by Debra Webb
“I was just worried about her being upset,” Joe argued. “With the baby and all, emotional outbursts are not a good thing.”
“I think you’ve been spending too much time with your nose in that book,” Bull cautioned. “You’re letting the important issues fall by the wayside.”
If a single one of them brought up sex, Joe just might have to kill him.
“Not that we’re trying to get in your business,” Spike added. “But we have been concerned that perhaps there’s a bigger reason for your being on edge all the time.”
“Don’t even think about it,” Joe warned, murder in his tone.
Everyone but Joe burst into laughter. Joe clenched his jaw and grabbed a couple of chips to toss into the center of the table. “Let’s get down to business here,” he growled. “I’ve just laid down the first wager. Who’s next?”
By seven-thirty Joe was kicking butts and taking names. No one was laughing now. These guys were in to him for some serious chores. At this rate, he wouldn’t have to cut his grass all summer. Taking his turn cooking for the squad wasn’t going to happen for a long, long time.
“I’m out!” Bull threw down his cards.
Spike and Chug exchanged cautious looks.
Joe just grinned, letting them think what they would. His hand this round actually stunk, but he had no intention of letting anyone in on that little secret. There was still an hour and a half to play. Things could go downhill fast and he didn’t want to end up washing Spike’s SUV every Saturday morning.
“When are you two going back up to the mountains again?” Spike asked.
Joe saw the question for what it was—an attempt to break his concentration.
“Maybe never,” he said flippantly. “We’ve got the perfect little place right here. We don’t need to pay for the ambience.”
“I’m done.” Chug surrendered his cards in defeat.
Now it was just Joe and Spike.
All Joe had to do was keep his edge for a few more minutes.
“Why don’t we make this a little more interesting,” Joe suggested. He pushed every chip he had but two into the stack in the center of the table. “Care to match that?”
Any second now, his good buddy would fold.
Spike’s gaze narrowed suspiciously. “Why not?” He shoved all his chips forward. “Call.”
A twinge of panic went through Joe. He’d been sure that tactic would work. Now he had no choice but to show his pitiful cards. Spike had called his bluff.
The front door opened and Lisa walked in. All four players looked up from the card table.
“Hey,” Joe said, his voice giving away his trepidation. Damn, he hated when that happened.
She was home early. The thought that he should have called her at the clinic today and warned her about the game whizzed through his mind. She could have made other plans for herself.
Too late for that now.
Lisa looked from one cigar-puffing, beer-swilling firefighter to the next. Her mouth dropped open in something between disgust and surprise.
Joe knew this called for damage control.
“It’s poker night,” he said, pushing up from his chair and rushing to take the shopping bag from her arms. “Every Thursday night—don’t you remember?”
He’d had poker night back when they were dating. Lisa must have forgotten. Why hadn’t he reminded her?
Lisa opened her mouth to say something, but a sudden coughing jag cut her off.
The smoke, Joe realized. The smoke was making Lisa cough. Shit. He shot the guys at the table a look and cigars were instantly extinguished. He thought of the fact that she couldn’t drink alcohol and he felt like a total jerk about the beer.
“Looks like this one’s mine,” Spike announced. He pulled the pile of chips toward him. “That makes it a night.”
Joe didn’t take time to utter the pithy comeback that remark deserved. But calling it a night was probably a good idea, judging by Lisa’s reaction.
“You’re right,” Bull chimed in. He and Chug jumped up and started clearing the table.
When Lisa had caught her breath, she just stared at the guys scrambling to clean up the mess. She turned to Joe then and said the words that struck terror in his heart: “I’ll spend the night at Mother’s.”
She walked out.
He couldn’t believe it.
No matter what he did, it was never right.
“You’d better go after her, man,” Spike warned. “Going home to Mother is bad.”
“We’ll clean up here,” Bull assured him. “Go on.”
Chug just shook his head.
Joe tossed the shopping bag aside and rushed out the door to catch up with his wife. “Lisa, wait!”
She hesitated at her car door and glared at him. The streetlight provided enough illumination for him to see that she was outraged.
“How could you do this, Joe?”
What the hell was the big deal? It was just a game of poker. Couldn’t he at least have that? And why the hell did it suddenly sound so selfish?
“What’s the problem? It’s just a harmless game of poker.”
Lisa couldn’t believe that he didn’t get it.
“The poker and your friends aren’t the problem. The house is full of cigar smoke. Secondhand smoke is bad for the baby. Or did you skip that section of your reading?”
She wanted to scream. What was wrong with him? Just as soon as she convinced herself that she was the one making all the mistakes, he went and did something totally insensitive.
From his defeated expression, she knew that he’d gotten the point. “I’m…sorry. I didn’t think.”
“That’s your problem, Joe,” she ranted, on a roll now. “You don’t get any of this.”
She rummaged to find her keys at the bottom of her purse. She had to get out of here. She refused to let him see her cry. And the tears were burning like fire in the back of her eyes. She’d lost complete control. Confusion had her emotions running amok. Her plans for the night had been sidelined by the first bump in the road. Why couldn’t she do this? It should be easy.
