by Misti Murphy
It takes my breath away. A gasp turns into a whimper as he moves inside me. It’s not the size of him, though I still feel like I’m clamped so tight around him despite the fact we’ve fucked a couple times tonight. It’s how hard he is, how he strokes something so deep inside me with his touch and his gaze that it tears me wide open. It’s the realness of it all while he thrusts inside me over and over until I’m lost in my orgasm, in the thrumming of my pulse, and my quick, stabbing breaths punctuated by his name. It’s the weight of his body on mine as he climaxes.
It’s the way I can’t remember why this wasn’t supposed to be like this.
***
Last night was…
Well, let’s just say I may never use my vibrator again. I’m pretty sure that if I did it would probably bounce around, barely touching the sides of the fathomless cavern Cas made of my vagina anyway. I curl a few strands of tangled hair around my finger and smile at the color. Cas likes it. Really likes it.
Maybe he even likes me?
After we had sex and a proper shower and more sex we finally collapsed into something approaching a coma. Cas on his back, his palm cupping my ass while I sprawled across him naked. The sheet pushed to the floor while the rattan fan overhead spun lazy circles. His chest rose and fell with his steady breaths, his heart pounded beneath my ear. I was so wired with so many thoughts going through my mind that sleep should have been impossible.
Apparently I was wrong, since one minute I was laying there enjoying the feel of his body underneath mine, the next I’m waking up alone in his bed.
Tucking the sheet under my armpits, I turn over and stare at the indent of where his head was on the pillow not that long ago. The sheets are still rumpled and warm beside me. I hold it to my nose, breathe in his spicy musk. The block of chocolate from the night before is on his pillow. The wrapper open, pen scrawled over the inside of the paper. Starting breakfast for the campers. Take your time. You don’t have to work today.
Cas who is always so grouchy and mean might be the sweetest guy I know. He might even be sweeter than Sam.
Climbing out of bed, I search out my clothes. The leotard from last night. The tutu. Not great choices for morning after wear. I’ve never had to do the walk of shame before, otherwise I would have prepared. I find a comb in the bathroom and brush out the snags in my hair as well as I can then smear toothpaste onto my finger and decide I’ll start carrying a toothbrush in my purse from now on. I smile at the stupid floral shower cap on my way out of the bathroom. I smile at my wings when I retrieve them from the dresser.
I smile because of Cas. What do I do about that?
Sam Sweets is meant to be mine, isn’t he? He’s falling for me. He told me he would be there when I was done with Cas. Sam’s a sure bet, even if he doesn’t know it. That’s the kind of man he is. The type who puts his family, his friends above everything else, including his own desires. Like he has with Summer’s decision to stay in Reverence and date two older men. Like he did when I was upset over my grandmother and he chose to comfort me. I’ll be happy with him. I’ll be loved and looked after. And isn’t that what I’ve wanted all along? Isn’t that the entire reason one falls in love?
It’s not just lightning attraction and such intense need that it feels like a storm in my soul. The way it does when I’m around Cas. He’s a wildcard. Cas could take my heart, shake it up, break it all in a breath. He could spin me around and leave me exactly where I started. Would he realize that’s how he affects me? Or is he too stuck in his past? He loved Juliette so hard that he hasn’t let anyone close to him since she died. If I fell for someone like that would I be able to recover if it ended? Would Cas devastate me and never even know that he did?
Looping the elastic of my wings over the bedpost, I take one last glance around Cas’s room before I shut the door and make my way toward the kitchen. Is the risk worth it? Do I really want to change my plans when I’m so close to getting what I want? I’ve worked too hard to just change my goals on a whim. Even if what I want isn’t as clear to me as it used to be.
I find him in the kitchen with Razer.
“That guy was asking about Soldier again when I was buying horse feed. He was pretty adamant about offering you a decent figure for him.”
“My damn horse isn’t for sale,” Cas grumbles. “Hell, I couldn’t sell him even if I wanted to, which I don’t.”
