That was when I tripped on my pajama pants and fell toward her. I grabbed for her trying to break my fall, but as I was grabbing onto her shirt I heard a gasp.
My eyes stared on and widened as I saw her fall down the stairs. A scream burst through my lips as I watched in horror. She landed at the bottom in a heap, and all I could do was stare down at her lifeless body in shock. A puddle of blood grew by her head and I knew … I knew that’d be the last time I’d ever see my mom.
I looked toward Dad with tears streaming down my face. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to yell at him to help her, but words never left my lips. I’d just killed my mother. I was paralyzed with fear, scared, and hopeless. My heart was in a vise, being squeezed to the point I might pass out.
I sat up on my knees and stared down at her, praying she would move, show any sign of life, but there was nothing.
“Mommy,” I whispered through my tears as I closed my eyes.
“Yeah, I need you at the house. Tell Frank to come, too; I want this off the record. No, I didn’t have to do it. Mason did it for me.”
I glanced up to see him placing his phone in his pants. He stared down at me with no sign of emotion. He looked calm and relieved.
“Don’t worry, son. She wasn’t your mother anyway.” Then he turned and walked back to his office, leaving me there to mourn the loss of my mother on my own. The mother I’d just killed. How would I ever be able to live with myself?
The police came and I was escorted to my room. I was told to go to bed and try to forget about the night, but how was that possible? Images of her falling were imbedded in my brain. I would never forget it and deep down, I knew Dad wouldn’t let me forget it, either.
Chapter 4
Mason
I gasped as I sat straight up in bed, covered in sweat. Another dream. The same fucking dream I had almost every night.
I rested my elbows on my knees and cradled my head in my hands. I wanted to scream. The dreams were coming more frequently, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. I could feel my body tensing up as I looked over at the clock. Four in the morning. My hands balled into fists and my nails started to grind their way into my palms.
Emptiness. Darkness. It consumed me, like this powerful force which dragged me into a sea of nothingness, and I fucking hated it. I needed to feel. I needed to release it. It was poking at my skin from the inside and there was only one way to get it out.
I groaned.
I needed the ache, the burn to course through my bones. I was never one for instant gratification. And even though deep down I was begging for it, I wouldn’t give in to it. Not yet.
Climbing out of bed, I walked to my dresser and pulled out a pair of sweat pants. I needed to run the feeling out.
I walked down the hall to the second door on the right and entered my workout room. It housed everything I could possibly need, but the treadmill was the one thing I was focused on.
Classical music blared through the surround-sound speakers as I turned the stereo on. I couldn’t listen to music with words. They had too much meaning. I needed to be soothed and caressed, to blank out my mind.
I stepped on the treadmill and set the speed. I’d run for as long as it took and with the way I felt, it was going to be a while.
I ran and stared at the wall. I could feel my muscles warm up and start to burn from not stretching first, and it felt good. Not as good as it felt to punch my bag, but that dream was different. Same dream, different part. It was rare that I slept long enough to dream the whole thing, but when I did…the darkness was all-powering and there was nothing I could do to stop the pain.
I wiped at the sweat rolling down my face as my muscles ached and my legs started to feel numb. I looked at the clock to see it was already past five. An hour is good enough. I slowed down to a walk and got off the treadmill, making my way to the small fridge against the far wall by the weight bench. I grabbed a Gatorade and chugged half the bottle.
I wanted the run to help. I needed it to take the urge away, but I knew deep down there was no getting rid of it. I always prolonged the inevitable. Everything that dream made me feel was still there. It brought up to the surface all I’d buried: guilt, pain, loneliness, resentment, fear… emptiness. It was a weight on my chest, and I was suffocating.
I left the workout room, making my way back into my room and straight to the bathroom, stripping my clothes as I went. A sense of relief was already washing through me, calming me in a way I never fully understood. The only thing that made sense to me was the release. It was my addiction, my high.
Opening the side drawer at the sink, I pulled out my razor. I should get a new one. That one was starting to dull, but I wouldn’t. I liked the pain that came with it too much.
I looked down at my hip, so many scars. I hated and loved them just the same. They represented who I was and everything I hated. Bringing the razor down, I pushed it into my skin. The pain shot through me instantly and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. I pulled the blade along and let it all pour out of me, all my emotions flowing down my leg. I looked down and watched the impurity run out, the itch on the inside no longer taking over my senses, the weight on my chest no longer suffocating.
Relief washed over me, and the gratification was overwhelming. The adrenaline that coursed through my veins always made my dick hard, but I wouldn’t give in to it. I wanted to feel that underlying ache.
Setting the razor down, I made my way to the shower. I turned it on and stepped in, gasping as the cold hit my skin and I watched as my blood mixed with the water at my feet. Thoughts of the dream tried to creep their way back in, but I blocked them out. Leaning forward, I rested my head on the shower wall and closed my eyes as the water started to heat. My first class started at eight, and I needed to focus on that. I knew once I finally left the house I’d be fine. An idle mind was dangerous.
