“How can you say that?” Karen screamed, jumping to her feet. “How can you say there are no bad dreams? There are! There are!” She started to shake and the pent-up tears roared to life, swelling, tumbling, turning her to a shivering mass.
Professor McArthur moved toward her, but Kerr reached her first. He put his arms around her.
“Go away, Kerr Leave me alone. Don’t touch me! Don’t anyone touch me!” She felt him react with shock. His fear, his pain came in on hers, doubling her hysteria.
“Kerr, all of you. Leave. Quickly. Class is dismissed for the day.” When the class was empty, Dr. McArthur took hold of Karen, held her so tightly she couldn’t move, couldn’t lash out. “I’m sorry, Karen, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” Over and over he repeated the words, quietly soothing her. “I didn’t realize what I said was going to confuse you, that you’d react personally. I wasn’t thinking about what you’ve been through.”
When she was able to speak, her dream about Jesse poured out. “I dreamed about Jesse, Dr. McArthur. The night he died. I fell asleep beside his bed. I was there, I was there when he died. I saw them kill him. One of them was dark, so dark. He hit Jesse. He killed him.”
“Jesse died of a football injury, Karen.”
She ignored the statement. “How can you say everything in the dream is a part of me? I didn’t want Jesse dead. I didn’t kill him. How could I do that? I didn’t, did I, Dr. McArthur? Tell me I didn’t kill Jesse!”
Chapter 9
“Karen, you didn’t kill Jesse. I know you didn’t. I promise you, you didn’t. Let me hear you say it! ‘I didn’t kill Jesse. He died of a football injury.’ Dreams don’t kill, Karen. Accidents do, people do. Jesse’s death was an accident.”
“But why, why did I dream it?” She collapsed back into her seat.
“I don’t know, Karen.” Dr. McArthur leaned on another desk top. “Perhaps you have suppressed your dreams for so long because they frightened you, and now that you are remembering, they’re even more vivid. You are such a sensitive person, Karen. You take in everything around you, keep it inside. It comes out in your dreams, sometimes more intensely than if you let yourself feel it, experience it in everyday life. I suspect your fear caused you to dream about Jesse. You were afraid he was going to die.”
“How—how about Gordon? I didn’t know he was going to die.”
“Not on a conscious level, perhaps. I don’t know. A coincidence? You may have heard him say something, or been aware of his feelings without knowing about it. There are people, Karen, who are much more sensitive to receiving, who pick up on other people’s thoughts, feelings much more than others. If that’s so, you will have to learn to protect yourself.”
Feeling confused, but glad that she’d told someone about Jesse, Karen stood up. “I’m going home. I’m sorry I went to pieces in class.”
“Don’t try to keep everything inside, Karen. If you’d like to stay after school and talk to me or call me anytime, please do so. I care about you.”
“Thank you, Dr. McArthur.”
Kerr had waited for Karen. He stepped in front of her as she came out. She looked up to see that most of the class had waited. She felt silly and felt her face heating up.
“Let’s all go skating before dinner.” Kerr took hold of Karen’s arm. “Bill, Easy, let’s go skating.”
“I’ve got football practice, man,” Easy said. The team had won the game that Jesse left. Then, instead of giving up because they lost Jesse, they had adopted a win-for-Jesse attitude. They were determined to capture the state championship in their division.
Bill had taken over as quarterback. “Me, too, Kerr. Another time.” He smiled at Alysia, who stood beside Karen.
Alysia looked at Karen with a question in her eyes. “My skates are in the car. It might be good for you.”
“I can’t, Kerr.” Karen was lying to Kerr, and he knew it. “Alysia and I have that project do for chemistry, and we’d better work on that. Tell Mom I’m staying the night at her place.”
“You’ve hardly been home lately, Karen.” Kerr stopped just short of begging. “It’s lonely there without you.”
“Don’t be silly. We’re all busy, since this is our last school year.” Karen pushed Alysia ahead of her, and they headed for their lockers.
“You really are avoiding being at home, aren’t you, Karen?” Alysia asked as they climbed into her old Suburu and drove to her place. “Is there anything you haven’t told me?”
