“I don’t understand anything you’re saying, except that you will help. So why are we sitting here?”
I reach out and take her hand, and we walk out of the aviary together.
BOSSING PEOPLE AROUND
Aunt Ursula and I rush back into the house.
We circle everyone together in the kitchen. There’s Mom, Dad, Sharon, Caitlin and Casey, Maggie, Grace, who’s holding Peanut, Smarty Pants, Jake, Grumpy Pigeon Man, Lonnie, Viva, Ms. Raffeli, and Jerome, who Sharon must have called right away.
Aunt Ursula looks at us all, then says, “First, we’ll keep the pigeons in the basement. It goes against every rule in the book, but I can’t think of another option.”
Ms. Raffeli’s eyebrows go up. “If there’s any trouble, my brother will have to deal with me.”
Aunt Ursula walks back and forth. I can feel her excitement. “The only way to change the councilors’ minds is by doing something big.”
“Like what?’ I ask.
“Like a community event that proves to them that a lot of people care.” She smiles. “We don’t have much time. Sharon and Jerome, you’ll want to do what you do best.”
Sharon and Jerome look at each other and smile, then head upstairs to the bathroom.
Aunt Ursula says, “We need posters.”
“I can do that,” Grace says, as Peanut licks her face.
“Maggie, we’ll need those posters put up all over the city. You must know a lot of runners.”
Maggie stands up. “Aunt Ursula, I love running, but I think this is one of those times maybe the car would be better.”
“Good point.” Aunt Ursula points to Dad. “You drive, and Maggie will pass them out.”
Aunt Ursula says to Mom, “We need to get a message to the city councilors. Tell them when and where they should be tomorrow. That is, if they want to get voted back into office next election.”
Mom says, “No problem.”
Aunt Ursula turns to Caitlin. “Casey,” she says.
Caitlin stops her. “I’m Caitlin. She’s Casey.”
“Really?” she says. They nod at her. “I’ve gotten it wrong every time, haven’t I?” They nod. “And you never corrected me?” They nod again. She takes a deep breath and says, “Caitlin”—she looks at Caitlin—“and Casey”—she looks at Casey—“I need you to sew outfits for all of us.”
“You got it,” they say together.
“But after this—” Caitlin says.
“We’re going back to our trash business,” Casey says.
“We miss it,” they say.
Aunt Ursula makes a face but doesn’t correct them.
“What about me?” Jake asks. He’s jumping around from foot to foot.
She leans down and looks him right in the eye. “I think someone in this house told me you used to dress up like a pigeon.”
“I did. I did.” He jumps up and down.
“I need you to dig out that outfit.”
And he takes off upstairs to find it.
With all my family working on their assignments, Lonnie and Viva walk over to me.
Lonnie says, “It looks like you’ve got things covered here.”
“Lonnie’s got an idea that should help,” Viva says. “We’ll meet you tomorrow at the mural.”
Aunt Ursula and I now stand all alone in the kitchen.
Aunt Ursula smiles. “I am very good at bossing people around.”
And it’s true. She is really good at that, and sometimes that’s exactly what you need.
MAGGOTS
The next day I wake up early. This is the day. If we pull this off, we save the pigeons. If not . . . I can’t even think about that right now. Instead, I feed and water them. It’s amazing how having pigeons makes my basement feel a lot less creepy.
Slowly, the rest of my family wakes up and we begin to get ready. Sharon shows Dad how to cook the fluffiest waffles and eggs, humming as she does it. He doesn’t burn a single waffle.
Next we all climb into the outfits that Caitlin and Casey made for us.
“They’re perfect!”
“Not as good as mine, but close,” Jake says.
Caitlin and Casey explain how they made everything out of recycled fabric. “People give away the coolest stuff.”
It’s hard not to laugh, or think this is the craziest thing my family has ever done, especially when Jerome walks into the house all dressed up, too. “Lonnie said to remind you that he and Viva will meet you down at the mural.”
“What are they up to?” I ask, but Jerome shrugs. “Beats me, I’ve been working all night on this costume. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
Grace forces everyone together and takes about a million pictures. “Priceless!” she laughs.
