by Cindy Kirk
“A date?” Abby heard the shock in her voice. But really, why did it matter? Jonah was certainly free to date whoever he wanted. Yet, after the kisses they’d shared, it felt like a betrayal.
Nell’s eyes were steady and very blue. “Not a date.”
“How do you know that?”
“He barely paid attention to her. He asked me to join them and seemed relieved when I agreed.” Nell picked up her fork, her gaze shifting for a second to a blue jay chattering on a leafy limb nearby.
“Not conclusive.” Abby shook her head. The knot that had been in her throat had taken up residence in the pit of her stomach.
“He told her he had a girlfriend.”
Abby blinked. “What?”
“She asked if he had a girlfriend, and he said yes.”
Even as her blood began to hum, Abby brought her brows together and considered the comment. “Do you think he has a girlfriend back in Springfield?”
“I believe he was referring to you.”
The thrill that traveled up Abby’s spine made absolutely no sense. She took a gulp of the steaming coffee, relishing the burn against her throat that brought her back to reality. “He’s mistaken.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
“Humor me.” Nell sat back in her chair. “Spell it out.”
Though there was no one seated nearby, Abby lowered her voice. “There can never be anything between Jonah and me. I know what kind of man he is deep down.”
Something flickered in the depths of Nell’s ice-blue eyes. “One mistake. Made years ago.”
“It speaks to character.” Abby lifted her chin. “What’s that saying? When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
“Let me make sure I understand.” A tiny muscle in Nell’s jaw jumped. “You’re saying that a decision made years ago, a path chosen—even if regretted—makes up the sum of that person’s character.”
The bite underscoring Nell’s words surprised Abby. She could count on one hand the times she’d seen her friend show such intense emotion.
Abby hesitated, feeling the ground shifting beneath her feet. But darn it, she was right about this. “He wanted to kill Eva Grace.”
Nell took another bite of french toast, then dabbed a bit of cherry from the corner of her mouth. “You told me the doctor had painted a bleak picture of what the fetus’s life would look like.”
“It wasn’t a fetus.” Abby balled her hands into fists. “She was a baby. I’d felt her move.”
“To you, she was a baby.” Nell agreed. “But Jonah and his wife hadn’t had the experience of feeling her move. They had yet to bond with her in the way you already had. Doubtless, all they heard was the physician’s dire warning about a baby that didn’t yet seem real to them.”
“Maybe,” Abby grudgingly conceded.
“From what you describe, Jonah had a wife on the verge of a nervous breakdown. No way would she be able to cope with a severely handicapped child.”
“So you just kill it?”
“There are many people who believe terminating a pregnancy under these circumstances is the humane choice.”
“Is that what you believe?”
“I don’t have a horse in this race.” Nell’s gaze turned to the blue jay. But the faraway look in her eyes told Abby she didn’t see the bird. “I can tell you that life is rarely as black and white as you’re making it. There are events in my life that I would go back in a heartbeat and change if I could.”
The pain in Nell’s voice had Abby’s brows winging upward. She didn’t know a lot about her friend’s background, but from what Nell had shared, it had sounded like a normal childhood and upbringing.
Abby wasn’t sure how to respond. She didn’t want to pry into Nell’s past, especially if the events were painful. “If you ever want to talk about it, know that I would keep your confidence.”
Nell’s lips lifted in a humorless smile. “Are you sure you want to know? I’m afraid once you did, you might find my character lacking.”
Jerking back, Abby simply stared, hurt welling up inside her. “I would never—”
“You’ve done it to Jonah.” Nell blew out a harsh breath. “I’m not proud of some of the choices I’ve made. Like I said, if I could go back and choose differently, I would. I can’t.”
It suddenly struck Abby that this discussion might be hitting too close to home for Nell. Was her friend haunted by a pregnancy termination? Had she kept that information from her because of Abby’s past situation?
Abby took a breath and let it out. “If you had an abortion, I want you to know that won’t affect our friendship.”
“Abortion?” Nell looked too startled to be faking. “No. No. Nothing like that.”
“Then what?”
Nell studied her for a long moment. “Some things are better kept to oneself.”
Abby’s heart sank. “Because you think I’m judgmental.”
Her friend’s expression softened. “I think you’re one of the nicest, most loving people I’ve ever known. But I choose to believe a person’s character is made up of a variety of behaviors and attitudes. A single decision, or perhaps multiple decisions over a certain span of time, doesn’t make that person good or bad.”
“Maybe,” Abby grudgingly conceded. “But decisions made when it really counts tell us a person’s character.”
“You were deep in the situation, so I know it’s hard for you to step back and look at it objectively.”
Abby could tell where Nell was going with this, and it was the wrong direction. “We’re going to have to agree to disagree on—”
“You’re judging Jonah when you don’t know everything that went into his decision.”
“Why are you on his side?” Abby cried out in frustration. “I thought you were my friend.”
She’d spoken so loudly several people at a table across the terrace turned to stare. But Abby was too hurt to care.
As if sensing her distress, Nell spoke softly in a soothing tone. “You like him.”
Reluctantly, Abby nodded. “But I refuse to make excuses just so things can be the way they once were.”
