by Monica Burns
But her desire for the title of Mistress of Crianlarich had come at a price. Like Caitriona before her, she was carrying Fergus’ child. With Julian’s father dead, Una’s reputation hinged on securing a husband quickly. A husband she thought she might find in Julian if he were to divorce Patience. The fact Una loved Julian could only make her situation all the more painful. As she steadily met the other woman’s gaze, Una grew pale again. Fear swept across the woman’s face, before her expression became as stony a look as Julian’s. She linked her arm through her father’s and gently pulled him toward the door.
“Let us go home, father. Ye need to rest,” Una said softly. “We can come back to see the child in a few days.”
“Aye,” Bensmore rasped and nodded his head.
Julian’s hand gently tightened around Patience’s as the father and daughter walked out of the room. A moment later, the front door made a loud thud as the Bensmores left the castle. Beside her, Julian made a sound of relief as he pulled Patience into his arms. His head dipped downward until his mouth brushed across her forehead.
“Ye have poor timing when it comes tae telling your husband ye still love him, Mrs. MacTavish.” Julian’s words were gruff, and there was a deeper, much more raw emotion threading through his words.
“I’ve been trying to tell you ever since I came home,” she said quietly as she clung to him. “I don’t know that I would have had the courage to do so if I’d not heard you tell Bensmore you loved me.”
“I’ve never stopped loving you mo ghràdh.” Julian kissed her gently then proceeded to press kiss after tender kiss to her face as he repeated his declaration over and over again. As he lifted his head, Patience sighed happily.
“I think I’ll have to insist you make that a daily ritual, Crianlarich, and at least three times a day.”
“Just three?” he teased in a light-hearted manner.
Despite her new-found happiness, the memory of Bensmore’s defeated expression filled Patience’s head. She rested her head against Julian’s shoulder, while her hand pressed against his heart.
“I wish it hadn’t been necessary to tell him the truth,” she whispered. “It will be hard enough for him when he learns Una’s with child.”
“With child,” he exclaimed in a low, hoarse voice. After a long pause, he drew in a harsh breath. “Is it my father’s?”
“Yes,” she said as she looked up at him. Anger made his features stern and implacable. “But she’s not very far along. I don’t think your father knew if even Una did. I’m sure he would have married her. It would have given her almost everything she wanted.”
“Almost?” he rasped with slight jerk.
“She’s in love with you,” Patience said as she experienced pity for the woman who’d craved things she would never have. “When I told Bensmore that all the men in your family have the same birthmark, Una was terrified. But it was when she looked at me that I knew you were the man she’d really wanted.”
“I never wanted her, mo leannan,” Julian reassured her with an intensity that made her heart soar.
“I know that now, my love. I should have believed you…trusted you,” she whispered as tears welled in her eyes. Would things have been different after the fire? The answer to that question was clear. Julian would never have allowed her to hide from him.
“Tis in the past, Patience,” he bit out in a strained voice, and she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.
“You’re in pain,” she gasped with self-reproach. “Forgive me, my darling. I knew you were unwell. I should have made you go upstairs the moment the Bensmores left.”
“Tis nothing more than a little headache. I will manage as long as I do no’ let you leave my side.”
Despite the dismissive note in his voice, she could still hear the note of misery in his voice. Concern spiraled through her, and she reached up to lightly stroke his temples. Her touch caused him to wince, and Patience made a soft sound of exasperation.
“Uncomfortable, my foot. You’re going upstairs to lie down,” she said firmly. As he opened his mouth to speak, Patience pressed her index finger against his lips. “No arguments.”
“I was no’ going to argue,” he muttered in a disgruntled manner.
“Why do I have trouble believing that,” she said with amusement.
“Do no’ sass me, woman,” he growled. A second later he came to an abrupt halt with a deep groan of pain then sagged against Patience.
“Julian,” she exclaimed in fear.
