by Lissa Manley
Who was this boy?
Ryan’s son?
Another knot building in her, she studied the picture, trying to find some resemblance to Ryan, but there was none. Even so, the child could be his son.
With shaking hands she set the picture down. Surely Ryan would have told her if he had a son. Then again, she hadn’t been completely honest with him, had she? Maybe the boy was a nephew or child of a friend. She made a mental note to ask Ryan about the child in the picture.
She stepped back and looked up, noticing something protruding from one of the higher shelves. Reaching up, she put her hand on the flat object and slid it off the shelf, noticing that it was another framed picture, which had either fallen down or been put face-down on the shelf.
She looked at the photo and saw a family of three standing in front of Cinderella’s Castle at Disneyland. Her gaze immediately went to the lone child, and she knew instantly that the child was Ryan at the age of about ten or eleven. He had a tentative smile on his face, like smiling was tough, but his dimples were obvious and his blue, blue eyes were the same. Even then, he possessed the classic bone structure that hinted at the handsome man he now was.
She focused in on Ryan’s mom and dad, curious about the people who’d raised a man like Ryan, remembering he’d told her his parents fought a lot.
His father was a big, hulking man with unkept blond hair. He was smiling, but it bordered on a sneer, and his eyes were dark and flat, not the sparkling blue of his son. He looked like the kind of guy who would rule his household with an iron hand.
Ryan’s mother was beautiful, but she, too, looked like smiling was an effort. She had Ryan’s dark-blond, golden hair, his dimples, and his blue eyes. But she appeared world-weary and pinched, and it didn’t take an expert to figure out that beneath the smiling facade, she wasn’t a particularly happy person.
On the surface, the photo looked to be of a happy family on an outing to an amusement park, but under the surface of the happy family, she sensed the familial strife Ryan had hinted at. No one was touching or really smiling genuinely. If it weren’t for the family resemblance, she wouldn’t have thought they were related at all.
Her heart ached for him even though a photo couldn’t begin to tell the real story about a family. She shouldn’t jump to conclusions.
But all of those half smiles still pressed on her heart.
“What are you doing?” Ryan snapped from behind her.
She spun around, her heart pounding, her free hand pressed against her chest. “Oh, Lord, Ryan. You startled me.”
He walked toward her, his mouth a grim line. He snatched the picture from her. “Where did you find this?” He stared at her with eyes as hard and cold as blue ice.
Gathering her wits, she took a deep breath and willed her heartbeat into a more regular rhythm. “I— I found it there,” she said, indicating the shelf with a gesture. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snoop.” Even though she really hadn’t been snooping. He had told her to feel free to look around.
She looked at the picture he held in his hands and ventured, “Your family?”
He stepped back. “I guess you could say that,” he said, his voice hard and bitter.
Surprised by his cold reply, she searched his face for a clue about how to proceed with this conversation. Obviously his family was a touchy subject. “What do you mean?”
He looked at the photo and pain flashed in his eyes. “This is the only time I can ever remember doing something fun with my parents.” He spoke so softly she could barely hear him.
A profound and touching sadness seeped from his words directly into her heart. She touched his arm, hoping to somehow ease his hurt by letting him know she understood it. “I know how you feel—”
He jerked his arm away. “Oh, yeah? Did you ever have to wear shoes with holes in them or clothes that were too small because there wasn’t any money for ones that fit?” He snorted. “We only went on that trip to Disneyland because my mom won some money playing bingo.” He looked away, his jaw clenched tight. “My parents should have spent the money on food.”
She stiffened. Indignant fire burned in her chest, momentarily overriding the heartbreaking, unexpected revelation that Ryan had grown up without enough to eat. No wonder he liked to eat so much now. “You don’t know anything about me.” She’d made sure of it. “Sure, money wasn’t a problem for my family. But that’s beside the point. I would have traded every dollar my father had to hear the words ‘I love you’ from him.”
“Money, love,” he snapped. “At least you had one of the two.”
She looked right into his eyes. “And that makes my father’s inability to show his love and respect my dreams okay? I’ve wanted to be a bridal designer since I attended a wedding when I was ten and was awed by the bride’s satin and lace dress. He knew that but pushed aside my dream for his. Are you saying that’s okay because I wasn’t starving?”
In a heartbeat, he looked stricken. “No, no. That’s not what I meant. I mean that at least you didn’t have to worry about having enough to eat.”
She understood what he was trying to say, and she would give him the benefit of the doubt. She suspected his reasoning was skewed because of his traumatic upbringing. “I’m sure your parents loved you in their own way,” she said, hoping for Ryan’s sake that they had.
“Don’t even go there.” Pain flashed in his eyes again. “I was an inconvenience, a mouth to feed, nothing more.”
She paused for a long second, wishing she could wipe away the ache so visible in his eyes. But she couldn’t. All she could do was offer her understanding and hope that would be enough. “Believe it or not,” she said softly, “I know how you feel. I would have given anything for my father to tell me he loved me.”
He looked at her and his face softened. He stepped closer and grazed her cheek with a finger. “I guess you do understand, then, don’t you?” He searched her face, then zeroed in on her eyes.