“Things will never be the way they once were.” A sad smile lifted Nell’s lips. “Not for me. Not for you. Not for him. That doesn’t mean it can’t be different, perhaps even better.”
Abby’s doubt must have shown on her face because Nell smiled. “All I’m saying is perhaps it’s time you and Jonah discuss everything that went into his decision back then. After you’ve talked it out, then you can decide how the two of you can move forward.”
The knee-jerk response was to tell Nell that she already knew everything there was to know about that time. But that would be a lie.
Nancy Rollins’s revelation about Veronica had taken Abby completely by surprise. She’d had no idea Jonah’s ex-wife—a woman she’d known—could be so vicious and vindictive.
Perhaps she didn’t know all that had gone into Jonah’s decision. She thought she knew, but they hadn’t ever revisited that time. Why? Because she was afraid that what she’d find out would put even more of a wedge between them.
As far as she was concerned, there was no reason he couldn’t have been there with her in the delivery room. She’d been so scared, so completely alone. The baby she’d carried had been his. After all they’d shared growing up, had it really been too much to ask him to be there for her?
He hadn’t even bothered to respond. Though she thought she’d moved on from that, the knowledge that he hadn’t cared enough to do even that still gnawed at her.
“You’re right.” Abby expelled a ragged breath. “I don’t know the whole story. But I’m afraid once I do, I might not be able to stand having him around.”
“Don’t worry about what’s going to happen once you know it all. There will be plenty of time to decide how to proceed.” Nell’s eyes warmed. “I have faith you’ll make the decision that’s right for you.”
“You mean that I’l
l make the right decision.”
Nell shook her head. “The one that’s right for you. But this time you’ll make it from a position of maturity, knowing all the facts.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Jonah looked up from the floor where he and Eva Grace played with her “ponies.” With two sisters, he was familiar with the brightly colored horses in every shade of the rainbow.
He’d expected Abby.
He hadn’t expected Nell to be with her.
Putting down the pink pony with the electric-blue mane and tail, he rose to his feet.
“Hi, Mommy.” Eva Grace barely looked up from the pony she had “galloping” across the hardwood floor.
“How about me?” Nell’s tone was teasing. “Don’t I even rate a hello?”
Eva Grace looked up then and flashed a smile. “Hello. Me and Jonah are playing ponies.”
“I see that.” Nell placed her bag on the floor, then crossed the room and crouched down. “What would you think if I took over for Jonah while he and your mommy went to the Market?”
Jonah shifted his gaze to Abby. This was a new twist to the day. He’d bet anything it had to do with last night.
Nell’s face gave him no clue. That wasn’t surprising. In the short time he’d been acquainted with the woman, he knew you didn’t see anything on Nell Ambrose’s face she didn’t want you to see.
Eva Grace’s brows drew together. “I like going to Market.”
When he’d first moved to Hazel Green, Jonah had learned that the Market was held every Saturday in the Green. Not only was it a traditional farmer’s market with locally grown produce, artisans set up booths to sell their art and crafts as well.
Nell stroked the pink mane of a yellow horse, and a look of yearning blanketed her face. “I was really looking forward to playing ponies.”
Whether it was the sadness in her voice or the yearning on her face, whatever it was had Eva Grace’s kind heart responding. She patted Nell’s arm, her voice soft and consoling. “I’ll stay and play ponies with you.”
“Thank you, Eva Grace.” Nell’s expression brightened. “Maybe my pony and yours can race?”
“Mine is really fast,” Eva Grace warned, her big blue eyes wide and serious.
“That’s okay.” Nell slanted a glance at Abby. “It’s not all about winning.”
Jonah shifted his attention to Abby. For someone who’d left to have a relaxing breakfast with a friend, she looked pale and tense.
What had Nell told her?
Abby was a smart woman. Surely she’d understood that he hadn’t been on a date with Ryann. Not that there was anything wrong with him dating.
Even as the justification flashed, he shoved it aside. It would have been wrong, and unfair to the other woman. Not when there was only one woman he wanted to be with . . . one who appeared to be on the verge of kicking him to the curb.
Eva Grace had to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before he left. The feel of those small arms around him had a lump rising to his throat.
He cleared his throat as they strode down the corridor leading outside. “Where did you and Nell end up having breakfast?”
“The Green Gateau.”
He reached around her to open the door. “That’s the place with the green door and all the windows, just off the park?”
“That’s the one.” As she stepped onto the sidewalk, she turned silent. Her teeth caught on her bottom lip.
The tension in his gut ratcheted up another notch. What the heck had Nell told her?
“Something upset you. It appears it has to do with me.”
Her gaze jerked in his direction, surprise widening her eyes.
His lips quirked upward, but he found no humor in the situation. “Give me some credit. I am a cop.”
“Nell said she ran into you last night.” Though Abby’s tone was casual, the look in his eyes had him swallowing a curse.
“It wasn’t a date.”
“What?”
“I wasn’t on a date.” Though he and Abby had only exchanged a few kisses, it felt like that would be the ultimate betrayal. “I didn’t know that woman would be there. I was actually relieved when Nell showed up. If she said—”
Abby’s soft touch on his arm had whatever he’d been about to say dying in his throat.
