by Jolene Perry
“If you’re not an ax murderer, and don’t feed people to pigs—you won’t scare me away.” I smirk. Will keeping my tone light draw her out?
She holds her hand out for me to shake. Our eyes are locked on each other. “Promise me, Jay.” There’s nothing but seriousness in her face.
I take a deep breath. I’m falling for her so fast. “I promise.” We shake across the bed from one another. It’s such an odd gesture considering the amount of time we spend together.
She leans back, resting her head against the wall. “My brother’s best friend is the chief’s son, Gunnar.” Her face is soft. She’s telling me a story, but not even to me. Just telling a story, her story. I sit silent, waiting for her to continue. This is real.
“He’s picked on me since I was little. He’s four years older. It started with things like pulling my braids. As I got older, he’d tease me about being the prettiest girl in school.”
I get a sinking feeling in my gut. I want to know what comes next, but at the same time I don’t want to know.
“We all worked on fishing boats in the small cannery. Gunnar used to push me around, but my brother always stood up for me. Then when they graduated, my brother left, but Gunnar stuck around.”
“Why?” It comes out before I can think.
“Because his dad is the chief.” She shakes her head. “It’s important in a way, but it doesn’t mean a whole lot. I don’t know how to explain it exactly to someone on the outside.” She lets out a breath.
I sit, waiting.
“To Gunnar, it means he’s important. That he can…” She stops for a moment. “Well, he’d bully me around for no particular reason—little things, and I’d skip school sometimes to avoid him, or I’d lock myself in the girl’s bathroom. He made threats about doing things to me when no one was around. And one day…he did.”
I open my mouth to ask, but nothing comes out. I have to be sinking. The bed shouldn’t be able to hold something as heavy as I feel.
Her voice continues, smooth and quiet. “He followed me home. He walked behind me…not too close, but I knew he was following. I think he enjoyed making me afraid on the long walk through the woods, but I knew I’d be safe once I got home because my Mom would be waiting.”
But she wasn’t. I know it before the words come out of her mouth. Goose bumps spread across my body. She’s still so calm.
“I stepped in the front door and no one was home. Mom had left a note on the table telling me that I’d be on my own for dinner. So I knew I had a few hours where I’d be alone in the house.” Her knees pull up and her blanket is clenched in her fists. “I locked the front door and went to my room. I pulled the curtains closed, just waiting for him to knock. But he didn’t knock. Instead, I heard a key turn in the lock. He and my brother were best pals, so he had a key to our house. When he stepped into my room, he said it would all be easier if I went along with him. He said if I told anyone, he’d hurt me again. And he’d hurt my family by getting his dad to kick us out of the corporation…the clan…the village. And I believed him.”
I didn’t know whether to scream or cry. Who could do that to such a precious person—to someone as good and wonderful as Sky?
“The first time was horrible…terrifying…to have his mouth on me…his hands on me. The simple fact of being naked in front of someone…when I was too embarrassed to even wear a swimsuit in public…I couldn’t speak for days. The nightmares started then. Mom was frantic and angry at me about my dreams, but now I think a part of her knew what was going on. Over time, things just got easier to ignore.”
At that moment, it hits me that this happened more than once. Who knows how many times? I’m way out of my league in knowing how to comfort her. The thought of what happened to her drives me crazy. It makes me want to put my fist through another wall. At least I’m smart enough to know that’s not what Sky needs. Instead I sit and listen. She isn’t finished telling her story.
“I had to leave, so I moved in with an uncle in Ketchikan, and stayed with my dad once in a while, but I couldn’t get away from my nightmares. Coming out here for college was the easiest way for me to leave without causing a stir, which would only end up making things worse for everyone.”
Her eyes meet mine for the first time since she started talking. They’re all liquid.
“I’m with my family here. Nana let me paint my room and moved her boxes out of here so I felt like I had a safe place to live. I like it in the basement. It feels like a cave or a den. It’s my hideaway. Gunnar knows where I am, but he’d never come this far. I was convenient when I was there…that’s all.”
But she was just there. “When you went home…” I can’t finish. I’m too afraid of what she’ll say.
“As soon as he found out I was home, he stopped by and tried to be all friendly with my mom, but he stared at me the whole time. I knew it was just a matter of hours or days before he came back for me, and I couldn’t do it again, so I left early.”
“And came back and took care of me when I should have been taking care of you.” Losing Sarah, or losing my dad, felt nothing like this. This is a whole new kind of sadness and helplessness on top of a love and a desire to protect that I’ve never felt before.
I’m suddenly afraid to touch her. My fingers touch the edges of hers and she slides our hands together. I scoot toward her, so I can take her in my arms. I don’t think about kissing her or touching her. I just want to hold her, protect her. It means so much more now. At what point did my problems turn from the stress of preparing for a swim meet to dealing with separated parents and a girlfriend recovering from the unthinkable?
“Here, come get comfortable.” She moves so I can lie next to her on the bed.
I pull her into me again. Suddenly the simple idea that she’s willing to lie next to me is overwhelming. She trusts me to be with her. When she leans up to kiss my cheek, I don’t turn my head to take her mouth with mine. I let her lie back down.
