Breathless (The Breathe Series Book 1)

by Christy Johnson

  I don’t talk to him right away, I sit there with my hands shoved in between my inner thighs.

  “Cold?” He asks proceeding to touch a button to blast the heat.

  “No! No. I’m fine.” Just nervous. He pulls his hand back from the change gear.

  “What kind of car is this?” I ask.

  “An Avreocar. I don’t have to drive, it can drive itself but I like working out my forearms.” He says proudly as he flexes his arms. I disregard his body, touching the dash of his car. It was exquisite and expensive. The beauty of it captivates my sight, but the expense dulls my fantasy.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “What kind of car do you have?” He asks, displaying a screen onto the window shield suggesting that I should watch the small television window but I pay no attention to that either.

  “Had.” I correct him.

  “Had?”

  “I was in a car accident 8 days ago; that’s why I was at the Care Station. I got out of surgery a few days ago.”

  “Oh wow. I’m sorry to hear. What happened?”

  “Some guy was on my tail, driving like a homicidal maniac with so many Travelers on the road. I was trapped by them and just when I thought it was safe to get away from the crazy guy, a Crux slams on its brakes in front of me causing the accident with Travelers, me and the man behind. Everyone survived except one.”

  “Who was the one?”

  “Not sure.” I shrug still admiring the beauty of the car. “I had an Oasis.” I answer his question. My Oasis didn’t possess the luxury of driving itself or even projecting information onto the window but one thing it had in common with Devin’s car was the way it lit up in the inside and it also had a lounge in the back of the small vehicle. I smirk, reminiscing on my car’s beauty.

  “What?” He asks glancing between me and the road.

  “Oh, nothing just still admiring your car’s beauty.” I sit back on the seat, continuing conversations with him. Snorting, laughing and being myself. He tells me about his father and I tell him about my mother. We exchange laughs and I remove my hands from the inner part of my thighs.

  “Where are we?” I say, in between the laughs and sniffles.

  “Oh, man. I passed Eyubus a while ago. I’m sorry. The conversation was just…”

  “No, I’m sorry! I should have been paying attention.” I say positioning my hand on my chest as if to say it is my fault. I grip my stomach to soothe the pain creeping its way back into me.

  “Are you okay?” He asks.

  “Yes. It’s just the pain of the surgery. It hasn’t worn off yet.”

  “I could take you to your friend’s house if you want.” He changes the subject.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, it’s no problem.” His eyes flash up at me as he’s grinning, initiating my body to melt. I study him, noticing how his forearm flexed every time he turned a curve and how the sun glistened against his brown skin. His melanin skin reminded me of my father. My mother and I were fair skinned, whereas, my father carried the gene of melanin. Such gracious beauty in their skin, his and Devin’s. His amber eyes flicker back up to mine. My cheeks burn with humiliation as he notices me staring at him.

  “Thanks.” I cough out biting my bottom lip.

  “Anytime, just show me the way and don’t distract me with your beauty this time.” He laughs and I blush again.

  “I can’t promise you that.” I retaliate.

  “Cute.” He smirks as I hear the breath of him seeping out through his nostrils.

  “This is it. Here on the left.” His tires squeal as we come to a halt. I don’t move, instead, I fall victim to his succulent lips. I imagine what they feel like—taste like. I wondered if they would bounce back from mine once the kiss was over. I wanted to kiss him. I bite my lip again.

  “What’s that for?” He says, grinning up at me.

  “What’s what for?” I say, blushing.

  “The lip bite.”

  “I—shoot!” I laugh, slapping my hand against my forehead. “I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t catch that.”

  “Blushing is cute on you. You should do it more often.” He looks down at his hands, his tongue gliding across his bottom lip, leaving his mouth moist.

  “Maybe you should give me more reasons to.” The words just slip out without warning. I simper and for a second, I thought I felt my heart go thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. “Well, I should go.” I break the mystical hypnosis between us.

  “Yea, yea. I’ll, uh, see you around? You know, at Apalachicola and all, right?”

  “Sure.” I whisper.

