man was Harry--- He refused to think about it. It made him uneasy. He
knew too much about almost everything that could go right or wrong in
a relationship. Being a reformed rake was hell on the nerves.
"Well, about the time we reach that point, I---freeze up. No matter
how hard I try to stay relaxed and, uh, focused---I freeze up. And
Harry notices---"
"I should hope he would!" Paris said indignantly.
"Tom! I can't tell you about this if you're going to---"
"All right! All right!" he said placatingly. "I'll shut up. So you
freeze up and then?"
"And then---we stop," she said, sounding disappointed and confused. "I
tried to tell Harry we should turn off the lights and---just do it!
But he wouldn't listen to me!"
"Malista!" He was shocked. He knew she was inexperienced, but hadn't
expected this level of naiveté.
Her face turned sullen. "I told him I didn't mind. I expect a little
physical pain---or at least---I don't know. I guess I'm a little
scared. But I'm tougher than I look. I can stand pain. I'm not afraid
of that. Why can't we just----do it and get the first time over with?
I'm sure it would be better after that. I guess. Wouldn't it?"
Tom's hands flew to the sides of his head, the heels of his hands
pressed to his temples. He rocked back and forth on the bench as he
tried to come up with something constructive to say. When he thought
he finally had a grip on himself, he began cautiously, "Malista?"
She was frowning resentfully at his histrionics.
"Malista, what did Harry say when you told him to---uh, just---whether
you were ready or not?"
"He said that maybe I could handle the pain or fear, but he couldn't
handle *causing* me pain or fear," she replied softly. She felt a lone
tear trickle down her cheek.
Tom sighed his relief. He hadn't underestimated his best friend. He
untangled his fingers from hers and gave her shoulder a squeeze.
"Malista, maybe you're trying to move ahead too quickly---"
"That's what Harry said. Harry says we should take our time. But, Tom,
I don't *want* to take too much time," she moaned. "I'm afraid----"
His arm encircled her shoulders once more. "Afraid of what, Sis?"
"I'm more afraid of losing him---than of sex," she mumbled.
He shook her. "You're not going to lose him. Why should you?"
"Because men want---he wants---if I can't---what if I can't *ever*---"
Tom cupped her chin in his palm and turned her face up to his.
"Malista, you're scaring yourself for no reason. You're rushing
things. You're still recovering from a traumatic---"
"How long will I be recovering, Tom? It happened five years ago. When
will I ever be normal?" she begged, her tears overflowing and spilling
down her cheeks.
Paris could feel his own eyes filling. "I don't know, Sis. I can't
answer that one. But you're working on it and you're getting better
every day. Remember, your feelings were on pause for most of those
five years. You weren't dealing with the problem then. You were just
hiding from it. Recovery takes time. Give yourself some. You can wait
to have sex---make love until the time is right for you. There's no
rush."
"But Harry---"
"Harry will wait," Tom stated calmly. "If I know Harry Kim, he doesn't
want to have sex with you. He wants to make love with you. There's a
difference. Believe me, I know. But you only get *one chance* at a
first time. And to make love---both people have to want it---not just
be willing to endure it. When the time is right for you---you'll know.
And so will Harry."
Her green eyes mirrored her confusion and a desperate hope to believe
he was right. "It may take---months," she gulped. "How many cold
showers can he stand? How long will he wait?"
"As long as it takes," Harry Kim said slowly and emphatically as he
came to stand beside her. His hand cupped her cheek as she gazed up at
him with wide eyes. His dark eyes captured hers, sending a message of
love and understanding as clearly as if he'd written it on the wall.
"I have a high tolerance for cold showers. It's a well-known Kim
family trait."
She blinked back her tears and smiled lovingly up at him.
"How long---" Tom began grouchily.
"I came in about the time you remembered she wasn't really your
sister," Harry taunted, his dark eyes never leaving Shadow's. "I
thought you were doing pretty well, so I let you handle it."
"Thanks a lot," his friend muttered, the blue eyes promising
retribution at some later date.
"Harry, I---" She stopped, at a loss for words, and bit her lower lip.
"Stop that. It makes it harder for me to kiss you properly without
hurting you," Kim protested gently, using his thumb to lightly pull
her lip free of her teeth.
She moved out of Tom's light embrace and got to her feet. Harry pulled
her into his arms. "Oh, Harry. I'm sorry. I should have talked to
you---" She wrapped herself around him.
"Sometimes it's easier to talk to your brother," Harry murmured. "I
understand that."
