by J. H. Croix
I was so fraught, I never replied to Cade’s text.
Chapter 30
Cade
The heat of the fire gusted across us with the wind. We were working rapidly to finish clearing the firebreak we’d created by the river. I’d pushed past the brink of exhaustion and kept at it, brutally cutting down small trees and brush. I knew the rest of the crew was as tired as I was. We’d been lucky for two days and nights with the fire moving in the opposite direction, but our luck had changed along with the wind. I hadn’t slept for over twenty-four hours at this point. Once the wind shifted late the evening before last, we’d been hard at work with breaks few and far between.
I was working so fast, I didn’t even notice I was about to collide with the edge of a bluff until I did. I paused and glanced up at the rocky face. We’d reached the end of the work we could do here and needed to fall back and hope for the best. I glanced back in the direction I’d been moving to see the flames flickering against the hazy sky in the distance. The sound of helicopter blades rumbled in the distance as one flew above, dropping fire retardant atop the flames.
As the remainder of the crew caught up with me, we checked in after I radioed the main base. “We’ll sit tight here until a helicopter can come out for pick up. Our break is holding where we started it miles away, so the plan is to rotate us out tonight if they can. We’ll spend the night at the main camp and fly home day after tomorrow,” I said, scanning the crew. Everyone’s faces were streaked with soot, dust and sweat.
Levi stood in the middle, one hand resting on his hip as he let his gear bag fall off his shoulders. “We clear to rest for a bit while we wait?” he asked.
“Not much else to do,” I replied. “Fire’s still moving, but the wind seems to be slowing down and it’s not jumping the river, so here’s hoping the break holds.” I paused and looked past the river at the fire flickering in the distance. I looked back at the crew. “We kicked ass on this section. Sounds like the Fairbanks crew has done a bang up job of containing the corner closest to Chena. If the breaks hold, we might be able to tamp this fire down enough.”
I got some weary grins, although I knew damn well they were just as tired as I was, and I was on my last legs. Within a few minutes, we were scattered about the ground by the river, munching on protein bars and guzzling water. There wasn’t much conversation. I leaned against a boulder by the river, Amelia immediately strolling into my thoughts. I hadn’t thought about her much because I’d been focused entirely on the work of dealing with the fire, but the niggling worry I’d had meandered right back into my mind. She’d never replied to my text. I didn’t have reception worth a damn out here, but I would once I got up in the air. I’d have to wait until then to find out if she ever had.
I must’ve dozed off because I woke abruptly at the deafening sound of a helicopter coming down to land. I sat up quickly to see the helicopter settling to the ground a short distance away. The pilot climbed out and waved. I wasn’t the only one who’d fallen asleep. I circled the group, nudging a few guys with my boot, until they were all on their feet and carrying their heavy gear to the helicopter. The problem with rest when we were deep in the backcountry was that once you were out, it was hard to get back up to speed simply for the sheer exhaustion of the work we’d been doing.
The pilot flashed a grin at the sight of us and clapped me on the shoulder. “You guys are overdue to be pulled out. Damn hard few days with the wind.”
I nodded wearily. “We’d keep going, but it looks like we can pull back for now. How’s it looking overall?”
“Still burning hot in some areas, but the containment is working. Cut it down by a few thousand acres,” the pilot replied.
The pilot moved swiftly, tossing gear into the hold at the bottom of the helicopter. Inside of a few minutes, he’d herded us into the helicopter and readied for takeoff.
Conversation was out once the motor was whirring and the blades whacking through the air. Once we were airborne, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes with a sigh. I might be in peak physical condition because the job demanded it, but that didn’t mean I didn’t get sore and weary after two days and nights of working almost straight through.
Roughly an hour later, I heard the pilot speaking into his radio and lifted my head to see the lake where the main camp was set up. I fumbled in my backpack and found my phone. Once it powered up, it took a minute before it picked up reception. Another few seconds and a text banner flashed with Amelia’s name on it. Relief rolled through me. I clicked on the text.
