by Sharon Sala
And then Mattie came striding into the kitchen with her head up and fire in her eyes, and the moment to question him was lost.
“I’m going to change. Be back in five,” Ben said quickly, and left.
China sensed Mattie’s mood. Uncomfortable being alone with Ben’s mother, she sat down, hoping the silence would make her invisible. But to her surprise, Mattie suddenly turned and smiled.
“Hope you’re hungry, dear,” Mattie said. “I think I made too much chicken and dumplings.”
“Oh! One of my favorite foods,” China said. “I haven’t had it in years.”
It was the perfect thing to say. Mattie began talking companionably, as if they’d been working together all their lives, and by the time the food was on the table and everyone had gathered round, the atmosphere in the room was comfortable and light.
An hour or so later, after the food had been eaten and the dishes were done, Dave left for the night. Mattie moved to the living room, settling in her favorite chair with the remote at her elbow and her knitting in her lap, leaving Ben and China alone in the kitchen.
“Want to take a walk?” he asked.
The idea of getting out, even for a short while, was exciting.
“Yes, very much,” she said.
“Get your coat.”
She jumped up too quickly and winced.
“Take your time, honey,” Ben said. “I won’t leave without you.”
Excited about doing something normal rather than hiding in fear, she went to the front closet to get her coat. Mattie looked up from her knitting as China slipped her coat from its hanger.
“We’re going for a walk,” she said.
Mattie nodded approvingly. “It will be good for you,” she said. “You’ll sleep better after getting some fresh air.”
“We won’t be long,” China said.
“Take as long as you like. Ben won’t let you come to harm.”
China hurried back to the kitchen, where Ben was waiting, but with a new sense of peace. Seven little words, but they had made all the difference in her world. Ben won’t let you come to harm. His mother was right. Ben would take care of her, and not just because he was a cop and it was his job, but because he’d promised.
Ben helped her put on her coat, pulled the hood up close around her face and fastened it beneath her chin.
“Don’t want you getting chilled.”
“I’m tough.”
He paused, staring intently at her face. “Yes, you are, aren’t you, honey?”
Pinned by the shadows in his eyes, China shivered, and then the moment passed. He took her by the elbow and led her out the back door. Earlier, the wind had stopped. Now the air was cold and still, and as they stepped off the porch, the grass crunched beneath their feet. She took a deep breath and then looked up at the sky. Only a few stars were showing, which told her the storm front that had been predicted earlier was probably moving in.
“Are you warm enough?” Ben asked.
She nodded, then remembered it was dark and added a yes.
“Better take my hand,” Ben said. “Some of the ground is a little uneven. Above everything else, I don’t want you to fall.”
She slipped her hand in his without thinking about the consequences, yet as soon as they touched, the awareness between them came back.
“We’ll make this quick,” Ben said. “When you’re stronger, we’ll stay longer, but a short walk to the barn and back should be enough for tonight.”
The silence between them was oddly comfortable. As they walked, China became aware of a dark shadow looming in the distance. This had to be the barn. As they neared, a horse suddenly nickered. She jumped.
“It’s just Cowboy,” Ben said. “He’s my horse. He’s twenty years old and has never lived anywhere but this ranch.”
A sense of poignancy swept over China. How strange that she was homeless but Ben English’s horse wasn’t. She shrugged off the self-pity and made herself smile.
“Can we see him?” she asked.
“That’s a given,” Ben said. “He knows we’re coming. If we don’t show up with a treat or two, he’ll sulk for a week.”
“Oh, but we didn’t bring anything with us.”
“I have some sugar cubes in my pocket,” Ben said. “I got them while I was waiting for you.”
“I’ve never petted a horse before,” China said.
Ben stopped, pretending great surprise. “And how long have you lived in Texas, lady?”
“Almost twenty years.”
“Someone has neglected your raising, honey. Allow me to intervene.”
China was smiling as they entered the barn, and although the building was open at both ends, there was a sense of warmth and shelter. She shoved the hood away from her face as Ben flipped a switch, flooding the barn with light. Immediately, a big sorrel with a white blaze on his face stuck his head over the door of his stall.
Ben laughed. “Yeah, I see you, fella. We’re coming as fast as we can.”
China was beside herself with excitement. Before Ben could stop her, she hurried ahead. Ben started to caution her. Cowboy didn’t like strangers. But there was something about the silence of the horse and the woman as they took each other’s measure that told him this would be different. He stopped and took a deep breath, savoring the rare communication between the pair.
China was entranced. The animal’s dark-brown eyes were fixed upon her face, its nostrils slightly flared as it explored her scent. And then Cowboy nickered softly, as if saying hello. China looked to Ben for approval. When he nodded, she extended her hand. The soft, velvety pull of the horse’s lips tickled the palm of her hand, in search of the favored treat. Ben slipped her a cube, which she promptly extended.
When the horse took it out of her hand without touching her skin, she sighed with delight.
“His nose… it’s so soft,” she whispered.
“He likes you,” Ben said.
There was childlike excitement in her voice. “He does?”
