That was the thing about leading a simple life: you never took anything for granted. To Reid, a flip phone was practically made of Stone Age materials. His model was sleeker, thinner, more sophisticated—but what I needed the phone for was to use it as a measure of protection. Should anything happen with Reid—anything I didn’t want to happen, anyway—Hannah had told me to call her right away.
Not that either of us thought anything untoward would happen. I was sure Hannah wouldn’t have entrusted me to Reid’s care had she imagined it might. The way he made me feel, though, was a paradox—vulnerable and safe, all at the same time. I knew he could be dangerous. I’d seen that when he went after that man at the fairgrounds. But he was never that way with me, and if I was being honest… part of me—a shameful part, but a part of me nonetheless—was attracted to that element of danger within him.
To be even more honest, “attracted” was an understatement—unless you put it into the perspective of a moth attracted to a flame. I was compelled toward Reid, even if the more rational parts of my brain knew there might be a cost.
There was still so much I didn’t understand about him. Mainly, why was a man as handsome as he was, as experienced as he was, and as enmeshed in English culture as he was, pursuing a woman like me? I was his antithesis. Plain. Naïve. Amish. What could he stand to gain by taking me as his wife?
Mentally, I kicked myself. I had to stop thinking that was Reid’s goal. Men out here did things differently. They courted without obligation. Which meant that he was striving toward something else… something I wasn’t sure I could give him. I’d been mortified when Hannah even brought it up in our conversation.
I’d expressed this exact concern to her yesterday, as I spent the whole day trying to decide if this trip was even a good idea or not, and she’d said, “You’re probably not wrong. Guys like Reid and his brothers… they’re always looking to score. You’re not obligated to give in, mind you—your body, your decision—but you’re not exactly obligated to steer clear, either.”
I’d stared at her, my face hot. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Hannah had shrugged. “It means if you want him, no one’s gonna judge you. Not me, at least. I’d hardly be the one to tell you not to have sex…”
I felt my cheeks redden at her reference to earlier that morning. Beth and I had been sitting in the kitchen, the fresh light of dawn already pouring through the windows, when Ash had appeared coming from the direction of Hannah’s bedroom. I’m not sure who was more surprised, him or us. Clearly he had been sneaking out, trying to leave unseen, after spending the night in her room.
The small smile that curled my sister’s lips was the only indication that she was still completely unashamed about the whole situation, but that wasn’t stopping me from blushing enough for both of us.
She just continued, moving on without another word about it. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t let what our community shoved down your throat dictate your decision. All that stuff about how a woman’s value is in her purity… out here, we call that misogynistic bullshit. A woman’s desire is no more impure than a man’s. And you have value just by being a damn good person, Sarah. You shouldn’t let those teachings make you feel otherwise.
“On the other hand,” she’d continued, “Reid might try to take advantage of your… innocence. There’s no doubt in my mind that one of the reasons he wants to take you to that cabin is to see if he can convince you to let down your guard when you’re alone. Even if he’s not actively aiming to get you into his bed, he won’t exactly cry himself a river if it happens. And I don’t want you to think that just because he’s good to you, you owe him something. Reid doesn’t need you to throw him a parade for being a decent human being. That’s the least he can do, you know?”
“So what you’re saying,” I’d begun, very slowly, “is that I should… see how I feel? Make the decision based on what I feel is right in my gut?”
“Exactly.” She grabbed her purse then and fished around for something in it. When she withdrew, she was holding something wrapped in what looked like plastic, or foil. “Keep this on you, though, just in case.”
I plucked it from her grasp; wrinkled my nose. “What is it?”
Her grin spread wider. “A condom. Goes over his dick so he doesn’t get you pregnant.”
I had never felt so dirty in my entire life, slipping that condom into the duffle bag containing my belongings. But Hannah had insisted, and ever since, it had been on my mind. Like it was burning a hole through the fabric. A hole that led straight to hell.