Why does Shannon know your schedule?
That text had been sent a few hours after my last text to her, so I could only guess she’d been stewing over something. But what? What the fuck? There had been nothing, more than nothing with Shannon beyond the bullshit she manufactured by trying to crawl into bed with me when she knew Amelia would be walking in. I swore and stared out the window, my gut churning. No matter what I did, I wouldn’t be able to get back to Amelia for another day or two at the earliest.
I glanced down at my phone screen to see another text had come from her a few hours after the first.
I’m trying not to freak out, but I can’t figure out any reason why Shannon would know anything about where you were. I can’t handle this if it turns out there was more to the story than you told me.
I swore and ran a hand roughly through my hair. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had no idea what Shannon was up to, but I didn’t trust her. At all. She was a master manipulator. I hated that I was trapped on this helicopter and then at the mercy of the weather and the schedules of various pilots to get out of the main camp, back to Fairbanks, and then back to Anchorage where I could finally drive home.
I glanced around the helicopter to see all but Levi sound asleep. Levi was seated across from me, his eyes scanning the landscape. I gave myself a shake and looked out my window to see how the landscape looked. Flames flickered in various areas with wide swaths of burned trees and ground stretching as far as I could see. The river we’d been working beside wove like a ribbon through the blackened landscape. As we flew over, there were other helicopters visible in the distance.
I glanced back to my phone and beat back the anger and frustration knotting inside. On the heels of a breath, I tapped my screen to reply. We’d blown apart before because of sheer stubbornness and both of us too hurt to reach past it. I’d be damned if I’d lose Amelia again.
I don’t know what Shannon told you or what you heard. There is NOTHING going on with Shannon and there NEVER was. I have no f’in idea what she said to you, but I can guess she said something. Please, please don’t listen to her. I should be home by day after tomorrow. If you get worried, remember I love you.
I hit send and held my phone loosely in my hand. I wished I were home because trying to have a conversation over text made me feel so damn helpless. I had so many feelings and I couldn’t pour them through a text. I wanted to hold her and impart everything through my hands and body. I took a breath and leaned my head back, whipping it up the moment my phone vibrated in my hand.
Failure to send.
Oh hell. I breathed through the tightness in my chest. This text better fucking send. I opened it up and hit send again.
A few seconds passed.
Failure to send.
Chapter 31
Amelia
I kicked the dirt off of my boots before pushing through the swinging door into the Firehouse Café. Lucy was right behind me with the distinctive thump of her boots hitting the edge of the threshold. The rain had thwarted our work schedule for the day, so we’d come here for a late lunch.
Once we ordered and were seated with hot coffees to warm our nearly numb hands, I leaned back in my chair with a sigh. “Damn. Summer’s nice, but when it rains, summer disappears.”
“Summer in Alaska only counts when the sun’s out. Otherwise, it’s not summer,” Lucy replied firmly before taking a gulp of her coffee.
Lucy’s wide blue eyes coasted over me,
her gaze assessing. “Okay, what’s up?” she asked sharply.
“Huh?” I returned reflexively. I knew Lucy could sense I wasn’t doing too great, but I felt ridiculous about the whole thing, so I was hoping to avoid a conversation.
Lucy’s wide eyes narrowed and she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. “Don’t even try it. You’ve been cranky as hell for the last few days and all quiet. I know you miss Cade, but something else is going on.”
I took a sip of my coffee, savoring the warmth of it, along with the warmth of the café. The chill that had settled in my bones from working in the rain started to ease. I took a breath and let it out with a long sigh. “I’m freaking out because I ran into Shannon at the grocery store the other night and somehow she knew Cade was gone and told me I should wonder what that meant. I can’t fall apart like I did before. I know I shouldn’t trust her, but it’s like sand in my shoe. I can’t shake the feeling of worrying maybe I missed something. How the hell does she know anything about his schedule?”
