by Amy Muscat
“Mr. Harrow, I've flown all this way and I really want to see my girlfriend, tell her I'm sorry, and then tell her I love her. And I can’t do that if I don’t know her room number. Please, sir.”
Okay, I was totally begging at this point.
He still looked a little undecided, but with one more please from me, he gives in and says okay.
Then I did something I have never done before… I kissed a man. Okay, it was more like a half a second peck, but still…
“Oh God, thank you so much, Mr. Harrow,” I gush like a fucking pussy, but I didn’t give a flying fuck.
He smiles in amusement, probably at my antics. “You're most welcome Mr…” He trails off waiting for me to fill in the gap.
“Walker. Blake Walker,” I say giving the hand he’s holding out a firm shake. He goes to open his mouth, but his cell phone goes off and with a ‘sorry’ to me, he answers the call. After talking for about a minute. He told the person on the other end of the call that he’d be there in a couple of minutes, he ended the call, and then looked back over to me.
“Well it was nice to meet you Mr. Walker, but I have to be off. I've got to go and check something out in the kitchen. Goodnight sir, and I hope to see you again. Sasha will tell you Miss Carter’s room number,” he tells me. With another thank you from me and an accepting nod from him, he walks off to what I'm presuming is the direction of the kitchen.
I spin back from watching him leave, and face a smiling Sasha, who happily gives me Lottie room and floor number. Leaving her with a thank you, and a tip, I walk over the elevator and get into the shaft. I stop at floor seven and get out walking down the short corridor until I reach room fifty-three.
I lift up my fist, but then I hesitate. What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if she thought I was intentionally ignoring her calls? What about if she hadn’t called me while she was here, and I was just assuming that she had called me? Fucking Hell! I'd never thought of this shit before.
Fuck!
“Come on man, don’t be a fucking pussy; you’ve come all this way don’t back out now,” I say giving myself a little pep talk. Feeling better, well slightly better, I raise my closed fist and rap on the door with my knuckles.
I heard footsteps coming from the other side of the door and felt my heartbeat start to speed up.
I heard, “I’ll get it!” But it wasn’t Lottie's voice that shouted that out, or even Hayley's; it was a man’s voice. But before I could think anything more, the door opened and revealed that it was a man.
“Hey, you guys are quick…” The man says, his British accent so much stronger than Lottie's. When I didn’t say anything, he looks up and pierces me with his blue eyes, and his hair flopped onto his forehead. He raises a hand and pushes his hair back, and I see that he was frowning. “You alright mate? Are you the delivery man?” He asks looking down to my hand, and only seeing my weekend bag in my hand, he looks back up at me with a skeptical look in his eye.
I clear my throat. “Hey, erm sorry I must have the wrong room,” I say, looking back at the number on the wooden door. Maybe Lottie's room was number fifty-two or fifty-four? Sasha must have gotten it wrong because there was no way that there would be another man in Lottie's room… right?
Right?!
Oh God, what if this was the correct room?
I had to ask. I needed to pacify the part of my brain that was blowing up red flags and the ringing in my ears. “Is Lottie here? Or do I have the wrong room?”
Please say no, please!
His face relaxed. “Yeah, it is.” What? No… “She’s just in the shower at the moment, shit got a little messy little while ago and she had to clean up.”
It was instinctual when my right fist closed up, pulled back, and then swung forward hitting him right on his cheek. He fell back onto the door and it crashed into the wall behind it. It was anger when I hit him again, this time catching him on his lip. It was fucking heartbreak when I punched him in the eye and I watched as he fell to the floor, clutching at his face.
I was panting, my chest heaving up and down, and my heart was beating a mile-a-minute. I heard a door open and feet pad along the flooring softly. But I didn’t look up– couldn’t look up, because I knew, just fucking knew, that if I looked up and saw her it would mean everything was true. It would mean that the prick lying on the floor groaning in pain, had just fucked my girlfriend and she had been in the shower washing away the evidence from their fucking. It meant that everything I believed in was false. It would mean that she had cheated on me. Betrayed me. Betrayed my trust. Trust that I willingly gave her. Trust that means so much to me, something that was shattered all those years ago with Lucy. It was the reason I never let myself be with a woman more than just for sex. I just couldn’t go through that shit again. Because I knew this time would be a thousand times worst.