“That’s what she told me.” She exhaled a rough breath. “She had a lot of other things to say as well.”
Jonah’s brows drew together. “Such as?”
“Such as there are always two sides to every issue.”
“True.”
“That perhaps I’ve judged you unfairly.”
It was clear they were no longer talking about last night’s dinner at the trattoria. It also sounded as if Nell had stood up for him. Unfortunately, it was undeserved. “I deserve every bit of your judgment.”
She nodded. For some reason, his comment had the tension relaxing on her face.
Crisp white tents dotted the Green, with vendors selling apples, pumpkins, and other seasonal produce. A tent offering stained glass caught his eye, reminding him of the house they’d seen on their walk. The yellow one with stained glass over the windows.
Abby didn’t seem interested in stopping at any of the tents. She smiled and nodded to shoppers she knew, occasionally calling out or responding to a greeting.
If she was as aware of the curious glances slanted their way, it didn’t show. Though Jonah longed to touch her, to take her arm, he kept his hands to himself.
“Did you agree with Veronica about terminating the pregnancy?” Abby stopped. Resting her back against the side of the bridge, her dark eyes pinned him. “Or did you just go along with her wishes?”
It was a question Jonah had struggled with for years. Telling Abby he’d only gone along with what Veronica had wanted would likely be more acceptable to her than saying he’d agreed with his wife.
While he wanted to rebuild his relationship with Abby, he wouldn’t do it based on half truths or lies.
“I honestly don’t know.”
Suspicion flicked in her brown eyes. “You don’t know?”
“I know it was easy for you. Despite everything the doctor was saying, you were determined to continue to protect the life growing inside you.”
Her eyes never left his face.
“When I heard all the challenges the child would face, I remember feeling sick inside.”
“The doctor said it could be a meningocele.”
“As rare as that particular type of spina bifida is, that comment felt as if the doctor was tossing us a bone.” Jonah raked a hand through his hair. “The fact is, Veronica couldn’t have handled a child with severe birth defects. There isn’t a single doubt in my mind on that.”
Abby started walking, and he fell into step beside her. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“I honestly don’t know.” Jonah took a deep breath, let it out. “I took the easy route.”
“I don’t understand.” Her voice trembled slightly.
She understood, he thought. She might wish the answer were different, but she understood.
“Veronica was my wife. I told myself I had to stand by her. Which, don’t you see, allowed me to not take ownership?” Self-loathing filled his voice. “And when she threatened to make your life a living hell if I stayed in contact with you, I told myself I was protecting you. But was I? Or was it that I didn’t have the guts to face you after the predicament I put you in?”
“Going the surrogate route was my choice.” Abby’s gaze drifted to the yellow house Eva Grace had admired. “One day I’m going to give my daughter a house like that.”
My daughter. The significance wasn’t lost on him.
“We were the ones who approached you, dangling the money like a carrot before a starving rabbit.”
Abby laughed, and the sound seemed to surprise them both.
“It wasn’t just the money.” Abby spoke, her voice now as soft as her eyes. “It was the chance to give you a
child. I knew you’d be a wonderful father.”
Jonah said nothing, could think of nothing to say. Facts didn’t lie. He’d walked away from her just when she needed him most.
“I was right.”
He cocked his head.
“You are a wonderful father. Eva Grace adores you.”
“I love her already.”
“She’s a hard kid not to love.” Abby’s lips curved before her expression sobered. “One last question.”
“Anything.” Though he couldn’t imagine what else there was left, Jonah braced himself.
“Why didn’t you come to the hospital for the delivery?” The hurt in her eyes shredded his heart. “I was alone. I was frightened out of my mind. I know you’d washed your hands of the baby”—he flinched at the words—“but I thought, because of our friendship, you’d have come to be with me.”
Puzzled, Jonah cocked his head. “I didn’t know when you were going to deliver. And the last time I’d seen you, you’d told me to stay the heck away from you.”
“What about my call? The texts?” The moisture that filled her eyes told him, even after all this time, the memory hurt like a rotten tooth. “You didn’t even have the decency to say you wouldn’t be there.”
“I never got a text or a call from you.” Jonah stilled. “Surely Veronica wouldn’t have . . .”
He didn’t need to finish the thought.
The suspicion that rose in her dark eyes had him going silent for a moment. “I didn’t receive your call or texts. I don’t know how that happened because my phone is always with me. But I didn’t.”
“Would you have been there?” Her penetrating gaze narrowed. “If you’d gotten the messages.”
He wanted to be honest. He thought of Veronica. Of the threats. “I would have wanted to be there. I think I’d have been there. But Veronica, well, I’d never seen her so bent on punishing you.”
“You act like she was calling the shots.” Abby’s brows pulled together. “You’ve never been one to let another person run you.”
“She’d have done what she wanted, whether I agreed or not.” He willed Abby to see the truth in his eyes. “If she decided to take you to court, she’d have pursued that vendetta without me. If she decided to take custody of Eva Grace just to put her in an institution, I’d have battled her in court and likely won. But at what cost? To you? To me? To Eva Grace?”
