by Debra Webb
Joe pumped up the volume a notch. He wanted to hear this. Misery loved company, and he damn sure needed some company right now.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
JOE COULDN’T TAKE it anymore.
If just one more of his buddies waltzed up and bemoaned the fact that married guys had it made, he was going to detonate like a couple dozen grenades.
He had it made, all right. Made all the way to hell, only there didn’t appear to be any way back. He felt ready to pull out his hair!
When Lisa had finally come out of the bathroom last night, while he’d ducked into the kitchen for a snack, she’d gone straight to bed without even saying good-night.
The meager little kisses he’d gotten to bestow upon her before the bout of nausea had done nothing but drive him closer to the edge. He’d had to take a late-night run just to get any sleep.
This was damned ridiculous.
When he’d left for work at 5:00 a.m. this morning, she’d still been asleep. He couldn’t bring himself to disturb her, even though he’d wanted to say goodbye.
When he’d arrived at the firehouse, some of the guys going off duty were still hanging around, and Joe couldn’t be sure if they had started a discussion on the fringe benefits of marriage to goad him or if they were serious. They couldn’t know what was going on in his house.
His whole perspective was skewed. This entire thing made about as much sense as a book written backward.
It didn’t help that his stomach roiled as if he’d been on a weekend drinking binge. Keeping down the breakfast he’d picked up at the Bar and Grill seemed less likely all the time.
What the hell was wrong with him?
Everything felt out of sync.
Marriage was supposed to be about compromise. About partnership. Hadn’t his brothers told him that? Where had he gone wrong? Even nature was against him, case in point the untimely appearance of morning sickness. What did he do now?
If he compromised any further, he’d cease to exist.
For the first time since he’d said, “I do,” Joe wished he’d never proposed and taken that fateful walk down the aisle.
Guilt pinged his conscience but he couldn’t help it. How the hell was he supposed to feel? He wasn’t blaming Lisa. She was suffering as much as he was.
From the moment he’d decided to propose, he’d put his old life behind him and hadn’t given a second thought to the way things used to be. Well, okay, he had thought about the sex. A lot. But for the most part, he hadn’t looked back.
Well, he was damn sure looking back now.
He wanted his life back, his old one. The one where he felt he had the world by the tail.
If being a husband and father-to-be was this much trouble, why did anybody do it? He almost laughed out loud. Because they didn’t know that in advance, idiot, he answered himself. By the time a guy discovered the truth, it was too late.
Just like it was for him.
Too damn late for regrets.
Too damn late for anything but more confusion and misery.
He should write a self-help book of his own—Marriage: The Real Story.
Maybe Lisa had been right. Maybe guys like him just weren’t cut out for marriage.
LISA WALKED all the way around the shiny new SUV. “Wow,” she said. It was beautiful.
“Has all the latest safety features,” the salesman commented.
He’d hovered around Lisa from the moment she entered the lot. She hated the hassle of buying a car, but she couldn’t keep the rental forever. The salesman had been tracking her every move, as if he feared her business would be snatched up by one of the other sales reps hanging around the dealership lobby. This sort of business was more than likely dog-eat-dog, survival of the fittest.
The memory of Joe saying that he would help her buy a new car nudged at her, but she pushed it away. She didn’t want to talk to him today. Didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes all over again. She’d bought her last vehicle without any help. She could buy this one the same way.
As she stared at the car’s well-equipped interior, she considered that last night had been the most humiliating experience of her life. She’d been ready to be intimate with Joe. And then her first bout of morning sickness had hit. She’d puked, he’d stood in the hall and listened. So much for romance. How was she supposed to feel sexy after that?
How pathetic could she get?
No amount of brushing her teeth and gargling with mouthwash had gotten rid of the horrible taste in her throat.
It just wasn’t fair. She had reveled in his touch, loved the feel of his kisses against her skin, and what had she done? Almost barfed on his shoes.
Humiliation burned on her cheeks even now.
Though the sudden wave of nausea was related to pregnancy, still it was embarrassing. She hoped Joe hadn’t taken her reaction personally. She’d wanted to explain but hadn’t been able to face him afterward. And he’d left for work already when she awoke that morning.
How would she ever make up for it?
“Would you like to take her for a test drive?”
Lisa smoothed a hand over the luxurious leather seats and sighed. The SUV was big, beautiful and met stringent safety standards. She loved it.
That it was bright red made it a little out of character for her, but she was ready for some changes in her life.
Good changes.
She’d had all the painful ones she could endure. She’d played by some silly set of rules for far too long. Those standards no longer fit. She wasn’t her mother or her sister.
“Why not?” she said to the salesman, who was no doubt calculating his commission at that very second.
If she was going to turn over a new leaf, she had to start somewhere. A wonderful idea struck her just then. She should pick up some new, sexy lingerie, as well. To make up for last night. Joe had to be thoroughly frustrated.
Lisa was sick to death of misunderstandings and tension-filled moments. The only kind of tension she wanted to feel between them from now on was the sexual kind.
