A few minutes later, I found myself sprinting through the lobby in search of Carmen. Darting through the side exit, I ran to the corral where they stored the Vespa’s and asked with alarm in my voice if Carmen had been there. I was told no one had seen her. I headed back into the resort and inquired at the front desk. Once again I was informed that she was nowhere to be seen.
“Where are you Carmen?” I asked frantic.
My heart was beating as my insides were in a twist. I rushed in the direction of the beach only to realize Carmen did not slide out the front entrance of the resort either. All was calm around me as if it were just another ordinary day. To me it wasn’t. It mattered, she mattered…I had been foolish and I needed to make things right again between us. I decided to move to the opposite side of the building, walk out onto the deck overlook to check the massive garden. Again, Carmen was no where in site. The fountain, maybe Whistler’s Fountain, I thought as I went through the list of possibilities in my mind.
I asked at the front desk for an extra key explaining that I was locked out. I couldn’t imagine where Carmen might have gone. Maybe she had doubled back. I certainly hoped that was the case. I pushed the button with impatience summoning an elevator. The thing moved in two speeds, slow and super-slow. A moment later, the doors reluctantly slid open and Carmen stood face to face with me. I smiled as I released an immediate sigh of relief. Our eyes locked and her face softened as she grinned in return.
I entered the elevator taking the spot next to her as she nudged my arm playfully. “Oh you…” She said all Carmen.
“I’m so sorry Carmen; I’d love to go with you to the village this evening.” I announced with humility.
“That’s okay. I was thinking about it and how exciting it’d be to watch you lose at the Casino tonight.”
I began to chuckle at her absurd statement. “Lose, who said anything about losing?”
We both shared a burst of laughter as Carmen reached over and folded her fingers into mine.
“I thought maybe you’d bring me luck.” I whispered keeping my gaze forward.
“I’m not so sure about that.” Carmen admitted through what I imagined to be a toothy grin.
“I am. From that very first moment we met, you all ready have.”
Chapter 20: America Speak Easy
I awoke. During the night, my arms and legs had somehow become allies intermingling with Spain. Dora’s face was nestled into the crook of my neck and her breath, although stale was much appreciated. I laid there perplexed by how amazing she was, questioning if I was doing the right thing in leaving her behind. The week with her was proving to be a great harvest of wonderful. In the real world however what would we have?
Laundry, grocery shopping, work, car repairs, the everyday life sucking away all of the magnificence until there was not even so much as a glittered speck of remarkable left.
I had to be honest with myself; Spain would always be across the ocean from America. Outside of a shared vacation, what did we have in common? The grief we held seemed to be lifting and sure, a great passion had replaced it...but when that eventually would fade, as I believed it would, then what? Physical connection was all but a passing fancy and then we would tire of one another; only to resent the invasion of our home country.
I predicted it would play out exactly as it had with Travis. Life was not ALL boat rides, swimming under waterfalls, or swaying in each other's arms under a full moon. There was a lot of ordinary clutter in the everyday that would eventually lead us towards great disappointment. I knew what the end looked like and it was by far better to accept the inevitable sooner rather than later.
I shook my head cemented in my decision to walk away while holding this past week with great fondness. We were two entirely different people living countries apart. Dora stirred as I brushed wisps of unruly hair from her face. A smile pursed her lips before she slowly opened her eyes and leaned back to peer at me.
“I’ve never felt this happy in my entire life.”
“I’m glad,” I whispered softly.
“What shall we plan today?” Dora asked with eager anticipation for it was my turn to choose.
“How do you feel about sun bathing nude along the West beach?” I was teasing her of course, knowing how reserved and proper she carried herself.
“It sounds promising,” she admitted playing back with me.
“I want to return home knowing I tried everything the resort had to offer.”
“Any regrets for the trying?” Spain wondered.
“Not a one.”
“Could you do me a favor?” she asked.
“Name it,” I said.
“Just lay here with me like this so that I can memorize this moment.” Dora closed her eyes as her fingertips gently traced every inch of my unclothed body. I felt her breath deepen as she noted every pleasurable crease that defined me. Even though I suspected that it was sleep she needed more, it was her desire for me that won out.
“Carmen…” she whispered in a wanting voice.
I broke the trance as I spoke in a solid whisper. “I have lyrics haunting me right now.” "You know how it is when a tune becomes stuck in your head...."
"Now of all times?" she questioned with an amused tone.
My banter did not stop her, not one bit…in fact she maintained a gentle massage, caressing with thoughtful connection my physical and heartfelt self to her.
I began to sing the ballad with great sincerity. I sang OUR song once again...the song that I had chosen in the karaoke bar, the one that played while we were on the white carpet in the grand sitting room after dancing at the club. Aside from the first few notes projecting hoarse, my voice leveled out in perfect pitch. I added more emotion and depth to it....for this time it was my exclusive dedication to Spain.
"You drink your coffee and I'll have my tea
No promises sugared between you and me
The great wealth we carry is all in the now
Make no mistake, we'll mesh together somehow.