“That’s what I told the guy.” Raze shakes his head. “I’m just letting you know in case you maybe wanted to consider it.”
“I don’t,” Cas says, before he spots me. “Hey, Mandy.”
“Are you filling in for me?” I ask Razer as I stop at the coffeepot for fuel.
“I’ve got the blond hair to pull off being you.” He grins, scrambling eggs. “Don’t you think?”
“And the green eyes,” Cas says.
“Your eyes are way more gray than mine,” I tell Razer, before turning my attention fully to Cas. “And it’s pink hair.”
“You’d look pretty in pink, bud,” Cas says before grinning at me. “Don’t you think, Mandy?”
“Sure.” I sip my coffee.
“Probably look ridiculous in that tutu though,” Razer lifts an eyebrow at Cas. “Weren’t you wearing that last night, Mandy? Actually, I’m pretty sure you were.”
“What are you going to do with your day off?” Cas interrupts.
“I’m not sure.” Maybe sleep. “I’m supposed to catch up with Summer.”
“Oh, right.” His brows draw together, his smile falters. He’s probably wondering if that means I’ll be spending my day with Sam.
“We’re catching up with a friend. Ashleigh.” I put my cup in the sink. It’s awkward with Razer in the kitchen. I don’t know whether to move closer or further away from Cas, whether to kiss him or pretend we don’t get along that well. Razer is technically Cas’s boss. And after I banged my boss’s brains out last night it’s all kinds of odd.
“Say hello to her for me?” Claire says, joining us. “Weren’t you wearing that tutu last night?”
“Uh.” I glance at Cas. They must know what happened between us last night. With my hair still pink and tangled, and the stubble rash that’s left my cheeks sensitive and a little sore. The tutu’s just the icing on my cherry. His gaze lingers as it roams the hemline of the fluffy skirt, and makes me blush in places only he’s seen. “Yes, I just love it. Isn’t it the most gorgeous color?”
“It is.” Claire smiles. “I was hoping you could tell me where you got it. I want to see if I can get some for my nieces.”
“I bought it online, and I can’t remember the name of the shop off the top of my head. But I can message you the details when I get home.”
“That would be great.”
“Okay. Will do.” I open the kitchen door.
“Cas, have you given any more thought to taking the position permanently?” Claire asks behind me.
I falter in the doorway.
“Can’t do it,” he says, matter of fact. As though there’s nothing to consider. As though what happened last night was as fake as the rest of our relationship.
“I didn’t drive,” I say.
“Hang on. I’ll take you,” Claire says. “I have to go to the post office anyway.”
“Okay.” Why would he not even consider staying? Not that I should care. What he does or where he goes is really none of my concern. Unless he wants it to be.
This is why I’m not interested in falling hard. Or having some crazy romance with the highest peaks and lowest valleys. I don’t want to feel like this, but worse, so much worse. I just want to be happy with my perfect man. That’s why I’ve put so much effort into catching my Mister Right. I’m not going to throw it all away now over a man who has no intention of sticking around. Especially since he probably isn’t right for me at all.
Chapter Twenty
SAM
I’m standing in Eat Me waiting for my coffee while Summer and Mandy and Ashleigh giggle, seated around one of t
he white café tables in the corner closest to the air conditioning. Cold sweat trickles down the back of my neck and into the collar of my shirt. I don’t think Hell has ever been this hot. Maybe it’s my heart. Or too much caffeine. Or my blood pressure.
Josef emailed me to tell me he was on his way to Reverence. With Claudia in tow. Why did I let it go so long? Why didn’t I break it off with her immediately? Because I wasn’t certain I would. Claudia would have been convenient, but she wouldn’t have been happy. I wouldn’t have been happy.
“Are you okay, man? You look wrecked.” Dylan hands over my cup.
Fine. “How do you keep up with a younger woman? How do you know it’s worth it?”
Dylan scoffs. “Too funny.”