I heard the feet come to a halt, and then I heard a sharp inhale of breath, and then…
“Blake…”
I'VE ALREADY DRUNK four cups of coffee and it was only eight-thirty in the morning. Hayley had come down and joined me about an hour ago. We didn’t speak much. I told her I wanted to go home– New York home– she had been a busy bee on the phone talking to the Virgin Airways, trying to get us a flight back.
I'd called my Nan and told her that I was going home. She seemed upset, but I told her that depending on my flight time I might be able to pop over and see her before I had to leave. She said okay, told me that she loves me and that she hoped everything worked out. I don’t know how she knew about what had happened; Calum must’ve told her. I said my thanks, told her I loved her and hung up hearing her repeat the sentiment back.
This morning I'd gone and done something that I haven’t done in years; I went and bought a packet of cigarettes. I didn’t want to, but it was rather buy some cigarettes, or raid my mini-fridge at six o’clock this morning.
The rush from the nicotine went straight to my head, and I had felt dizzy, but since then I had smoked seven. That was terrible considering it was only two hours since I had bought them, but they made me feel better, they kept my hands busy; and they distracted my fast-spinning mind.
“Hales,” I whisper, trying to get her attention: she’s still on the phone. She looks up briefly and I tell her, “I'm gonna go for a smoke, okay?”
She nods her head, but I also see sadness enter her eyes. I ignore it; pick up my packet of cigarettes and walk out the restaurant where we were sitting, step outside, and spark up my cigarette. I'm halfway through when Mr. Harrow walks up the steps.
He grins when he sees me, and walks over.
“Good morning, Miss Carter,” Mr. Harrow says jollily. “How’re you this morning? Did you enjoy your surprise last night?”
“Hello, Mr. Harrow, good mornin’ to you too.” I smile a tired smile up at him, but then I clock on to what he’s just said. What surprise? What was he talking about…? Oh! He must’ve been talking about Blake. But how…? “What’re you talking about Mr. Harrow?”
His smile dims, and his cheeks deflate. “Your Boyfriend, Miss Carter, Blake Walker? I thought… erm. He– he came here last night to see you, to surprise you. I don’t understand…” He trails off confused, his brows coming together and meeting in the middle. “Oh God! Was he not your boyfriend?” He asks in horror.
“Oh yes, he was my boyfriend. It’s just that we had… a err, a falling out last night; it didn’t go down too well. I'm sorry to have to tell you Mr. Harrow but Hayley and I will be leaving today. As soon as we can get a flight out, we’re going.” I tell him miserably. Thinking about last night sent shooting pains right to my heart and had my stomach tightening, making me feel sick.
“Oh no… I'm so sorry about that, and I'm so incredibly sorry about you and Mr. Walker.” Sincerity oozed from him.
“It’s okay, it’s not your fault; don’t worry about it, it’ll work out.” I don’t think it will, but I didn’t want to say that to him. I walked a couple of steps to the left and dotte
d my fag out in the cigarette bin. I turned back to Mr. Harrow. “It was lovely to meet you, sir, and I'll definitely come back here to stay; but I have to get back inside.” I need to see if I'm leaving anytime soon.
“It was lovely to meet you too, Miss Carter, and we would be honoured to have you back,” he says giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
With a jerky nod and another small smile, I walked off leaving him to watch me go. When I got back into the restaurant, Hayley was just finishing off the call.
“Okay. Okay… yep, that’s fine. Okay, thank you so much, thanks, bye.”
I sit down on the chair opposite her, pick up the carafe of coffee, and pour myself some more, before looking at her expectantly while taking a sip okay the hot drink.
“I got us a flight.” She smiles proudly.
“That’s great.”
