by Hawke, Jessa
“Must we end our walk, Guy?” Lady Harriet pleads with him as he returns her to the open French doors of the library.
“My love, we will spend much time together on our trip to Bath, and Miss Blackwood will kindly chaperone us everywhere,” he says, kissing the back of her hand.
She still pays no attention to me, as if I were not there. I was surprised that Lord Guy had mentioned me, as if he were thanking me. It was my place to do as per instructed, I was not volunteering. In truth, I would rather stay behind and do my correct role as a governess, but it is only temporary and I do not wish to spoil Lady Harriet’s fun.
We then continue to walk back the way we had come. I wonder why he has not simply joined Lady Harriet in the library, instead of walking me back to the front door. The thought of the few more moments that we have alone, along with his flattering words, causes the butterflies in my stomach to flip uncontrollably.
Chapter 7
My mind is all of a fluster at the meeting of Lord Guy, and I’m so caught up in my thoughts that I was completely taken by surprise when I heard his voice, next to me.
“I hope we can get to know one another better on our trip to Bath, Rosalind,” he says to me, startling me.
I quickly turn to face him, “I do apologize sir; I was daydreaming and you startled me a little,” I reply, really wishing he was not with me, for my heart is beating like a wild drum.
“Nay, it is I who should apologize, Madam,” he says, quite sincerely. “It was not my intention to startle you, I merely wish to get to know you better. After all, we will be seeing a lot of each other over the next few months.”
“Yes, it will be good to get to know Lady Harriet’s intended,” I dare to say, causing a flush to my cheeks.
Everything in my head tells me to stop my nonsense, but my heart is ruling my head, and nothing is making any sense when I am around this charming man.
“Well, that will be one less in the classroom for you,” he remarks at Lady Harriet no longer needing a governess.
“I understand you live in Derby, Lord Guy?” I question, desperate to change the conversation.
“A beautiful part of the country, very suited for a beautiful woman like yourself, Rosalind, you really must visit.”
This was more than an attempt at polite conversation, he was flirting with me, and as much as I am enjoying the experience, it really has to stop.
“Lord Guy, please do not say those words, they are not fitting,” I stutter, unsure how to behave.
“I apologize, once again, Rosalind. I just think that you have the most stunning features, and you carry yourself so daintily. I cannot help if my heart misses a beat at the sight of such a beauty, now can I?”
Should I run? That would draw attention to us. Perhaps I should slap his face hard, for being impertinent, but I do like his words, so that would be rather hypocritical of me. The truth is, I find this man equally as attractive as he says he finds me, but I cannot say anything of this to him.
“Do forgive me, Rosalind. I forget myself. I am used to being a single man, and here I am, marrying out of an agreement with the family, rather than love. I’m sure in time I will learn to love my wife to be, but for now, we have nothing in common.”
“Oh dear, my Lord, and Lady Harriet is so deeply in love with you,” I say, though probably inappropriately. “I do hope you try your very best to hide your present feelings.”
“That problem is for another day,” he replies as he continues to walk me to the front door. “Meanwhile, I cannot help it when I see a beautiful woman, and I am attracted to her, as I am to you. I am not married yet, Rosalind.”
Whatever does he mean by that, I wonder?
“I hardly think compliments to the paid staff are appropriate, Sir. If you don’t mind my saying so?” I have to put a stop to it. Should he be overheard, I would lose my position. “I know you mean well, Lord Guy, but I cannot allow you to risk being overheard, and other’s gossiping that you are a woman chaser. Goodness knows what they would say about me.”
“You are quite right,” he agrees, moving away from his close proximity to me. “I will be more careful, but do not think that I have abandoned my sights for you. I promise I will behave myself in the company of others. I would never wish to harm you in any way. However, I am overwhelmed by your beauty. You must have many men chasing you for your hand.”
“Indeed I do not, Sir,” I’m not sure if I feel insulted at such a judgement. “I am sure you mean well, Sir, but I do not seek the attentions of men, I assure you.”
“No, No,” he stops walking, once again, and smiles down at me. “I did not mean it in that way. I can see you are an honorable woman. I say inappropriate things because I am attracted to you. I will behave, I promise,” he says, putting his hand on his heart.
We part ways as we climb the steps to the front door. I am to teach music shortly, but first I must go to my room and calm down. With every word he speaks to me, my heart skips a beat. I am also attracted to him and trying my hardest to keep it hidden. What have I let myself in for?
Chapter 8
Whilst Lady Harriet was most excited on the morning we were setting off to Bath, the other children were quite jealous. They too would like an adventure. A coach ride was seen as a great excitement, but it wasn’t just that, I was going too, so that meant no lessons. They were just getting used to their new routine, and now they complained that they had nothing to do. I was kind of pleased with this, as it surely indicated my success with them. Even the Duke had remarked at how the children were moaning about missing their lessons, and this fills me with a confidence that, at least in one area of my life, I am successful. If they only knew that I also wished to stay behind and teach the children rather than be in the company of Lord Guy. It is not something I am looking forward too. I simply cannot control my emotions around him. He raises my temperature and speeds up the beat of my heart. It really will not do.
