“Are you wasting your pathos on me?”
“You know that nothing should be wasted. You must let it do its work.”
“Have you lost your feeling for Lavinia?”
“No, but I have so much for myself. Even more than I knew. And I have such a small nature. I should be jealous of her father and of Teresa and of you. And how could I be a husband? He has to be the mainstay of a household.”
“You must have seen yourself as one.”
“No, I saw myself escaping with Lavinia. And the thought filled my mind to the exclusion of any other. So that is a thing that can happen.”
“And the thought failed to hold its place?”
“I can say nothing. I know it is just. And I don’t expect justice tempered with mercy. I have only seen that mercy is tempered with justice. I think people get confused.”
“I don’t understand the sudden change.”
“It is too bad to be understood. It has come from my having more money. Let your thoughts shy away from it. It is what I do.”
“So you have done what Grandma wanted.”
“Yes, it was the least I could do for her. Her last wish is fulfilled. If only she could know!”
“It seems that she did. Well, the change may be for the best. But Lavinia is not prepared.”
“It is in your hands. And how fortunate that is! Suppose it was in your father’s!”
“I wonder you can ask me to do such a thing.”
“It is all I can do. I cannot force you to it. But I know you will not fail me. And I shall not get off unscathed. Your father will not hide his happiness. He will not even try to. That will be my punishment, and a very real one I shall find it. I feel as if I were reading aloud.”
“I wish you were. This business is not imaginary.”
“Egbert, through it all I am glad for you. But I hope it will not draw you closer to your father. I shall have been punished enough.”
“He and I will be of one mind. I do not deny it.”
“I hope the old days will not return for him. My punishment would be almost greater than I could bear.”
“I have no pity for you. You are thinking of yourself.”
“I wonder why that sounds so bad. It is the usual thing. I think it is the only thing. I have never met any other. It is what I am asking of you now. If you will not do it, things must remain as they are.”
“You mean you will marry Lavinia?”
“What can I do, if you will not think of yourself? That is too rare a thing for me to deal with. I have no understanding of it.”
“Well, it seems I must do what I can.”
“You will succeed. People do, when they are thinking of themselves. That is why everyone is so successful. I have heard of failures, but I cannot think of any. I see that thinking of other people might lead to them.”
“How have you seen yourself?”
“I do not look at myself. I have not dared. They say there are things worse than an honest failure. And I suppose I must be one of them.”
Egbert turned away in silence and went to seek his sister. There was more risk than use in delay. He found her in the library, and spoke as he knew he must.
“Lavinia, there is a word I must say again. I have said it many times. This will have to be the last.”
“It will. The time is short. Is there any need to say it?”
“Yes, I feel there is. What are you to have for what you give? For what you give up? Is Hugo even giving you all he has? And he has so much less than you.”
“What has he, that he is not giving?”
“There is one thing that is our own. Our aloofness and life within ourselves. His will hold him apart. And now his independence will support it. I feel you have not seen the truth.”
“I feel you have not. Truth is deeper than you know.”
Egbert was silent, and his sister suddenly sent her eyes over his face.
“So that is what it is! I felt something in him. That is what it was. There was something different. So nothing is what we think it is. This has not been what I thought.”
“You know it in time. No harm is done. It might have been too late.”
There was a pause.
“Yes, harm is done. I am wiser, and that comes from harm. We don’t hear it comes from happiness. ‘Sadder and wiser’ is what we say. In a real sense it is too late. Well, everything is at an end. The future is changed in a moment. You did not think it would be so easy. I should not have thought it would. But what did he say? Not the things you have said?”
“It is for you to say the word to him.”
“Yes, it is from me it must come. Anything else would harm us both, And I begin to feel it has always been there and unsaid. That is the thing that can hardly be helped. But we will not say so, as it has not been said. I think I shall be glad it has not. Yes, take the word to him from me. He has chosen to hear it from you. And there is no one else. Father would like to say it, but he would like it too much.”
“What would Father like too much?” said Ninian, as he passed through the room. “There is little he can like at all in these days.”
“Telling Hugo that he and I will not be married,” said Lavinia in a clear tone. “It is late to make the change, but it comes in time. You and Grandma and Egbert were wise. But I don’t want to hear any self-praise. I should take the current view of it.”
“My dear one, it is praise of you that we should hear,” said Ninian, coming forward. “You show yourself indeed. The self your father has seen in you. We are not to lose you. The shadow is lifted from the future. The true light is shed. How much you and I will do with our forces joined! I hope Hugo does not make it hard for you?”
“I am to tell him for her,” said Egbert. “There are reasons why that is best.”
“As she will. It is for her to say. And for you to help her, as you always have. And a thing that has to be done, is better done soon. It will be well to get it behind.”
Egbert smiled at his father’s tone and suppressed any impulse to delay. He returned to Hugo and waited until he spoke.
“Is this the eternal silence? That comes to us all in the end?”