“What? I’m pretty sure I said fine.” I scowl at him, then glance at Mandy who is shaking with laughter, pressed up against Ashleigh on one side, Summer on the other. She looks up as though she senses me watching her. Green eyes widen and she swipes her thumb across her bottom lip to scrape up some chocolate icing.
“You asked me how I keep up with your sister. That’s the first time you’ve asked anything about our relationship. At least to me.”
“Don’t get used to it.” I roll my gaze to the ceiling, squint at the glare from the downlights. Heaven help me. Mandy Pearce makes me want to grab life by the testicles and live it. Properly. Why does it feel like I haven’t? When was the last time I did something that was what I wanted, that benefited me? Josef’s is opening here because I made a good case, but it doesn’t benefit me. I don’t get to run it.
“Limo,” Dylan says.
“What?” I undo the top two buttons on my shirt.
“A limo drove by.” He waves a spatula at the picture windows that give a view of the street. “Don’t see a lot of those in town.”
Christ. Josef and Claudia must already be here.
“Hey, Sam.” Ashleigh approaches the counter with her empty cup that she hands to Dylan. She’s been visiting with Summer the past couple days, but she’s heading out again tonight.
“It’s been a while, Ash. Where have you been hiding?”
“Mostly up in the air.” She grins. “Seeing the world.”
“Good. That’s great. All of you should be having adventures.” I’ve known this girl since she was seven years old and stomping around in my mother’s heels and pearls, all big blue eyes and dark piggy tails, playing dress up with Summer, and she has always had her head on straight, for the most part. Far straighter than I did back when the girls were heading off to college. I’ve barely run into Ash since, both of us busy with our own lives and careers. It feels odd to be on such friendly terms for the mere minutes we see each other per year.
“We are.” She shakes her head at me, her gaze full of mirth. “All kinds of different adventures.”
“Well, I guess that’s one way to look at it.” I stumble through the words. Am I the only one who isn’t having some great adventure? Because everything I do is in the interest of acting my age, or being content, or not taking a chance on failure. Like with the restaurant.
“You should try it some time.” She runs her fingers across my bicep as she takes her coffee back to the table.
What would I give to get back into the kitchen, right now? What would I give to make that kitchen my own? Picking up a napkin from the stack, I yank my pen from my pocket and scribble on it. Then I tuck it into my pocket and stride for the door.
***
“The bar is set two inches too close to the kitchen doors. The whole section needs to be moved to the right,” Josef barks at several of the staff, who scurry to do his bidding.
We’re only twelve days from opening and he’s still making changes that should have been finalized by now. Claudia stands in the middle of the room looking bored. She inspects her manicure instead of the dining room, before turning to her father. “How long is this going to take?”
“If it had been done right then we would be on our way to the airport already.” Josef studies something on his phone as I close the door loudly enough that Claudia looks up from her fingers.
“Sam? Thank God. This town is awful. I can’t imagine why your sister would want to settle here.” She flies across the room and throws herself into my arms. “Tell me you’re coming home soon. I told Dad we were getting engaged. He wants to know when we’re thinking. All the good venues book up so far in advance.”
“You’ve done a good job with the place.” Josef joins us, clapping me on the shoulder. A sheen of sweat glistens on his bald head. “I saw you had some trouble with finding a head chef. You’ve gotten that sorted though.”
“Yes.” I numbly shake his hand.
“You’re making me a very happy man. Look at the two of you love birds.” Josef grins broadly. “I’m going to throw a huge bash at the house to celebrate the engagement.”
“He’ll come home with us, won’t he, Dad?” Claudia rests her head on my shoulder carefully so as not to damage her chignon. “Surely someone else can oversee the opening of this place.”
“Sorry, Josef. Do you mind if I have a moment alone with your daughter?”
“Sure. I’ll step into the kitchen. Make sure everything is perfect. When does our chef arrive?”
“Next couple days.”
“Great. You’ve outdone yourself here, Sam.” He disappears through the swinging doors.
I know I have. I put everything into this place. Sure, I played by the rules, I followed Josef’s orders, but I poured my heart into getting this place up and running.