  “Okay.” He returns the lip bite. I smile and get out of the car, thanking him for the ride. He pulls off just before I could approach the door.

  *****

  THE PAST 1.3

  Leslie

  “Hello, Riley?” Leslie whispers through the phone.

  “Hey, Mrs. Jacobs, how are you?”

  “I’m fine, dear. I–”

  “Listen, if you’re looking for Nora, she’s on her way over here now.” He cuts her off before she could finish her sentence.

  “That’s not why I called.” Her voice fades out.

  “Okay, then why did you call?” He asks.

  “Riley, I need your help.”

  “What is it, Mrs. Jacobs?” His voice displays worry.

  “I—I need you to break my daughter’s heart. You are the only one who can save her now. Please save her.”

  NORA

  I sit at the bottom of Riley’s bed, writing my entrance paper to Apalachicola as he sits at the top, staring at me.

  “Nora?” He whispers but I don’t answer. I assume that he was just in another one of his trances. He was always the daydreamer.

  “Nora?” He says louder.

  “Mm?” I answer this time, not looking up from my paper.

  “Nora, look at me.” He says. I still don’t look at him. “Look at me!” He yells this time and my eyes drift up to his.

  “What’s wrong, Riley?” I look down at his hands and notice he’s shaking. I throw my notebook down onto the bed and rush over to him.

  “I—I…” He tries to talk in between whimpers.

  “What is it Riley?” I grip the sides of his face, trying to get him to look up at me. He continues to hang his head—closing his eyes. “Riley, please.”

  “I can’t do this,” he whispers, “anymore.”

  “Do what? Wh—what are you talking about?” I stammer.

  “I cannot do this.” He raises his voice a little more.

  “Do what?” I scold.

  “This.”

  “What is ‘this’?” I pull my hands back from his face.

  “Us–” He says bluntly. I hear my heart snap. “I will always love you, Nor but I can’t be with you.”

  “Look at me!” I say. He still doesn’t look up. “LOOK AT ME!” I scream. His head rises. “You will look at me and tell me this. Look me in my eye and tell me you don’t want me anymore.” Tears stream down the sides of my face. I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t hear it.

  “I will always love you, Nor but I can’t bear to be without children.” My heart stops.

  “So you’re bringing my condition into this!?” I stand up, glaring down at him. “I trusted you.”

  “It’s not just that, Nora.” He weeps.

  “Then what the hell is it!?” I exclaim. He hides his face and in that moment, I knew what it was. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?” He nods half-heartedly. “ISN’T THERE!?” I shout.

  “Yes! There is. There had to be. This was the only way!” He gets down on his knees in front me as if to beg for my forgiveness but I back away from him. He follows me on his knees.

  “I need you, Riley. I NEED you and you can’t be here for me. You were my only friend. My only love. I would die for you. I–” I wipe the tears from my face. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” I grab my bag and head straight out of the door. He doesn’t follow me al
though I wish he had. That spiritual jolt connecting us, severed.

  Apathetic, I lie in bed for weeks without food or drink. My eyes stay glued to the left wall in my bedroom. I hadn’t slept in three days. My heart was sabotaging my body, my brain trying to fight back but I lose the battle to my heart every time. I stand for the first time since I’ve been back from Riley’s home and walk into my bathroom, looking into the medicine cabinet. Tears staining the surface of my pajama shirt. I rummage through the medications stashed behind the mirror. Naproxen sodium, acetaminophen, melatonin—I stop, gazing at the melatonin in hand. I could use the sleep. I open the bottle, shaking three pills into my hand. I gulp them down with water, glaring into the mirror at myself. I cry. I allowed a guy to take control over my life and now—I’ve hit the ground waiting for him to love me back. I pop open the pill bottle again and down 20 more pills allowing my head to swarm in the feeling of overdose. I feared my secret would be let out now, the abandonment from my own tribe would come soon.

  I walk back into the bedroom, preparing myself for abandonment by Abenaki or death, whichever one would come first. I raise my shirt to trace my infertility tattoo engraved into my abdomen. The etchings of it were remarkable but only I knew of the darkness it carried. The tattoo is of a figure that is shaped like a woman with her hands up and a dark circle halfway drawn around her with a whirlwind stirring within her lower belly.