“It is certainly a long one,” said Egbert.
“Pray do not speak to me in a distant tone. You know what I am steeling myself to face. I cannot believe I am asking the question. But what did Lavinia say?”
“What we knew she would. That she would break off everything and forget it. And be to you as she was before. She came to the decision at once.”
“Egbert, I hope you did not misrepresent me?”
“No, I am sure I did not.”
“Did she express any regret that she was not to spend her life with me?”
“No, she did not speak of it.”
“And you expressed none that I was not to be your brother?”
“No, I wanted no sympathy.”
“You are both your father’s children. I can only find it a shock. It is not what I have thought.”
“We were not as bad as he was,” said Egbert, smiling at last. “He came out as himself.”
“He surely hid his feelings?”
“No, he exhibited them. And they were of a definite kind. You do not need to ask what they were.”
“And he might have had the authority of a father! I wonder I ever faced it. It was for Lavinia’s sake. I would have done more than that for her.”
“Go and meet her in an easy spirit. That is what you can do for her now. Father is with her, in a panic lest the matter be delayed. Go and put him out of his suspense.”
“But this is almost too much for me. I am not a generous enemy. Enmity in me has nothing generous about it. But I suppose I am not an enemy, now I am not to be his son. I shall be his friend again, almost his brother. I have to be very adaptable. I hardly know what I am.”
They went to the library, and Hugo did not delay.
“Lavinia, you did your best. You tried to see me as worthy of you. I shall always
remember your courage. I will not appeal to pity. That is a thing I have never been without. But there is something you can do for me. Do not allow your father to refer to me as your uncle. Things can carry their own sting.”
“Then Hugo to both of us,” said Ninian, in an almost genial tone. “Hugo to all of us here. Uncle only to the children.”
“So there will be a sign of what is past. One little proof that it existed. It will have to be my stay.”
“Well, now, you will be wanting a change,” said Ninian. “One change must lead to others. And now you can do as you will.”
“Why should I want one? Surely this one is enough. My place amongst you is what remains to me. Would you take from me what I have left?”
“So you are remaining in the family?”
“Ninian, have you no welcome for me? The old days are to return. I am to be an unchosen, single man, the character in which I have not failed. And now I can afford to be it. It is odd that it takes so much to be so little.”
Lavinia moved to the door, and Ninian went with her, seeming to guard against anyone else’s following. In the hall he paused and turned towards her.
“Well, now I must save you everything. You have faced enough. Our resources can be joined to ease your way. I have always seen it as best. It will be a simple transition, and will be made simple for you. You can put all such things from your mind.”
“I have thought of them, as you have, Father. They are not nothing to me. They can be as my uncle would have left them, if he had been alone. I will transfer half the money to you, and you can use the rest for the time. I mean the interest on it, as long as I am with you.”
“Does she mean that? The interest and for the time! Is that how she has come to think? No, I don’t feel it is. It will go with what has gone.”
“We cannot look forward. This change may foreshadow others. It shows there is a future. If I am favoured above my family, I am only glad of it. I am not different from other people. I don’t know why it was thought I was. I am not sorry that I am myself.”
“And neither am I,” said her father, after a pause. “It is a normal, healthy self, and puts me at ease about you. If you were different from other people, there might be the other difference. Perhaps I have been afraid of it. I have no fear now.”
“I don’t want you to have it, Father. I have no wish to be a person apart. And I am giving up half of what is mine. My thinking of that and saying it shows how little apart I am.”
“So it does. You are my honest, ordinary girl. I must be grateful for you, and not put you too high. If I have done so, I must forget it.”
“You forgot it, Father. Some time ago and easily. We do not all forget. There again I prove I am not apart.”
Ninian smiled and moved to the stairs, and they mounted them together. Lavinia left him and entered her room, and went on to the schoolroom.
“I have brought you some news. Lavinia is not to leave us. She is not going to be married. What do you say to it?”
There was a pause.
“It is really something less than news,” said Leah.
“I could not have better, Mr. Middleton,” said Miss Starkie. “I will ask no questions. I can guess how it was. Lavinia faced the truth. How I trusted she would have the courage!”
“It did not fail her. I think it could not. And her brother came to her help. Those two are sure of each other. And so we are not to lose her. Surely that is news.”
“We should not have lost her,” said Agnes. “We were often to go to her house. And now she is not to have one.”
“She will share this one with me. We shall do a great deal together.”
“She has always shared it,” said Leah. “Didn’t Uncle Hugo want to marry her?”
“You know he did. The change has come from her. She felt it was wise to make it. And she knew it was my wish.”
“She knew that all the time. It must have been something different.”
“It takes two to make a quarrel,” said Hengist. “I suppose that is what it was.”
“You are wrong,” said Ninian. “They will always be good friends.”
“But they always are,” said Leah. “This not news. It is nothing.”
“It is not to me. And so it should not be to you.”
“Were you jealous of Uncle Hugo?” said Hengist.