Lucy’s lips flattened into a tight line. With a sharp shake of her head and a look of disgust, she replied, “Shannon is a bitch. Plain and simple.” Lucy paused to take another swallow of her coffee, her gaze softening as she looked across the table. “It’s not exactly hard to find out one of the hotshot crews is out of town. I don’t know what Shannon’s deal is, but I’m guessing she’s just pissy because Cade told her to get the hell out of the way twice now. I barely knew her in high school, but she was the kind of girl who was used to having guys fawn over her. My guess is it probably always bothered her a little that Cade never even noticed her. You’d have to be blind not to notice he’s seriously hot. Even worse, he’s always had that whole ‘don’t give a damn’ vibe,” she said with air quotes.
My confusion must’ve shown on my face because Lucy sighed elaborately before continuing. “You don’t notice because he gives a damn about you. That’s what I mean. Back in high school when most guys are so horny they can hardly keep it in their pants for any pretty girl, Cade wasn’t like that. He was all distant. Then you two were together and no one could shut up about how perfect you were together. I don’t know why Shannon pulled her move the first time around, but I’d say it was simple jealousy. She wasn’t used to a guy not noticing her and it bothered her. She’d just been dumped, so that made it worse. Problem now is she’s got nothing to lose. She knows she won’t be able to have Cade, so why not rattle your cage? She probably feels stupid about what she did and came back thinking she’d try again, but come to find out you and Cade are still in love. It’s totally romantic—the whole second chance love thing.” Lucy feigned a swoony look.
I stared back at Lucy, not even laughing at her being silly, because I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea Shannon would’ve been jealous. I mean, in hindsight, I guess it should’ve been obvious. But Shannon was plain gorgeous and had most guys drooling after her back then. I didn’t want to be worried. I really didn’t. I just hated how it all felt, even if it was Shannon yanking a chain I didn’t even know I had.
Janet arrived at our table right then, saving me from trying to formulate a response. She glanced between us. “What’s up?”
“Shannon got Amelia all freaked out by acting like it means something she happened to know Cade was out of town. Please help me remind her Shannon is a total bitch and just playing games because she’s got nothing better to do,” Lucy said flatly.
Janet rested a hand on her hip, her eyes narrowing. “That girl is just trying to rile you up because that’s how she is. She was used to all the guys fawning over her and as long as she had one, she didn’t care. Act wore thin because it always does for girls like her. You two stayed friends because you’d known her since she was little. She moved away, did the whole college thing and realized being a little fish in a big pond wasn’t much fun. As for why she might know Cade was out of town? You’re being stupid. It’s not hard to figure out when the whole crew is gone.”
“I’m not…”
Janet fixed me with a sharp stare, her look silencing me. “You are being stupid. I’ll cut you a little slack because Cade hasn’t been home long and you two are just figuring things out, but for God’s sake, don’t let something this dumb get in the way.”
My shoulders slumped, and I traced a circle around my coffee mug. “Okay, okay. Maybe I’m being ridiculous,” I muttered. Intellectually, I believed everything Janet said. It was my stupid heart that needed more reassurance, specifically in-the-flesh Cade reassurance.
Janet squeezed my shoulder just as her name was called. “What’ll it be?” she asked quickly.
We ordered sandwiches before Janet hurried off to the kitchen. I leaned back and eyed Lucy with a rueful smile. “I don’t know why it’s so easy for Shannon to get to me.”
Lucy shrugged. “Because you love Cade, and it really hurt when things fell apart before. I also think you deciding to call off everything with Earl plays into it.”
“How?” I asked. Sad to say, once I’d talked to Earl after he’d returned to Willow Brook, I had really and truly moved on from even thinking about him. When I did, I felt sadness tinged with regret for the time we’d wasted, but I didn’t miss him.