LESS THAN ONE HOUR LATER, Lisa had herself a brand-new SUV. The salesman, who’d just made his quota for the week, had offered to drive her rental car back to the leasing agency.
Her next purchase took almost as much time as buying the car. She’d scoured the lingerie boutique for the most feminine undergarments she could find, then she’d called Greg and taken the rest of the afternoon off.
She had big plans for tonight.
As she fingered the silky teddy she’d selected, a smile teased her lips. Just thinking about Joe touching her while she was wearing nothing but the teddy almost made her melt on the spot.
She was way past ready for this night, and he was, too.
Maybe she’d drop by the firehouse and surprise him, Lisa thought as she made her way to the counter. It was likely too late for lunch, but she could apologize for last night. Even though the bout of nausea had embarrassed her, she should have said good-night before hiding in the bedroom.
She wasn’t going to let this fester between them any longer. In fact, she intended to give Joe something to think about the rest of the day.
Anticipation making her giddy, she quickly paid for her merchandise and hurried out to her new candy-apple-red SUV.
She loved it.
Loved her new sexy lingerie.
Loved her even sexier husband.
Whether he loved her or not, she was going to be the best wife ever. Their child would never have to wonder if his or her parents truly loved each other. Maybe her love could be strong enough for both of them. She could do this. Their marriage didn’t have to be perfect, it just had to be something they both enjoyed. Their current misery wasn’t getting them anywhere.
Lisa backed out of the parking slot and pulled out onto the street. The firehouse wasn’t far from here. After stopping by to see Joe, she would go home and cook something spectacular. Tonight they would feast in their cozy home and then they’d make a roma
nce movie of their own.
The next few moments happened so fast that Lisa didn’t have time to be afraid.
The ground shook hard, startling a gasp from her. It must be an aftershock from the quake she’d survived just days ago, she surmised in the next instant.
Instinctively her fingers clenched the steering wheel. Just as suddenly, her eyes widened with disbelief. She tried to cut to the right, but it was too late.
The car in the oncoming lane was headed right toward her.
The sound of crumpling metal and breaking glass was the last thing she heard.
“RIPANI!”
Joe looked up at the sound of O’Shea’s voice. He frowned at the interruption. He’d stolen away from the others to make a call in private. He wanted to check on Lisa.
He couldn’t bear the strain of not knowing if she was okay or not. There could be more going on than mere morning sickness. He should check on her.
Maybe it was stupid. But that little aftershock that had made the ground tremble for about ten seconds had him thinking about the quake. About how he’d almost lost her that day…and the baby. Apparently the aftershock hadn’t been bad enough to cause any real trouble, but it made him think about how short life could be.
“Ripani!”
“What?” he growled as he slammed down the receiver. Couldn’t a guy make a phone call without being hunted down?
O’Shea stopped in the doorway of the office. One look at her set his senses on full alert. Her eyes were glassy with fear. Her lips trembled. What the hell? O’Shea wasn’t one to show emotion. What was wrong with her?
“You need to come with me,” she said, her voice quavering.
Joe pushed up from his chair and stood toe-to-toe with her. “What the hell’s going on, O’Shea?” Fear had started pounding in the back of his brain. He didn’t want to hear the answer to that question. He had no idea what had happened, but every instinct warned that it wasn’t good, and that it had something to do with—
“Lisa’s been in an accident. The aftershock…another car hit her head-on. I don’t know how bad it is, but we gotta get to the hospital now.”
It took ten damn minutes to get to the hospital.
The tremor had caused two more accidents, nothing major, but enough congestion to stall traffic between the firehouse and the hospital.
Joe kept imagining Lisa in that little rental car. A head-on collision. That was bad. Why the hell hadn’t he insisted she pick out something new before now? Something big and safe like the SUV she’d lost in the parking garage?
Now it was too late.
The realization that he’d almost had his selfish wish come true hit him like a runaway dump truck.
He’d wished he had his old life back.
He’d regretted the marriage…
“Oh, God,” he murmured on a wave of pain that brought tears to his eyes.
O’Shea said nothing. She just drove. Joe knew she was hurting, too. Lisa was her best friend.
The baby.
Another tide of agony washed over him.
What if she lost the baby?
Joe was out of the vehicle before it had completely stopped in the E.R. parking lot. He raced toward the building, O’Shea right behind him.
“Lisa Ripani,” he demanded of the woman behind the desk. “Where is she?”
“Calm down, sir,” the admitting nurse, one he didn’t recognize, cautioned. “The doctor’s in with her now. It’ll be a few minutes before—”
“Where?” he roared. “I’m her husband. I want to know where she is! Now!”
O’Shea stepped in. “Is there any way he can be with her?”
“I’m afraid not,” she said with genuine sympathy. “Dr. Metcalf is an OB. Mr. Ripani can go in when the doctor’s finished his exam.”
Joe prayed that calling in an OB was just routine procedure and not because there was a problem with the baby.
O’Shea thanked the woman behind the desk and pushed him toward a chair, but he couldn’t sit down.
“Come on, Ripani, sit down. Save your energy for when you get in there.”