“Yes, of course I was,” said his father, in a bantering tone. “She tried to like another middle-aged man better than me. I am glad she did not succeed. And now she is glad too.”
“I wonder if she really is,” said Agnes. “People sometimes have to pretend to be.”
“What do you know about it? Well, I am surprised. I thought you would be glad to keep your sister.”
“We oughtn’t to be glad, unless she is,” said Leah. “I mean in her heart.”
“Do you not hear what I say?” said her father.
“It might not be true,” said Hengist. “You have to put her in a proper light.”
“My words are always true,” said Ninian, going to the door. “And I hope yours are, or will be when you are older.”
“Now I was not proud of you,” said Miss Starkie.
“You always say that,” said Leah.
“Well, you should give me reason for pride.”
“Did you ever hope Uncle Hugo would marry you?” said Hengist, without regard to the advice. “You are about the right age.”
“Well, I am some years younger. No, of course I did not hope it.”
“Did you feel he was too far above you?”
“In what way?” said Miss Starkie.
“In the ordinary ways. He would not have been a governess, if he had been a woman.”
“It might not have been so unlikely, if he had had the education.”
“Perhaps he did aspire to her hand,” said Leah.
“What is the jest?” said Hugo, opening the door.
“A jest indeed, Mr. Hugo. Almost too simple to be called one. Something it would be foolish to repeat.”
“That you should marry her, as you are not to marry Lavinia,” said Hengist.
“She would not accept me. I am not cultured enough.”
“That is what she said,” said Leah.
“Indeed it is not, Mr. Hugo. It did not come in like that. It is a most misleading thing to say. They were talking nonsense, and I fell in with it to save trouble.”
“That is what I am doing.”
“You are the right age for her,” said Hengist.
“No, I am too old.”
“She said that too,” said Leah.
Miss Starkie raised her eyes and shoulders and did no more.
“Then of course you are too old for Lavinia,” said Hengist.
“Yes, it is agreed that I am.”
“We do not talk about age,” said Miss Starkie. “I shall have to forbid you to speak.”
“She hasn’t as much power as that,” said Hengist.
“You know her power is absolute,” said Hugo.
“Then she could have married you, if she liked. It shows she didn’t want to.”
“Do you feel you have had an escape?” said Leah.
“I must congratulate you, Mr. Hugo,” said Miss Starkie, with the suitable expression.
“Does she feel there are veiled insults in our words?” said Leah.
“Nothing you say is veiled,” said Miss Starkie. “It is all very open and obvious.”
“There is an insult that is not veiled,” said Hugo.
“Ought she to insult us?” said Hengist.
“I am always one by myself, Uncle,” said Agnes. “I shall be lonely without Grandma.”
“Yes. So will many of us.”
“She won’t be,” said Hengist, indicating Miss Starkie. “She used to be disparaging about her.”
“Now how is anyone to understand you?” said Miss Starkie, naturally above other people in this line.
“Grandma said things she wasn’t meant to hear, when she could
hear them,” said Leah, in explanation to Hugo. “She always said she was not herself, when she said them.”
“Now if your uncle knows what you mean, I do not. And I had many talks with your grandmother when she was herself.”
“When did you have them?” said Hengist.
“Not when you were there,” said Miss Starkie, with a truth that might have been given a wider sphere.
“I like to remember what Grandma said about me,” said Agnes.
“Yes, Agnes. It is a memory to carry with you.”
“Do you carry your memory?” said Hengist.
“Yes, that of a personality it could be a privilege to meet.”
“But wasn’t one to her,” said Leah. “I don’t suppose she would have them.”
“What privileges have you?” said Hugo.
“We haven’t any. We are not ashamed of it. It is not our fault.”
“You may not know what privileges are,” said Miss Starkie. “Everyone does not recognise them.”
“Father has the most,” said Hengist. “Too many for one person.”
“He has proportionate responsibilities.”
“They can be privileges,” said Agnes.
“He has Lavinia again now,” said Leah.
“Yes, I had to let him have her,” said Hugo. “It is to him that she belongs.”
“You exercised a privilege, Mr. Hugo,” said Miss Starkie.
Hugo left them and went downstairs, and on the way met Ninian. The latter had entered the library unheard, and silently withdrawn. His wife and son and daughter were talking by the fire, and Hugo’s chair awaited him.
“The family expects you, Hugo. You were right to feel you belonged to it. I am going upstairs for a while. I will come down when the tea goes in.”
At this hour Ainger bore the tray across the hall, accompanied or rather attended by James, and with the accustomed figure in the background.
“So nothing is to happen. Cook. It seems a house where nothing can.”
“If that is your choice of expression.”
“Well, how would you put it?”
“A Hand has intervened. And a state of things is restored.”
“James!” said Ainger, indicating something on the floor.
“Yes, sir,” said James, as he sprang to retrieve it.
The Mighty and Their Fall Page 17