After showering, I bandaged my hip then walked to the closet and picked out a charcoal gray suit. I always dressed professionally. I dressed to show control and power, and in return I got respect and obedience. I tugged my tie up to my neck and looked myself over in the full-length mirror in my closet. The morning might have started out bad, but it just fueled my reasoning for doing what I’d worked so hard to do.
Chapter 5
Emmalynn
When I got home that night around two in the morning, I decided to take things into my own hands. Tim was always the dominant one in our relationship while I usually sat back and let things run their course, but I couldn’t do it anymore. Not with all of the doubt running through my mind. I needed answers. I’d spent the whole night thinking about what I’d found out earlier in the day. I’d caught him in a lie, and I couldn’t help but think of what else he might’ve been hiding from me.
Walking to our room, I found him in bed sound asleep. There was no way I could sleep and wait until morning. He was lying on his side facing the far wall. He looked so peaceful and in that moment, I wished things could be different. I wished everything I was about to ask him was a lie, but deep down I knew it wasn’t.
Reaching over, I shook him slightly to try and wake him. He groaned as he rolled to his back. “In the morning, Stacey,” he mumbled, and then he turned back onto his side.
I stared at him blankly as I let the words soak in. It felt like hundreds of knives were stabbing me in the gut. Rage flowed through my veins and I couldn’t help my own actions.
“Tim!” I yelled as I pushed him roughly on the bed.
He jolted up in fright, gasping as he looked around to get his bearings.
Then his eyes focused on me.
“What the fuck, Em?”
He ran his hand down his face before swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
I stood in the doorway of the room with tears in my eyes. They were there more from being overly pissed off rather than hurt. I could never hold back the tears when I was angry. The emotions flowing through me had to e
scape somehow.
I took a deep breath and his gaze locked with mine.
“We need to talk,” I told him as I turned and walked into the living room.
I could hear him rustling the sheet off his body and then his light footsteps as they followed behind me.
“This couldn’t wait until morning? Some of us have to work!”
I let out a short laugh as I paced the room.
“No, this couldn’t wait until morning,” I snapped. “Do you know where I went today?” I asked, knowing he had no idea.
He sat on the couch and stared at me blankly, waiting for me to continue.
“I went to your office, Tim, and spoke to sweet Elizabeth.” I waited a moment to let what I was saying sink in. “You want to know what I found out?” I stopped pacing and placed my hands on my hips. I could tell my blood pressure was high by the beating of my heart and heat coming off my face. “She told me your meeting was the night before. That you left with Stacey. And guess where you weren’t when I was there trying to surprise you at work today. That’s right, Tim. You weren’t there.”
He furrowed his brow for only a moment before he turned angry.
“What exactly are you implying, Em?”
I shook my head feigning innocence. “Oh, I’m not implying anything. I’m just stating the facts to you. And do you know what you just said to me when I tried to wake you up? You said, ‘In the morning, Stacey.’ Is that something you say often to your slut?”
I was seeing red. I was never that aggressive when it came to arguing, but I had a fire burning in the pit of my stomach and all I could do was spit flames.
“You can’t hold that against me, Em. I was sleeping,” he argued.
“Well, then you won’t mind if I call Stacey and ask her myself then, right?” I said as I grabbed his phone off the bar in the kitchen where it was charging.
He didn’t say a word or move a muscle as he watched me with his phone. He just stared me down.
I didn’t have a plan as I looked through his contacts and found Stacey’s number. I was running on adrenaline and anger as I clicked on her name. She was the only Stacey in his phone, so I knew it would be her. I put it on speaker and waited.
I expected him to jump up from the couch and tear the phone from my hand, but he just sat there quietly. His eyes stared through me and his mouth was stuck in a tight line. I could tell he was pissed, but he was the kind of man who let his emotions build until he was ready to explode. It wasn’t a good trait, but I’d only seen it happen once and thankfully it wasn’t toward me.
After the second ring, she picked up and the first thing she said was, “Hey, sexy.”
I could feel the tingling in my nose as the tears formed in my eyes. My body felt like it had been through a marathon as the adrenaline left my body. I knew it was coming, but looking at his face as she spoke through the phone broke my heart. I loved that man, and he was acting as if I meant nothing to him. The only emotion on his face was annoyance and it was directed straight at me.
I cleared my throat. “Hi, Stacey. It’s Em. Tim’s girlfriend.” The phone disconnected.
I stared at it in shock. She just hung up on me. I laughed because the whole situation felt like some kind of movie. “Oh, my God, she just hung up on me,” I said aloud, staring at the phone.
“Are you happy now?” he asked, glaring at me.
I looked at him with hurt in my eyes. “No, I’m not. I’m confused and upset. How could you do this? How long have you been doing this?” I thought deep down I’d be okay, but I wasn’t. I could feel my lip quivering as I tried to hold back my tears.
He shrugged and walked past me into the kitchen. “Does it really matter?”
“Yes, it does,” I demanded.
“It’s been going on for a year. I really should have ended things before that, but…” He shook his head and shrugged again. “I didn’t.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I wanted to throw the phone at him. Run away. Anything. But I didn’t. “No. Because you’re an inconsiderate asshole and you only think about yourself.” He’d officially ripped my heart out. “Why did you even want to move in together? I don’t understand why you’d just string me along,” I said through my tears. I couldn’t understand why he would do that to me. I’d been wasting my life away with him for the past year.