Aunt Ursula is looking very nervous, and very serious, and also like she’s about to throw up. “There are so many parts to our plan that need to work.”
I know how she feels. “Breathe like Darth Vader. It helps.”
Jake is extremely excitable and can’t stop squirming. Maggie comes up to him with a bowl of dirt. She holds it out for him to see how she turned the old food scraps into dirt.
“What are those?” He points to small Tic Tac–size insects wiggling in the dirt.
“Maggots,” Maggie says.
“Maggots?” Aunt Ursula stops in her tracks. Everything gets very quiet. “Maggots.” She blinks about a million times. “You have maggots in your compost. Throw them away.”
Maggie shakes her head. “Maggots are the best. They’re the pigeons of the dirt.”
“No way,” I say. “They’re the zombies of the dirt. They’ll eat your skin off.” I don’t actually know this as a fact but it seems like that’s what they would do, like basement zombies.
Maggie shakes her head. “They don’t eat anything that is alive. And they turn food scraps into dirt faster than anything else.”
Jake’s eyes light up and he says, “Cool!” And then sticks his hand in the bowl. “They tickle!”
I take Aunt Ursula’s hand. “Is that how you feel about pigeons?”
She gulps. “At least, I used to.”
I have to admit, if Aunt Ursula could change her mind about pigeons, then maybe I can change mine about maggots. But it’s a lot to ask.
GROUP RECORDS
Aunt Ursula announces that it’s time to leave, so we all climb into the van and drive to City Hall.
When we pull up, I see a pack of people: Lonnie and Viva, Ms. Raffeli, Lewis, Ny, Angus, the two Jasmines, Cornelio, the buddies, and all the other kids from the mural project.
I slowly climb out of the car and I can’t believe what else I see.
The outside wall of City Hall, the one we’ve been painting with workers, is now also painted with pigeons. All around the people doing jobs are pigeons. It’s like the people in the mural can’t move because of all the pigeons.
Pigeons standing, pigeons flying, pigeons carrying messages, pigeons doing flips, pigeons eating, pigeons bathing, and, of course, pigeons pooing.
Ny waves. “We’re going to add pigeon facts later!”
“Pigeons are so much easier to draw than people,” Angus yells.
Lewis hollers, “I was going to say that.”
Jasmine B. and Jasmine H. splatter paint on him. “No, you weren’t!”
Viva waves. “It was Lonnie’s idea. He’s totally got the Force.”
Lonnie yells, “Like Obi-Wan Kenobi said, ‘The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It binds the galaxy together.’”
I yell back to Lonnie. “But it’s up to the Jedi to decide to use the Force for good or evil.”
“Hurry, Teddy, you have to see this.” Jake pulls me around the corner into the parking lot, and even though I knew what we were trying to do, I really can’t believe my eyes.
Hundreds of people dressed up as pigeons! I see friends of my sisters’, kids I go to school with, people I don’t know, Lonnie’s parents, and even Viva’s, and everyone is dressed up like
pigeons!
GROUP RECORDS
Strange but true, my least favorite records are the kinds where a whole bunch of people do something at the same time. I’ve always had a rule that group records don’t really count as breaking a record. But now that I am here, in the middle of all these people, I realize I’ve been wrong.
And then one person starts cooing, and everyone copies, and pretty soon the only sound is coos. It’s the noisiest and quietest moment of my life.
And that’s when I know for sure that like Aunt Ursula letting go of her rules, it’s time I did the same.
I join the group. Cooing my head off.
PIGEONS RULE
“Tent Boy!” Grumpy Pigeon Man strides around the corner.
He’s dressed up like a pigeon, too!
“Tent Boy,” he grumps. “You’re the only person I know who could think of such an embarrassing way to save my pigeons. I don’t know how you come up with ideas like this.”
And before I can tell him it was actually Aunt Ursula’s idea, she pulls me away and hands me a microphone.
“Where did you get this?” I ask.