  “What does this mean?” I whisper to myself.

  “It means infertility.” She whispers in my ear. I jump backwards, plummeting down to the floor.

  “Who are you!? Mom! Mom!”

  “Shh, it’s okay. You’ll know me in time. Just keep your head up, Nora. You’ll find a way.”

  “How did you get into my room?” I say, picking myself up from the floor.

  “You’ll see.” She vanishes.

  My eyes widen, “What the—MOM!”

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart!?” Mom comes rushing into the room. “Are you okay?”

  “There was someone in here. She was just right there.” Mom walks over to the window and yanks on it.

  “It’s locked, sweetie. No one came in from downstairs. Are you sure you’re alright?”

  “I swear someone was just there.” She comes over and rubs my shoulders.

  “You need some rest, honey. Just try to get sleep.”

  I slide under the covers as Mom walks out of the room and goes downstairs. “Hey, Doctor Kimball – It’s Leslie. Leslie Jacobs? Ah, yes, hi. I think there is something wrong with Nora. Could we meet?” Mom whispers into the phone to Dr. Kimball.

  *****

  PRESENT

  “Hey, Nora!” She answers the door. I say nothing, I look her up and down, ruminating on how beautiful she is. Remembering how her curls bounced every time he made her laugh. I wince with hate. How could I have been so naïve as to think she wouldn’t have been here? The same girl from the diner the night I met Riley. She was the girl he left me for.

  “Um, hey I was just stopping by to see Riley. Is, um, he okay?” I say, peeping through the crack between her and the door.

  “Oh yes, he’s just resting now. Do you want to see him?” She was very trusting.

  “Oh—no, no, no, no. I’ll just let him rest.” I smirk, shifting my bag on my shoulder.

  “Okay, I’ll tell him you stopped by! Nice to see you, Nora.” She grins.

  “You too, Lyla.” I turn away from the door as she’s closing it.

  I’ll love you forever, Nora—But it will always be her to keep him coming back for more. I didn’t understand what more she could give that I couldn’t and why I was so reliant on our bond being so much stronger than just a crush or a stupid jolt admitting me into this oblivion. I wipe away the excessive tears streaming down the sides of my cheeks. Riley wasn’t the cause of my heart break—I turn back to look at his house in the distance—I’m the one to blame and nothing is more damaging than that.

  9 Love’s retaliation

  I storm into the room letting the door slam behind me, not speaking to Mairi. How could he!? Again!?

  “Where in the hell have you been!?” She shouts. “I was worried about–” She stops. “What’s wrong?” She comes over to my bed and sits on the edge of it, consoling me. I plummet my face down into the pillow and groan, “Go away.”

  “Not until you talk first.” She demands. I lift my head from the pillow, studying the old mascara that now stained it.

  “It’s Riley.” I whisper.

  “Is he okay?” She shifts back from me an inch. I sit all the way up on the bed facing her.

  “I don’t know.” I sob while she rubs my shoulders.

  “What is it Nora?”

  I wipe my face, “Well, his sister called me and to tell me he was admitted into the Care Station because his heart gave out on him–” I pause, my throat caught by the tears waiting for fall, “so being the person I am, I rush to go see him except on the way there was this crazy guy behind me who was going way too fast and the next thing I know, I’m in a Care Station too.” I say all in one breath.

  Her face grimes so I don’t wait for her to respond. “There’s also something else…” I continue. “At the Care Station, I am told by one doctor that I had a tumor lodged inside of my fallopian tube and that I may not have long to live. I turn down the surgery he offers me to get to Riley and when I get there–” My face cringes and I lower my head, “Lyla is there.” I weep at his betrayal. I weep at the fact he is still and will forever choose her over me because of my condition.

  The room falls silent. Nothing penetrates the silence except my sniffles and sobs. Mairi doesn’t react in any way—not just yet. She doesn’t rub my shoulder, smooth out my hair, or whisper sweet, “It’s okay’s.” Instead she says, “What is wrong with you?!”

