by Monica Burns
Patience bounced the baby on her knee, and she smiled as he giggled. She bounced him again, and this time the baby squealed in delight. Suddenly, the nursery door flew open, and Muireall charged into the room.
“Nurse, have you seen Lady Pa—” The girl stopped and stared in amazement at Patience holding the baby. Suddenly aware how easily she’d fallen under the spell of the child, she quickly stood up and handed the baby to Muireall. She didn’t want to feel anything for the child. It was too painful.
“I’ve seen all I need to see,” she whispered.
“Patience, you must go see Julian, now. He wants to explain,” Muireall said with a look of panic on her face.
“I don’t wish to see him,” she said in a brittle voice. It was too soon. She needed to clear her head and regain control of her emotions so she didn’t break down into tears when she confronted Julian. “Not now, I need time to think. I can’t bear to hear any more lies.”
“Please, I do no’ like to beg, Patience, but I am begging you now,” Muireall pleaded fervently. “Listen to what Julian has to say. My brother will no’ lie to you.”
Muireall shifted the baby to set him on her hip then reached out to grab Patience’s hand in a tight grasp. The girl’s belief in her half-brother didn’t surprise her, but the conviction in the girl’s voice was persuasive enough for Patience to consider the heartfelt plea. What Muireall didn’t understand was how much it hurt that Julian had allowed everyone to believe the child was theirs. He knew how much it distressed her that she couldn’t give him a son. The thought of seeing Julian sent panic streaking through her. Patience met Muireall’s gaze then shook her head.
“I have no wish to hear what he has to say.”
“Are ye afraid to let him explain, Patience?” Muireall snapped with anger. The challenge in her sister-in-law’s voice made Patience narrow her gaze at the girl.
“No, I’m not afraid.”
“I do no’ believe ye, Patience. Ye do no’ want to listen. Ye only want tae run away.” The passionate condemnation thickened the young woman’s brogue, and Patience winced. For a long moment, she didn’t say anything. She simply stared at Muireall until she acquiesced to her sister-in-law’s plea with a brusque nod.
Very well, I shall talk to him,” she said in a voice that indicated she was agreeing under duress. “But I intend to return to London as soon as Sebastian can arrange for a private rail car.”
“Please do no’ say that, Patience. Everything Julian will tell you is the truth. I know it is, but he made me swear no’ to tell anyone. He needs to be the one who explains,” Muireall said fervently.
Patience studied her sister-in-law for a moment longer then left the nursery. Muireall was convinced she would believe Julian’s explanation. What her sister-in-law didn’t know was how Julian had lied to her in the past. Although they were small lies, they’d set a precedent. How was she supposed to believe him now? And yet Muireall had insisted that things were not as they seemed, and that Julian would tell her the truth.
He’d once accused her of not trusting him. The thought made her bite down on her lip. Love required trust, and if she didn’t trust him, how could she possibly love him? Pain, fear, anger, and hope buffeted her as she slowly walked toward Julian’s rooms. When she’d decided to come back to Crianlarich Castle, she’d promised herself not only to believe Julian, but to leave the past behind.
But when she’d made that decision, she’d not bargained for this current state of affairs. The past was difficult to put behind her when there was a child in the Crianlarich nursery. A child that wasn’t hers. And the terrible lie he’d told had only emphasized her failure as a wife. She’d never known him to be cruel, which made the fabrication all the more grievous. Julian knew how much sorrow her barren state caused her.
Now she was facing the distinct possibility he’d done more than lie to her. The burnt flesh on her body was painfully taut as tension tightened every one of her muscles. But the pain didn’t compare to the agonizing way her heart was bleeding so profusely inside her breast. Would Julian proclaim his innocence with the same passion he’d done nine months ago?
In defending himself all those months ago, Julian had repeatedly said he loved her. How could he be so adamant about his love for her if it wasn’t true? Why would he have married her if he didn’t love her? She’d brought nothing of real value in the way of power or social status, neither of which Julian coveted.
Not even money could have been a reason. Despite Sebastian’s generosity, her dowry had not been an immense fortune, and she knew Julian was well off. So much so that he’d placed her dowry in her name rather than absorbing it into his finances. She’d never been so confused in her life, and she no longer knew what to think or believe. Not even her gift had given her a path to follow.
In the past, her visions had always made sense to her. Although her gift rarely served as a compass for her own affairs, it had always been a reliable gauge where others were concerned. But the visions she’d had over the past year had been vague, incomplete, and misleading. The fire. Julian’s accident. Her vision of Una holding a baby. None of those signs had allowed her the chance to stop those tragedies or even to protect her heart.
She’d not even had the slightest warning about Aiden. Had she lost her gift? The question terrified her. If she’d lost the an dara sealladh, a part of her would go missing. She’d already lost a part of herself during the fire. The idea of losing another piece of her soul filled her with dread.
Patience stopped in front of Julian’s room, and the chaotic emotions thrashing inside her made her tremble as she stared at the dark wood door. Determined to end this farce once and for all, she rapped her knuckles against the door in a strong, staccato beat. At Julian’s command to enter, she steeled herself to bury her pain and look at him without feeling anything. She failed the moment she saw him. She knew no matter what passed between them she loved him and always would.