She nodded, clinging to his gaze, enjoying the soft brush of his fingers against her skin. “I do.”
His masculine scent—a combination of soap and his aftershave—surrounded her, which, along with his touch, warped her senses like a vinyl record left out in the sun. She needed to stay in control tonight, and getting lost in his heavenly smell and crystal-clear blue eyes wasn’t the way to do that.
Remembering the photo of the boy, she stepped away and said, “Who’s that boy?” She pointed to the photo, bracing herself for not only his possible anger at her prying, but also for his explanation. That boy could be his son.
To her relief, he grinned, but she still held her breath. “That’s Juan. He’s my little brother.”
She let out her breath and frowned. “You have a brother that young?”
“Not my real little brother. One from the Mentor A Child foundation.”
A shaft of surprised admiration bolted through her. “You actually take time out of your busy schedule to help that little boy?”
“Surprised?” he said, the hard note back in his voice. “I do more than just raise money for the foundation, you know. Why do you find that so hard to believe?”
She held up a hand. “I don’t,” she said, which a few days ago would have been a lie. “You just seem like such a busy person, I was surprised you had time to really get that involved with the organization, that’s all.” She’d thought he just donated money rather than his time, like her father did.
“I am busy,” he said, heading toward the foyer. “But I know from personal experience how some kids need an adult in their lives who gives a damn.”
Anna stayed put, thinking about what he’d said, feeling incredibly sad that he obviously hadn’t had a caring adult in his life.
Along with the sadness, though, was a hearty dose of admiration. Ryan was turning out to be so much different than she’d imagined.
So much more dangerous.
“Maxine!” Ryan scolded from the entryway, cutting off her ominous thoughts.
Ryan stepped into view with Max perched in his arms. The silly little fluff-ball had a carrot clamped in her teeth, and Anna could have sworn the mutt was smiling.
“Max likes vegetables,” he said, turning around to look at the floor behind him. “A lot.”
Pressing a hand to her lips, Anna moved forward. Ryan stepped aside, revealing the grocery bag had been knocked over. Half-chewed vegetables lay all over the floor.
Anna looked at Ryan, grinning. “She’s a vegetarian, then?”
“I guess so.”
She met his mirth-filled eyes. Unable to help herself, she began to laugh. Ryan chuckled and pried the mangled carrot from Max’s mouth. “Looks like our vegetable selection is limited now.”
She waved a hand in the air. “I don’t mind at all.”
Ryan put Max on the floor and began cleaning up the mess. Anna squatted next to him and helped, thoroughly amused. Max watched, then gingerly leaned in and snatched a stalk of celery and skulked off with it, presumably to eat in private.
When everything was reloaded into the bags, Anna followed Ryan into the kitchen. He began to unload the groceries, and Anna held back, still reeling from what she’d discovered about Ryan’s childhood and his touching involvement with Juan. She watched him putter around the kitchen, liking that he was unfazed by the fact that a naughty dog had almost ruined their dinner.
She remembered what he’d said about her having a hard time believing he was a nice, selfless kind of guy. Boy, did she wish Ryan’s suddenly evident selflessness was impossible to believe. Then she could pass him off as the shallow, self-centered schemer she’d initially pegged him as and she could walk away from him and never look back.
But now… well, now, as she slowly learned more about him, he was evolving before her eyes into a caring, complex man who hid the pain of a wounded childhood behind a winning smile and helped a little boy grow into a healthy, emotionally complete man.
And what a kisser!
Without warning, her heart pulsed with an emotion she had never, ever felt before. She knew deep inside that she could easily care about the man in the kitchen.
Swiping a shaking hand over her face, she wandered back into the family room, trying to sort out her feelings. She didn’t want to want Ryan, but darn it, she did. How was she supposed to fight him when he obliterated her common sense and the walls she’d built around her heart with kind words and gestures to a dog, for heaven sake?
She had absolutely no idea.
As he unloaded the groceries in the kitchen, Ryan slanted several glances at Anna standing like a statue in the middle of his family room, looking shellshocked.
Yeah, his past was pretty ugly, which was why he usually avoided talking about his twisted family. Sonya had always made it seem like he was somehow responsible for his parents’ neglect and had berated him for letting it bother him when it was over and done with. The shame of his childhood had almost choked him when he’d been with her, and his childhood was one thing he never wanted to experience again.
But Anna hadn’t blamed him. After talking with her, he sensed an empathy in her that touched him to the core and broke down a self-made barrier inside of him, leaving a portion of his heart unprotected. He felt connected to her in a way he’d never felt connected to anyone else. She was different. She wasn’t some rich-girl-princess. She was a hardworking woman who had more in common with him than Sonya ever had. She was normal. Down-to-earth.
Before he could move forward with his thoughts, he heard Anna’s cell phone ring. She answered and began to talk, her voice carrying to him in muted tones.
He stood motionless in the middle of the kitchen, a bag of salvaged red peppers in his hands, returning to his thoughts of Anna. It would be really easy to push her away, wave goodbye and cut out if he didn’t feel so damn connected to her. She’d had a rough time of it with her father, too, and had doubted his love her entire life, just as he’d doubted his parents’ love.