“Oh, not really. Kerr has been so sympathetic, I can’t stand it. You know how it is when someone works too hard to help you handle a problem, is too understanding. It makes it worse. I don’t want anyone treating me any different because Jesse died. Kerr acts as if he has to take care of me.”
“I don’t know anyone more capable of taking care of herself.” Alysia shifted into low to climb the hill to her driveway.
“Sometimes I’m not so sure, Alysia. I feel so confused. That was so dumb for me to break down in class.”
“Not dumb, Karen. It was normal. You’ve been holding too much inside. No one can do that forever.”
Inside, Alysia built a fire in the fireplace. They did have a chemistry project to work on, but they were almost finished. Spreading it out on the nearby dining table, they fortified themselves with Cokes and chips, background music of U2, and went to work.
Mrs. Holland came home from work and flopped into a big chair, kicking off her high-heeled boots. “I need a vacation. Why don’t we all fly down to Bermuda for the weekend?”
Alysia and Karen laughed. “We’re game. It’s supposed to snow again.”
“This has been the worst snow and cold spell in my memory. Whatever happened to the idea of global warming?” Mrs. Holland took the diet Coke Alysia brought her.
“Maybe the hot places are going to get hotter and the cold places colder.” Alysia stirred the fire. “We don’t know. Our specialty for the evening is chemistry.”
“I guess I’ll take Cooking 101.” Mrs. Holland sighed and pulled herself out of the chair. “There’s an element of chemistry in that. Mexican okay?”
“Anything.” Karen answered for them. “Mrs. Holland, I hope you don’t mind if I spend one more night here. I know I’m getting to be a nuisance.”
“You’re no such thing, Karen. Stay over as much as you like. We hardly know you’re here, and you certainly don’t eat that much. You look too thin to me.”
“When Mom starts trying to fatten you up, Karen, maybe it is time to leave. Let’s both run off to Bermuda. Or Belize or Cozumel …” Alysia got a dreamy look on her face.
“Ever since you learned to scuba dive, you’ve been impossible,” Karen teased.
“Mom,” Alysia yelled. “Really, let’s talk to Dad about Belize for Christmas vacation.”
“Done!” Mrs. Holland called back. “Terrific idea.”
“Karen, you have to learn to dive. It’s magic down there. Like some kind of fairyland. The fish, the coral, the colors—I can’t explain it. You get a feeling of euphoria and could stay there forever.”
“That feeling is probably due to a lack of oxygen. I’m not a very good swimmer.”
“I’m not, either. You don’t have to be.” Alysia hooked her leg over one arm of her chair and stared out the window. “Snow hasn’t been off the ground up here since early October.”
“But it’s the earliest and best ice-skating I can remember.” Karen told Alysia about Kerr’s taking her ice-skating the night Jesse died.
“That was a strange thing to do.” Alysia frowned at her.
“I guess it was all he could think of. But it was the beginning of his taking care of me.”
The phone rang. Alysia moved to the chair her mother had abandoned, curled in it and answered. “Holland residence. Speak of the devil,” she whispered to Karen.
“Kerr?” Karen mouthed the word.
Alysia nodded. “Oh, Kerr, I’d love to, but maybe you didn’t realize I’m going with Bill now. He’s as
ked me to go steady.”
That was news to Karen. “Really?” she mimed again.
“I would have, Kerr. And she was right, but now things have changed. I’m sorry you didn’t know. Maybe another time.” Alysia listened for a moment more, then slowly hung up. “Now he asks me for a date.” She didn’t move.
“So Kerr finally got his act together, but he wasn’t observant enough to know he was too late. My brother.” Karen shook her head and shrugged. “I always used to know what was on his mind.”
“He wasn’t happy about it. He said you told him I liked him. That I’d go out with him.”
“I did suggest he ask you out. I thought you might go. But I also thought he needed to be dating.”
“Maybe I would have if I hadn’t gotten together with Bill. But it would have been awkward if I’d have dated Kerr, then had a fight with him and broken up. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize our friendship, Karen.”