He was fully dressed, and she was certain he’d dressed himself as his clothes were slightly askew. She swallowed hard at how handsome he looked even in an unkempt state. The stoic look on his rugged features revealed nothing as to what he was thinking. As she stared at him in silence, the urge to rage at him swept through her.
“You asked to see me,” she said quietly. It pleased her that she’d managed to keep her pain out of her voice.
“Aiden is my father’s son.”
The abrupt, unexpected confession made her stare at him in shock. Of all the explanations he could have given her, this was not even in the realm of what she’d imagined. For a moment, she simply stared at him as if he’d suddenly sprouted another head. Her mind struggled to made sense of his outrageous comment. If what he said was true, why hadn’t Muireall said the child was her half-brother? Did they both think her a fool? Anger broke through her amazement.
“Your lies have become even more imaginative than ever before, Julian,” she snapped. He stiffened at her scathing rejection.
“The child is my father’s and Caitriona’s.”
“Caitriona,” she gasped as she stared at him in astonishment. Again, he’d managed to throw her off balance.
“She was in labor the night I did no’ come home.” Julian paused for a moment as his jaw hardened with tension, and if not for the tic in his cheek she would have thought his face that of a statue. “She asked me to care for the boy.”
Patience struggled with the idea of Fergus MacTavish and Caitriona as lovers. Her thoughts drifted back to the dinner party with the Bensmores. Although she’d been preoccupied with watching Una flirt incessantly with Julian, Patience had a vague memory of Caitriona flirting with the Crianlarich as well. At the time, she’d put Caitriona’s familiar behavior down to the family’s friendship. Now she saw it in an altogether different light.
“Why didn’t your father marry Caitriona if she was carrying his child?”
“She did no’ tell him. She told no one, not even Una. My father suspected Caitriona
might be with child when she disappeared, which is why he asked me to search for her. I would no’ have—been in Scotland for so long.” Julian’s jaw shifted with a restrained emotion before his stance became even more rigid and prideful. The pause in his speech made her think he’d been about to express regret about lying to her.
“Why didn’t Una tell anyone why Caitriona had left?” Patience asked quietly as she contemplated Julian’s explanation.
“Una did no’ know until she came at Caitriona’s request, and Una sought my help,” Julian said with injured pride. His dark expression made her think he was remembering her accusations of Una being his mistress. “Caitriona swore me to secrecy and gave me guardianship of the child. She did no’ want her father to know the truth.”
“Then why are you breaking your word to Caitriona and telling me all of this now?”
“I am no’ breaking my word,” Julian snarled like an angry bear as he stared blindly at a point past her head. “No’ if I keep to the letter of my promise, I am no’. Caitriona asked me no’ to tell her father about the boy and to take care of Aiden. She did no’ ask anything else of me.”
Julian stood stiff and rigid like a tall oak. His voice and demeanor illustrated he believed he was stretching the boundaries of his promise to Caitriona. Patience was certain that in her husband’s mind Caitriona had entrusted her secret to him in the belief that Julian would tell no one, not even his wife, of her shame.
“And now, after all this time, you’ve suddenly decided to share Caitriona’s secret with me. How benevolent of you.” Patience didn’t bother to keep the bitterness out of her voice.
“Bloody hell. I’d been up all night, woman, I was no’ thinking straight,” he roared. “I would no’ have kept anything from you that day if I’d no’ been so dead tired.
“Yet you’ve had nine months to realize your vow to Caitriona wasn’t completely binding,” she snapped. “You had nine months to tell me the truth.”
“If you’ll recall you refused to speak with me. You sent me away.”
“With good reason it seems, since you only seem compelled to share this sordid tale now is because you need an explanation as to why you lied and made everyone think I’m Aiden’s mother.”
“I did no’ lie,” he growled. His response was a dangerous rumble of anger. “My father is the one who chose to say Aiden was his grandchild. I did no’ discover the truth about what my father had done until after—until I returned to Crianlarich.”
Everything he’d said had the strong ring of truth to it. His voice had echoed with a fervent strength that encouraged her to believe him, yet he’d not asked her to do so. Despite her belief he was speaking the truth, he’d not explained why he’d helped to perpetuate his father’s lies.
“And yet you didn’t refute the lie when you returned home. You continued to let everyone believe your father’s lies.” This time it was impossible to keep the bitterness out of her voice.
“Our marriage was over. I had no reason to believe you would ever return to Crianlarich.” Julian’s icy words skated across her skin to sink deep into her pores until she longed for the warmth of a blanket. “I had planned to tell the boy the truth when he was old enough. I thought it best no’ to have the lad branded a bastard simply because my father did no’ marry his lover.”
Over. The word echoed in her head like a death sentence. He’d actually said their marriage was over. A chunk of ice in her breast pumped cold blood through her veins. She’d lost everything. All because she’d refused to believe him—trust him. Patience winced and took a step toward him then immediately stopped.