And, of course, he couldn’t ignore his overwhelming physical attraction to her. The mere thought of the kisses they’d shared sent heat and need shooting through his body like a Roman candle.
But her understanding and empathy, combined with his admiration and attraction, might make it hard to keep her out of his heart. And he didn’t want another woman anywhere near that part of him ever again.
The thought of opening himself up to the kind of pain and betrayal that had been hard-heartedly handed out to him cooled the heat in his blood. He simply couldn’t allow Anna to get too close. He could deal with his physical attraction to her, but he couldn’t deal with what she might do to him emotionally.
“Ryan, what’s wrong?” Anna softly asked from behind him.
He swung around, jolted out of his thoughts. “Uh, nothing.” He threw the bag of peppers on the counter, then reached into the grocery bag and took out an untouched box of mushrooms.
She stepped closer, cocked her head to the side and put her cell phone on the counter. “You look like something’s bothering you.” She moved in, nearer still, and looked up at him with those big, soft, topaz-hued eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He set the mushrooms on the counter next to the peppers and roamed his gaze over her stunning face, framed by her dark auburn, shiny hair flowing loose around her shoulders. She was so close and so incredibly beautiful. Her sweet, floral scent wafted over him, relighting the fire that had been smoldering in his blood since he’d kissed her at the bridal show. He wanted to take her in his arms and bury his nose in the sweet-scented skin of her neck and kiss his way to her mouth.
Why not? What he was feeling was old-fashioned lust, and he was capable of dealing with that. They were both adults, and she had agreed to come here with him. He sensed an answering attraction in her, and she certainly hadn’t seemed to mind their second kiss at the bridal show.
He snaked an arm out and reeled her against his body. He swooped his head down and pressed his mouth to her neck just beneath her jaw. “No, I don’t want to talk,” he murmured against her scented skin. He eased back and looked at her, intending to honor his word and only kiss her if she wanted him to. “Is it all right if I kiss you?”
Wide-eyed, she stared at him, then nodded.
His heart pounding, he buried his mouth beneath her jaw again. And then he kissed his way quickly to her mouth, wanting to linger on her soft, smooth skin but wanting his lips on hers more.
She gave a breathy little gasp, wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed against him. He devoured her mouth, deepening the kiss, wanting to feel her tongue moving against his.
Even though she was plastered against him from shoulder to thigh, he wanted her closer. He skimmed his hand down her slim back to her firm, curvy bottom and cupped the toned flesh in his hands, then pulled her hips up and in, nestling himself against the warm juncture of her thighs.
She met his kiss with a passion that fueled the inferno in his blood to an even higher level. She was so soft and-warm and wonderful in his arms. Needing to feel every inch of her, he moved his upper body away just enough to cup her breast in his hand.
He caressed her fullness gently through her T-shirt. Fresh sparks skidded along every nerve ending in his body. But touching her through her clothing wasn’t enough. He wanted to feel her naked skin. As he continued to ply her soft mouth with deep, drugging kisses, he eased her shirt up and burrowed his hand beneath until he encountered the delicate lace of her bra.
She jerked away with a muted cry.
He snapped his head up, fighting to shift gears. He instinctively reached for her. “Anna.” His hands gripped her shoulders. “Come back here.”
She parted her rosy lips and shook her head slowly, her eyes wide, then dropped her head against his chest. “Ryan, this is all happening too fast for me. We need to slow down.”
He dragged in a heavy breath. Through a lust-induced haze, he managed to figure out she was probably right. They were speeding alo
ng a road he wasn’t sure he wanted to travel. But man, with her soft, sexy body pressed against his, her kisses still burning on his lips, it was damn hard to slow things down.
He would, though, if that was what she wanted, and really, he wanted to get back under control, too. He had to keep things Simple between them, and diving headfirst into a physical relationship might just complicate his life. He’d thought he could deal with his red-blooded male lust, but Anna had blown his mind right off the bat. He sure hadn’t expected a total meltdown.
He wrapped his arms around her to simply hold her trembling body close, breathe in her wonderful scent and feel her heart beating in time with his. Had he made a tactical error? Obviously Anna affected him deeply in lots and lots of ways, physically as well as emotionally, which he hadn’t really expected.
Just like Sonya had.
No. Anna was nothing like any other woman he’d ever known. She was normal. Real. Hardworking. Dedicated.
He wasn’t about to give up the heaven he’d found simply holding her in his arms. They would take things slow and easy. He just wasn’t ready to walk away from her yet.
You’re getting in too deep, bud.
Nah, he wasn’t. He had everything under control. He knew exactly what he was doing.
Feeling better, he pressed a kiss to Anna’s soft, sweet-scented hair, held her tighter and lost himself in the wonderful way she made him feel.
And he did his best to ignore the unrelenting voice in the back of his head screaming a warning.
Chapter Nine
The next day, before her next meeting with Mr. Lewis of Perfect Bridal, Anna called Ryan to be sure he would be home. She then drove to his apartment to retrieve her cell phone, which she’d inadvertently left the night before, on the way to the rental car office. The car she’d rented wasn’t starting correctly and she’d arranged to pick up another vehicle.
