ask.
“That’s what I’m getting at,” Daisy says. “Based on what you’ve told me about him so far, it doesn’t sound like he’s done anything bad intentionally. From where I’m standing—and I may be wrong because I’ve never met the guy, after all—he seems trustworthy enough.”
“Really? After what just happened?” I ask.
“Well, trust isn’t something that’s either there or not there,” Daisy says. “For example, I trust Grace to at least try going to the potty on her own, but I know she can’t always manage to do that.
“With Adam, you can trust him to do his best, but at the same time acknowledge that he can’t always hit a home run.”
“Excuse me,” I say, “but he almost got William seriously hurt. That wasn’t just ‘not hitting a home run.’ That was . . . I don’t know. I really don’t know baseball enough to make a good comparison. Point is, he failed.”
“At one task,” Daisy says. “He failed at one task. You can give him an easier one and progressively give him bigger responsibilities.”
“You seem pretty confident you’re right.”
“I’ve always had to do this parenting stuff with someone else. And you know how busy Caine is. He doesn’t get much practice time taking care of the kids. I’ve been trying to teach him some stuff, too, and it hasn’t been easy.”
I nod. She makes a good point. Maybe I really was about to throw out the baby with the bathwater.
“It’ll be fun if you start training Adam. We’ll be able to share tips,” Daisy says, raising an eyebrow.
“Ha. So that’s the real reason why you’re pushing for me to take Adam back.”
Daisy grins and stares at me with a knowing look on her face.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I didn’t say anything about taking him back,” Daisy says. “All I said was, maybe he’s not the horrible dad you seem to think he is.”
“Whatever,” I say, trying to stay cool despite the heat creeping across my face. “I just misunderstood.”
“You really like him, don’t you?” Daisy asks.
“I guess,” I admit finally.
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Of course,” I say. “Don’t worry about me. I won’t drink an entire keg at a frat party like I did once when my ex cheated on me.”
“David,” Daisy says, venom in her voice.
“Yeah.”
“He was the one who told you he was going to break up with you anyway once he was ready for something serious, right?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I was infertile, so I was unworthy of being taken seriously, I guess.”
“Good riddance. He was an asshole,” Daisy laughs when she sees my eyes widen with shock. She doesn’t usually curse.
We both pause to check on the kids. They don’t seem to have heard anything. None of them have tried to repeat what Daisy has just said.
“Yeah, don’t worry about me,” I say. “I’m older and a lot more mellow now. I’m probably just going to go home and eat some ice cream while watching a sad movie.”
By the time my car turns onto my street, I actually feel a lot better about everything.
Previously, I felt like a failure as a mom. I mean, I let Adam take William outside the house without my supervision? What was wrong with me? What if Sawyer hadn’t shown up when he did? Would something more serious have happened?
But Daisy’s always been great at putting things into perspective for me. She’s been a mom a little longer than me. Also, since none of her kids were born out of wedlock, she gets plenty of support from her husband.
With a lot of room in her life for her kids to fill, she has the time to approach parenting a little more mindfully than I do.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s dumb and even evil for me to stop Adam from ever seeing William again. I don’t want William to hate me when he finds out about this as an angsty teenager.
And to be honest, despite my bravado in front of Adam yesterday, I don’t really want him to sue me either.
And, speaking of the devil . . .
I squint my eyes at a dark figure standing outside my house. He’s got a tall, imposing figure, and he’s leaning back against a black sedan.
As I turn the car onto my driveway, the headlight hits the dark figure.
Just as I thought.
It’s Adam.
Why is he here? It was only yesterday that I specifically told him to leave me and William alone.
I guess I’ll find out soon enough.
I glance nervously at William, who’s asleep in his car seat. I hope we won’t wake him up—or worse, scar him for life with a vicious argument.
I turn off the ignition and step out of the car.
“Hey,” says the figure in the dark. It’s Adam’s voice. I’d recognize it anywhere. No other voice in the world makes my stomach flutter like his does.
“Hey,” I respond, trying to sound as breezy and casual as I can.
Katie
“Catch,” Adam says from the darkness.
Reflexively, I hold my hands out with my palms up and something lands on me. It’s kind of bouncy.
“What are you giving me a ball for?” I ask.
“I read somewhere that two-year-olds can kick and throw a ball. That one’s for William to practice with,” Adam says. “Maybe one day I’ll get to play it with him.”
Okay, it doesn’t look like he’s still hell-bent on suing me. That’s good news, at least.
But why does he have to be so nice about everything? Buying William a gift without even pushing to see him . . . He’s making it hard for me to stay angry with him.
“I hope you’re not angry anymore,” Adam says, as if he’s reading my thoughts.
I stay quiet.
I wouldn’t say I’m angry . . .
But, I don’t know. I haven’t had enough time to think. I’m not ready to make any decisions yet.
“Do you need help carrying William inside?” Adam asks in his deep, sumptuous voice.
“No. I’m good.”
I’m used to carrying William places. I’ve always had to be both his mom and his dad.
I’ve never had the choice to unload some of the burden on someone else, and I don’t want to start n
ow. Something like that has the potential to go very wrong. I don’t want to grow dependent on anyone.
“Okay. Can I stay here and watch while you carry him inside? Just in case you need help.” He pauses, then hurriedly adds, “Not that I’m saying you need help.”
“Sure,” I say.
“Thank you,” he says sincerely.
Guilt fills my chest with heaviness. Should I let him carry William inside?
But then where does it stop? Do I let him into William’s room? What if he needs to use the bathroom?
And most terrifyingly of all . . . What if I want him to stay? Will I have the strength to resist, or will I simply forget that I’m supposed to try thinking with a clear head once he touches me?
There are many different ways this could go. Too many for me to take my chances now, while I still haven’t decided what to do.
I carry William in my arms from the car to the front door. The keys make a loud jangling sound as I stick one of them inside the socket.
“Good night, Adam,” I say.
“Good night, Katie,” he replies from the darkness.
I quickly slip inside and close the door behind me, but Adam continues to dominate my thoughts.
He didn’t call me “kitten” tonight. Not once.
I kind of miss it.
In fact, it stings, thinking about how I may never hear him call me “kitten” again.
“Hey.” Adam’s standing in bright daylight now, in contrast to last night. He’s also standing right on my porch, instead of outside, where his car’s parked.
“Hey,” I say. “Wow. Bright and early, huh?”
“Yeah. I know it’s your day off.”
“Don’t you have work today?” I check my watch.
“Don’t worry about me,” he says. “Does William like the ball?”
“Yeah.” I gaze into his mesmerizingly green eyes. “Actually, I haven’t . . . He hasn’t played with it yet. He woke up, had breakfast, and now he’s taking a nap.”
“Nice to be two,” Adam says with a smile.
“Yeah.”
“What did he have for breakfast? Macaroni and cheese? Tuna sandwich?”