After the fights have been fought and we're nestled in bed
Remember, NO poison My love, sweet kisses instead.
Such a wonderful beginning, lock that away.
We shared what we did, no reason to stray.
Remember No Poison my love, No Poison My love....
There are drifters who mingle and believe they belong
To one another forever, but I know that they're wrong.
Some are meant to stay, but many are meant to go
Along that twisted path ahead they must travel alone.
Remember, NO poison My love, just recall instead
The many nights we shared making love in your bed.
Remember, No poison as you think of me someday
We did what we did, no regrets, claim what you may.
We wagered a bet, a huge gamble, that's life.
I opened my draperies, revealing loves first light.
For a moment it was good, I made you my own
Until it cracked open and you decided we're done.
And walked away...and walked away...and walked away
Remember, NO poison my love, I'll keep your coffee, you take my tea
We may lean different, but you awoke great passion in me."
I moved to the top position and as I studied Dora, her eyes met with mine. She smiled in kind. "You sang that so amazingly well. I'm deeply touched. The group Primrose Envy has nothing on you. It was as if that song was composed for you...for us...for this week."
“Yes,” I whispered in a breathy voice understanding that we were in many ways on the same level.
I sealed that connection with the most heartfelt love making that I have ever offered another person.
There is a moment during the most intense thralls of it, to where if one were to better understand the full magnitude of the act, the place where souls mingle with total trust….forces of spirit rises between breaths and between the most rapid beatings of the heart, such m
ingling only happens in a split second that combines total acceptance, vulnerability and fondness for the other person.
Such an exchange sometimes passes without notice, but for me, with Dora, it struck in an immediate attachment to her…from the first time and with each time, building and building towards something much greater than itself. It was absolute emotional, physical and spiritual surrender to her…it was love.
Because of the complexity of it all, I made up my mind that I must stand strong to bid her farewell. Such a decision did not come easy for I felt great conflict within. After Travis I refused to ever love anyone with such mindless abandon again. My divorce and the raw that it carried was the sobering potion holding me firm.
“Let me style your hair in a French braid today,” Dora offered just as I opened my eyes and caught her staring at me. I nodded as we laid there spent. I twisted her dark waves through my fingertips. Her fragrance was embedded in my mind, the way a crooked smile appeared when I made love to her, I carried in my heart…the manner for which she teased me, gracefully danced next to me, extended great consideration at putting me first, her sexy accent, her brown eyes, her mischief. I knew regretfully that I loved her…loved her enough to never voice that truth, but instead, I realized such words were better left unspoken. Maintaining my heart’s silence was the only way possible so as to let her go.
Chapter 21: Lexi O’Connor and Sara Fenmore
Lexi stood at the entrance to Whispering Falls waiting ever so patiently for Sara. She sighed in frustration for it seemed no matter where they went or what they did, she always found herself waiting for Sara.
Lexi loved Sara, “bless her heart” as she would often say, but there were times that she wished her better half, the love of her life, could shift gears a bit and keep up the pace.
On the other hand, Sara was the sort who found great appreciation in the world around her. She was quirky, an “artist” and would often surrender to the beauty, to the still, to the way the light moved and danced making dramatic differences on the way “subjects” appeared. At times she carried a sketch pad, especially at twilight, jotting down notes and making keen observations so that she could transform what was before her onto a larger canvas back home. Sara worked with oils in bold color and a multitude of textures. Always willing to risk complete vulnerability, her paintings were a tribute to her strength and courage.
Sara was on the brink of being famous and had been “on the brink” for some time. She often seemed to be one favorable review short of landing much deserved recognition. Sara could stare for hours plotting out her next masterpiece, and often would; despite the craziness it caused Lexi.
They often joked, about how they were the most unlikely couple in the whole state of New York. Lexi was filled with nervous energy and always seemed to be on the go, whereas Sara was calm and relaxed, perfectly content to paint in one spot for hours at a time. Regardless of being opposites in some respects, they were in love and had been since high school. Despite the everyday annoyances, they carried great admiration, loyalty and trust in one another.
Just the same as with everyone else, their relationship had weathered many storms, only to make them more seasoned and better prepared to stand together through the next.
Lexi gazed back… “Oh come on Sara!” she snipped. “This stopped being fun about forty five minutes ago!”
Lexi decided to veer off the path and follow the shade to the opposite end of the horse shoe overlook. She was tempted to cross the dilapidated bridge, but thought better of it. Instead she decided to trail the edge of rock being mindful of her footing. Even though there was a barricade of rope securing the path, according to Lexi such barriers were just a suggestion and did not apply to her. With camera in hand she was hoping to obtain some pictures that other photographers in the past had not thought to snap. It was her job after all and why she landed this working trip to such an exclusive resort.
She preferred a Pentax digital camera with a 28-300mm zoom lens because of the smaller size and light saturation. It still was a bit bulky as were most, but she was able to take photographs of nature and landscape in a manner that was compositionally sound and breathtakingly lit.