“How can you even be with me? Why did you get in my car the night we met?” Now that I know her history, the comfortable way she is around me, doesn’t make any sense.
“You have kind eyes.” She breathes out the words, not moving.
“That’s it?” My eyes?
“That’s everything.” Her arm tightens around me.
I run my hands through her hair and down her arms. Her body relaxes against me. There’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be, and nothing else I’d rather be doing. It’s all right here.
THIRTEEN
It felt horrible to leave Sky last night. I actually felt like some sort of traitor this morning when I left for school, instead of going to her house and keeping her safe in my arms all day. But I’m sure I need to feel like I’m helping more than she needs the help.
I sit in the crowded lunchroom. Doing something so normal, like getting up and going to school after my talk with her seems ridiculous…trivial…non-important. I’m sitting with my normal group, Kaylee, Matt and a few others from student government. I know I’m being rude ‘cause I have no idea what anyone’s talking about, and I really don’t care.
“Wow,” I say, as Sarah sits next to me. “Joining me for lunch?”
“Eric isn’t here today.” Last week that would have hurt. This week it doesn’t. I watch Sarah pull out her sandwich and take a drink. I still feel a pull to her, maybe more than I should, but nothing like I used to.
“Right, at least I know where I stand.” I take a bite of my peanut butter sandwich.
“That was mean.” She scowls.
“I’m not trying to be mean, but now you have him and you suddenly hardly even want to talk anymore. I see you during English and that’s kind of it.” I’m not being mean. I’m being honest. It’s just the way things are.
“I know.” She stares at the sandwich in her hands for a moment. “I don’t think he understands how things are between us. How we’re just good friends.”
“Well, I’m looking forward to him trusti
ng you a little because you used to be one of my best friends.” This is the honesty that Sarah and I have never had.
She looks at me with an odd expression on her face. I have no idea what it means. “You’re just like, laying it all out there, and making me feel bad.”
“I don’t mean to, Sarah, but it’s true. I’m okay with that. I get that he comes first, but I should be in there somewhere.” How can she not understand that?
“If you’re just going to be mean, I’m outta here.” She stands up and walks away.
At this point, I’ve sort of given up on Sarah. I guess I haven’t completely given up on her, because I don’t think she’s acting like herself—she’s just more worried about Eric than she is about staying friends. Now, even though I know I didn’t do anything wrong, I feel the need to apologize. I pull out my phone to send her a text.
LET’S DOUBLE ON FRI, OK? Only, I’m not sure that I want to double.
SURE
At least she’s still answering my texts.
***
At swim practice, I miss the state record by only four one hundredths of a second. I’m almost there.
Driving home, I turn onto my street to see Sky with a group of people her age, all with similar dark skin—Native American skin. She waves, giving me a huge smile as I come up the road. I pull over behind a large white van.
“Jay!” she yells, half-running to my car. “I’m glad I saw you. We’re going out to Red Rock to watch the sun set. I’ve never been. Wanna come?” She’s almost breathless with excitement. There’s no way I’m not going to be a part of this.
“Yeah, let me grab a hat and some water. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, we’ll wait.”
I survey the group. There are two other girls and four boys. They’re all standing in a circle, talking and laughing easily with one another. I dash into the house, and grab a bottle of water and a jacket for later. When I step back out, they’re climbing in the van. Hopefully, Mom won’t mind. I’ll send her a text in a few minutes.
“Hey, thanks for waiting.” I say as I step up behind Sky.
The driver laughs. “No problem, man. But Tony here isn’t too thrilled that Sky brought a boyfriend.” He laughs harder, slugging the guy in the passenger seat.
“Nice,” Tony says and looks out the window.
Sky sits and smiles up at me, waiting for me to sit down. What I want to do is wrap my arms around her and kiss her, but it feels awkward in a van full of people I don’t know. I sit, but I don’t have to worry about the rest. She leans forward, giggling a bit with excitement to kiss my cheek, then the corner of my mouth, then my lips. I almost forget where we are and kiss her back.
“Oh, come on!” A girl teases from the backseat.
“Sorry.” Sky laughs as she pulls away. “Couldn’t help myself.”
“So, this is quite a group you have here.” I look around hoping someone will start making the introductions.
“We’re the American Indian Alliance, or part of it,” the driver says.
“The cool part!” says the same girl from the backseat.
The driver laughs again. “Yeah, the cool part of the AIA on campus. And you’re the whitest guy here. Bet that doesn’t happen to you too often.”
“No,” I agree. “It doesn’t.” I may only be a quarter Mexican, but my skin’s at least as dark as Dad’s.
“I’m Rob. This is Tony. The girls, aside from the one you locked lips with are Windy and Jen.” He smirks. “The other two guys don’t matter.”
“You’re such a prick! Who told you, you could drive, anyway?” It’s one of the nameless guys from the back.
“I did. I’m the only one old enough to drive a UNLV rig.” He hits the gas for effect.
I relax into my seat. Sky’s fingers slide through mine and she leans against me.
“So, what do you do? Jay, right?” Tony asks, turning to face me.
“I swim.”
