She doesn’t smile. She tries to tug her hand away from mine, but I don’t let her.
“I don’t have anything to show her,” she whispers. “Look at me. I’m living in my brother’s sleepout. I have a beaten-up old car, and second-hand furniture. I don’t have a job, and I’m still single at thirty-five. Don’t you get it? I’m ashamed of myself, Rich. I hate myself for it, but I am, and I don’t want my children to be ashamed of me too.”
I rub my thumb over her knuckles. “I know you hate platitudes, so I’m not going to pretend to know what Lara’s thinking. But I know you value the truth over everything. Surely what’s important isn’t what they think of you or you of them, but facing up to what happened and exchanging details of your lives. Does it occur to you that Lara might be worried about the same thing? What if she didn’t do so well at school, or she got into trouble? Would you think less of her for it?”
Jess’s expression softens. “Of course not. But it is different.”
“Perhaps.”
She considers me thoughtfully. “I suppose you’re right, though. I can’t change what she or Max thinks of me—I can only affect my own behavior. If I’m honest and tell the truth, and Lara decides she doesn’t want to know me because of it, I’ll just have to deal with that.” She looks across the garden. “I suppose even though I’ve tried not to think about them, at the back of my mind I’ve had a picture in my head of what it would be like if we ever met—how they’d rush into my arms. But Max doesn’t even want to see me.”
“Yet, Fiona said. Perhaps he’s worried about what you’ll think of him. Also, he’s twenty, so he’s probably at university or working, and maybe he’s worried about having another grown up trying to influence him and tell him what to do. Maybe if you meet Lara and she tells him what you’re like, he’ll change his mind. I think you need to have a little faith.”
Her look turns wry. “You’re turning my own words on me, now?”
“Looks like it.”
She rubs her nose. “I’m sorry for running away on New Year’s Eve. That was unforgivable. In my defense, all I can say is that I wasn’t thinking straight—I wasn’t thinking at all.”
“I know.”
“I regret it, though. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not, but thank you for being gracious. I still can’t believe you found me. How did you find me?”
“The FBI.” I grin as she chuckles. “Just some elaborate detective work. I rang The Muffin House to find out your surname, and it was relatively easy from there.”
She looks away, across the lawn. “I’m sorry, too, for lying to you about having children. I would have told you eventually. I don’t know why I didn’t. I suppose because I don’t tell many people. I didn’t tell Alastair.”
My eyebrows rise. “Really?”
“Nope. Maria was the last person I told. And Caleb, obviously. That’s my brother—you might meet him, if you hang around. I guess the main reason I didn’t say anything to you was because I wanted you to like me.”
“I do like you, Jess.”
She smiles. “I’m glad you’re not angry that I lied.”
“Well, as I said to Teddi—I was talking to her about it all—you didn’t lie really, you omitted to tell the truth. And anyway, I can’t throw stones. I haven’t told you everything either.”
She surveys me, alarm lighting her eyes. “Please don’t tell me you’re married.”
That makes me laugh. “No, nothing like that.”
“Is this about Teddi?”
I tip my head at her. “No. Why?”
“I know she means a lot to you. And you said you were talking to her…”
I decide it’s best to be honest. “I admit that part of the reason I’ve found it so difficult to get over Will’s death is because I thought I was in love with her. And maybe I was, years ago. But when we talked the other day, I realized that’s not the case anymore.”
Her look turns hopeful. “It’s not?”
“No. She’ll always be one of my best friends, and because she was married to Will, I’ll want to keep an eye on her. But I don’t love her, Jess. Not in that way. You helped me to understand that. I don’t feel about her the way I feel about you.” I want to make it clearer. “My feelings for her are like a fire that’s burned right down to its embers. There’s a glow there, but no heat, and no flames, not anymore.”
“And your feelings for me?”
“Are like a blow torch.” I smile.
We look at each other for a long moment.
“Is that what you wanted to tell me?” she asks eventually, her voice soft.
“No. Again, I didn’t lie as such. I am a computer programmer, and I do run my own company with Teddi and Stratton. But I didn’t tell you everything. Our company’s called Katoa.”
She stares for a second, and then her eyes widen. “Did the Herald do an article on you not long ago?”
“Yeah.”
“You make games and equipment for blind people, don’t you? And disabled people.”
“That’s right.”
“So that means you made…” Her jaw drops. “Jesus. You designed Dark Robot!”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Holy shit.”
I laugh. “Thanks.”
“But it’s, like, the biggest selling game in New Zealand, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“So you’re, like… rich?”
“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” I grin.
She shakes her head. “I knew you had money, but I had no idea… Christ, Dark Robot! I play it several times a week!”
“Are you any good?”
“I’m not bad. I’d love to play it on the PS4—I bet it looks fantastic.”
“It does, if I say so myself.”
“You’ve got a new game coming out, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, it’s called Blank.”
“Did I read that it’ll be for the Virtual Reality headset?”
“Yep. I’m finalizing the details of that at the moment.”
She sits back and surveys me for a long moment. “So you do work in Auckland?”
“Yes. I didn’t lie about anything. I’m single. I live in a house on the North Shore.”
