Without waiting for a response, he went on. "Our primary goal is to
develop a plan of action that will enable us to facilitate Malista's
integration into the gestalt of---"
"What?" Tom asked. "Doc, do you think we can skip the lecture? We all
know what the problem is." He kept his eyes focused on the EMH.
"I think Paris---Tom---is right, Doctor. Let's just get right to the
point," Chakotay said. His eyes were also fixed on the holodoctor.
"What do we need to do to help Malista? Have you defined the problem
and come up with a course of treatment?"
The doctor frowned. This was not going as he'd planned. He'd made
copious notes to prepare for this conference and these two had already
derailed his presentation. "The problem should be defined---"
Tom cleared his throat. "We already know the problem. Malista was
raped by the Cardassians five years ago and abandoned by her family as
a result. Now she's stuck in the Delta Quadrant. Doesn't that sum it
up pretty well?"
"That is an oversimplification," the doctor protested.
"I'd like to keep it as simple as possible, Doctor," Chakotay
suggested firmly. "Neither Tom nor I are professional counselors or
psychologists. We'd like to hear your recommendations in layman's
terms. If you can handle that?"
The doctor was miffed. "Of course I can handle that," he sniffed. He
fiddled with his padd, trying to condense a meticulously prepared four
hour lecture into succinct layman's terms that would be comprehensible
to these---amateurs.
For the first time since Paris had entered, the lieutenant and the
commander looked directly at each other. The blue eyes glinted with a
hint of unholy glee at the first officer's cooperation in flustering
the EMH---something Tom alone had not been able to do with any great
success in three years. The brown eyes met his with a deadpan
expression that gave nothing away, but Paris somehow knew nevertheless
that Chakotay shared his amusement. Just for that moment, it put the
two of them on the same side.
Paris felt the tautness at the base of his skull ease somewhat. Maybe
this wouldn't be so bad after all? He snapped back to attention as the
doctor finally began to speak once more.
"In my opinion, the physical and psychological effects of the initial
trauma have been dealt with," the doctor announced. "Malista has moved
past the fear of intimacy on a physical level---at least with certain
individuals."
"Can you give us an example, Doctor?" the first officer inquired
ingratiatingly. "We don't have your expertise and training."
Paris almost choked on a laugh at the smooth line of snake oil the
commander was laying on to soothe the EMH's hurt feelings. It seemed
that Tom was not the only officer to have an occasional memory lapse
concerning the true nature of the doctor. If he was only a computer
program, then there were no feelings involved. If he was more than a
program, and Tom was beginning to agree with Malista's theory that he
was, then the balm Chakotay was expending would improve the medico's
morale and ensure his cooperation.
The first officer shot a quelling, but not hostile, glance at the
pilot. Tom subsided and went into listening mode, his arms folded
loosely across his chest as he lounged back in his chair.
The doctor's eyes lifted from his datapadd. "She has evidenced---" He
seemed to make a further effort and slipped into more informal
language. "She no longer has a general fear of being touched. I have
made a point of observing her interactions with other crewmembers,
particularly Mr. Paris and Mr. Kim. And in addition to allowing them
to touch her and occasionally initiating physical contact with them,
she kissed me," he added.
"She kissed you?" Chakotay seemed mildly surprised, eyebrows rising.
"On the cheek," the EMH clarified and hastened to add, "There was
nothing improper---"
"Of course not, Doctor," Tom interrupted hastily, doing his best to
suppress a snort of laughter. "That would be unethical between a
doctor and patient."
The doctor flung a poisonous look at the pilot and returned to the
topic of conversation. "Malista's problem is no longer physical. It is
social and emotional. Her background and life experiences have not
prepared her for life in a closed society such as we have developed
here on Voyager. As a coping mechanism, she has compartmentalized her
life to a certain degree and functions very well within the parameters
of her duty assignments. It is when she is outside the chain of
command that she fails to understand her role."
"I've noticed that," Chakotay commented. "When we discovered she was
working double shifts, the captain and I ordered her to socialize more
with the crew. We thought that would help her feel that she fit in
here. Unfortunately---"
"She didn't know how," Tom finished. "I don't understand how she got
to this point, Doc. I mean she's twenty-four years old. How can she
not know the simplest things about how to get along with other
people?"