“That’s it?” He turns around even more. “No, I mean do you go to school? Are you working?”
“I’m in school.” I wonder if the questions will stop there.
“Where?” he asks.
Of course, the questions wouldn’t stop there. “Green Valley.”
“Green Valley High School?” His eyes widen.
“Yes.” Sky pulls her head up. “Jay’s in high school, but he’s eighteen and perfectly legal.” She grabs my thigh. “And more mature than any other guy in this car.”
Tony’s jaw drops and he’s about to protest, but Sky’s head is back on my shoulder and her eyes close. She’s shut him down without saying a word. I kiss the top of her head. This is going to be okay.
Red Rock isn’t too far out of town. Sky laughs at the burro signs—the burros are all shown with their ears back and huge biting teeth. The signs have cracked me up since I was a kid. Especially since they all look so raggedy and docile when they wander near the road.
“So, what do you guys do? The AIA?” I ask Rob as we step out of the van.
“Oh, it’s an excuse to get together really.” He shrugs. “We help with scholarships, issues that affect natives.” He fake punches Sky in the shoulder. “Although, she’s one of those corporation brats—not like the rest of us who grew up on and off the Res.”
I nod. I don’t really understand, but I guess all clubs are like that. The people who are in them get it. That’s why they’re there.
“Alright!” Rob rubs his hands together. “I’m gonna build a fire. You can hike. You can stay. I don’t care, but I’ll see you at eight o’clock, and I’ll have this fire roaring.” He opens the back of the van and starts digging around.
“I want to make it to the top,” Sky says, pointing straight ahead.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I lean over.
“Yes.” Her smile is wide and her fingers tighten around mine.
“On the left there? It’s actually higher. The climb up is easier and it’s closer.”
She narrows her eyes. “Are you sure? It doesn’t look as high.”
“I’m sure. I’ve climbed them both.”
“Okay.” Her smile is back. “After you.”
She trusts me. It’s nice. The group parts ways. Before long, it’s just the two of us and even the loud voices of the group are drowned out.
“Thanks for coming with me,” she says.
“I didn’t know you were involved in school clubs.” I hadn’t given much thought to what Sky does when we’re not together. All I know is she’s from Alaska, and goes to college.
“I had to do something to meet people when I got here.”
“Right.” But I have more questions. “You know that Tony likes you, right?”
“Yep.” Her voice is smooth, like always. “But I don’t like him that way.” So simple…or she makes it sound so simple.
“That’s it?” I ask.
“Yeah, don’t go looking for problems, Jay.” She bumps her shoulder into mine.
The trail is still flat. We walk in silence for a few minutes. The sunlight turns a deep orange. It’s setting too fast for me to spend the amount of time with her I want.
“I don’t think we’re going to make it to the top…not tonight.” I shake my head. And it sucks because the view from up there is awesome, but we don’t have any flashlights to help us back down. Even if we did, hiking in the dark wouldn’t be a good idea.
“Why don’t you just take us as high as you think we can go?”
I step ahead, and turn to face her. She lets herself bump into my chest.
“What?” she asks smiling.
I lean down and press our lips together. She kisses me back, but pulls away laughing. “You have such a one-track mind.”
“No, I don’t! I was thinking ahead, about our hike, and I was thinking about how cool it was that I ran into you before you left and…”
“Fine, point taken.” She sounds disapproving, but her smile is real.
It feels good to be out with her like this. Do
ing something so normal, but it doesn’t feel normal because I’m with her. And now I sound like one of those cheesy love songs Mom spends too much time listening to.
Sky takes half of her long hair and braids it to fall forward over her chest. She unwraps a leather bracelet from her wrist and ties it in her hair. Then she does the same with the other side. Now, there’s something really beautiful about her long dark hair flowing around her, but her hair like this, braided and tied up in leather strings brings out everything about her that looks native. Her deep eyes, straight nose, dark skin…
“You’re beautiful.” I look down at her, waiting for her reaction.
She shakes her head, and stares at her feet. Even making her embarrassed feels like a victory for me.
We stop on a ledge that gives us a wide view of the valley below, but the sun’s setting fast.
“You going to lead me back, before we get lost in the dark?” She puts her two hands around mine.
“Yep.” I resist the urge to kiss her again. I want her to know that I do think about other things besides kissing her. My eyes float over her chest. There’s loads of other stuff we could do together…
***
The fire is roaring when we get back and its warmth feels good. The desert cools off fast once the sun goes down.
“What did you two do out there…all alone?” asks Windy, one of the other girls in the group as she winks in our direction.
Windy is exactly how I would picture a Native American girl her age to look. Gorgeous deep skin, hair back in braids similar to Sky’s, and there’s an earthy feel about her that’s appealing. Maybe it’s just some stereotype I have in my head, but I like it. There’s something open and comfortable about her—like there is about Sky.
“Jay took me up to that ridge…” Sky looks in the direction we came from, but it’s now covered in darkness.
“Nice,” Windy says, sitting back in her chair.
“So, how are things with your brother?” Jen shifts in her seat. Her eyes are on the fire, not on Sky.
“I don’t know. He has to call me again before our meeting,” Sky says.