“I’m betting it’s not someone’s sleepout.”
I smile sheepishly. “I had it built. It’s quite… big. I like space.”
Jess glances at her tiny living room and gives a humorless laugh. “God knows what you think of my situation, then.”
“I haven’t always had money, Jess. I come from a relatively poor background. When we moved to Kerikeri, things improved a bit, but all through my childhood and teens I struggled for money. I was twenty-four when Dark Robot took off, and the money came rolling in, almost overnight. For a while we were too afraid to spend any in case it suddenly disappeared, and all four of us banked our checks. Gradually, though, we grew used to being more affluent, and when it became clear that the game wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, we started to relax and spend a bit.”
Jess still looks wary, so I carry on. “The point is, it’s not as if I have no idea what it’s like to struggle. When I was at university with Will and Stratton in Auckland, we each had a room in a small house. There were rats in the ceiling and mold all over the bathroom. It was awful. When I graduated, I rented an apartment, but it was tiny, and the guys above us had parties every night, so I ended up working all night and sleeping during the day. It’s not been easy for me, not by a long shot. I’ve worked hard to get where I am. After saying that, the money has been unexpected. None of us thought the game would take off to this extent.”
“So how much money do you have?” Jess asks, her eyes glittering. “Or is that a rude question?”
“Even if it is, I don’t mind you asking. The honest answer is that I don’t know—it’s not like it’s all piled in my office and I sit there counting it all day. I lost track after the first six zeroes.”
> She stares at me. “You’re a millionaire?”
I think it’s probably closer to a billion, and it definitely is across the three of us at Katoa, but that seems like I’m bragging, so I just nod. “Something like that.”
“Fucking hell. Now I can see why you looked so startled when I said ‘Rich by name and rich by nature that day.’”
I laugh. “Yeah. I have on occasion had people recognize me from the article. World famous in the North Island.” I wink at her.
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispers.
I shrug. “It doesn’t change anything. I like you, you like me.”
“But how do you know I won’t go out with you for your money?”
“I don’t. I just have to have faith that you’re a nicer person than that.”
Her lips curve up.
“See?” I tell her. “I’ve learned a lot from you.”
“In the bedroom, you said you came back because it wasn’t enough. What did you mean by that?”
“That I want to get to know you better. To spend some time with you. I know you’re going through a tricky time, and I’d like to be there and support you through it. I’d like to help you if you decide you would like to try to sell some of your paintings. I just want to be with you, Jess. I don’t have a crystal ball, so I can’t tell the future—all I can say is that right here, right now, I want to be with you. What do you think? Do you want to be with me?”
“Yes.” The most beautiful smile spreads across her face. “I do. I’ve really missed you. But I don’t expect anything from you. I want you to know that. I would never expect you to spend any of your money on me.”
“Okay. I promise not to spend money on you unless you give your permission first.”
She pokes me with her toe. “I mean it.”
“I get it, Jess. Don’t worry.”
“I don’t want you or anyone else to think I’m a money-grabbing floozie.”
I laugh. “Nobody could think that of you.” I lean forward and take her hands in mine. “Let’s take it one step at a time, eh? You have a lot on at the moment, and there’s no rush.”
“How did you get here today—did you fly up?”
“Yeah.” I don’t tell her about my plane. One step at a time.
She nibbles her bottom lip. “When do you have to be back at work?”
“That’s kind of up to me, but the office officially re-opens on the tenth.”
“So… are you staying?”
“It depends.”
“On what?”
“On you.” I smile. “I haven’t made any reservations yet—I was going to see how today went. I can find somewhere in Kerikeri if you like.”
“Or you could stay here.” She looks around the tiny sleepout. “Or maybe not. It’s very small.”
“It is. We’d have to squish up together.”
Her gaze meets mine, her lips curving up. “The shower’s very tiny.”
“Even better.” I smirk. Then I lift her fingers to mine. “First things first, though. What I want to know is… when are you going to ring Fiona?”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jess
I’m in such a whirl of emotions, I don’t know what to say. Rich is here. And he’s staying. I can’t believe it. I want to cry and dance and sing at the top of my lungs, but that wouldn’t be cool. Instead, I sit there staring at him, not wanting to avert my gaze in case he vanishes in a puff of smoke and I never see him again.
“Hello?” he says eventually. “Earth to Jess?”
“I’m thinking,” I say, which is a lie because there’s nothing coherent going on in my head.
His expression softens. “Why don’t you ring her now? I’ll make us a cup of coffee, and by the time it’s ready, it’ll all be over.”
I want to yell at him to stop pushing me because I’m not ready. But the truth is that I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. I’ve been in a funk for four days because I’m desperate to see Lara again, but I don’t have the courage to pick up the phone. I’m worried—about making a fool of myself, about expecting too much, about losing her all over again.
Then I remember something Maria once told me—courage isn’t not being scared, it’s doing something despite being scared. I’m going to have to do this even though I’m terrified, and hopefully if I remain faithful to myself and the truth, I’ll come out the other side in one piece.
“All right.” I nod at Rich.