Lucy continued, “Well, you finally came to your senses about what Earl was to you. No matter how you look at it, that was a big deal. I mean, you were within minutes of marrying the guy. To have that happen and then Cade show back up—coincidentally as far as you two are concerned—well, it would stir some shit up. You decided you didn’t want to accept something lukewarm and then scorching hot shows up. You got burned once big time with Cade. It wouldn’t have hurt so bad if you hadn’t loved him like you did and still do. I’m guessing you’re gun-shy. Most people would be. You’ll have to get through that with time, but whatever you do, stop letting Shannon pull her bullshit.”
I considered Lucy’s point and knew immediately she was right on target. I hadn’t considered how the reasons behind my choice to break things off with Earl played into it, but it made sense. When Cade was physically here, I was so overcome with the intensity of being with him again, it shoved my doubts and fears far to the back of my mind and heart. With him gone, I missed him so acutely, it reminded me of how I felt after it all fell apart before—a hole in my heart where the pang of emptiness echoed. Adding to the depth of missing him was how everything felt so intense and raw now. I’d loved him before, but the way I felt now eclipsed that love completely. My heart felt full to bursting when he was here, but with him gone, I missed him so much it made me half-crazy. I needed to find some steadiness in the midst of the tumult. Only Cade could do this to me—grab me by the heart, body and soul so hard I felt tossed like a kite in the wind by my emotions.
I stared over at Lucy and took a slow breath. “You’re right.”
Lucy’s eyebrows flew up. “I’m right?”
I sighed and took a sip of coffee. “Yes. That’s what I said.”
Lucy grinned. “Wow, I don’t get that very often.”
I rolled my eyes. “I tell you you’re right when you’re right.”
Lucy giggled. “Love ya, hon, but you’re stubborn. Just yesterday you wouldn’t admit it when I was right about what a fucking nightmare that stupid corner window was gonna be.”
I threw my head back with a laugh. “Okay, fine. Sometimes I can be stubborn.”
Lucy laughed just as our food arrived. Janet was flying by and slipped our plates in front of us, calling over her shoulder as she spun away, “Need anything else, girls?”
We waved her off and dug into our food. I left a while later, the rain still falling heavily. I drove home and walked into my quiet cabin, Cade’s absence an echoing ache in my heart. I’d managed to cobble together a little sense, but it didn’t change how much I wanted him home.
Chapter 32
Cade
I hooked my hand on the edge of the plane’s roof and ducked into the plane. I’d been at the main camp with my crew for two days, bad weathe
r fogging us in. The weather was great because the rain was a godsend at tamping down the massive fire. Flights had been limited to only those necessary, so we were antsy to get out now. A small break in the rain opened up just enough clearing for a few flights this morning. Fred, the very pilot who’d flown me out here, happened to be our pilot this afternoon.
Fred caught my eyes and flashed a grin. “Get in fast guys,” he called. “Looks like we’ve got a small window here.”
We hustled into the small plane, this one larger than the two-seater that Fred had flown to get me here with enough seating for six people. The rest of the crew had taken off in another plane minutes ago. I leaned back in my seat and watched the ground roll underneath us as Fred lifted off. The plane leveled and bounced slightly on a gust of wind once we were airborne.
I looked below to see the blackened landscape and smoke rising here and there from the sections of the fire still smoldering under the rain. I hoped the rain would keep at it for another few days. It might be enough to help extinguish the fire completely. I heard Fred speaking into his headset, Fred’s brow furrowing at whatever he heard. Another gust of wind bumped the small plane. It was like being in a clothes dryer. These little planes, even a larger one such as this, were so lightweight, they bounced about in the gusts of wind.
Fred carried on, his eyes trained on the horizon. As we flew, the fog that had cleared earlier started to thicken again. Within minutes, I knew we were as good as flying blind in this. Amelia came roaring into my thoughts. In the few days at the main camp, I’d been beyond frustrated with the spotty cell reception. Correction—with the zero cell reception. Every so often, I’d get a signal and try to text or call and nothing ever went through. All I’d done was spin in circles worrying about whatever she was worrying about and feeling helpless because I couldn’t talk to her.
