“You brought it on yourself. I tried to give you direction, to give you guidance, but you never listen. Look where it’s gotten you! You’re still living under Father’s roof.”
“And you’re living with your in-laws. How is that better?”
“I have children. It’s different.”
“Is that what this is about?” Tilly threw up her hands. “Am I some sort of low-water mark for you? As long as you’re doing better than me, you’re winning somehow?”
“That’s not it at all, and you know it. Stop acting like a child.”
“Stop treating me like a child. I’m not one of your girls. I’m your sister.” Tilly heaved a fortifying breath. “I take that back. I’d prefer if you treat me like Caroline or Victoria or Elizabeth. You’re far kinder to them than you are to me.”
“I have never been unkind to you.”
“Really? Since you have such an excellent memory for all of my transgressions, name one thing that I’ve done that’s good enough for you. Name one thing I’ve done that meets your high standards. Give me one example and I will end this argument.”
“This isn’t an argument.” Eleanor flicked her collar. “This is a ridiculous conversation. I haven’t seen the girls for a week, and what are you doing? You’re keeping me from them with your childish temper tantrum.”
She stood and strode toward the door.
Tilly blocked her exit. “You’re running away because you know I’m right.”
“With all that’s happening, I refuse to have this conversation with you. My only fault is expecting more from you than you expect from yourself. Low expectations have always been your downfall. You could have married that nice young man who worked for father.”
“Marry one of father’s law clerks? Like you?”
“You could have done worse.”
“He wasn’t interested in me. He was only calling on me in the hopes of seeing you.”
“How do you know?” Eleanor fiddled with her collar. “Did you ever give him any encouragement?”
“Maybe I didn’t try as hard as I could have. But you, Eleanor, have always demanded far too much of people. And that has been your downfall.”
Tilly turned, stormed from the room and continued outside. She expected Eleanor to be close on her heels, shouting and calling for her to stop. Eleanor had never let another person get the last word in an argument.
She’d nearly reached the end of Main Street before she realized she was standing alone. A sharp breeze rippled the overgrowth of bushes between the abandoned buildings. Tilly shivered and cupped her elbows.
Eleanor’s words rang in her ears. She’d never finished the stupid towels because Eleanor had criticized her stitches, and she’d lost interest. She hadn’t quit her work with the war effort—the work had ended when peace was declared. Then again, why travel all the way to New York when there were plenty of widows and orphans who needed assistance in Omaha?
She’d made her plans to leave shortly after learning that Eleanor was returning to Omaha. She hadn’t put together those two events until just this moment. She’d had three years of modest success. She’d worked with Father in his law office, and she’d served on her committees.
She didn’t want to go back to living in Eleanor’s shadow. Was she quitting on her sister, or quitting on herself?
Her head throbbed and she pressed her fingers against her temples. Snippets of conversation from the girls came rushing back. Despite Eleanor’s protests, Tilly recalled her arguments with Eleanor over the years. Eleanor grew most critical of Tilly when her own life was faltering. Shifting the focus onto Tilly deflected the notice from her own failings.
Tilly dropped her hands to her sides. She was done being Eleanor’s scapegoat. Recommitted to finishing their argument, she spun on her heels and froze.
Charlie strolled from the shadows beneath the eve of the abandoned hotel.
His lip curled up in a sneer. “Where do you think you’re going?”
Fear quickly replaced her self-righteous anger.
Tilly took a cautious step back. “Nowhere.”
She searched for any sign of Captain Ronald or Nolan. How long would it be before they noticed she was missing? She’d broken the most important rule in dealing with the outlaws: never be caught alone with Charlie.
“I didn’t think you were going anywhere.” He grinned. “Or maybe you were coming to find me.”
Charlie cradled the scattergun in his hands. His newly acquired sidearm was stowed in a gun belt strapped around his waist. Tilly frantically searched for an escape. They were too far from the livery and the relay station. There was a chance no one would hear her shouts even if she called for help.
Charlie advanced on her. “You’re not as pretty as your sister, but old Charlie likes you,” he drawled. “That has to mean something. Come on over here and talk to me.”
She pivoted on her heel, ignoring his softly spoken order. There was no help coming, and she had no way of defending herself.
As she strode toward the relative safety of the relay station, she felt his steps behind her. Her heart pounded in her chest. She glanced over her shoulder. She’d lengthened the distance between them, but he showed no signs of abandoning his pursuit.
Her blood chilled. He wasn’t chasing her, he was stalking her.
Tilly broke into a run. Something caught her sleeve and she shrieked. Strong arms closed around her. She fought like a wildcat, scratching and kicking.
“It’s me, Tilly.” Nolan’s voice broke through her panic. “You’re all right, I’m here.”
* * *
“I thought you were Charlie.” Her wild gaze focused on his face. “He was right behind me. He was following me.”
“Charlie isn’t there.” Nolan cupped the side of her flushed face. “He must have seen me approaching and lost interest.”