She wilted into the molded plastic and Joe forced himself to take the seat beside her. His heart raced but couldn’t seem to beat quickly or efficiently enough to provide him with the oxygen he needed. Panic, he told himself. He knew the symptoms.
For the first time since he’d stormed in here, he noticed the other people in the room. Not that many, thankfully. None who appeared to be badly injured.
And then he began to pray.
He prayed for Lisa and the baby.
He prayed for the strength and the knowledge to do the right thing, to be a better husband.
He prayed for one more chance.
“MR. RIPANI.”
Joe shot to his feet and rushed toward the doctor, who waited near the “authorized personnel only” doors. O’Shea lagged behind him, but close enough to hear the news.
“How’s Lisa?” Joe’s voice felt weak. Hell, he felt weak all over.
“She’s going to be fine, Mr. Ripani. It was the baby we were most concerned about.”
The realization that he’d waited only half an hour—though it had felt like a lifetime—sank fully into Joe’s brain. “Is the baby okay?”
“Yes. Everything is fine. There was some abdominal cramping when she first arrived, so we had to run a few tests to make sure the pregnancy was still viable.”
Joe nodded, his relief making it hard to concentrate. “Can I see her now?”
“Sure.” The doctor glanced past him at O’Shea. “One at a time, though. She’s pretty shaken and I’d like to keep the excitement level as low as possible. We’ll be admitting her for overnight observation.”
Joe glanced back at O’Shea. “Go,” she told him. “You tell her I’m here.”
Joe managed a jerky nod before following the doctor down the corridor beyond the double doors. The medicinal smell of the hospital made Joe feel nauseated. Thank God Lisa was all right. Thank God. That was the only thought he could manage to process.
At the door of the treatment room, the doctor hesitated. “Remember, we want to keep her calm.”
“Calm,” Joe repeated. His own heart pounded, but he had to look calm…had to stay calm. Not overreact.
The doctor opened the door and Joe stepped inside.
Lisa lay on the treatment table, a white sheet stretched over the lower part of her body. Her blouse was bloody.
Joe’s knees threatened to buckle beneath him.
Where the hell was that iceman persona right now?
Upon closer inspection, he realized the blood had come from a cut on her forehead. The doctor had already made the necessary repair with tiny butterfly tapes. It didn’t look too bad, but head injuries always bled profusely.
“Hey,” he whispered.
Her blue eyes were bright with tears and he barely made it the rest of the way to her side without doubling over at the emotion wrenching his gut.
“They said the baby is fine,” she told him, her voice trembling.
“That’s right. But they want you to hang around overnight to make sure you stay nice and calm. Keep an eye on things. That okay?”
She moved her head in a respectable attempt at a nod. “I wrecked my new car.”
Confusion made his head throb. “What new car?”
“I did a little shopping,” she said, her fingers smoothing the wrinkles on the sheet draped over her abdomen. “I bought a new SUV.” She glanced at him. “It’s pretty beat up now.”
“We’ll take care of it or get you another one,” he assured her with a smile. Damn, he was glad she hadn’t been in that dinky rental.
“I was scared, Joe.” She looked directly into his eyes, tears spilling past her lashes. “Really scared. I thought I was going to lose the baby, but the doctor said the cramps were likely related to the emotional stress of the accident.”
Joe’s jaw hardened at the idea that the other stress they’d been going throug
h might have been to blame, as well.
“It’s okay now. Everything’s okay.”
“I’m sorry about last night.” Her breath caught on the last word.
It was all he could do not to grab her and hold her, but he resisted the impulse. He had to be careful not to upset her. “No big deal. We’ll have lots more nights to make up for lost time.” He smiled and took her hand in his. “I think I suffered a little morning sickness myself.” His other hand went to his gut. “It was all I could do to hang on to my breakfast.”
That coaxed a smile from her.
He kissed her forehead—he couldn’t help himself. He had to. “We’ll be fine, Lisa. I promise.”
She touched his face before he could draw back, and caressed his jaw. He swallowed hard at the emotions welling in him. He wanted to kiss her lips to show her how much she meant to him, but he couldn’t. Couldn’t do anything to upset her in any way.
Lisa started to say something, but the door swung inward before she had a chance.
“Okay, Ms. Ripani, time to move you to a room.”
Joe squeezed her hand. “I’ll be right behind you. Shannon’s here. She’ll be in to see you, too.”
The nurse glanced over at him. “We’ll be taking her up to 412. Why don’t you take care of the paperwork at the desk and then you and your friend can visit her in her room.”
“Sure thing.” He wiggled his fingers at his wife and moved out into the corridor.
Several seconds passed before he could walk back to the lobby. He had to pull himself together first—wipe the dampness from his face. Apparently the Iceman was melting.
He’d almost lost her…again.
God had given him yet another chance to prove what he was made of. This time he wasn’t going to screw it up.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LISA AWAKENED slowly the next morning. Every muscle in her body screamed in protest at being disturbed from slumber, and her mouth felt as dry as the Mojave.
She moaned and rolled onto her side. An ache split across her forehead…
