“Maybe you should have offered to collect him?” I asked, wondering why he hadn’t done that. I wasn’t sure I’d give news that my brother was missing over the phone then expect my dad to drive to me.
“I know, I should; I didn’t think.”
“I feel responsible,” I said.
“How?”
“I don’t know. If I hadn’t kicked off at Miller he might not be where he is now.”
“I don’t think that would have mattered. It’s that time of year for him, sadly.”
“He said he was going to check in with me over Christmas, I wonder how much of that was for him as well. I missed so much of what he’d said now that I think about it. I feel he was reaching out to me for help, as much as comforting me.”
“You can’t blame yourself. He’s a grown man, Dani, responsible for his own decisions, however poor they are.”
I thought Daniel’s comment was a little harsh and assumed it to be the stress he was under. However, I remembered Miller’s words: he’d said that he didn’t think Daniel had been very supportive when he’d needed him. Daniel wasn’t a bad man; I think perhaps he was also one that wasn’t very good with dealing with emotions when under pressure himself.
I watched him sit on the sofa. His fingers were steepled together, his chin rested on them. He closed his eyes and his mouth moved in a silent prayer, I assumed.
I heard a key in a lock and the front door open. I looked up as the man that I’d met in the cemetery walked in. He gave me a small smile and then turned his attention to Daniel.
“What happened?” he asked, as he shrugged off his jacket and sat in a chair.
Daniel gave him all the information we had. Lincoln senior nodded but didn’t interrupt. I saw his shoulders rise in a heavy sigh.
“I think this might be my fault,” he said.
“I said the same,” I answered.
“No, Dani, I really do think this is my fault. He’s very keen on you and I know about the letters, Daniel told me. I knew who you were when we met, which is why I rushed off. I felt terrible that you might think I was the narrator of the letters, or that you were being deceived.”
“I did, I confronted Miller a couple of days ago.”
“Why do you think this is your fault, Dad?” Daniel asked.
“I told him he had to let Annabelle go. He was stuck, don’t you see? He was actually desperate to let her go, to move on, and I think he hoped he’d be able to form a relationship with you.” The elder Lincoln looked at me.
“But he hardly knows me,” I said quietly.
“He knows you well through the letters, and I think he thought there might be another chance at love for both of you. I told him yesterday that all the time he clung on to Annabelle, that was never going to happen.”
“What do you mean by clinging on to her?” I asked.
“Until you, every woman he’s met, he’s compared to her. No one measured up. He talked to me about you a while ago, about how different to Annabelle you are, and how refreshing he found that. I’m probably not using the right words here, but I guess he saw something in you that he saw in himself, kindred spirits, or whatnot. He seemed to know what he had to do to free himself completely of the tie to Annabelle.”
“I don’t understand, why would he want to free himself? He loved her, she died, wouldn’t he want to keep that?”
“He felt he couldn’t fully move on until he’d done all the things she’d asked him to do. She’d asked him to cut off her hair, she’d asked him to throw that out at sea before she died. Don’t ask me why, I don’t understand her thinking. He told her he had, but he lied to her. He lied with all good intentions. He needed to keep something of hers and it was that. Somewhere in his mind, right now, he wants to right the wrongs.”
“He told me that in a letter. He said he had a lot of wrongs to right,” I said.
“And he’s doing that so he can truly be free from his past self, and capable of moving on, I guess.”
I didn’t believe for one minute that Miller was doing all that just for me. I thought it coincidence, and perhaps the letter writing had opened some old wounds, the sticking plaster no longer able to hold him together. Although he had known me as a child, in adulthood it had only really been a few months. As much as I was fond of him, and he certainly managed to have me aroused on occasions, I wasn’t in love with him any more than he was in love with me. I didn’t think so, anyway.
Daniel decided to make a pot of coffee, more for something to do, I guessed. Lincoln and I sat in silence. Time moved on so slowly it was agonising. I constantly checked my mobile, hoping that he might text or call. That he might have decided not to take the boat out and was sitting in his truck somewhere.
“Truck!” I said.
“What about the truck?” Lincoln asked.
“His truck wasn’t at the harbour. Maybe he didn’t take the boat out; maybe someone stole it, or something. You did check the boat wasn’t still at his house, didn’t you?” I asked Daniel, as he walked back into the room with the coffee pot on a tray.
“Of course. It’s usually beside the cottage; there was nothing there. We didn’t check the car park, Dani. You can’t leave your vehicle at the harbour. You launch, then go and park. But I’m going to call the police and see if we, or they, should check.”
He placed the tray on the coffee table, and Lincoln poured coffee while Daniel left to make the call. It seemed so stupid that we hadn’t thought to check, or at least Daniel, since he knew parking at the harbour wasn’t allowed. It was a few minutes later when Daniel returned.
“Well?” Lincoln asked.
“The police will check the car park, but they verified that they’d been around to his cottage and there was no sign of a boat, or his truck, for that matter.”
“There must be something we can do. Do you have a radio? Maybe we could tune into their emergency frequency and listen.” I knew I was clutching at straws, but I was becoming desperate for news.