Lady Harriet ignores me on the journey; her attention is firmly focused on her beau. I sit opposite them in the private carriage, feeling a little uncomfortable, almost as if I’m intruding. She tries to kiss Guy, but he will have none of it. When he reminds her that they are in the company of her governess and companion, she merely frowns at him, not even looking in my direction. Despite her ignoring me, I know that she will follow any instructions I give her with regards to her being chaperoned. She has been raised correctly and will do nothing that brings shame on her family. Other than the role of being her chaperone, I am nonexistent in her eyes. I find this rather sad as the other children seem to have a warmed to me much more, and have accepted my role within the family, wholeheartedly. Lady Harriet has her eyes set only on her own personal ambitions and is determined to have things her way. I admire such a determination in a person, but not when it leads to selfishness. Unfortunately, I would say that she is quite a selfish young lady. If her relationship with her intended is to bloom, then she will need to change her outlook somewhat.
Our journey is to be long and arduous, with two nights staying in traveling inns. The first stop goes quickly by, though the meal is not very good. Upon the next day’s journey, Lady Harriet starts to feel unwell, just as we arrive at our second inn. I share a room with her, so it is easy for me to care for her, and it also means I did not see much of Lord Guy, to my relief.
On the third day, after a long hard day’s travel, we eventually ride into Bath. We approach our hotel down a long hill that is covered in thick fog. What I can see is a long terrace of tall buildings on either side of us. It is spectacular. I have never been to Bath, myself, but have heard it is a grand city. Lord Guy had suggested that as Lady Harriet no longer needed to spend the season in London, then they should go to Bath for the ‘Little Season’. Thankfully, this is in the autumn months, rather than the cold winter, and it certainly makes traveling easier. Also, we would only be staying a week, which isn’t too much of an upheaval.
Poor Lady Harriet has struggled to cope with the final day’s journey
. She is developing a fever, and we soon have her in a bed, once at the hotel. Despite her illness, she is disappointed that she cannot attend any of the balls, immediately. She has brought many fine dresses with her for just such an occasion. In her sickness, she does at least appreciate my companionship better, not wanting to be left alone with her misery. She insists that she does not wish for Lord Guy to see her in such a disheveled state, which suits me fine.
For the first few days, I stay by her bedside all of the day, and many hours into each evening. It seems as if she does not improve much at the beginning. On the third day, I must look very tired, as Lord Guy offers me a swift stroll in the fresh air of Sydney Gardens. He assures me it is not far from our tree lined road. Frankly, I am quite pleased to get outside as the rooms of the hotel, although luxurious, are beginning to stifle me a little.
As we walk, there is much gaiety around us. It seems to me that the entire upper class is congregating in Bath, possibly before they move on to London, for the season.
“I am thinking of buying a house in Bath, for Harriet,” Lord Guy informs me.
“I think Lady Harriet will be thrilled at such news, particularly as she cannot enjoy the balls at the moment,” I reply.
“And you, Rosalind, do you like to dance?” he asks me.
I gulp, not wanting to answer, “I’m not much of a dancer, or a socializer, in all honesty, Lord Guy. However, I will be happy to attend with Lady Harriet, when she is ready for a ball.”
“I was thinking more of how you and I would look, dancing together,” he persists. “I’m glad of this opportunity to spend a moment with you. You are so dedicated to Harriet, that I think you have forgotten I am a part of this party.”
“Lord Guy, forgive me,” I say, unsure how to deal with his personal comments. “I do not welcome your attentions and would prefer that you concentrate on Lady Harriet.”
“I will not push you, Rosalind, as I do not wish to appear rude,” he says to me, and my heart misses a few beats. “However, I cannot hide my attraction to you, and I am heartily glad of this moment in time that I am getting to spend with you. I can tell you, once again, how beautiful you are.”
“Lord Guy, I must be getting back,” I say, conscious of a tremor in my voice.
We are in a secluded part of the gardens, obscured from view to others in the area. I had not realized we had walked this way. He steps closer to me, his body almost touching mine. Reaching out he gently strokes his fingers over my cheek. The touch of his skin on mine sends an involuntary shudder of pleasure through me.
“I know you feel the same as I do, Rosalind, I can see it in your eyes, in your face, in your lips. I know that are willing me to kiss them.”
I am completely mesmerized by his words, I want to turn my head away from him, but I can’t. His head moves closer to mine, his lips hover over my lips and I can do nothing, but wait in anticipation. When his mouth presses against mine, despite my good senses telling me to push him away, I do nothing other than willingly accept his passionate kiss.
I have never been kissed in such a way before, with so much desire. My head is spinning and my legs can barely support me, as I am overcome with passion. I want him to stop, but I am helpless, and instead I simply melt into his strong arms.
A sudden noise from the bushes and the sound of an approaching conversation, forces us to quickly part. My face is flushed with emotion, and I can barely look at him in my shame. I quickly brush past him and run all the way to back to the hotel, going directly to my room and locking the door behind me.