“We have been through a lot together, haven’t we?” Karen didn’t mention the recent events. In fact, she tried to focus off of them. “When two girls survive junior high together, I think they will probably be friends for life.”
“That’s for sure.” Alysia came back to their work. “We’d better finish up here. Mom will want me to set the table.”
Kerr made a point of avoiding Karen and Alysia the next day at school. Until psychology class. He stopped Karen going in, keeping his voice low. “I thought you said Alysia liked me.”
“Kerr, let go. You’re hurting my arm. She does. But I told you to ask her out before she and Bill got together. Things have changed now.”
“They always do. I’m sure she doesn’t like me. She never has. You lied to me. Just like you did yesterday. You could have gone skating.”
“Kerr, maybe we could for a half hour or so, but we did have a project to finish. And just because Alysia said no to going out with you because she is dating Bill doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. Your timing is off.”
“I’ll get it back on.” Kerr was practically growling. He took a seat in the very back row. With only ten—eight—now in the class, the students usually all sat close together up front.
Professor McArthur sat watching them come in. Sometimes he did that when he was early. It seemed as if he was studying them. It partly amused Karen and partly made her nervous. He was a funny little man. Maybe she didn’t want to talk to him any more. She still felt embarrassed about going to pieces in class, and embarrassed when she remembered his hugging her. But he had done that to get her to stop crying, hadn’t he? Alysia’s idea of his liking her came to mind, but he was a teacher. And married. It was absurd.
“We’re going to discuss shadow dreams today.” He started the class. “Mr. Newton, would you care to join us?”
Everyone turned around and looked at Kerr. He loved the attention. Grinning, he said, “Not really. I’m fine. Pretend I’m not here.”
“Is there a reason you’re being antisocial?” The professor wouldn’t let it go.
“Does there have to be a reason for everything?”
“There usually is.” McArthur flipped open a notebook. “Shadow dreams are often referred to as nightmares by the dreamer. They reveal the monster in the closet, under the bed. But monsters are different for each of us. The monster under my bed will be different from the monster under yours.”
“Professor McArthur, did you say ‘in your bed’ or ‘under your bed’?” Kaziah was feeling devilish. Everyone enjoyed a laugh.
Dr. McArthur laughed too. “Well, you pays your money and takes your choice. Wherever the monster is, it belongs to you. It comes from the darkness of your mind and represents one of your fears. Interestingly enough, the monster is usually of the same sex as you.”
Alysia spoke up. “I have a recurring dream about sharks. I never stop to ask them what sex they are, but I can testify to it being a really scary dream.”
“Perhaps there is some part of you, even if you don’t acknowledge it, that is shark-like.” McArthur grinned.
“I won’t admit that. No, I think it’s just because when I learned to scuba dive, we talked about sharks a lot. I’m really aware of them when I go into the water, but our instructors told us they’re usually only curious.”
“If you can name the demon, or face off against it, it will lose its power.”
“Yeah, remember in that movie we saw? When that guy helped the kid kill the snake monster he kept dreaming about, it went away.” Easy reminded the class of Dreamscape.
“There is a tribe in Malaysia called the Senoi. They consider their dream lives an integral part of their society. They teach their children to face up to dream fears, thinking the bravery they develop will spill over into their waking lives.”
“So if we face the monsters in our dreams, we can face fears in our waking state?” asked Karen. She wasn’t sure where this discussion fit into her life, but she was going to think about it more. Maybe do some reading.
“If Alysia faced off with the sharks in her dream,” Bill asked, “she could meet a shark diving and not be scared? Or be friendly with it?”
“I’m not an authority on real sharks,” Dr. McArthur replied, “but that’s the idea. Besides, the shark in her dream is a symbol. It may not represent real sharks at all, but some fear she carries deep inside her.”
Alysia looked at Karen and made a face. Bill laughed at them. After class, Kerr stepped in behind them when they left.
“So, shark lady,” he teased Alysia. “I might have known you’d be afraid of sharks.”
Bill put up one hand like a fin, circled Alysia and Karen, then grabbed Alysia and hugged her. “You’re trapped, Alysia. I’ll only let you go if you agree to a movie tonight. You too, Karen,” he added as an afterthought.