“You know my rule about always being prepared. I had a feeling we might need it. I also have snacks and a water bottle.” She plants a firm hand on my shoulder and pushes me onto a podium. “You better say something since everyone is here to help your pigeons.”
“What?” I gulp. “I don’t talk to crowds.” I jump off the podium.
“Don’t worry, Teddy,” she says. “You love those pigeons. Just speak from your heart.”
My mouth goes dry. My heart beats fast. My mind goes blank. These are all the things that happened back in school. And then I look out and see Lonnie and Viva. I feel them sending me the Force. I look at everyone dressed up like pigeons, and I remember why I’m here. It has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the pigeons.
I hold up the microphone. “Pigeons are not always liked, but that doesn’t mean they should be outlawed.” I look out and see Mom and Dad and my siblings. I see Jake and Grumpy Pigeon Man.
“We are here today to show our support for pigeons. We’re here to tell our city councilors to change the law banning pigeons as pets, because pigeons should have a right to live in this city, just like any other animal!” And because I wasn’t actually prepared to make a speech, I have to think for a couple of seconds of what to say next. I see Ms. Raffeli and Aunt Ursula and I know what to say.
“Here’s why pigeons rule. Number one: They are related to doves. Two: Doves are the symbol of peace. Three: Pigeons know how to find their way back home. Four: Pigeons are gentle. Five: Pigeon poo is one of the best garden fertilizers you can get. Six: It’s good luck to be pooed on by a pigeon but not any other bird.”
At this point, I have to stop because everyone is laughing. “I should know,” I add. “I get pooed on a lot.” And then I pause and look out at the sea of people, most of whom I don’t even know but who are all dressed up like pigeons, and I have to clear my throat before I can say the last rule.
“And seven: Pigeons care for each other like family.”
RULES ABOUT BROTHERS
Because that’s about all I can think of, I finish up by saying, “Please, let’s change this law before anyone in our city loses their pigeons.”
A huge coo rises from the pigeons all around me. Aunt Ursula taps me on the arm. “Good job,” she says as I step down.
Mom walks up next to me, followed by four grown-ups. “Teddy, these are four of the city councilors. They have something they’d like to say to the crowd.” Mom looks very happy. She leans over and says, “I guess this got their attention.”
The councilors step up. One of them says, “I am proud to be part of this outpouring of public support for the pigeons of this city, and for our city to be part of a world-record-breaking attempt.”
Another one steps up. “Because of you, we have decided to reconsider this law at our next meeting. Until that time, we will place a stay on the law. This means that anyone owning pigeons will be allowed to keep them until we review the situation.”
Loud coos of pleasure erupt from the crowd. Aunt Ursula screams, “WE DID IT!!!!” She hugs me, and then goes on to hug Mom, and Dad, and a bunch of other people I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know.
Jake runs straight toward me and wraps his arms and legs around me so tightly I think maybe he could break a record.
There’s a lot I’ve learned in the past few days, and one is a rule about brothers. A lot of the time you might not want them around, but then, it turns out, you do.
WHAT I SEE
Grace is clicking away with her camera while Peanut hangs out in her backpack barking at all the people dressed as pigeons. “This is great,” she yells to me. “I think there has to be a record here.”
Maggie runs over. “I love this! I’m thinking maybe I’ll run a marathon in this outfit. I could break a record for that!” She dashes away to find some friends.
Caitlin and Casey are biking around collecting trash from people, because with so many people, there’s a lot of trash. It’s funny to see pigeons collecting trash. They wave to me as they bike past.
And right then Sharon and Jerome climb onto the podium. Everyone quiets down as they start to sing together. “Morning has brooo-ken like the first mooooo-or-ning. Pigeons have spoooo-ken like the first bird.”
I know it’s super goofy, but I have to wipe my eyes. Maybe it’s allergies, but I think it’s actually Sharon and Jerome singing together that makes me feel record-breaking happy.
I see Lonnie and Viva waving from the mural, which is almost done, and friends from school painting away. I see Grumpy Pigeon Man holding Aunt Ursula in his arms.