The doctor was pleased the two men were ready to listen to him and it
showed in his smug expression. "Malista was the only daughter of a
large family. She had five brothers and evidently her father was a
very authoritarian, controlling person. Malista never attended public
schools. She and her brothers were home schooled on the family farm by
correspondence course which also accounts for a lack of social
development. From what she told me in the interviews I conducted with
her after her suicide attempt, she was never allowed to make an
important decision for herself. They were all made for her. Any
attempt to make her own decisions was dismissed and her opinions
belittled. The outcome was that she learned to rely on others for
guidance and fails to trust her own judgment. Her family seems to have
smothered every attempt at achieving independence under the guise of
keeping her safe from harm. I suspect there was another trauma that
occurred in her childhood that might account for the zealous
over-protectiveness she ascribed to her family, but she has been
unwilling to discuss her background any further."
"So you're saying her family controlled her until she joined the
Maquis? And then her friends and the leadership in the Maquis
controlled her?" Chakotay summarized. "And after she was raped and her
family made it clear she couldn't come home, Niko Dishon took
over---until he was killed. And now she has no one in control? And she
doesn't know how to deal with the unaccustomed freedom?"
The doctor nodded. "Basically, everyone Malista has ever been close to
has either been a Protector or a User---her terms, not mine. The
Protector tells her what to do and nurtures her, setting limits on her
behavior that make her feel secure and protecting her from others
outside the relationship. The User makes demands on her to fulfill a
certain role, which is also another way of setting limits, but gives
her va
lue. She is needed and valued for what she can do well. Mr.
Dishon acted as a facilitator for the chain of command on Voyager and
evidently combined the two roles. She knows how to deal only with
those roles on an interpersonal level. There has never been any middle
ground. Malista refuses to interact with anyone who doesn't fit those
roles. She withdraws or tries to ignore their existence."
"Whoa, Doc!" Paris growled. "Are you saying she's never had friends?
Never had anyone who *didn't* tell her what to do? I'm sorry, but I
don't think so. She's not---"
"Mr. Paris," the EMH interjected, "you didn't let me finish. As I
said, Malista has compartmentalized her life in an effort to allow
herself to feel in control. This pattern was established long ago. All
her life, her role in her environment has been defined by her
usefulness. She *expects* to be used and manipulated---for her own
good. In return, she hopes to be protected. To achieve this, she tries
her best to ingratiate herself with her protector or protectors. You
may have noticed that she is compulsively conscientious in her work.
The fact that she was working double shifts and overtime is perfectly
consistent with her mind set and her deep seated need to be needed. If
you don't need her, in her thinking, then she becomes expendable. Or
disposable."
Confident that both men were giving him their full attention now, the
doctor continued, "To please others, she tries to win favor by using
her domestic skills such as crocheting and cooking, or in performing
as she did in the family circus. But there are evidently limits to
what she will do. Her willingness to please her protectors does not
extend to the exchange of sexual favors. This may stem from a fear of
intimacy, or it may be because she was well indoctrinated in cultural
mores which do not allow for premarital sex. It could be a combination
of these factors. She did tell me that at one point, Niko Dishon
sought a relationship of an intimate nature, but she refused. She says
she liked him, but didn't find him attractive in that sense. Mr.
Dishon evidently accepted her rejection of his advances, but it may
have been a contributing factor in his allowing her to isolate herself
in her quarters on Voyager when she was not on duty."
Paris' words held a bitter edge as he asked, "So where do I fit into
this equation, Doc? Does she see me as a User----or a Protector? Or
both?"
Chakotay noted the subtle body language clues that told him that the
pilot had braced himself as if for a blow. His eyes darted from the
young man to the EMH. He wanted an answer to that question himself.
Tom Paris had been the one person on Voyager to reach out to Malista
Shadow, something that the first officer was grateful for---even as he
despised himself for not being there for her as well.
The doctor shook his head. "No, Mr. Paris. Tom. I'm not making myself
clear. *You* are the exception that provides us with an opportunity to
reach Malista and help her. I asked her about your relationship with
her and she has talked about you quite often when she has spent time
in Sickbay. You are the first person in her life to ever simply be her
friend. The fact that you wanted nothing from her, surprised and
delighted her."