Hannah warned you about this, I told myself, staring out the window as the trees ticked by, and at a much faster pace than I was used to. There’s nothing wrong with being prepared. Responsible.
But how responsible was it of me to potentially spit in the face of everything I’d been taught? Maybe it was easy for Hannah to adopt the English ways with some kind of blind faith, but my eye was more discerning.
Except that being with Reid made the line between right and wrong seem increasingly gray and unclear. And so many times, I’d thought about delving deep into that blurriness, finding out for myself on what side of the line I stood. When he touched me, it was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I wanted more. Even if everyone else I’d ever known had advised me against it.
That was the thing—they were making the decision for me. I wanted to make it for myself. And maybe that meant exploring some territory I’d previously been too fearful to tread. Maybe that meant getting some perspective by immersing myself in the experience… even if it ended up being a mistake.
I was still thinking about this as Reid slowed the car around a curve, presenting a break in the foliage and trees. What lay ahead of us ripped me from my thoughts.
When Reid had told me we were going to a cabin in the woods, I had assumed he meant the kind of cabin I’d been acquainted with before. I’d imagined a small, wooden structure, something cozy and quaint. Maybe a fireplace I could sit in front of, inhaling the delicious and familiar scent of burning wood. A setting that would surely remind me of the simpler things in life, maybe even of home.
What we pulled up to, however, was unlike anything I’d pictured.
It was made out of wood, sure, but otherwise, there was nothing rustic about it. It was two stories high and completely square, with enormous, floor-to-ceiling windows facing the west. There was a balcony on that side as well, and an outside staircase leading down to some kind of patio housing what appeared to be a large tub. A very large tub. Forget two people—that thing easily could have fit five. I’d never seen one so big before.
It wasn’t at all what I’d expected. I’d thought Reid was taking me somewhere I’d be able to relate to. Yet this was a modern construction, just another angular behemoth like all the others I’d seen in the city. We wouldn’t be on even ground here at all.
Or would we? We were surrounded by nature, after all. Despite the amenities Reid’s cabin had to offer, we were miles from anything he might call civilization—and that was my purview. I could take long, solitary walks through the trees. I could cook our dinners on the wood-burning stove I spied on the side of the cabin. I could use our surroundings to my advantage. There was a chance I could still find peace here.
Reid parked and asked me, “What do you think? Pretty sweet, right?”
I eyed the building. “It’s… enormous,” was the adjective I settled on at last. It probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but it was the only compliment I could pay this place—this impostor cabin in front of me—at present.
“Yeah. Grandpa liked to live in style,” Reid replied, nodding as he sized up our accommodations. “I guess you were hoping for something a little simpler and more traditional?”
I looked over at him. “I didn’t say…”
“You didn’t have to,” he finished for me. “It’s all over your pretty face.” I blushed, and he smiled. “Think of it as neutral ground, okay? Terri
tory both of us can be comfortable with. I get the creature comforts that I’m used to, and you get the trees… the birds… the fresh air… the silence.”
I listened hard as Reid killed the Shelby’s engine. He was right. I’d only been in the English world for a few days, and yet some part of me had grown begrudgingly accustomed to the background noise that persisted at all hours. Now that it was gone, it felt like we’d passed through some kind of bubble into a realm that existed in a vacuum. Here, in this place, things were different. They existed outside of the English world, and outside of the Amish community I’d spent my whole life in. Reid and I, as well—we existed outside of those places, now that we were here.
Whatever choices I made with him here, no one else would ever have to know. There was some security in that thought, but also some fear, because the moment it crossed my mind I knew I’d made some kind of a choice about the time Reid and I would spend here. I just wasn’t sure what it was yet.
I did know, however—or at least, I had the sneaking suspicion—that we were about to find out.