“Have you gotten the ring yet?” Claudia asks, throwing her arms around my neck and raising up to kiss me.
Gripping her biceps, I put an arm’s distance between us before she can leave an imprint of her lacquered pout on my face. “We really need to talk.”
“About what?”
I have no idea where to start. Except for one thing. “I’m not going back to Los Angeles with you.”
“But we need to start planning our engagement. We’ll need to make the announcement together. There’ll have to be a photo shoot.”
“Listen, Claudia.” I grip her hands and peer into her hazel eyes. “I’m not going back to L.A. period. I’m not going to marry you.”
“You’re joking. You’re playing some mean prank, aren’t you?” She glances around the restaurant as though she expects to spot some hidden camera or to find people laughing. “This isn’t funny, Sam.”
“No. It isn’t,” I agree. “But it is happening. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life in a subpar relationship that doesn’t make either of us happy. I’m old enough to know that I don’t want to waste my life playing it safe like that. And neither are you, otherwise you wouldn’t have been sleeping with my housemate. I’m doing this for both our benefit.”
“Oh my God, you really mean it.” The muscles in her face twitch as she goes from disbelief to shock to fury as she storms toward the kitchen doors. “You’re committing career suicide. Dad’s going to fire you. He’ll ruin your reputation. You won’t be able to work anywhere decent.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” And yet not having a safety net is thrilling. It’s adrenaline coursing through my veins. For the first time in my life I am going to pursue what I really want.
“Sam Sweets, you’re a dead man.” Josef slams through the kitchen doors a minute later. “I am going to destroy you.” He shakes his fist as he marches toward me, Claudia trailing behind him.
“Figured that might be the case.” I pull the napkin from my pocket and place it on the bar in front of me while I pour two glasses of Glenfiddich. “But this is for your daughter’s own good. Claudia’s not happy either, otherwise she wouldn’t be having an affair with your dish washer.”
“What?” Josef turns his focus on his daughter. “Is this true?”
“It’s just sex, Dad.” She scowls. “I’m not going to marry a dish washer.”
“You’re damn right you’re not going to marry a dishwasher.” A
vein bulges in his temple. “You shouldn’t be screwing him either. He’s my employee.”
“Sam was your employee, and you didn’t care that I was screwing him.” Claudia pouts.
“That is not the same thing.” His eyes widen as his voice drops.
I clear my throat and interrupt their argument before Josef can manage to lose his infamous temper. “I want to offer you a deal.”
I slide the napkin in front of him and open it. The amount is every single cent in my trust account—for once being the son of a health and fitness celebrity might come in useful—and everything I’ve saved these past sixteen years working at Josef’s. “If you want to blame me for the break up with Claudia that’s fine. If you need to ruin my reputation in L.A. to satisfy her honor, I’m okay with that. It wouldn’t be the first time my name’s been dredged in mud. You know who my mother is. All I ask is that you don’t make it about the food. And you sell me this place.”
“Here?” He glances around. “You want this restaurant?”
“Yes. And I don’t want the name. I’m not looking to use your reputation. I want to build something of my own.”
“You could fail,” he says, all business. “Plenty of places fail in the first year.”
“You can’t be serious,” Claudia exclaims.
“Go wait in the car,” he orders, before he picks up the napkin, his brow furrowed with thought. “You might sink.”
“I might.” I nod. “But I won’t know if I don’t try.”
“Okay. You’ve got yourself a restaurant.” He lifts his glass, tips it to mine. “As for your reputation, I’m well aware of my daughter’s downfalls, but I thought with you…” Shaking his head, he drains his glass. “You’ve been like a son to me. Always with your head on straight and a steady tread. I thought you could keep her out of trouble, but I don’t blame you for her behavior.” He pushes away from the bar. “Good luck. I’m going home to L.A.”
I stay at the bar, sip my scotch. Feels pretty good to stand in the middle of my own place. Their car pulls away from the pavement. A loaner SUV.