  “Wh—what?” My eyes widen with shock.

  “Why did you sacrifice your own life for him after he did that to you?! Why did you sacrifice it at all!? He shunned you and left you for the same girl he lied to you about. He did the same to you, you're afraid everyone else would do! How could you be so stupid?” She blatantly and selfishly shouts. I feel a pang in my heart but perhaps, I deserve this lecture.

  “Excuse me?” Perhaps, not. I wipe the tears away.

  “Nora, do you know what you missed here? You missed some precious practice log-ins and test examinations for the next trainings. You could have been here and now you’re on the verge of being kicked out of the academy for a boy who doesn’t care enough for you.”

  “What the fuck is your problem, Mairi?” I stand to face her.

  “I’m disappointed in you.”

  “How is this even your problem?”

  “You are my partner, Nora! You made this my problem! I needed you! I couldn’t pass my login without you. Where were you!?” She grits her teeth, coming in closer to my face.

  “Mairi, I–”

  “Save it, Nora.” She puts her hand up. “If I fail, I will never forgive you.” She snatches up her coat and walks out of the room.

  *****

  My wireless headphones boom my favorite songs into my ears as I walk around the track, shuffling the small pebbles around under my feet and breathing in through my nose and out of my mouth. I build up the courage to take off running but is stopped by the patronizing pain from the surgery I had just days ago. Ahh. I jog in place, trying to ignore the throbbing pressure in my abdomen. I walk a few more minutes then take off jogging around the track again.

  “Hi!”

  “Gosh!” I jump back, yanking the wireless earbuds from my skull. “You scared me.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just that I saw you running out here alone and I thought I would come join you, if that is okay with you, I mean?” Devin flashes a smile. How does he keep showing up everywhere that I am?

  “Ah, yea sure. Why not?” My voice uncertain.

  “Are you sure? I mean I can run alone if you prefer.”

  “No—you’re fine. I’m j
ust—Ow.” I clutch my stomach.

  “Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy. Didn’t you have surgery? You shouldn’t be running so soon, anyway.” He scowls. “Come here.” He guides me over to a bench to have a seat.

  “That crap hurts.” I snicker and cringe simultaneously, opening my bottle of water.

  “May I?” He reaches for the bottom of my shirt to peek at the wound. I almost let him until I remember that I wore something was to be ashamed of.

  “NO!” I yell yanking my shirt downward, spilling water all over the ground.

  His eyes widen. “Okay?” He throws his hands up. “Sorry.”

  “I’m just private about my—body.” My cheeks redden.

  “I understand.” We look at each other for a second then burst into laughter at my embarrassment. “You okay?” He asks in between the snickers.

  “I am. I am, uh–” I stop smiling and sigh, “I’m not. I’m not.” I look to him, hoping he could somehow take away the pain.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” He says but his soft amber eyes scream hoping I would pour my soul out to him. I wanted to turn away from his question but in this moment, I needed him. I had no one else to turn to.

  I sigh. “Sure, we can talk.” Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Deep breaths, girl. Deep breaths. I brace myself. “Do you remember the day you saw me at the Care Station and you took me to someone else’s home?” I knew he would remember; I didn’t know how else to start the conversation.

  He nods and when I don’t continue right away, he says, “Go on,” so sweetly.

  I fidget nervously with my shirt, “Well, the person who lives in that home wasn’t a ‘friend’. He was my ex-boyfriend whom I am still in love with and I don’t understand why I am because he betrayed me and hurt me so bad. I care so much about him but he doesn’t care at all for me…” Everything flows right out of my mouth as if I knew this guy. “… and I feel like he’s taunting me. On purpose, might I add. Like, he called me the other day to tell me he was coming to Apalachicola. I mean why would he do that to me? I don’t want to see him. I mean I do but I don’t. He is my everything—well, he was. I feel like he’s sucking all the life out of me.” I change the subject when I notice Devin dropping his head. “I’m slacking in log-ins, too. Mairi is mad at me because without me, she’s failing. We’re on the verge of being kicked out of the academy.” I hang my head, shyly. I needed to stop talking before the real secrets came out.