Nolan had seen Tilly exit the relay station and wanted to give her a chance to collect herself. He and the captain had moved as far away as they dared under the circumstances, but they’d both heard the voices raised in anger.
Tilly ducked her head. “Thank you. For looking out for me.”
Nolan placed his hand over hers. “Why don’t you take a walk with me?”
“What about Eleanor and the girls?”
“Captain Ronald will look out for them.”
Tilly raised a mocking eyebrow. “I don’t doubt it.”
Even Nolan had noticed the mutual attraction. The captain had done nothing to hide his obvious admiration for Eleanor. “I think the captain is smitten with your sister.”
“Everyone is smitten with Eleanor.”
“I’m not.”
While Eleanor was pretty, she was too aware of her own appeal. He’d seen her type before. She’d immediately latched on to the captain’s admiration because she needed the attention.
Tilly slanted a disbelieving glance in his direction. “She’s very pretty.”
“There is more than one kind of beauty.” Nolan gestured ahead. “Follow me.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.”
She gave a pointed look at the undertaker’s house. “What about the outlaws?”
“I doubt they care about us. They’re well aware that we can’t travel far. They also know we’d never leave the others behind.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
He led her past the edge of town. Grasshoppers sprang from their path and cicadas called. He parted the tall prairie grasses and she followed behind him. When the way became too rough, he grasped her fingers and pulled her the rest of the way. At the top of a small, rocky hill, he pointed.
He pointed to the snake of blue in the distance. “Do you see that?”
Her expression was sulky. �
�The river?”
The argument with her sister had clearly affected her. He’d never seen her this cross before.
“Yes. But look to the left of the river. See that hill with the white top?”
She shielded her eyes with one hand. “Yes.”
“Meriwether Lewis and William Clark stood on that hill. They discovered a colony of prairie dogs in that very spot, and sent one back to President Jefferson for study.”
“Are you certain that’s the hill?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “There could be a thousand hills that look the same.”
“That’s the hill. I’m certain. I’ve read all of their diaries, and studied their maps. That hill is nicknamed Old Baldy.” He gestured toward the toes of her boots peeking out from beneath her muddy hem. “They might have stood in the very spot where you’re standing.”
The air was sultry and a mellow breeze stirred her chestnut hair. He couldn’t imagine a day without her gentle teasing or her joyous laughter. He hadn’t expected to discover friendship in this remote location under such demanding circumstances. Yet he’d found just that, and something more. He was afraid he’d discovered something deeper in their time together, something he wasn’t ready to face.
Her expression remained bemused. “Why did you bring me here?”
Why had he brought her here? He’d wanted to separate her from Eleanor. He’d wanted to separate her from the constant threat hanging over them. Mostly, though, he wanted a moment alone with her. She offered so much of herself, and he had given her so little in return.
“Do you wonder what they thought about?” he asked, recalling their conversation in the abandoned hotel the day after her arrival.
“Who?”
“Lewis and Clark. They were traveling into the unknown. They didn’t know if they’d live or die. Doesn’t that make you wonder what they dreamed about?”
“Don’t tease me,” she said dully. “I’m not up to the challenge.”
Her pessimism chilled him to the bone. He needed her wit and her optimism. He’d become addicted her joyous spirit. “I’m not teasing you, Tilly. The ugliness in the world is only exceeded by the beauty. I forgot that, but you reminded me.”
She’d reminded him of the joy, and he’d brought her the opposite in return. They’d developed a friendship, but only one of them had benefited.
Her eyes misted over. “Thank you, for bringing me here. I shouldn’t have doubted you. Except speaking with Eleanor always leaving me feeling annoyed and out of sorts.”
He wanted to hold her and comfort her and find a way to make everything right. He wanted to change the world, he wanted to change himself. He wanted a million things that were out of his reach.
And yet there she stood. Close enough to touch. Within his reach. His fingers curled at his sides. Perhaps the greatest gift he could give to her was letting her go.
“I don’t have any siblings,” he said. “I confess I’m at a loss.”
A delicate mist had settled over the valley below them, blurring the view. The vivid green of the rain-soaked basin dissolved into the lush blue of the sky.
Tilly moved nearer to the edge of the embankment. “She’s older than me by five years, but you’d think it was decades.”
“I don’t have much to offer by way of insight.”
He hesitated long enough that she turned quizzical blue eyes on him. “But you do have some insight?”
He tugged on his ear. “Most of us are inherently lazy. We take the easy path. I suspect the easy path for Eleanor depends on her looks. When folks are used to handling their problems in one way, they don’t always know what to do otherwise.”
“I don’t know. She’s always done everything right, everything well. I don’t think she can admit failure.”
“Not everyone has the insight to recognize their faults.”
“Is that a blessing or a curse, do you suppose? I’d much rather have Eleanor’s confidence.”
“I’d rather lack confidence than live in oblivion.”