Lexi glanced back once again, not wishing for Sara to believe that she had finally reached the breaking point and jumped to her death.
She chuckled to herself thinking that a bit of worry might just change Sara’s behavior in the future to be a bit more considerate of her needs.
“Naw…that’ll never happen,” she said with humor.
Sara was an artist and like most in the art world, was eccentric. That was part of the appeal, that and the fact that Sara was “hot.” Lexi chuckled to herself as she always did when thinking about her wife that way. With most couples after they have been together for a good bit of time, the way they see each other often softens to a remembering of how they looked in the beginning, but when Lexi peered at Sara, she only saw her in terms of how beautiful she is in the present. Love was a curious thing, and she believed for them, it would always maintain no matter what.
On the far point of the overlook, Lexi squatted down, camera in hand and focused on the pool of water collecting just before the drop downwards. The lighting reflected off the sky mixing an array of blue with the greenery from the foliage around. It was a nice shot, not the best she had ever taken, but one that was unique in comparison to how the falls had been depicted in the past.
She finally observed Sara, at the gut of the U lookout point. Sara gazed about with worry as she searched for her. Lexi leaned forward near the falls and waved. Sara folded her arms before her conveying with body language the great frustration she felt at Lexi writing her own rules and doing as she pleased regardless of peril. She shook her head and Lexi laughed because she knew exactly what her wife was thinking. One of these day’s you are going to kill yourself, all for the want of a picture. She had heard it all before, but in her own defense, this was why she was hired when many other photographers were left on the sidelines with their equipment gathering dust.
Lexi continued shooting photographs from that angle of view. She captured the movement of water in a way that made it appear as if it were a solid line of mass similar to a white board. She changed the shutter speed and the movement was stopped in a way that water droplets became the main focal point. She zoomed out, she zoomed in and clicked, clicked, clicked away.
Moving the camera further down, she snapped an image of the famous ledge. It stood out at the base of the falls and those swimming in the reef below often used it as a bench to rest and gather their bearings. There was something interesting however that caught her eye near the shelf.
Zooming in, Lexi realized that she saw feet…four feet together as if stacked…and those feet were moving. “That’s strange,” she said to herself since Sara remained out of ear’s shot.
Lexi moved further up to the corner balancing on the rocks. It was from this point of view that she realized that there was a way to slide behind the falls from below. The water acted as a moving curtain concealing the people who were on the other side.
Note to self: Sara and I must take a boat to the reef and snap some pictures from behind the falls angled towards the lagoon. Lexi smiled with anticipation. She knew it would be the prized shot she was seeking, the one photograph that would keep her phone ringing and her schedule full for the next few years.
Using the zoom advantage of her camera, she peered into the water cave from above. “Whoa…,” she said clicking off a few pictures, not thinking about the implications of what she was doing.
Lexi began to laugh as she realized. Immediately, she erased the first of three images on her screen. Thinking better of a quick erase, she used the camera display to expand the details on what she had captured. In a few quick adjustments she gained a full view with shocking clarity and detail.
“I’ve got to show this to Sara,” she said with amusement.
Upon return to the path and to Sara who was engrossed in yet
another sketch for future reference, she handed her the camera and said, “Check out those last two pictures I took. They’re quite enlightening.”
Sara rolled her eyes as she grabbed the camera. She knew Lexi and realized what that particular tone of voice meant.
“Lexi!~” She exclaimed with outrage as she peered at the screen. Lexi began to laugh hysterically.
“You know, they’re not together right?” Lexi quipped.
“Yes, that’s what Yogi Reynold’ claimed,” Sara agreed.
“They just met this week….never laid eyes on each other until they “had” to share the penthouse. Yeah, sure, right….” Lexi smirked. “With two other penthouse suites open, you do the math!”
“Oh come on Lexi, you and I both know how difficult it can be and that one…what’s her name, the Alavaro…she’s in the public eye and all.”
“I’d say, did you see that second photograph there? Wowza!”
“I’m serious. It can’t be easy.” Sara managed.
“Do you know how much money I could get for these images?”
“Lexi…” Sara managed in a scolding tone shaking her head.
“I’m just saying.”
“We don’t need the money…not if it means hurting other people like that.”
“I know, I’m just thinking out loud is all. I wouldn’t do that to anyone, you know me.”
“Look, there they are!” Sara said pointing downwards.
Hand in hand, Carmen Davis and Dora Alavaro sauntered from the water cave. They gazed about acclimating themselves to the evening sky. They seemed content. As they walked along the narrow shelf before the falls, Dora leaned near Carmen and placed her hand gingerly about her waist to guide her. It was a sweet gesture, one born out of tenderness and concern.
“Aren’t they cute together?”
Lexi nodded remembering how it was with them in the beginning.
“Do you think we ever looked like that?”
Sara laughed more to herself than to her love. “We never looked like that. Even if we had underwent plastic surgery, had the aid of silicone, Botox and had worked out countless hours at the gym, trust me we never would’ve looked like that!”
Falling Whispers, Love & Curses Page 13