Ben nodded. “He doesn’t let just anyone pet him.”
China shivered with delight. “Do you have any more sugar?”
Ben handed her what he’d brought, watching as the big horse daintily nibbled up his treats.
“That’s all,” China said, when the last one had been eaten.
Just as if he understood, the horse tossed his head and then surprised her by nuzzling the side of her face and then gently pulling at her hair.
When China gasped, Ben thought she was afraid and moved to step between them.
“No,” she begged. “He’s not hurting me. He’s loving me, isn’t he?”
Pain twisted his heart. “How can you blame him? You’d be easy to love.”
She turned then, her eyes wide with disbelief. “You mean easy prey, don’t you? After all, look at what I let Tommy Fairheart do.”
“No, that’s not what I meant, and don’t put words in my mouth. You didn’t let that heel do anything to you, honey. You were his victim. He’s a con man. He looks for innocent young women… lonely women. He feeds them a line and takes them for what he can get and moves on.” He moved closer, his voice softening. “It’s not a mistake to want happiness. It’s not a crime to fall in love, and I’m sorry he hurt you—more than you can know.”
She glanced at Ben, then looked away. “Maybe so, but it doesn’t make me feel any less stupid.”
“Do you still love him?”
“Absolutely not,” she said, and moved away. “That part of our relationship had been over for months. Even before he stole my money and left. I just didn’t know how to let go of the man who was my baby’s father.”
Ben couldn’t deny the relief he felt. At least he wasn’t going to have to fight that, too. And fight he would. He’d already decided that she was worth whatever it took.
“That’s good,” Ben said. “It makes my job a whole lot easier.”
“How does my hating Tommy Fairheart have anything to do with protectin
g me?”
Ben moved closer then. “I’m not talking about that job,” he whispered, as he cupped her face with his hands. “I’m talking about teaching you to trust me. Without trust, there’s no love, and, honey, I want you to love me more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”
China’s eyes widened, her lips parting in surprise.
It was what Ben had been waiting for. He lowered his head, centering a kiss in the middle of her mouth. Her head fell back against his arm as he cradled her against his chest. He felt her shock, then her lips trembling against his. She was sweet, so sweet, and so damned scared. When she moaned, he instantly pulled back.
“Don’t be scared,” he begged. “Not of me. I would never hurt you.” He nuzzled his lips against the side of her neck. “Never.”
She stared up at his face. The tenderness was there. She’d expected it. But there was also a passion she didn’t know how to take. Her hands were shaking as she lifted them to her mouth. She felt branded and wondered if the imprint of his lips could be physically felt.
Ben was scared he’d ruined everything by coming on so strong. It had been too soon. What the hell had he been thinking?
“China… honey?”
She shook her head, as if coming out of a daze.
“Never?” she asked.
Ben exhaled on a shaky sigh. “God yes, never ever.”
“You promise?”
He nodded. “Have I ever broken a promise to you?”
She bit her lower lip, then shrugged. “Not yet.”
At that moment, if Ben could have put his hands around Fairheart’s throat, he would have throttled him. He stifled the urge to react in anger, but it came out in his voice anyway.
“China.”
“What?”
“Don’t make me pay for someone else’s mistakes.”
“I—”
“You’ve been out long enough,” he said. “It’s getting late. Tomorrow’s another day.”
Their walk back to the house was silent. When they got inside, Ben paused to lock the door behind them. China watched him, wondering if she’d ruined everything between them, then deciding that it was all in her head, because there was nothing to be ruined. He’d kissed her. That was all. No need to wrap herself around a future that couldn’t possibly exist.
“Give me your coat,” he said. “I’ll hang it up for you.”
She handed him the coat, then stood, unwilling to end their evening.
“Thank you for the walk… and for Cowboy… and…” Unable to speak of the rest of what had happened, she ended her thanks with a shrug.
The last of his anger faded as he saw the panic on her face. His voice gentled, his smile forgiving.
“You’re welcome.”
She was on her way out of the kitchen when Ben called out to her.
“China?”
She spun, unaware of the anxiety in her voice. “Yes?”
“Do you need any help getting undressed?”
“No, no, I can manage.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded.
She started to leave again, but there was something inside him that hated to let go. He called to her again, and again she turned.
“Yes?” China said.
“Sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
The tension on her face began to fade, replaced by a slow, timid smile.
“Yes. You, too,” she said softly, and then left him standing. She couldn’t bring herself to look back for fear the look of hunger she’d seen on his face would still be there.
Long after the house was quiet and everyone had gone to bed, China sat in a chair by her window, staring out into the night. Her thoughts were on replay, from the time Ben had tied the hood beneath her chin to the moment he’d told her good-night. She kept remembering the feel of Cowboy’s nose on the palm of her hand and Ben English’s mouth upon her lips. One had tickled, the other had made her knees go weak. What was she to do? She couldn’t be falling in love. She was in enough danger already without giving another man entry into her heart.
But then she reminded herself that Ben wouldn’t hurt her. He wasn’t that kind. He was a man who kept the promises he made. All she had to do was learn to believe in herself as much as she believed in him.