“You can’t think I did this on purpose,” he said softly. “I made a mistake. Don’t you ever make any?”
Lisa closed her eyes and tried to slow the emotions churning inside her. “Yes.”
“Do you really think I would do anything to hurt you or the baby?”
She didn’t want to feel his nearness right now. Didn’t want him to affect her the way he always did. Why couldn’t they connect like this on any other level?
“No,” she admitted. “I know you wouldn’t purposely do that.”
“Then why are you making me feel that way?” He fell silent a moment before continuing. “I can’t do anything right. I’m at a complete loss here. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I want this to work, Lisa. I want it every bit as much as you do.”
Before she could answer, Joe’s buddies poured out the front door and hurried to their respective vehicles. Good-nights were exchanged and then they were gone, leaving Lisa with no other distractions to hide behind. It was the moment of truth.
“I know you want this to work, Joe,” she said, letting him off the hook. “It’s just that I’m not sure we’re focused on the same goal. I need the emotional commitment, as well as the physical one.”
Joe blinked. “I want that, too.”
“Do you?” She looked up at him, searched his eyes for the uncertainty she knew she would find there. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen.”
He spoke without the slightest hesitancy. Maybe he was serious. Lisa had been pondering an idea all afternoon. She had a feeling it might be the fastest way of resolving the issues between them.
“All right,” she said, “if you’re really serious, then we need professional help.”
An alarm went off inside him. One as loud and steady and reliable as the one that sent him roaring out of the firehouse
whenever disaster occurred. He didn’t have to say a word. Lisa saw it in his eyes.
“What kind of professional help?”
“We need to see a marriage counselor.”
When he would have protested, she cut him off. “It’s the only way, Joe. We’re sinking fast. Will you do this?”
He’d told her he would do whatever it took. In the three seconds that elapsed before he answered, Lisa feared that he wouldn’t back up the words.
But she should have known better.
Responsible was Joe’s middle name.
“Anything it takes, Lisa. Just name the time and place.”
LISA WAITED outside while Joe raised every window in the house and turned on the central fan. He finished clearing away the signs of his ill-fated poker game and fished a couple of bottles of water from the shopping bag she had brought home with her.
He watched her a moment before joining her on the stoop. She looked tired and kind of lost. Why was it that he couldn’t make her smile like before? There had to be a way to do this. Somehow they had to hit their stride.
This constant charging from one extreme to another was tearing them apart.
“It won’t take long for the house to clear out,” he assured her as he sat down on the top step next to her. He passed her a bottle of water and opened the other one for himself. “The breeze will help.” He inhaled deeply of the salty ocean air. He hoped like hell Lisa would say something, because he was drowning here.
“I didn’t mean to ruin your game.” She released a heavy breath of her own. “Tell your friends I’m sorry. I just…” She shook her head in disgust. “I don’t know why I got so upset.”
“I do,” he argued. “You were right. We’ll dispense with the cigars next time. It was a stupid oversight.”
She nodded. “They’re bad for you, anyway.” She took a swallow of the lukewarm water.
Joe licked his lips as he watched her throat work delicately. He wanted to taste her again…to touch every part of her. Slow down, he warned. Reaching that goal might just be impossible, but he had to at least try to keep things amiable. Inspiration struck. “You know what we should do?”
She turned toward him, clearly skeptical of what he might have in mind. Or maybe just desperate…like him.
“We should open those wedding gifts.”
The ghost of a smile raised his spirits. “You’re right—we should,” she agreed with more enthusiasm than he’d hoped for.
Later, when the stench of smoke had cleared, they settled on the floor of the guest room and surveyed the pile of gifts.
“This looks almost too pretty to open,” Lisa said of the first box she picked up, which was wrapped in silver paper and a white satin bow.
Joe reached for another. He leaned close to her as he did. “Just pretend you’re still a kid and it’s Christmas.” He ripped off the bow and the paper, tossing it aside. “And there we have it,” he announced as he held up a shiny black toaster. “The perfect gift.”
Lisa laughed and tore open her own box. “Wow! A crystal vase.” She moved it so the light glinted off the intricate details.
“I’ll bet I can top that.” Joe snagged a glittering gold package. It was larger than the first two they’d opened. It had to be hiding something even better.
A platter. White stoneware.
“Oh, that’s lovely,” Lisa remarked. “That’ll be perfect for Thanksgiving turkey.”
They opened every single gift that way, until they were surrounded by mounds of wrapping paper and bows and dozens of elegantly decorated gift bags. Lisa had remembered they needed to make a list of names for the thank-you cards. Good thing, because Joe knew nothing about gift etiquette.
“I think we made a pretty good haul,” he concluded as he surveyed the mountain of china, linens and small appliances.
“Very good,” she agreed.
It was late. They both needed some sleep. “I guess we have to clean up now,” he suggested with a serious lack of zeal.
They stood motionless for a bit, staring at the mess before Lisa responded, “Guess so. I’ll get some garbage bags.”
She made a move to go, but he captured her hand before she could get away. “I meant what I said tonight.”