Reid placed his hand over mine, jolting me from my thoughts. When his thumb passed over my knuckles, a minute shudder coursed down my spine. I took a breath and dragged my gaze from the window to meet his eyes. Their smolder frightened me—it was far too warm, bordering on passionate, and it brought a similar heat between my legs. One that made me even more certain I’d made some sort of agreement by coming here with him; that I’d entered into a contract with terms I hadn’t been fully informed of.
And yet the idea of it thrilled me beyond compare. Clearly, the seed of rebellion Hannah had planted in me was beginning to flower. But how freely would I allow it to grow? And how much was I willing to let Reid help me decide that?
I broke our staring contest to unbuckle my seatbelt and open my door. “We should get settled in,” I told him. “I’m sure you’ll want me to prepare dinner soon.”
“I could eat,” Reid admitted with a shrug. But the way his mouth curved when he said it gave me the impression he wasn’t talking about his appetite for actual food.
He grabbed our stuff from the Shelby and I waited for him at the front door to the cabin, sucking down fresh air like it was in short supply. It felt like an eternity since I’d last breathed outside the city, even though it had only been a few days. But time seemed to pass differently altogether on Rumspringa, and before the ban, I’d heard others say the same thing. That coming to the city was like starting an entirely different life, and that a lifetime could pass in just a few short weeks. Maybe it was because in a way, we were all establishing new identities. Becoming different people, the sort who could survive in the English world. Whatever the case, emotions seemed so much brighter here, and desires ran so much deeper. In a lot of ways, it was like going from a world painted in shades of gray to one coated in the hues of a rainbow.
I hated that I felt that way, but it was true. The longer I was out in the world, experiencing all it had to offer, the more it felt like going back home would be taking a step backwards. But could I really leave my family behind? Could I forsake all I’d ever known, all those who had nurtured me, for a world that would surely grow just as dull in time?
I wasn’t as ruthless as Hannah. A decision like that wouldn’t come easily to me. But I reminded myself there was no point in considering it now. That wasn’t what this trip was for. This was a journey, a chance to indulge in some exploration. My knees weakened when I thought of what kind of exploring I might be able to do with Reid.
Stop that, I chastised myself as he came to the door. The fading sunlight made his short beard seem even darker, bringing out his eyes. You’re letting his English values get to you.
But in truth, there was nothing more I wanted than to let Reid Brody get to me. In theory, anyway. In practice… that was a much taller order to fill.
Reid brushed against me as he unlocked the door, his hip skirting mine. Every fleeting contact between us was torture. Exquisite torture, but torture nonetheless. For a moment, I wished I really could be more like Hannah and just jump into bed with him. It would make things so much easier, I was sure. But I just wasn’t that kind of girl—not that I would shame her for it. I had… different values than she did. Or, as Hannah would call them… hang-ups.
“C’mon in,” Reid said, pushing the door open for me and flicking on the lights. “Welcome to la Casa de Brody.”
I nearly had to pick my jaw up off the floor. I’d never seen such a monument to modernity before. Everything was so… clean. So white, even with the light, teak wood floors applied as a contrast. The main living space was finely decorated, with succulent centerpieces—so chosen because they needed little care, I presumed—featured on almost every flat surface I could see. Artwork adorned the walls, mostly abstract pieces in startling shades to offset the monochromatic nature of the rest of the house. A massive chandelier hung from the second floor ceiling, spraying light in every direction and casting shadows beneath the floating staircase that led up to what I assumed must be the bedrooms. I climbed it slowly, ignoring for the moment the gourmet kitchen on the other side of the main floor—I was more interested in the wood-burning stove outside, and I had no idea what half the buttons and dials did indoors.
“This is… incredible,” I said, opening up the door once I’d reached the top. I heard Reid ascending behind me and turned to look at him. “This is the bedroom?”
“Mmhm,” he answered, setting our bags down on the landing. “Go on, turn on the lights.”
I did. And the vision that greeted me was even more breathtaking than I’d imagined.