Karen knew when she wasn’t wanted. “I think I’d better go home. My mother will think I’ve resigned from the family. I’ll call you, Alysia,” she whispered. “Tell your mom thanks.”
“Want a ride?” Kerr had been listening to the conversation.
“Sure. Do we have any groceries, or should we stop and get something to eat tonight?”
“We’d better stop, just in case. Look, it’s starting to snow again. And it’s supposed to get really cold tonight. I was afraid the lake was going to thaw.”
For some unknown reason, the tight ball of ice Karen had carried in her stomach for a couple of weeks started to melt. Maybe she was on her way back to normal, whatever normal was. Just a little bit of healing had taken place without her knowing it. She knew she could never forget Jesse. She would have a special place in her heart for him forever. But she had to go on with her life. She needed to face her fears, the monsters under her bed.
Chapter 10
A week of nasty weather kept them all inside. Karen concentrated on school work. She had let some subjects slide, she realized. She couldn’t bring herself to go to the football game on Friday night, but stayed home and watched something dumb on television instead. Kerr and her mother watched with her, and for a change her father was there. They pretended to be a family. Mom made popcorn, and served hot Dr. Pepper, but that didn’t turn it into a party. It was as if they were all there because they didn’t have anything else to do. They were good at pretending, though. They’d been doing it for years.
Karen and Kerr played a couple of games of backgammon while their parents watched the ten o’clock news. Then they all went to bed early, if not to sleep.
Karen was having trouble getting to sleep. To tell the truth, she was afraid to sleep. Before her last two dreams, she had always been a sound sleeper. Now, when she had fought sleep as long as she could, when she finally dropped off, she was sleeping even harder. She didn’t wake feeling refreshed, though. She still hadn’t remembered any more dreams. Not that she wanted any nightmares, but how was she going to identify her monsters if she had no shadow dreams?
Remember the two dreams you have recalled? her subconscious reminded her. No, no, she didn’t want to th
ink about them, remember them ever again. She didn’t consider them dreams. They were a part of two strange and tragic experiences. She had written both of them in her journal to try to get rid of them. To some extent, it worked.
Saturday night, with the ball game over—another win—and no practice or early curfew for the team, her crowd went bowling. Kerr and Karen, Alysia and Bill, Kaziah and Easy, Lucy and Marvin. Danah was the only one from their psychology class not there. Karen had called and invited her, but she said if it was all couples, she’d feel out of place. Karen couldn’t think of a guy to invite for her, so she didn’t argue. With her negative attitude, Danah didn’t attract friends easily, and Karen didn’t feel up to taking on her social life as a project right now.
They acted silly, laughed a lot, while they bowled four lines. They played in teams on two lanes, competing with each other. Karen had Kerr as partner, but she noticed he kept sitting by Alysia every chance he got. He didn’t talk to her, just sat beside her. Now what was he up to? Kerr was a good enough bowler, but to everyone’s surprise, he bowled an exceptional two hundred game the last line. He danced and wiggled, showing off as he got closer and closer to the big win. A huge finish with four strikes in a row had him doing an Elvis-on-guitar imitation.
Karen hugged him, since it certainly made them the night’s winners. Kaziah gave him a big kiss and so did Lucy. Karen watched him move close to Alysia so she could follow suit, but Alysia slipped away and took Bill’s arm.
“Let’s go get something to eat,” she suggested. “We’ll treat Kerr and Karen, since they’re the big winners, thanks to Kerr’s dazzling finish. But not here. Too much smoke.”
Back in Evergreen—they had driven ten miles to Bergen Park to bowl—they all squeezed into a corner booth with a round table at Barbecue Bob’s. Kerr pulled Karen aside, making a point of sitting next to Alysia, and there was no way for her to avoid being sandwiched between him and Bill. Then Kerr put his arm around Alysia before Bill could make his claim. Somehow Karen ended up opposite him at the table, and she could see he was enjoying deviling Alysia. This was his way of making her miserable because she had refused to go out with him.
The Dreamstalker Page 6