"Actually, Tom ambushed me," she said, sending an accusing look over
her shoulder at her 'brother'. "Or I wouldn't have talked to him
either!"
"Yeah? He's good at that. Come on, Legs. Let's get you back to your
quarters. We all have to be on duty tomorrow---oops! Later this
morning," he corrected.
"Legs?" she echoed.
"Legs?" Tom questioned sardonically, as much to relieve the tension as
to tease them.
"Legs," Harry repeated. He directed his eyes to Shadow's long, shapely
legs.
She pulled away from his hug and frowned at him with mock anger. "I do
not want a nickname that comes from a body part!"
They bickered amiably on the subject of nicknames as they left.
Paris shut down the program and started for his own quarters, smiling
tiredly. A thought struck him. 'I never did ask her why she was
working two shifts again. Oh, well. I'll get to that some other time.
And how the hell did Harry know where to find us? Shouldn't he be
asleep by now? Doesn't anybody on this ship ever behave the way you
expect them to?'
*******************
"Carey to Lt. Torres."
B'Elanna took her attention away from the warp core console to answer
the hail. "Torres here. Go ahead."
"Lieutenant, did you say you wanted the navigational systems on the
Cochrane repaired?"
"Yes. They were damaged on the last away mission. Why? Is there a
problem?" she snapped impatiently.
"No, not exactly," Carey replied. "It's just that the work's already
been done. And the anodyne relays in Shuttlebay Two have already been
repaired as well." He had been assigned to those two projects as soon
as his shift had begun.
"Just a second." B'Elanna got the padd containing her prioritized list
of repairs and checked it. "Joe, I don't understand it. I only made
this list yesterday! It can't possibly be outdated. Okay, never mind.
I must have forgotten I gave that assi
gnment to someone else. Neelix
is reporting a problem with environmental controls in the messhall. Go
check that out then report back here."
"Acknowledged."
B'Elanna studied the padd with a scowl. She was usually so organized,
but this had happened more than once lately. There must be a better
way of keeping track of the completed repairs. She'd revamped her
record-keeping system a week ago, but the problem persisted.
Malista Shadow passed her through her field of vision. B'Elanna's eyes
narrowed in suspicion that quickly became a certainty. "Shadow!" she
called.
Malista came to stand in front of her, gazing down at the chief
engineer. "Yes, Lieutenant?"
Torres studied her carefully. "If you're going to work overtime,
Crewman Shadow, I expect you to file reports on assignments completed.
Promptly."
Shadow's eyes darted away for a moment then returned to meet
B'Elanna's gaze with a shuttered expression. "I beg your pardon,
Lieutenant?"
"And you should," Torres agreed. "I don't appreciate your failure to
update the repair log. You're supposed to note the time and date you
complete the work, Crewman. It allows the computer to keep track of
the need for routine maintenance and schedule it at appropriate
intervals."
Shadow didn't speak. Anything she said would be tantamount to a
confession ---or a denial. And she didn't want to lie to her superior
officer---not to mention to her friend, B'Elanna Torres. She swallowed
hard and waited. She didn't know how Torres would react to her
flagrant disregard of the captain's orders that she was only to work
one shift. She certainly didn't want to have to face the captain again
on the same issue either. This time she'd be all alone. Last time, at
least Niko had been there to lend silent support as she faced the
captain's reprimand.
B'Elanna's regard softened. She was becoming adept at reading the
emotions behind the mask. Becoming closer to Tom Paris had taught her
that necessary skill. "Malista, I'm not angry---exactly. Other than
making me think I was losing my mind, there's been no harm done. Your
work has always been excellent."
Shadow cleared her throat. "Thank you, Lieutenant."
"However," Torres added before the taller woman could relax. "I don't
want this to happen again. If you're having trouble sleeping, find
another solution. If you're bored---maybe I can help with that."
Malista smiled tentatively. "I wouldn't exactly say being bored was
the problem."
"I heard you got some workout programs from Ensign Natwick," Torres
said. "I could use a good workout. You want a partner?"
Shadow's smile widened. "Yes, ma'am. I haven't tried any of them yet."
"Fine. The captain wants the Engineering staff to enjoy some time off
on a rotating basis. Let's make that a date. Tomorrow? Around 1400?"
Malista nodded her head in agreement.
"And Malista? Next time you repair something---enter it in the log.
And you only work your assigned shift. Is that clear?"
"Yes, ma'am. Uh..."
B'Elanna looked up at her.