“But it’s for six o’clock tonight. Apparently they didn’t have any cancelations today or any seats available until tonight. Is that okay?” Hayley asks me worriedly.
Blowing out a relieved breath, I tell her, “Yes, that is perfect Hales, thank you.” The quicker I can get back the quicker I can get this shit sorted out with Blake. I couldn’t even ring him and explain that Calum was in actual fact my cousin and not a man that I had cheated on him with.
Last night had fucked me over. Like literally fucked me sideways. When I saw Blake in the doorway of my room, I had been delighted; I didn’t think he would fly over to London to see me. But he did, and it all went tits up. I could understand why he had thought that, and it probably wasn’t the best that Calum had opened the door and told him I was in the shower. I could understand that the whole situation looked funny, especially to Blake, who I know has major trust issues. I know what happened with Lucy was the reason for Blake's trust issues, but I thought he knew me better than that. Thought he knew I would never do that to him… I had promised him. We had promised each other when he first told me about Lucy.
Shaking my head in dismay, I zone back in just as Hayley starts talking again.
“You're welcome, Lott's. It is my job,” she says empathising her words.
“I know it is, but still… just thank you,” I say with gratitude.
She smiles at me, finished her cup of coffee, and tells me that she was going to go back upstairs because she needed to pack.
“What, you unpacked your suitcase?”
“Well yeah…”
“Huh. I never do that.”
“Really?” She asks sceptically.
“Yeah… I never do that; it’s a long arse procedure, unpacking and then packing again and again. Na, fuck that. I rather just live out of a suitcase… but maybe it’s because I'm just lazy when it comes to things like that. Sod knows,” I tell her shrugging and drinking the last of my coffee too. I stand up; grab my phone, room key, and my cigarettes. “I’m just gonna have one more smoke before I come up, Hales, so I'll see ya in a little while yeah?”
“Yeah okay.” Again Hayley wore that same saddened look on her face when I mentioned smoking. I told her a while ago that I had quit smoking, so I assume she was disappointed in my giving in and falling into an old habit. But fuck it.
I walked out, smoked my cigarette, went upstairs and showered ’cause I smelt like an ashtray, even though I had one this morning. I just felt the need to be clean.
“I'M GOING TO MISS you, sweetheart.”
“I'm gonna miss you too, Nan,” I say giving her a squeeze, not too hard to hurt her, but hard enough for me to take the hug back to New York with me. I feel my eyes water and I sniffled.
“Hey, hey now. None of that young lady, no more tears; beautiful girls don’t cry, they–”
“Smile and laugh,” I said finishing off the sentence that she would always tell me whenever I would cry in front of her growing up. I laughed/cried. She hadn’t had to say that to me for a long while now. We pull back from the embrace, and she lifts her hands up wiping the wetness from under my eyes. But even as she does this, I see her own eyes water.
“Don’t cry, Nan,” I tell her leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her cheek.
She rapidly blinks, waving her aging hand in front of her face and muttering something about ‘being a silly old cow’. I giggled. This woman knew how to put a smile back on my face, that’s for sure.
“Don’t pay any attention to me, sweetheart, I'm just being dopey. Right, go. Otherwise, you're gonna miss your flight. Ring me when you're boarding, or message me. Okay? And when you land.”
“Yeah but Nan, it’ll be like four in the morning when I land–”
“Charlotte Carter! Do you honestly think I care? I won’t be able to rest anyway, so just do me a favour and message me. Please?”
I sighed; this woman certainly knew how to persuade a person. “Okay… I'll ring ya when I'm boarding, and I'll text you when I land. I'm not gonna ring you at three or four in the morning, Nan, and don’t wait up either. Go to sleep and then you’ll see the message when you wake up. Deal?” I bargain with her.
Looking put out and greatly amusing me, my Nan huffs and reluctantly agrees. I give her one more hug and walk back to the car.
“Bye, Mrs Carter!” Hayley shouts from the car.
“Bye dear, it was lovely to meet you,” my Nan replies.
“You too!”