***
The woman opened her closet and reached in for a gown, letting her fingers run lightly over the satins and silks before choosing one of red chiffon. She dropped it over her head, sighing in satisfaction as the fabric slid the length of her long, slender body. It hung loose from the decolletage—a diaphanous nightgown that swept the floor as she walked. She stepped into a pair of red mules and then put on the matching robe, tying it beneath her breasts in a neat, dainty bow.
As she passed the stereo, she punched Play. At once, the throbbing bass of a rock-and-roll band reverberated against her skin. She shivered as the sensation went all the way to her bones. Dancing her way toward the dresser in long, sensuous strides, she paused to give herself a critical stare, then reached for the wig on a nearby stand. With a practiced hand, she flipped it over her head, then pulled it down around her ears. The new haircut made it fit a little bit loose, and she tugged on the cap until it finally settled in place. This time, when she swung around to view herself in the full-length mirror, she liked what she saw. The only problem was, no one would see her like this. It was too dangerous to play the game anymore.
She frowned. The music played on, but she wasn’t able to respond as she normally did. She kept picturing that woman on the front page of the Dallas Morning News. Damn it all to hell, how had they done that? She would have sworn there wasn’t a living soul who’d seen her face. She’d been so careful, never leaving a witness to tell about her little games.
A shiver ran up her spine as she remembered Chaz Finelli coming out of nowhere and the flash of his camera as it caught her in disguise. Thank God she’d had her gun with her. She’d made short work of Finelli and his damned camera. The cops would never find it. She’d stripped the film from the camera and set it on fire, then tossed the camera into a Dumpster on the other side of town. It had been unfortunate about that woman—the one with the baby in her belly. Then she shrugged. It was survival of the fittest. She’d worked too hard to get where she was to toss it away on sentimentality.
Suddenly angry, she stomped over to the stereo and turned it off, then began yanking off her clothes and tossing them all around. When she was through, the woman from the mirror was no longer recognizable. She washed her face until it was devoid of any makeup, dressed in the clothes she’d worn to the cabin and turned out the lights as she left. In a week or so, after the New Year had been rung in, she would start a quiet investigation. She had money and power and friends in high places. Somehow she would find out how the police had come up with that picture. There was too much at stake to take any chances of being found.
***
Christmas Day dawned with a gray, cloudy sky. China buried her nose beneath the covers, reluctant to emerge. This day hadn’t meant much to her since her mother’s death, but she had looked forward to the Christmases she would have had with a child. Shopping for toys, pretty dresses and bows for a little girl’s hair. But the dream was gone now, like everything else she had treasured.
A knock sounded on her door.
“China, are you up?”
“No,” she said.
He opened the door. “But you’re awake.”
“I am now.”
“Good,” he said. “I wanted to give you your present.”
“But I didn’t get you anything,” she said.
“Of course not,” he said. “You’re in hiding, remember?”
“So that makes me exempt from giving gifts?”
He tugged at a lock of her hair, then sat on the edge of her bed.
“In this instance, yes.” He laid a small box in her lap.
“That doesn’t seem right,” she said, although she was interested enough to sit up.
“Open it,” Ben urged. “Please.”
She began to remove the ribbon, then the paper. A few seconds later, she opened the lid and lifted the figurine out.
“Oh, Ben.” Her eyes filled with tears.
“I know,” he said. “But when I saw it, I knew it was yours.”
“It’s perfect,” she said. “Even though it makes me sad, it’s also a reminder of where she’s at.”
Ben sighed with relief. It was exactly what he’d been trying to convey.
She lifted her arms, then wrapped them around his neck.
“Thank you,” she said.
“You’re welcome,” he whispered, and stole himself one Christmas kiss. “Mom’s making biscuits. Do you feel like getting up to eat?”
“I wouldn’t miss it,” she said. “Just give me a few minutes to get dressed.”
“If you need any help, just holler.”
She nodded. He winked and then left, leaving her alone with the gift she’d unwrapped. The porcelain angel was perfect in detail, right down to the folds of fabric on her pale-pink gown, but it was the infant she was holding that broke China’s heart.
She picked it up again, holding it to the light coming in through the window. Sadness swept over her in one crashing wave after another as she read the small inscription at the base of the statuette.
Someone to Watch Over Me.
It hit her, as she studied her gift, that this could also be symbolic of her relationship with Ben. In a way, she was the infant, helpless to fight all that was facing her now, and he was the angel, holding her safe to his heart. He was pledging his life to keep her safe.
All through the day, she kept the thought in her heart.
***
Ben tossed aside a file he’d been working on and then leaned back in his chair, eyeing his partner at the desk opposite his.
“Hey, Red, are you taking Rita out tonight?”
Red looked up and frowned. “No. Why?”
“It’s New Year’s Eve, for God’s sake. This time tomorrow it will be a whole new year. That’s something to celebrate.”
Red looked nervous. “She hasn’t said anything.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “She shouldn’t have to.”
“So you think I’d better come up with a plan?” Red asked.