“’Tis all right, mo ghràdh,” he said hoarsely. “My head is just pounding like a blacksmith hammer on an anvil.”
“Perhaps you should sit down while I find Percy or Harlan to help you upstairs.”
“No,” he snarled then grimaced as he met her concerned gaze. “I can manage with your help, mo leannan.”
“All right.” Patience sighed at his hardheaded refusal to accept help. “And you have the audacity to call me stubborn.”
His only reply was a soft grunt as Patience helped guide him out into the main hall. They were halfway to the staircase, when Patience heard footsteps hurrying down the stairs. She looked up towards the sound to see Harlan and Percy headed toward them.
“Damnation, Julian,” her brother exclaimed. “You look as pale as a ghost.”
“It’s a migraine,” Patience said softly. She glanced up at Julian to see him flinch then pursed her lips in a silent gesture for her brother to lower his voice. Regret immediately darkened Percy’s features.
“Let me help you up the stairs, Julian,” Her brother said quietly as he stepped toward his brother-in-law. “Patience is strong, but if you collapse you’re apt to send the two of you tumbling down the steps.”
Patience felt Julian stiffen before he released a small noise of agreement. Percy wrapped his arm around Julian’s waist. When she didn’t retreat from Julian side, her brother arched his eyebrows at her.
“You better let Dr. Branson take your place, Patience. He’s stronger than you.” Percy’s statement caused Julian to release a low growl of protest. Patience touched his hand in a silent sign of reassurance.
“He’s right, Julian. Besides, Harlan can examine you once we get you into bed.”
“I do no’ need a doctor.” There was an odd note of antipathy in Julian’s voice that made her look at him in surprise. Bewildered, she glanced at Harlan and saw his expression of puzzlement quickly change to startled misgiving. The instant the physician realized she was watching him, he assumed his usual professional countenance. Harlan smiled reassuringly at her, but she couldn’t help thinking he knew something she didn’t.
“I don’t think you need a doctor either, Crianlarich,” the doctor said with a quiet authority he’d always used when she had been a difficult patient. “But your brother-in-law is correct. Your wife could be injured if you suddenly collapsed on the stairs. I should be the one to help Mr. Rockwood assist you up the stairs.”
Julian remained silent, but after a long moment he acquiesced to Harlan’s recommendation with a grunt. Slowly, he lifted his arm off Patience’s shoulder then with a gentle nudge, he pushed her away from him. Harlan quickly took her place.
“Let’s get you upstairs and into bed,” the doctor said quietly as he and Percy guided Julian up the stairs. “Mrs. MacTavish, if you don’t mind, would you retrieve my medicine bag from my room.”
“Of course,” she said with a nod and hurried up the stairs leaving the two men to help Julian navigate the path to the second floor.
Patience quickly found Harlan’s room and collected the black leather satchel. As she returned to the corridor, she saw her brother and the doctor half-carrying Julian into his room. Her heart sank. Julian hated anyone seeing him weak or helpless in any way. She bit down on her bottom lip and walked quickly down the hallway with the heavy bag Dr. Branson always carried with him.
She reached Julian’s room in time for her to see Percy adjusting her husband’s legs onto the bed. Patience barely
looked at the doctor as she handed his bag to him and went to Julian’s side. It was easy to tell Julian was in a great deal of pain from the way his shoulders and neck were knotted with tension. Dr. Branson bent over Julian on the opposite side of the bed to take his pulse and do a cursory examination. A low growl of irritation rumbled in her husband’s chest, but it didn’t stop Harlan’s efficient, professional manner.
Patience took Julian’s hand in hers and bent her head to kiss his fingers. In response, his hand immediately clutched hers firmly. Harlan raised his head to look at Patience.
“I have some herbs in my bag that have proven effective with some of my patients who have migraines,” he said quietly. “We can mix them with hot tea. I believe the taste is far from pleasant, but it should help.”