I jump in and start the engine, giving my Nan one last wave before pulling off and driving to Heathrow airport.
“DO YOU KNOW HOW many cigarettes we can bring back to the US?” I ask Hayley as we stand in Duty-Free at the airport.
“Erm… no, I don’t. Just ask someone who works here,” she says and gestures to the two women standing behind the counter.
I nod and walk over to them asking the same question I had just asked Hayley.
“You can take two hundred cigarettes per person back to America, ma’am.” The sales assistant tells me, giving me a professional smile.
Ma’am? Fucking ma’am! I hated being called ma’am, made me feel old. I was twenty-fucking-four! Did I look old enough to be a ma’am? I quickly looked into the mirror that was above the assistant’s head and saw that I, indeed, looked ragged. Thanks, Blake… thanks a fucking lot.
Giving the woman an insincere smile, I told her I'd take four hundred, before turning to Hayley. “If they say anything at customs, will you just tell them two hundred are yours?”
“Yeah sure.”
“Thanks, love, you're the best.”
With a shy smile, Hayley said thanks.
I think I'll give her a raise when we get back…
I paid the amount, and we walked out and started to browse around the other shops. I picked up a pink pair of Converse that I liked, and I grabbed a pair for Ivy. Then we went into the Harrods shop, I ended up buying a black and gold Sophie Hulme tote bag. Then we went to get something eat, then coffee. I called Peyton and told her we were coming home early. I didn’t go into detail about what happened with Blake, but I did tell her that he had got the wrong end of the stick and that he had thought that I was fucking Calum. My cousin. Eww. I also told her what he had called me. Those fourteen words that made my heart hurt every time I thought of them. Peyton had gasped, and then the words that had flowed out of her mouth had shocked even me. I've never known Peyton to curse like that. I'd gotten teary-eyed, but didn’t actually cry. Thank fuck. I really didn’t need to be crying in front of thousands of people in Heathrow airport. I had also asked her if she had Blake's new phone number. She did, thankfully, and she had dutifully given me it. But then our flight was being called, and I told her that I'd see her when I got back.
On the way to our gate, I had tried to call Blake, but he didn’t pick up the phone. So after trying a couple more times with still no answer, I decided to text him.
Hi… it’s me. I don’t know if you're sleeping or you just don’t want to talk to me, but I've tried calling you a couple of times with no answer. Please don’t delete this message without reading it first. You have everything wrong, Blake. The man t
hat was in my hotel room? The one you thought I was fucking behind your back? Ya well, he’s my cousin, Blake. I would never do that to you. Never. I made a promise to you that I would never cheat, and I never did nor never would break that promise. I'm flying back to New York. My flights being called as I text you, so I'll see you soon… Lottie Xxx
I put my phone back into my bag, and Hayley and I made our way to Gate 22, handed over our details when we needed to, and then we had to wait about thirty minutes. In that time I had called my Nan and told her I was boarding, and then I had called Calum and told him too. We had an interesting conversation; he told me that he would be coming over to New York in a couple of weeks: which I was ecstatic about. He also told me to tell Hayley to text him. I asked when they had exchanged numbers, and he told me they had last night when I had gone into zombie mode. I winced. I couldn’t imagine what I had looked like to them. I said sorry, and he told me it was fine, but that he was so worried about me. I said I was fine, and that, that was the reason for going back; to sort this shit out.
I also told him that he would be better off texting Hayley himself because dear ol’ Hales wasn’t one of those girls who took the first move. I knew Hayley and I know that she would never willingly text Calum first. If he texts her, then she would text him back, Hayley wasn’t rude nor was she ignorant; it just wasn’t in her to be.
Calum laughed at that, telling me that he had already messaged her, but she just wasn’t texting him back.
At that, I looked over to Hayley, who was in line at the vending machine.
Hmm…
I told him I'd speak to her, but then the doors opened and everyone started to gather their belongings to get on the plane. I told him I had to go, and that I loved him and I'll see him in a month. He said the sentiment back to me and hung up.