He has the most gorgeous smile. It starts at his lips and travels across his cheeks and up to his eyes, which crease at the outer edges. “Good girl.” The words sound patronizing, but the sense of pride behind them takes it away. He’s proud of me for ringing. That’s enough to make me pick up the phone.
Rich goes inside to make us a coffee. If I were to turn my head, I’d be able to see him at the small kitchen counter, so I know he’ll be able to hear me, but that’s okay. I’m glad he’s there.
I pick up my phone, search for Fiona’s number, and press dial.
It rings a few times, and then she picks up. “Hello?”
“Hi,” I say, my voice sounding breathless and scared, even to me. “It’s Jess Phillips.”
“Oh! Jess. Oh, I’m so glad you called. I didn’t think you were going to.”
“I’m sorry. It took me a few days to pluck up the courage,” I admit. My hands are shaking, and my palm is sweaty where I’m holding the phone.
“Aw, that’s okay. I understand.”
I clear my throat. “I’ve been thinking about what I want to say, and now I’m here, I hope I don’t screw it up. Firstly, I want to say thank you for helping Lara to find me. Not all adoptive parents would have been so supportive, I’m sure, and… well… I appreciate that.”
“You’re very welcome. I’ve always been open with Lara and Max about their adopted status. I told them when they were very young, and I explained as they grew up that if they wanted to find you, I’d help them.”
“It’s very gracious of you.” Tears are pricking my eyes. “Fiona… I don’t know how to say it except to just blurt it out, but thank you for looking after them so well all these years. I don’t know what’s going to happen now, whether Lara will want to meet me or whatever, but I want you to know that I don’t intend to force my way into her life, or Max’s. You’ll always be their mother, and I’m not the sort of person to try to take over. If they want to see me, I’ll be thrilled, but I don’t expect them to call me Mum or anything. Not that they would, I know, because you’re their mother, I mean…” My voice trails off. I’m waffling. A tear runs down my cheek, and I wipe it away hastily.
“I understand,” Fiona says softly. “It’s okay. Look, would you like to talk to Lara? She’s here, and she’s dying to talk to you.”
“Okay.” My mouth immediately goes dry.
There’s a scuffling sound as the phone is handed over, and then Lara says in a breathless voice not dissimilar to my own, “Hello?”
“Hello, Lara.” My heart bangs against my ribs. The sun suddenly seems very bright, and I feel a bit dizzy. Beside me, Rich appears and places two cups of coffee on the table. He angles down the umbrella, taking the sun out of my eyes, then sits beside me and holds my free hand. His touch grounds me, and I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“I thought you weren’t going to ring,” she says.
“I’m sorry. I needed a bit of time, that’s all.”
“It’s okay. I know I shouldn’t have walked up to you like that,” she admits. “I wanted to see you.”
“I don’t mind. It was just such a shock. I had no idea you lived up here too.”
“Mum and Dad lived in Cambridge,” she says, naming a picturesque town not far from Hamilton, where she was born. “That’s where Max and I lived until we were nine. Then we all moved up to Whangarei when Dad’s law firm opened a new office. We live just north of there now. It’s not far.”
“Do you drive?” I ask.
“Yes, we both do. I’m so
glad you rang. Look, I have to go out now, I’m meeting my boyfriend, but I’d like to see you and talk to you. Can I come up tomorrow? It’s up to you, of course. Mum’s glaring at me—she thinks I’m being too pushy.”
I smile. “No, that’s fine. Are you sure you want to come up? I can drive down.”
“It’s okay. Ben will come with me. Do you mind if he comes?”
I think about them both coming to my tiny sleepout. Where will we all sit? But I can’t say no. “Of course not.” I give her the address.
“Okay, thanks,” she says. “Ben and I don’t start back at uni until the end of February. But are you working?”
“Um, no, not at the moment.” I feel embarrassed at admitting I don’t have a job, but there’s no point in lying.
Lara seems unaffected by that, though. “Okay, that’s cool. I’ll see you tomorrow, then? Around ten okay?”
“Sure.”
“All right. Bye.”
I say goodbye and hang up.
Rich smiles. “There. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I stare at him. Then I burst into tears.
“Oh shit.” He puts down his coffee cup and pulls me out of my chair and onto his lap.
Shocked at the fact that for the first time in years I don’t have to suffer alone, I curl up there and snuffle into his shirt while he strokes my back. “Sorry,” I whisper, feeling his heart thud beneath my cheek.
“You’ve nothing to be sorry about. I can’t imagine there are many things harder than what you’re doing right now.” He kisses my hair.
“I’m sure you didn’t come back for this,” I grumble, terrified that he’s sitting there thinking Jesus, why did I do this again?
In answer, he slides a finger beneath my chin and lifts it. “I came back for this,” he says. He presses his lips to my cheeks, kissing away my tears, then returns to my mouth, which he kisses slowly. I sigh and give myself over to him, lifting an arm around his neck, and by the time he finally lifts his head, I’m warmed through, and my tears have stopped.
“Will you be here with me tomorrow morning?” I ask him. “When Lara comes? She’s bringing her boyfriend. I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do—the settee’s only a two-seater.”
My New Year Fling: A Sexy Christmas Billionaire Romance (Love Comes Later Book 2) Page 17