“I do no’ need anything except rest,” Julian snapped hoarsely.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Julian,” she said in a hushed voice. “If Dr. Branson thinks it will do you good, you should try it.”
“I do no’ need the mon’s help.” Julian’s short, clipped words were filled with anger and pain. Patience winced.
“Please, Julian. Please let him help you, if only to ease my mind that you’ll be all right.”
“Mrs. MacTavish, Percy—why don’t you let me have a few moments alone with the Crianlarich. Perhaps someone could fetch some tea?”
Startled by her doctor’s continued formality when addressing her, Patience looked at him in surprise. A gentle smile curved Harlan’s lips as he encouraged her to do as he asked with a slight nod. Julian’s hand tightened on hers, and she pressed her lips to his fingertips.
“I’ll return in a few minutes, my darling,” she whispered as she pulled free of his grasp and left the bed. His only response was a low groan of pain. As she left the room, Percy followed her. The door to Julian’s bedroom closed behind them, and she had gotten halfway down the hall before Percy’s fingers bit into her arm. As he pulled her to a halt, Patience shot a glare of exasperation over her shoulder at her brother.
“I need to fetch Julian’s tea.”
“In a minute, I need to talk to you first.”
“What can be any more important than seeing to Julian’s health?”
“Nothing, except the fact that you seem oblivious to the fact that Julian doesn’t want Dr. Branson’s skills as a physician.”
“What?” She shook her head slightly at the suggestion. “Why ever not?”
“Because Branson is in love with you,” Percy said quietly. “And my guess is that Julian either knows or suspects the man’s secret.”
“Don’t be absurd.” Patience waved her hand in a dismissive gesture.
“Do you really think a doctor would make a house call so far away from his practice unless the patient was very special?”
“But I never…oh, dear Lord.” She stumbled over her words as she tried to comprehend what her brother had told her. “You must be wrong, Percy.”
“I wish I were, and I wish I’d realized it before we left London. I would have found a reason for the man to stay behind.”
“But he knows I love Julian.”
“That doesn’t mean he can’t still love you, Patience.” Her brother bowed his head for a moment as he rubbed the back of his neck then looked at her again. “Branson’s a good man. He won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable while we’re here.”
The sound of a door closing made Patience and her brother jump as they jerked their heads toward the sound. Patience’s heart leapt into her throat at the sight of Harlan walking toward them. He arched his eyebrows at her and smiled.
“It appears you were delayed in securing the Crianlarich’s tea.” The gentle chastisement made Patience wince.
“I’m sorry…Percy was…I needed to discuss a matter with my brother.” She looked helplessly at her brother then back to Harlan.
“Ah, yes.” There was a world of understanding in the doctor’s short reply, and Patience flinched as he studied her carefully. “Might I have a word with you in private, Patience?”
“Of course,” she said with a nod. Percy hesitated, and Patience touched his arm in a reassuring manner. When she directed a reassuring smile at him, Percy reluctantly bobbed his head in agreement.
“I’ll leave you to it then,” he said somberly. Percy had taken only a few steps when Harlan called out to him in a quiet voice.
“I think we should return to London tomorrow, Percy.” When Patience and Percy looked at him in amazement, the man’s mouth curled upward. “So it is possible that the Rockwoods and their special gifts have limitations after all.”
There was no judgment in the doctor’s voice, but Patience flinched nonetheless. Regret darkened Harlan’s face, and he quickly stepped forward to take her hand in his.
“Forgive me, Patience.” The remorse in his apology made her smile but it quickly abated as she looked into his eyes. There was the same look of pain she’d seen in Una’s green-eyed gaze earlier. Something in her expression made him shutter his gaze against her probing look. Behind her, Percy cleared his throat.
“I’ll go get that tea.” Her brother’s words broke through the suddenly tense atmosphere. Patience turned to see Percy walk away leaving her alone with the physician. When she turned back to Harlan, she caught the fleeting glimpse of pain on his face that she’d seen only a short moment ago. His expression quickly changed to a kindly look. It was a look that had earned him her gratitude and affection. Resignation crossed his face.