“Not me!” Tilly laughed. “We’re sisters. We were raised in the same house, and yet sometimes I feel as though we’re strangers. How could two people share the same parents and the same experiences, and yet be miles apart in understanding?”
“The greatest distance in the world is between the hearts and minds of two people who love each other. The length of a room might as well be a thousand miles.”
“That sounds like Eleanor and me.” Tilly snorted. “We are each outsiders in the other’s thoughts.”
“Perhaps you should try starting fresh. You’ve known each other as children, and you’ve known each other as sisters, but you’ve never known each other as equals. Treat Eleanor as a stranger, as someone you’ve never met. Treat her without any fixed notions.”
Tilly plucked a goldenrod flower from the tall grass. “I don’t know if I want to know her better. I love Eleanor, she’s my sister. But when Eleanor is around, I’m invisible. I don’t want to be invisible anymore.”
Her words invoked a forgotten pang of sorrow. A long-buried memory came to the surface of his thoughts. “I did have a brother once. He died shortly after he was born.”
Tilly started. “I’m sorry.”
“To be honest, I haven’t thought about him in years. I was barely more than four or five years old myself when he was born. I don’t remember him, but I remember how I felt after his death. How you spoke of Eleanor brought back something I’d forgotten. For months after he died, my mother became little more than a shadow. She’d wander from room to room for no reason. She was always losing things. I’d speak to her, and sometimes she wouldn’t even answer me. I felt as though she was looking through me instead of at me. I felt as though I was invisible.”
“That must have been difficult.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Tilly fidgeted with the sleeve of her gown. “I shouldn’t have reminded you of such a sad time.”
He regretted his confession for only an instant before recalling why he’d confided his thoughts. “Don’t be sorry. I feel better talking about him. I feel better putting solid words to vague feelings I’ve had for years. For a time his death overshadowed my life, but I was too young to understand.”
“To a much lesser degree, of course, that’s how I feel about Eleanor. As though she was such a bright light, I was always cast in the shadow.”
A plump bumblebee hopped on the breeze before settling on Tilly’s flower. She laughed and held the stem away from her. “We’re still invisible. This fat fellow hasn’t even noticed us.”
“You’re not invisible to me, Tilly,” he said. “I’m sorry for the circumstances, but I’ve enjoyed getting to know you these past few days.”
The air around them was thick and humid. The clatter of insects filled the afternoon, and the rushing river sounded in the distance. He ached to reach out and touch her, but held himself in check.
He had already changed her, in just a few days, and not for the better. Instead of mitigating his own compulsive actions, she’d joined in his foolishness. She was stacking the plates in even numbers and carefully positioning the pans in their chalked outlines. How long before she grew frustrated by his habits? How long before she started treating him as his father had? How long before she grew tired of making excuses for his actions and covering his eccentricities when company came to call? She accepted him now, but how long until her understanding turned to frustration and disgust?
A gust of wind caught the flower in her hand, bending the stalk. The bee clung to the surface before bounding away once more.
She lifted her face to him, her lips parted slightly. His throat tightened. She was offering an invitation, one that he couldn’t accept.
He clasped his hands behind his back. �
�At least it’s not raining, for once.”
She ducked her head and stepped away. “This has all gotten too ridiculous. There are too many people in Pyrite. Dakota Red knows that he’s losing control, and he’s going to do something rash.”
Nolan appreciated the change of topic. She’d taken the awkwardness from the situation and put them on solid footing once more. He caught the wounded look in her lush, blue eyes before she quickly masked her expression. Regret stabbed him, but he held firm. Putting some distance between them was for the best.
“I know.” His jaw tightened. “We’ll give them a wide berth.”
“That might prove difficult with Eleanor. She’s never been known to give anyone a wide berth.”
Nolan caught sight of something in the distance and moved his head for a better look.
Tilly followed his gaze. “What is it?”
“I thought I saw something.” A prickling ran along his nerves, an intuitive warning of danger. “But it was nothing.”
There was no need to worry her.
He searched the horizon once more, unable to spot the glimmer of movement he’d seen in the distance. A boat, perhaps. Or an animal crossing the river.
Tilly smiled at him. One thing had come of their time together. He hadn’t lost everything. He had her friendship. Feeling wonderfully warmed by her smile, he felt his mood lighten.
“We should get back before they send out a search party,” Tilly said.
He took her hand to assist her down the hill, pausing momentarily to glance over his shoulder, then shook his head. Whatever he’d seen must have been a trick of the light.
Chapter Eighteen
The following day, as Nolan fed the horses in the corral, a lone rider galloped down Main Street. The sight ignited a brief flare of hope before he recognized Lieutenant Perry. Nolan dropped the bucket, splashing water over the side, and scooted into the shadows. There’d be no help there.
The lieutenant had obviously ridden hard. He was breathing heavily and his horse’s sides were flecked with foam. He leaped from the horse’s back and took the stairs leading to the undertaker’s house two at a time.
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