The EMH practiced his 'sympathetic smile' once more. It was improving
with practice. "In addition, you have many interests in common, such
as music and literature and you encourage her to indulge herself and
to talk about her hobbies. It seems her family did not share her
interests and demeaned their importance. Her natural inquisitiveness
and desire to learn was ridiculed. They made her feel as if she were
strange or unnatural for not being more like them. She has told me
that you have always treated her with respect, as an equal. You
discussed matters with her but let her make her own decisions, and
supported her without trying to impose your will on her. You make
suggestions rather than giving orders. She trusts you. You opened a
door in the walls that she had constructed around herself as a
defense. "
The pilot appeared to be having trouble taking in what was being said.
The doctor noted clinically the young man's heart rate was up, as was
his temperature. His face was distinctly flushed and his eyes were
also showing signs of the presence of unusual levels of moisture.
Paris dropped his eyes to study his hands as he cleared his throat. He
sniffed and tried to pretend Chakotay wasn't present. "So, Doc, what
about Harry?" He was proud of himself. His voice didn't quaver or
break.
"Mr. Kim also represents a disruption in the pattern, in a most
positive way. To speak metaphorically, you opened the door in the
walls of her defense mechanisms. He has invited her to come outside
the walls and join him. Currently, I would say she is hovering in the
doorway, in a manner of speaking. Of course, your relationship with
Mr. Kim has smoothed his path considerably. Malista trusts you, so by
extension, she was prepared to trust him. It is unfortunate that their
relationship suffered a setback. Malista's improvement was also
hindered."
"Yeah," Tom sighed tiredly. "I told him that."
Chakotay sat forward and regained the EMH's attention. "So what do you
recommend, Doctor?"
"As I mentioned previously, Malista has two major
difficulties---social and emotional. Mr. Paris and Mr. Kim have been
instrumental in assisting her in dealing with her socialization and
have done an admirable job of it. Emotionally, however..." the
doctor's voice trailed off as he studied the datapadd he held once
more. "Whether Malista is dealing with her emotions in a healthy
manner is something I've been unable to ascertain. I have tried to
question her about the source of her stressed behavior but she has not
been forthcoming."
"I thought you said she'd overcome her fear," Tom protested.
The doctor threw an exasperated glance at the pilot. "Fear of any kind
is not overcome in one step. It is a process. In addition, fear of
intimacy is not the only emotion she is dealing with. She has a great
deal of repressed rage as well."
Tom eyed him dubiously. "She doesn't seem all that angry to me. I
thought her main problems were being frightened of people and afraid
of abandonment."
The first officer was impressed, not for the first time, with the
lieutenant's insightful understanding and compassion for Malista
Shadow. "Just because she doesn't show the rage, doesn't mean it
doesn't exist."
The doctor nodded. "Yes. Exactly. She is in denial. She doesn't wish
to deal with her feelings so she has repressed them. Tried to pretend
they don't exist. And blamed herself for the reactions of others. By
taking on their guilt, she can maintain the fiction that *they* have
done nothing wrong. Unconsciously, she sees herself as the guilty
party and seeks to punish herself. Many trauma victims tend to
withdraw from those around them---and
then feel abandoned because they
have isolated themselves. Unless she can recognize her anger, direct
it properly, and let it go, she cannot heal herself emotionally. By
hanging onto the hurt and anger, she has, so to speak, allowed a
festering wound to go unhealed."
"She seemed to be doing all right for awhile," Paris commented.
"Something happened after she and Harry made up and it has nothing to
do with Harry as far as I can tell. Some other factor has come into
play. Do you have any idea what or who set her off?"
"No," the doctor sounded extremely frustrated. "She is under some kind
of pressure, but she refuses to discuss it. Her defense mechanisms
were functioning adequately even with the ongoing difficulties of
Voyager's situation. She reached a limit of sorts when Crewman Dishon
was killed, which is why she attempted suicide. She is no longer
suicidal, and has developed some sense of being connected to the crew
thanks to Mr. Paris' very deftly helping her past that crisis. She's
has enlarged her circle of acquaintances to include several other
crewmembers, both male and female. She even managed to maintain her
equilibrium under the duress of the break in her budding relationship
with Ensign Kim. Something else is at work here. Something that hits
close to home. Something very personal that her battered self-esteem
has trouble dealing with. Or that endangers her sense of well-being."
"The last straw?" Chakotay quoted. Tom nodded, recognizing the
reference.
The EMH blinked as he searched the database mentally. He nodded
abruptly. "Very good, Commander. The cumulative effect of many levels
and types of stressors are bringing Malista Shadow to a crisis point."
"Great," Tom snapped. "So she's coming to a crisis. What do we *do*
Trials 04 Shadow's Trial Page 20