She was certain he would reject any apology she offered. His demeanor was that of a proud Highlander from the distant past who’d been accused of a crime by a British tyrant. She flinched at the thought. She was no better. She was responsible for setting her marriage on the path to destruction, not Julian. And now she might have lost the chance to win his heart back. She was abruptly startled out of her thoughts as Julian released a low growl of something that bordered on the edge of disgust.
“My father wronged you with his lies, Patience, but I can no’ take them back,” he growled in a rough voice.
“And if I’d not come to Crianlarich, would you have told me what your father had done?”
A long pause followed her soft question as Julian fumbled in his efforts to retrieve the cane resting against the front of his bed. The tense silence of the room was broken by the tap of his stick against the floor as he moved toward her. Julian brushed past her, and despite her anger her senses drank in the warm, spice scent of him. Patience watched as his hand wrapped around the brass doorknob, and he jerked the door open.
“I’ve told you everything, Patience. Now pack your things and get out of my house.”
The low, icy command scraped across her senses like a razor. She stared at his harsh, unyielding features with a feeling of hopelessness. He said their marriage was over, and now he was emphasizing that statement by showing her the door. Patience’s heart sank before her Rockwood blood slid hot and fierce in her veins. Julian might say their marriage was over, but she wasn’t willing to walk away from him until she was certain she couldn’t reach his heart.
“I believe you, Julian.” The cold expression on his face didn’t change as he remained where he was. “Did you hear me, Julian?”
“I heard you,” he said in a cold, heartless voice.
“And you have nothing to say to me?” she asked as her body tensed at his inflexible expression.
“What you think, no longer matters to me, Patience. Now get out and do no’ come back.”
The indifference in his voice made her heart skip a beat. His voice was so detached and unfeeling. It was almost as if he were impervious to her. No, he couldn’t be. If he were, how could he have kissed her so passionately the day she’d arrived at Crianlarich? Then there was the quiet camaraderie they’d had at the falls and the way he’d kissed her in the glade.
No, she’d hurt his pride all those months ago, and after the fire, she’d cast him aside. There had to be a way to reach him. Frantically, she tried to think of something that would help break through the barriers between them. The solution came to her in one delicious breath of anticipation. Seduction.
She would seduce her proud, beautiful Highlander. Intimacy had a way of breaking through every emotional barrier there was. It was the most base of emotions, and she had to believe Julian would reveal his true feelings in the heat of passion. Patience pushed aside her fears as determination bloomed inside her. A Rockwood never went down without a fight, and she refused to be the first one in her family to walk away from a challenge.
Slowly, she approached the door and touched the strong fingers gripping the doorknob. Julian immediately jerked away from her and shuffled two steps backward. As she quietly closed the door, Julian turned away in the belief that she was gone. The soft rustle of her skirts made his back become ramrod straight with what she thought was surprise.
The moment he turned around she realized differently, and she trembled at the fury she saw on his face. She’d taken on a challenge that would have intimidated even Angus Stewart himself. Patience’s mouth went dry as she stepped backward until her back was against the door. She stared at him as he pinned his sightless eyes on her as if he could see her. Gathering her courage, she swallowed hard.
“I have no intention of going anywhere,” she said with unshakable resolve. “I’m still your wife, which makes this my home as well.”
“Do no’ make me say or do something I shall regret, Patience.” His voice was dark with an emotion she’d never heard before. It made her think of a wounded animal that had been cornered.
“There’s nothing you can do to me, Julian MacTavish, that hasn’t already been done.”
The dismissive note in her voice made him release a low, primitive sound that sent her heart skidding out of control in trepidation. Perhaps she’d made a mistake in taunting him. As if he could see her
without any problem, he closed the small distance between them.
Instinct pushed her spine deeper into the door and away from him as she recognized the predatory nature of his stance. His heat pressing into hers, Julian bent his head until his mouth lightly touched the burnt flesh of her ear. Without thinking, she jerked her head away from his lips, and instantly regretted the move.
Cold amusement crossed his sharp, angular features as his body pinned her to the door. Despite her best intentions, a tremor shook through her at the suppressed violence pulsating off him and into her body. This wasn’t the man she’d married or made love to in the past. This was an untamed warrior Scotsman—a man unwilling to give any quarter. As she stared up at him, her heart skidded out of control. He was magnificent, and she was determined to make him hers again.
“Are you afraid, my lady?” he asked with a biting sarcasm that infuriated her.
“Of you? Never,” she said fiercely as she chose to fight fire with fire. Her hand cupped the back of his strong neck and she tugged his head down toward hers to kiss him hard. Julian stiffened against her for a brief moment before his body roughly pressed her deeper into the wood door behind her. It was a display of domination, and a small thrill raced through her. He immediately took control of the kiss, his mouth crushing hers beneath his.
The raw heat of him engulfed her like a hot summer day just before a thunderstorm. Inside her breast, her heart pounded a familiar rhythm of white-hot passion. He’d always had the ability to excite her, but the wild emotion heating her blood now was unlike anything she’d ever experienced between them. It was a wild, primitive throbbing that made her body ache to feel his skin against hers.