She held his gaze for a second that lapsed into ten and lacked the usual strain. “I know you do, Joe. We’re both trying. As confusing and crazy as it’s been, I think we’re making progress.” She smiled, her lips trembling a little. “Even if it seems like I’m fighting you, please know that I do want this marriage to work.”
With that, she stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek.
Before he could respond, she’d slipped out the door.
Joe’s heart skipped a beat. For the first time since Lisa had said yes to his proposal, he felt real hope.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“OH, THIS IS CUTE,” Shannon exclaimed.
Lisa studied the baby crib Shannon had ushered her toward.
“It’s white, so it would work for a boy or a girl, right?” her friend suggested.
Lisa knew what she was doing. Shannon had wanted to cheer her up by suggesting this little shopping trip, but Lisa felt sure that wasn’t going to happen.
She just couldn’t find her way in this marriage. Nothing turned out right. She and Joe seemed to be constantly moving in different directions. They never connected.
Except on one level.
His desire for her physically was a palpable thing, as was hers for him.
But it wasn’t supposed to be about sex only! Was it?
God, she didn’t know anymore. She was so confused. There were moments when she could see just how good they would be together. Like last night, when they’d opened those gifts. But then reality would intrude. She’d kissed him, chastely, but a kiss all the same. A part of her had wanted them to go to bed together then and there, but by the time they’d cleaned up the wrapping paper, fear and confusion had taken hold once more.
Last night, she’d lain in bed and replayed every moment of their brief marriage. Then she’d considered their earlier relationship. Being together should be so easy, but it wasn’t. Nothing was working out the way it should.
“It’s great,” she relented when Shannon continued to wait expectantly for her response to the crib. “White would be fine.”
Shannon’s enthusiastic smile drooped. “But it’s not exactly what you want?”
Lisa felt like throwing up her hands in defeat. Instead, she braced her elbows on the crib rails. “I’m not sure what I want anymore.” Her gaze connected with her friend’s. “I really thought this was the right thing to do. That this baby needed both its mother and father. But the whole marriage situation feels strained.” She shook her head. “Not a single thing has turned out the way I thought it would. Joe tries, I try, but somehow we fail to connect.”
Shannon moved to her side and draped a comforting arm over her shoulders. “I know this is tough, but I think you guys can make it work.”
Lisa shot her a dubious look. “You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say that.”
“Yeah, I know,” Shannon admitted. “But I know both of you. The real problem is that you’re perfect opposites. You’re this conservative person who thinks through every decision, doesn’t go jumping in without looking first. On the other hand, Joe dives in wherever he’s needed. You can’t be loaded with enough testosterone to face the risks Joe Ripani does every day on the job and not have some of it spill over into your personal life. I’m living proof of that and I’m not even a guy. He rubs you the wrong way with his confidence, his cocky, cavalier attitude toward life. You just have to find your equal ground, that’s all.”
Lisa knew there was a good deal of truth in what her friend said. Men like Joe would no doubt have a difficult time turning off that rush when the shift ended. Intellectually, she knew it took just that kind of drive and self-confidence to get the job done—to face the fire.
But it was pure hell being married to that
kind of arrogance.
That wasn’t fair. Joe had gone above and beyond to please her, yet somehow it always backfired. She couldn’t deny his effort and determination. And she had fared no better. Whatever she attempted turned out the wrong way, too.
Maybe if they could both just relax and let things happen naturally, everything would work out. Heat slid through her at the thought of where that route would lead: straight to bed.
Her entire body ached for his touch. She wanted him so badly she’d begun to fantasize in the middle of the day about sex. Her mind replayed every magnificent second they’d enjoyed before.
Before the breakup…before the baby…and the wedding.
“Earth to Lisa,” Shannon droned. “Come in, Lisa.”
Lisa jerked back to attention, annoyed that she’d zoned out. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I didn’t meet you here to watch you stand around daydreaming.” Shannon chastised her with a knowing look.
Even her friend recognized what her problem was, Lisa realized. She’d asked Shannon to meet her for a bit of a selfish reason. She desperately did not want to hole up in her office or go home for lunch. Joe would be at home. She didn’t want to face him. Not right now, anyway. She was too confused…too weak to fight the need to chuck all her lofty ideals and go for what she knew they did best. Thankfully, Shannon had suggested shopping, as well. Lisa needed to pick out nursery furnishings and accessories. She might as well take advantage of the distraction.
“Okay.” Lisa considered the pristine white crib. “Not this one.”
Forcing her attention to happier thoughts, she headed toward the array of lovely cherry and mahogany cribs. She stopped next to an intricately carved, richly stained cherry crib. “This is gorgeous.” She ran her hand over the smooth finish. “This would be perfect.”
There was a matching dresser and changing table. Excitement stirred Lisa’s blood then. Her baby deserved the best. Taking care of her child’s needs was something she could do right. “And this.” She pointed to a big, comfortable-looking rocking chair. She sank onto the luxurious cushioned seat and pushed the rocker into motion. “Perfect.”