The room was huge. Part of me had expected that, but what I hadn’t realized was the level of luxury it would display. The enormous bed was covered in red stain sheets that I immediately wanted to throw myself onto—I’d only known cotton bedding all my life, rough-spun and not nearly as soft as the sheets at Hannah’s apartment with something called a “thread count.” I could see there was a sizable bathroom attached, too, with a shower fit for a king. It had multiple heads, including one dead center of the ceiling, and a nearby tub could easily fit two. I blushed. What did the Brody boys come up here to do?
And was that the plan for me?
I felt Reid’s hot breath on my nape and spun to face him, swallowing thickly as he took a step forward into me. His eyes were dark and fierce as he trailed a rough finger across the curve of my jaw, tucked it under my chin, and coaxed me into raising my gaze. I bit my lip as a low, throaty chuckle left his smirking lips.
“You know,” he told me, his voice low so I had to lean in to hear him, “there’s only the one bedroom…”
As Reid wove his fingers through my hair, I felt every part of my body fill with an undeniable heat—one that could only be alleviated by taking my clothes off. And, judging by the look on Reid’s face, that was exactly the kind of reaction he was hoping for.
I sucked in a sharp breath. Two minutes we’d been alone, and already, I was about to come undone.
15
Reid
I had Sarah right where I wanted her, and I knew it. This was the moment I’d been waiting for. This was my time to shine. I could see desire dancing in her eyes, see her longing written all over her face. She was hungry for it. Desperate. And frankly, so was I.
I hadn’t expected to end up wanting her this badly. But every move she made, every smile, every innocent caress—they all served to drive me right up the wall. My pants had been tight in the crotch ever since we’d gone on our first date, and it was time to finally relieve my blue balls of their heavy burden.
Sarah whimpered when I drew her hair back from her face, my eyes fixed on those perfect, pouty lips of hers. They were open just enough to take my tongue. I could so easily slip it inside her mouth, taste the want I could feel radiating off her. Then I’d get her to open a little wider and slip in something else so she could taste me.
It had been a long time since I’d taught a girl how to give a blowjob. Some
guys might’ve seen something like that as a chore, but me? I saw it as an opportunity. A chance to properly train Sarah in how to please me. Or any man.
But mostly me. Because bet or not, I knew I wouldn’t be able to have her just one time. After all the effort it had taken to get us here, I was going to have to indulge in Sarah Miller again and again and again. For as long as I could keep up the charade, anyway. Once she found out about the bet my brothers and I had made, I knew there was no way of keeping her here. She’d go home to her Amish mommy and daddy, and I’d never see or hear from her again.
That fact still stuck in my craw. Sarah wasn’t a bad person. She didn’t deserve to be hurt like this. Maybe there was some way to keep the bet a secret. Then again, knowing Wyatt and his temper, he’d blow it for me once he found out I’d won. Shit. I was really going to lose her.
Stop thinking and start doing, you idiot, I chided myself, wetting my lips as Sarah’s skin heated under my touch. You’ve got this in the bag. Don’t let your conscience blow it for you now.
I turned my focus from ethical matters to the gentle heaving of Sarah’s breasts. The delicate skin of her décolletage flushed as I brought my other hand to her waist, squeezing it in my grasp. She was so tiny, built like a fragile little bird, and I felt like any false move might result in her snapping between my fingers. I was going to have to go easy on this one. At least, for the time being.
“One bed,” I rumbled in her ear, “and yet endless possibilities…” I took her lobe between my teeth and bit down, ever so softly. Sarah gasped in response. “I could teach you so many things on that bed, Sarah. It could be our classroom. All you have to do… is exactly what I say…”
Sucking on Sarah’s earlobe made her shudder and moan. When I flicked my tongue along it, she threw her head back and I took the opportunity to pin her against the doorframe and the wall. I knew my hard-on was pressing tight into the crease of her thigh, and I ran it along the curve of her hip, letting her feel my want for her. She looked up at me with those innocent, wide eyes, and I nearly lost it right then and there.
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