“All we can do is sit tight until someone contacts us,” Lincoln said gently. He moved from the chair and sat beside me, taking my hand in his.
“Miller said I went out on the boat when I was young. I don’t remember, I wonder why?” I said.
“You were terrified. You kept worrying about sharks so we had to turn back, and I think you were a little embarrassed about that. I remember another child, a girl I think, teased you about it,” Lincoln said.
“You were sailing the boat?”
“Of course. Miller used to be an accomplished sailor, Dani. I’m pretty sure that he’s safe. He’s probably sailed into a cove or something until the storm passes over.”
“But how long has it been since that boat has been out? It’s reckless of him to do this, and to cause us so much worry,” Daniel said.
“I’m sure you, or us, weren’t at the forefront of his mind, Daniel. If he’s hurting over Annabelle, I can assure you, other people’s feelings don’t really factor,” I said, a little annoyed at his lack of empathy.
“I’m sure that’s the case, we just have to pray that he’s safe,” Lincoln said, diffusing the growing tension and glaring at Daniel.
Maybe Miller had been right about his brother. I’d witnessed a couple of occasions where I’d thought he’d been less than Christian towards him. Perhaps Daniel didn’t understand what Miller had, or was, going through. As a vicar, I would have thought he should have more empathy. Or was I just being cranky?
Tiredness swept over me, and I tried to conceal the yawn. I curled my feet under me and slumped into the corner of the sofa. I checked the time on my phone, wondering whether I should call Dad before he saw my note. It was only seven in the morning, and yet, I was surprised at how much time had passed. The thought depressed me. It had been two hours without any news.
“How far can that boat sail?” I asked.
“It’s just a wooden sail boat. It’s not designed for the open sea, as such, just for fun around the coastline.”
“Miller could probably fix most things. It would have to be a catastrophic failure for the boat not to be able to make it back.”
“It doesn’t have an engine?” I tried to remember that one time I’d been on it.
“No, without a sail, Miller will just drift. But he has his phone, so I can only assume he’s okay, holed up somewhere, and not realising we’d be worrying about him,” Lincoln said.
I didn’t want to ask the next question but it ran through my mind.
All sorts of reasons ran through my head: he could have left his phone at home, he could have it on silent, or what if he’s fallen overboard? His phone wouldn’t work then.
I stood and paced the room, “Shouldn’t we have had an update by now?” I asked.
“I guess they’ll get some news to us when they have some. It’s frustrating, for sure,” Lincoln said.
“Is there something we can do?” Not that I had any idea what that something would be.
“Why don’t we drive along the coast, as close as we can get?” Lincoln asked.
“I’m up for that. I can take one direction, you the other.”
“Don’t you think we should leave it up to the experts?” Daniel interjected.
“The experts are checking the sea, what if he managed to get into a small cove and is stuck there?”
There were loads of small coves, or inlets, along the cliffs. Some of those had small beaches that would interconnect while the tide was out. Many a person had to be airlifted off when the tide came in and cut off their exit route. The cliffs were too sheer and unstable to attempt to climb out. I knew of a couple of coves that had small tunnels, they would flood when the tide came in. I remembered years ago a young lad being caught. They knew he’d gone into the tunnel, but he was never found, it was assumed he was washed out to sea.
I shuddered at the thought. “I’ll tell you what? You stay here and wait for news. I’m going to take a drive along the coast and check out some of the coves I know about.”
I couldn’t sit around any longer and do nothing. I picked up my phone and called Dad.
“Hi, did you get my note?” I asked when he’d answered.
“I did, I was about to call you, what’s happened?”
I ran through what I knew. “I’m going to take a drive along the coast and see if I get into any coves.”
“Come back and get me. Two are better than one and I don’t want you getting into trouble.”
“Okay, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I picked up my still wet clothes and promised to check in as often as I could, then climbed into the car and drove back home.
Mrs. Hampton was walking towards the front door as I pulled onto the drive. Two men, who I hadn’t met before and dressed in bright yellow jackets, climbed down from a Land Rover and greeted her.
“Tell us what happened?” she asked as I left the car.
Again, I recounted what I knew while we walked into the house.
“Okay, this is Peter and Charlie, they know this coastline like no other. In fact, they were part of a team to map out the cliff erosion, so they know all the coves. They’ve brought maps.”
“That’s fantastic.”
One of them, I wasn’t sure which, laid a map on the kitchen table. I told them from where Miller may have launched his boat then left them to go and change. I was back in the kitchen in a matter of minutes, still pulling a jumper over my t-shirt.
Peter, or Charlie, was on the phone to the local RNLI station, informing them of the plan to organise a search party. The other one was calling up his friends. From what I could gather, these guys knew what they were doing. According to Mrs. Hampton, they worked in conjunction with the police for search and rescue. I wondered why the police hadn’t notified them.
“Does the RNLI contact you?” I asked one of them, once they’d finished their call.
“Sometimes, but normally only when it’s a walker missing that might have taken a tumble off the cliffs. But your dad said you thought your friend might have sailed into a cove for safety.”
“I’m not sure he has, it was just an idea. He’s not a seasoned sailor, but not a novice either. I just want to do something to help look for him.”