He placed his hands on the edge of the counter and leaned into it with his head bowed.
“I don’t know, Em. I figured it would be a one-time thing, but it wasn’t. I could come up with a ton of excuses as to why I did it, but I won’t. I did what I did because I wanted to.”
My mouth hung open in shock at his words. He did what he did because he wanted to? Who is this man? How did I not see what an asshole he truly is?
He walked to the refrigerator, grabbed a bottle of water and walked past me back into the bedroom, leaving me there with the shocked look still on my face. The argument was officially over. He wasn’t going to deny it; there really was no point for him to.
I walked to the couch and took a seat. I needed a minute for everything that had happened to sink in. My relationship was over. The man I loved acted as if he’d never loved me. I felt empty and yet somehow okay. Everything I’d been feeling and putting off had come to light. I, too, should have spoken up sooner. Maybe we would have saved each other heartache, although I was the only one affected by the turn of events.
When morning finally arrived, I stretched my aching back from sleeping on the couch. I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep, but all the adrenaline from the night before had worn out my body. It wasn’t a great night’s sleep, but it was the best I was going to get.
I looked toward the bar where I’d laid Tim’s phone after I’d called Stacey to see it was gone and so was the wallet, which had been sitting next to it. He must have left for work already and I slept through all the noise. I needed to take action and get all my things out, and it was time to call my sister.
I got up from the couch and grabbed my purse I’d placed on the foyer table to get my phone. As soon as she answered, I was a blubbering mess and couldn’t stop the tears as I explained everything. She met me at the apartment twenty minutes later and helped me pack up my things, which was mostly just clothes. We’d bought a lot of things together, but it was all purchased with Tim’s money so none of it was technically mine anyway.
Becky and Victoria met us at my sister’s and we spent the day lounging around her apartment. Victoria declared it ex-bashing day, but I vetoed that idea. I didn’t want to think about Tim or anything boy-related. Melanie’s roommate Quinn suggested we watch some action movies and get junk food. It sounded like a good enough idea to me, so that was what we did for the rest of the day.
However, as soon as everyone left and Melanie and Quinn went to bed, I was alone with my thoughts. How life could change in a matter of minutes, how one minute you could be happy and then the next heartbroken.
~*~
I woke up Monday morning on my sister’s couch. My head throbbed and my mouth had grown a field of cotton overnight. A part of me wished it was from a hangover, but it wasn’t. I had cried too much the day before. I’d said I wouldn’t cry, but I couldn’t hold back the hurt. When you didn’t know the entire truth of what was going on, it didn’t hurt so badly. But when the truth spilled its guts all over the floor at your feet, it was like a fucking knife wound to the heart.
Having no time to whine about my head, I sauntered to the bathroom and hopped into the shower. I knew Quinn, my sister’s roommate, would be up in a matter of minutes so I didn’t take my time like I wanted to. I wanted to wash away the last day as if it didn’t exist or drown myself in misery, but it wasn’t in the cards for the day. I never considered myself to be one of those women who moped for days or weeks over a breakup, and I didn’t want to start being that person.
When I was done with my shower, my skin red from the hot water I’d let pour over my body, I got dressed. I made myself at home in
the kitchen and brewed a pot of coffee. It was just after seven, so I had no time to stop and get coffee on the way to class. I wasn’t exactly sure where I was supposed to go, so I wanted to be there early enough to find the room.
I’d just poured the nourishing liquid into a mug when Melanie walked into the kitchen in a white robe, her wet auburn hair hanging down to her shoulders. Most people didn’t realize we were sisters because we looked nothing alike except for the color of our hair. She was tall and thin with brown eyes, taking after our dad, where I was petite and curvy with hazel eyes like our mom.
“Good morning,” she said with a soft smile.
“Morning.” I smiled back.
She walked to the counter and opened the cabinet over the coffee pot to get a mug. “I hope you slept okay on that couch,” she offered while she poured. “We’ll get a blowup bed and we can fit it in my room so you don’t have to sleep there.”
I shook my head. “Don’t do all that. The couch is fine. I just need to see if I can find a place I can afford and I’ll be out of your hair.” I was talking out of my ass. I didn’t make enough to afford a place on my own. “Or maybe I can find a roommate. I make really good tips at Costello’s.”
“Whatever. Em, I’m not going to make you sleep on the couch and there is no rush for you to leave. If you can find something, that’s great, but if not, that’s okay, too. Just pitch in on rent and utilities and we’ll be good.”
I set my mug down and reached over to give her a hug. “You’re too good to me, Mel,” I said as my eyes brimmed with tears.
She pulled back and looked at me. “I couldn’t let my family live on the street, Em. Now, enough of that,” she commanded, pointing to my eyes. “There is no more crying allowed. Today, you’ll wear your big girl panties and head to your first day of law school.” She smiled brightly at me then grabbed her mug and headed toward her room. “Now, go finish getting ready and we’ll walk to the subway together,” she stated, making a face.
Professor Cline Revealed (The Professor #1) Page 4