“Your expression reveals you are not entirely oblivious to my feelings where you’re concerned.” His direct manner reminded her of all the other times during her period of healing where he’d forced her to face the truth.
“Only up until a few moments ago. Percy only just realized it himself this morning.”
“At least I was not as transparent as I feared,” Harlan said with an ironic twist of his lips. “It was a bit daunting to guard my secret when it comes to the Rockwood ability to see things others cannot.”
“But you know how unreliable my gift is when it comes to people I…care about.”
“At least I am afforded some small part of your heart,” he murmured with a grimace at her words. Patience quickly stepped forward to touch his arm.
“You do have a special place in my heart, Harlan,” she said gently.
“Just not in the way I’d hoped,” he said with a sad smile. “The Crianlarich is a fortunate man.”
“I’m the fortunate one. I simply didn’t see it until it was almost too late.”
“Then you’ve conquered all your fears?”
The question made her swallow the knot that quickly formed in her throat. The memory of Julian’s demand that she share her darkest secrets with him still hung over her head like Damocles’ sword. When she didn’t answer, the doctor released a sigh of disappointment.
“The man deserves nothing less than your complete honesty, Patience.”
“I’m barely able to admit the truth to myself.”
“Sharing the darkest, most human, part of ourselves is the ultimate declaration of love,” Harlan said with the quiet gentleness she’d become so familiar with. “I know you love him, but do you love him enough? Can you forgive yourself for whatever your dark secret is? Give yourself the courage to share it with him?”
“But you know how terrible it is,” she exclaimed as her heart ached with the knowledge she was glad she hadn’t been the one who’d died in the fire that night.
“No, but I have my suspicions,” he said quietly as he met her gaze steadily. When she looked away from him. He caught her chin with his fingers and forced her to look at him. “You’re not the only one who suffered a devastating loss the night of that tragic fire, Patience. MacTavish lost his wife. Isn’t it time you give her back to him, even if she’s a changed woman?”
“Yes,” Patience whispered.
“Good,” Harlan said with a slight smile. “I’ll add the herbs to his tea and along with a drop or two of laudanum to help
him sleep. I think he’ll be much better when he wakes up.”
“Thank you, Harlan. You’re so very dear to me.” Patience caught his hands in hers and squeezed them tight.
“Just remember that no matter what the future brings, the man loves you no matter what has come between you in the past,” he said quietly as he leaned forward to kiss her brow.
Patience nodded her head and hurried back down the hall to Julian’s room. In the back of her mind, Harlan’s last comment triggered a warning bell she didn’t comprehend. She pushed the thought aside as she entered Julian’s room. Nothing mattered except her husband and making certain that he understood how desperately she loved him.
Chapter 16
* * *
The quiet chime of the mantel clock broke through Julian’s sleep, and his eyes fluttered open. For a moment, he experienced a sense of disorientation as he saw the brilliant white light streaming through the bedroom window. The clarity of the dark, yet vividly visible, surroundings of his bedroom highlighted by the moonlight made his heart slammed into his chest. He could see. The knowledge made his gut twist with fear. Was he dreaming?
He blinked rapidly expecting his vision to be gone again. It remained. He shot upright in his bed with a shout of jubilation rising in his chest. Just as he was about to release the yell when a soft, delicate sound filled the air. The cry died in his throat as he recognized Patience’s gentle snore. It was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. She was here—with him. Julian turned his head to look at his wife.
A silky web of moonlight cast a soft sheen of pale color across her face. Staring down at her, his insides knotted painfully as he struggled to grasp that he was actually seeing her face for the first time in almost a year. Christ Jesus, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his entire life. His fingers itched to reach out and touch her, but he didn’t. She might awaken, and he needed time to adjust to the fact of his sight having returned to him. Time to come up with a way to tell her.