“I can understand that. We’ve got a team of five who know this coastline very well. You’re welcome to join us, but I don’t recommend getting into the coves; the tide is still in and the currents will be running strong.”
I wasn’t sure if that should have been a comfort or not.
“Okay, and yes, I want to come along.”
“And me,” Dad said, pulling on his walking boots.
It was another twenty minutes before we set off. Peter and Charlie were to meet with their friends; before they left I gave them my mobile so we could keep in touch. Dad, Mrs. Hampton, and I drove to the harbour. I thought we’d start there and walk in the opposite direction to the others. Dad unfurled an Ordnance Survey map on the bonnet of the car; he marked out as many coves and inlets as we thought we’d have access to.
“Hello, there. Are you looking for Miller?” I heard. I looked up to see two older men walking towards us.
“We are,” I replied.
“Great, we’ll join you.”
“That’s wonderful, thank you.”
“Most of the village is coming out to help. Oh, I’m Jim, by the way,” he said, extending his hand.
I shook it. “We’re really grateful for your help. We don’t know where he is, he might not even be in danger, and he’ll be so embarrassed he’s caused all this trouble,” I said.
“Well, better to find him safe and embarrassed,” he replied with a smile.
Just before we set off, I checked my phone. I sent two texts, the first to Miller.
Miller, we are all getting really concerned. The lifeboats are out looking for you, some fishermen, and we’re going to walk along the coast. If you get this message, please contact me or your brother. Dani.
The second text was to Daniel, to explain what was happening. He replied.
I’ve just heard. Thank you for all you’re doing and if we hear anything our end, I’ll ring.
It was Miller that I wanted to hear from; I didn’t.
Chapter Twenty-Two
My legs ached, the skin on my face was frozen from the cold, and although the rain had let up, we were all muddy. The going was treacherous in places, and Mrs. Hampton, Dad, and I let the guys do the climbing down to check ridges and inlets in the cliffs. As the hours wore on, the despondency grew. Fear gripped at my heart and I struggled to keep negative thoughts from overwhelming me. I regularly checked in with Daniel, and I could hear the desperation in his voice each time he told me there had been no news. The police had visited again, they, and Daniel, had gone to Miller’s house. It appeared there were two empty whisky bottles in the kitchen, and the consensus was that he had taken the boat out while drunk.
I needed to rest. While the guys kept going, Dad, Colette, and I rested on a bench. For a while we sat in silence and I scanned the ocean in front of me. The sun was up, albeit low in the sky and the sea had calmed. I was at least thankful for that. I wanted to curse Miller, to shout out obscenities and hope he heard how cross I was with him.
“I think we should head back, Dani,” I heard Dad say.
I hadn’t realised how long we’d sat on that bench, but I knew my backside was numb and my body stiff from the chill. I slowly stood, stretching my limbs, and nodded.
The walk back wasn’t with the same amount of enthusiasm we’d been able to muster earlier that day. It seemed to take twice as long, and a couple of times, I had to hold Colette’s arm as she stumbled over the loose rocks and wet earth. We hadn’t heard from anyone, and by the time we made it back to the car, a feeling of dread washed over me.
Dad drove home and I noticed him look at the scratches along the side of the car, he didn’t make mention of it,
of course. I slumped in the passenger seat and stared out the side window until we pulled onto our drive and noticed a police car waiting there.
At first, I didn’t want to leave the safety of the car. The presence of the police didn’t bode well at all. Two officers exited their car, different officers to the ones I’d met earlier that morning.
“Mrs. Carlton?” The name threw me. I hadn’t been called by my married name for a while.
“Yes, I’m sorry, I’m not…” I shook my head. “Do you have any news on Miller, I mean, Lincoln?”
“Can we come in?”
Just those four words had me rooted to the spot. I’d seen enough TV shows to know that wasn’t good news.
Dad unlocked the door and they followed me into the living room. I sat; they stood.
“A boat has been found, Mrs…”
“It’s Dani. Miller’s boat?”
“It appears so, the family have confirmed the details.”
“And Miller?”
“There’s no sign of Mr. Copeland, as of yet. The boat was found capsized and heavily damaged. That could actually be good news.”
“How?”
“If the damage was caused by rocks, it could be that Mr. Copeland had moored up somewhere and the mooring broke loose.”
“Okay, so that’s positive, isn’t it? What happens now?” I asked.
“The Coastguard has launched a helicopter and are scanning the cliff faces along the coast, obviously there are search and rescue teams out, and it appears a lot of volunteers, as well.”
“I know, we met some of them. So you’ve spoken to Daniel and Lincoln?”
“Yes, Daniel tried to call you, I said we’d call on you as it’s on our way back.”
I picked up my phone to see a blank screen. “Shit, my battery has died, I think. Miller could have been calling me.”
I ran to the kitchen to retrieve my charger.
“If Mr. Copeland gets in touch, you will let us know, won’t you?”
“Of course I will. And if you find him, I’ll get to know?”
“We have to inform the family first, I hope you understand that.”
Letters to Lincoln Page 24