Chapter 9
I dine early in the evening, hoping to avoid meeting Lord Guy; I simply do not know what I would say to him. Today’s behaviour was an aberration and it must not happen again. My problem is that while my resolve is strong when not in his company, it crumbles when we are together; hence I am dining alone tonight.
Dinner is miserable. I am wracked with guilt and shame, combined with the constant stares from other diners as I eat alone. This all serves to make the food must unappetizing. Couple that with my nervousness whenever anyone enters the dining room as I dread it to be Lord Guy; I am pleased when I finally finish and can return back to my room.
As I approached my chambers, I pass by the corridor on which Lord Guy’s room is situated. I had seen the valet take his baggage that way, when we first arrived. His rooms are at the far end and his door out of sight, as it is recessed from the rest of the corridor. Despite my intention not to make any contact with him, I have a sudden urge to call upon him. I wanted to try and explain that what had happened today must never happen again. It is foolish of me, I know, and I admonish myself for the thought, before I realize that I’m stood right outside his door. Strange, as I have no recollection of having walked down the corridor. My mind is in such turmoil, and a loud rapping sound brings me to my senses. Then I realize the noise I can hear is me knocking on his door.
I stare, aghast, at the door, dreading it opening. What am I thinking? The scandal would ruin me. An unaccompanied female visiting a man in his rooms is unheard of. Despite this, I feel a little disappointment when he does not answer. I’m partially relieved to have escaped the consequences of my foolishness, when a sudden voice behind me makes me jump.
“What brings a beautiful young woman to my door, I wonder?”
I spin around quickly, only to see Lord Guy stood there. I had not heard him approach at all, and now he is so close that we are almost touching.
“I….I…” I cannot make any coherent words exit my mouth, as I stand there in shock.
He stares at me, and just for a moment I think I see a glint of amusement in his eye, but it is soon gone.
“Are you aware that it is very ungentlemanly to sneak up on a woman like that?” I tell him, trying to appear stern, yet inside I am quivering.
“And, what is it that makes you think I am a gentleman, Rosalind?”
Again, I am speechless and lost for words. Is he mocking me? It certainly seems that way. I attempt to push past him and leave, but he stands his ground firmly. I am trapped in the doorway to his room.
“Leaving so soon?” he whispers as he moves in on me. “And, without getting what you came for?”
Again, I hear a mocking tone in his voice. I should slap his face and leave instantly, but for some reason I am glued to the spot. Even worse, he has started a fire within me, and I am unable to control it. I feel as if I am observing as an outsider as everything seems to move in slow motion. His face moves closer to mine. His lips are almost touching mine. I can smell his warm breath, a light odor of strong liquor, but it isn’t unpleasant. It only serves to increase the passion burning inside of me.
“Please, Lord Guy,” I manage to blurt out.
“You don’t have to say please, my darling,” he remarks, before firmly pressing his lips to mine.
His kiss is hot and passionate and I lose complete control. Even out here in the hallway, where we could be discovered in our passionate embrace, does not seem to deter me. I think it only serves to spur me on. The illicitness of our situation causes me such a rush of excitement, that I kiss him back as passionately as he is kissing me. I don’t object when his tongue probes my mouth, instead I welcome it. The intimacy increases my own hot desires, as our tongues entwine together in a passionate dance. I can feel him fumbling behind me, and just for a moment I am horrified that he is unfastening my gown, out here in the hallway. Yet, cleverly, he is opening the door, and he guides me backwards into his room. Quickly, he closes it behind us. At no time do his lips leave mine. There is no escape for me now; he has masterfully maneuvered me into this position. Even now, I do not care; deep down this is what I want. I may very well regret it later, but for now I want him as much as he wants me.
I feel him fumbling at the back of my gown, his fingers deftly unfastening the buttons that hold it together, before he slips it off my shoulders. It falls in a heap at my feet. I have dressed lightly tonight, expecting to retire for the evening after din
ner. I wear only a light petticoat underneath. In no time, he is unfastening the lace of my under garment, and it soon joins the dress at my feet.
Now I am completely naked in front of him. He pulls away from our kiss and his eyes greedily take in my nakedness. I quickly pull my arms across my breasts and place my hand between my legs, doing my best to hide my modesty.
“Why hide such a beautiful treasure?” he says, his voice straining with lust. I can feel my face redden up again, as I feel so very vulnerable.
“Lay your hands by your side, and let me see you as nature intended, Rosalind,” his voice is firm and insistent, almost a command.
“Please Guy,” I almost beg, but he says nothing, he just stares at me.
“I’m waiting,” he says, willing me to move my arms by my side.
Despite my embarrassment, I do as he asks. I overcome my prudishness, wanting him to see me, to see my most intimate of places. I move my hand by my side, as requested, and stand there in front of him, displaying everything to his greedy stare. I hear a sharp intake of breath as he looks at me, and it increases my own passion tenfold. He likes my body. I can feel a heat between my legs, a moistness in my nether regions, from my brazen behaviour. Still, I cannot not look him in the eye as I stand there, exposing everything to him.