"There may be a few more things I should log, Lieutenant," Malista
said. She reached past Torres and started marking off the other
assignments she'd 'unofficially' handled. It was quite a list.
**********************
Ensign George Natwick was sitting alone at a table in the messhall
when Sue Nicoletti and Malista Shadow approached him, trays in hand.
"May we join you, George?"
He looked wary, but nodded. There were a few moments of uncomfortable
silence as they settled in and prepared themselves for a brave
undertaking---eating Neelix's valinck tuber casserole, a
greenish-brown substance with an unappealing gelatinous consistency.
Malista poked her portion gingerly with a fork. It quivered. She
wrinkled her nose and shuddered.
"The good news is: it didn't crawl off the plate," Natwick summarized
sardonically.
Malista glanced up to find his brown eyes studying her dubious
expression with a hint of amusement. She hesitantly smiled. "If that's
the good news...."
"You don't want to know." He returned her smile with one of his own.
It changed and softened his somewhat menacing appearance.
Sue Nicoletti cleared her throat. Both pairs of eyes darted toward
her. "George, we wanted to talk to you. Clear up a misunderstanding."
She looked significantly at Malista, hoping the younger woman would
remember her lines.
"Uh, yes. George, somehow a rumor got started that I was going
to---uh----"
All amusement faded from his face. "Get even with me?"
Malista nodded quickly. "I'm not. I wanted you to know that. I didn't
break into your quarters either. I heard someone say you thought I
had. I also heard that you were---"
"Anticipating an attack?" he supplied expressionlessly.
She winced. "Yes. I'm sorry. I was angry at you---for hitting Harry.
But I should never have let---anyone think I was going to do
something. I didn't mean to make you---"
"Paranoid?" Again he finished her sentence. "Don't worry about it,
Malista. Security Officers are frequently paranoid to some degree or
another. So? Friends?" He extended his hand.
She smiled with relief, grasped his hand and shook it. His eyes met
hers intently as if he was trying to read her thoughts. He didn't
release her hand. His thumb caressed the palm of her hand.
"Sickbay to Crewman Shadow."
Malista gently tugged her hand free and slapped her commbadge. "Shadow
here."
The EMH's voice came through the commsystem. "Crewman, if you're free,
please come to Sickbay. I have an opportunity for you to practice your
healing skills."
"I'll be right there." Smiling regretfully at Sue and George, she got
to her feet. She made a move to pick up her tray, but Sue waved her
away. Malista walked briskly out the door, accompanied by Crewman
Gerron Tem, who had, coincidentally, just finished his lunch and felt
the need to go to Deck Five.
Natwick's eyes followed her until she was out of sight.
"You've got it bad," Nicoletti commented neutrally.
The ensign jumped as if he'd forgotten she was there. "Sorry?"
"George, she's in love with Harry Kim. I don't think that's going to
go away any time soon."
The big man flushed. He fixed his gaze on his lunch. "I don't get it.
Why *him*?"
She sighed. "I don't know. He's attractive, I suppose. Though I've
always thought of him more as brother material myself."
Natwick looked at Nicoletti carefully, as if seeing her for the first
time. "There's no accounting for tastes, I guess. If it weren't for
Kim, I might have---no, maybe not. I've never been good at
relationships."
"Maybe you never tried one with the right person?" Sue suggested,
flirting with her hazel eyes. It might be too soon, but then again,
why not plant a seed?
"Maybe." Natwick smiled.
**********************
&nb
sp; "Ms. Shadow, do you have some scientific rationale that leads you to
believe that protruding the tip of your tongue out of the corner of
your mouth will in some manner facilitate the healing process or
increase your efficiency?" the doctor asked curiously.
Malista smiled and quickly withdrew the offending member. "No, Doctor.
It's a habit. I always wind up sticking my tongue out when I
concentrate. Or biting my lower lip."
The doctor nodded sagely. "I will note that under nervous habits in my
aberrant behavior index."
Joe Carey snorted. "If that's your idea of aberrant behavior, you need
to get out more, Doc." He shook his head and smiled his thanks at
Malista as she put the last touches on healing the cut on his hand
with the dermal regenerator.
The doctor checked her work and gave Carey his dismissal. The engineer
jumped down off the biobed and departed to finish the job he'd started
in Engineering.
"You're doing very well, Ms. Shadow. You learn quickly. I also noticed
you have a light touch."
"Thank you, Doctor." She hesitated as she turned toward the exit.
Trials 04 Shadow's Trial Page 12