Yuck! I didn’t actually want to see that. I mean, sure, I’m happy for them, but really, yuck!
I look away and see Jake plunge his hands into a bucket of blue paint. Oh no! I think he’s back to being The Destructor.
And then I see Mr. Raffeli charging toward Grumpy Pigeon Man and Aunt Ursula, and trailing behind him are Grace and Peanut, and it’s clear that none of them is happy.
THE DESTRUCTOR STRIKES BACK
“Is that your dog?” Mr. Raffeli points to Peanut. I run over. Lonnie and Viva are right behind me.
Aunt Ursula scoops up Peanut, cuddling him protectively. “It is. This is Peanut.”
“Do you have a dog license?” Mr. Rafelli yells again.
“I just found out about the law yesterday afternoon. Your offices were already closed. I was going to come in—”
Mr. Raffeli interrupts. “No, this is too much! No one is taking the rules seriously. You need to give me that dog this instant.”
Mr. Raffeli reaches out for Peanut, who growls. Aunt Ursula pleads, “Stop.”
“You can’t take Peanut!” Grace looks like she’s about to stomp on both of Mr. Raffeli’s feet.
Ms. Raffeli hurries over. “Oh, Walter, really, people make mistakes. Breathe, Walter, breathe.”
“No mistake was made,” he replies. “The rule about dogs is very clear.”
Grumpy Pigeon Man steps forward. “Actually, there is a mistake.” He pulls out his wallet and takes out a slip of paper. “I took out the dog license when you first moved in, Ursula.”
“You did?” she says, and flutters her eyes.
Grumpy Pigeon Man clears his throat a couple of times. “Well, I know what it’s like with that Mars family. You can’t even think with all the ruckus they make.”
Out of the crowd Jake appears, tearing along with his bright-blue hands straight out in front of him. He barrels into Mr. Raffeli, pushing him again and again away from Peanut. “You can’t have him!” Jake hollers, and with each push he leaves behind two blue handprints.
I know I shouldn’t be happy that The Destructor is back, but I am. I really, really am.
“I’ll take it from here,” Ms. Raffeli says as she drags Mr. Rafelli away. “I have an extra pigeon costume in the car. They’re trying to break a rec
ord and need all the help they can get.”
Grumpy Pigeon Man and Aunt Ursula look at each other like Mom and Dad sometimes do, and Sharon and Jerome always do.
“Let’s get out of here,” I say to Grace, Lonnie, Viva, and The Destructor. “Before it gets any grosser.” They nod vigorously, so I know we’re all in agreement.
BREAKING A RECORD
The good thing about the blue paint that Jake dipped his hands into is that it dries fast, which is why when I help Jake into the tree he doesn’t leave any handprints on me or the tree.
Lonnie, Viva, Jake, and I are all sitting in a tree. A while ago, Grumpy Pigeon Man told me how sometimes you have to climb a tree. At that time, I didn’t know how right he was.
“This is the best view,” Viva says.
“We can see everyone,” Lonnie says.
Jake giggles. “People dressed as pigeons is really funny.”
I dangle my legs over the side of the limb. My toes wiggle from happiness.
It’s funny watching Maggie and Grace hustling around documenting this. Maggie groups people in bundles of ten, and Grace takes pictures.
“I’ve counted up to six hundred eighty people!” Maggie shouts at us.
“I’ve got the proof!” Grace hollers. Together they’re going to submit the application. I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of them this excited.
I know everyone thinks that all I care about is breaking a record, but it’s not true. I mean, what could be better than right now? I’m dressed up like a pigeon, sitting in a tree with my two best friends and my little brother, surrounded by pigeon people, and best of all, today we saved Grumpy Pigeon Man’s pigeons.
There’s nothing better than that.
“How about longest time spent in a tree?” I ask.
“How about most trees climbed?” Viva adds.
“How about longest time to hang from a branch of a tree?” Lonnie suggests.
Of course, being here right now is amazing, but breaking a world record with Lonnie and Viva would actually be really good.
And luckily, we have the rest of the summer to try.
Teddy Mars Book #3 Page 14
