by Jenny Siegal
“Come on, let’s get you home.” I take her hands in mine and pull her to her feet.
“Everything okay with your mom?” She throws her arm around my shoulder, and I practically carry her out to the car. I really hate dealing with drunk people. Was I this annoying when I was drunk?
“Yeah, she’s in bed,” I mutter.
“She’s not what I expected,” Iris muses.
“No?”
“She’s quite glamorous. Well, compared to my mom, and she doesn’t dress like a mom,” she points out. I laugh. No she certainly doesn’t.
“It used to embarrass me when I was younger but now, not so much.”
“She dresses totally different from you.” She waves her hand about as I guide her into the car.
“Tell me about it,” I mutter and climb into the driver’s seat.
• • •
My mom is already waiting for me when I arrive at her hotel room early the next morning, all packed and ready to go. From looking at her, you would never know how drunk she was last night. She looks fresh and immaculately dressed, as usual.
Unlike me, I look like I’ve only had a few hours’ sleep. Which would be about right, after I tossed and turned all night thinking about Dominic and what Mom said and about how much I miss him. All to the tune of Iris snoring. God knows how Bryan stands it. It was four a.m. before I eventually gave up, put my headphones in, and listened to music until I fell asleep.
As soon as she answers the door, she pulls me into a hug, taking me by surprise.
“I never got to tell you my news.” Her eyes sparkle, her face flushed with excitement. “I’m getting married,” she squeals, and I think I might have gone deaf in one ear. Sure enough, there is a huge diamond solitaire on her ring finger, which she thrusts in my face. I'm positive that wasn't there last night.
“Congratulations. When did this happen?” I try to muster up some enthusiasm, although it stings that she didn't tell me this earlier. I didn't even know she was seriously dating someone. This explains why she has been too busy to talk recently. At least this relationship has progressed further than most.
“His name is Lincoln, and he asked me two weeks ago. I want you to come and meet him soon.” She carries on, barely stopping for a breath. “Oh and I want you to be a bridesmaid, too.”
“You’re having a big wedding?” My face gives away how shocked I am.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” she says defensively.
“Well, you’ve got a grown-up daughter. Aren’t you a bit old for all that?” I try to be tactful, but I’m not doing a very good job.
“I’m not too old,” she says with a huff. “I need to get back; I’ve got lots to organize. Promise me that you’ll be home soon for a visit so you can meet him.”
My heart’s not in it, but I nod my agreement. I’m not really into weddings. Can’t she just tell me when and where I need to be so I can just turn up?
“Now, before I go, I’ve booked you into the spa in the hotel next Saturday,” she says, looking pleased with herself.
“Mom, I—” I’m about to protest, but she holds up a hand to silence me.
“No, listen to me. I know you are happy and maybe I put too much emphasis on how you should look. But I still think you can find a happy balance between what you were like then and what you’re like now. Get your nails done and your legs waxed, get a facial and a haircut. The same goes with your behavior. Although I’m glad about the not getting drunk and sleeping around anymore, you are hiding the real Charlie,” she says kindly, although she quickly skates over the ‘sleeping around’ part.
“I didn’t like the real Charlie,” I grumble.
“Honey, that wasn’t the real you. You were growing up, and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I wasn’t around as much as you needed me. That’s why I've been seeing someone. I realize my behavior wasn't always appropriate and maybe I wasn’t the best role model when it came to morals. But, this now, this you isn’t the real Charlie, either. You need to find a happy medium. Have fun and let loose once in a while. It doesn’t mean you’ll be like you were before,” she says sympathetically and gives me a quick hug.
I grumble something unintelligible, but she silences me with a look.
“You have changed; you’ve grown up a lot. You don’t go out and get wasted all the time and behave how you used to. Look at you and Dominic, you’re friends and by the way he looks at you, he wants to be more.” I open my mouth to object, but she carries on.
“You need to take a chance and find out. I can see you have feelings for him. I’m your mom, I know these things, but I meant what I said last night. You will lose him if you keep pushing him away.”
She pulls me into a hug, and I fight back the tears. I don’t know if it’s because she’s leaving and I know she’s right, or if it’s the thought of losing Dominic that has me freaking out.
• • •
The next week is even worse than the last, and my mom’s words still resonate with me. If it were up to me, I would stay in bed all day and wallow, but Iris won’t let me. She drags me out of bed and urges me to class every morning. Avoiding Dominic is harder than it should be. Everywhere I go there he is. And each time I see him, he has his arm around a different girl. I keep telling myself that he is doing it to make a point but it doesn’t hurt any less, it is like a slap in the face. The most annoying thing is he catches my eye every single time. Each time I kick myself that he’s caught me staring and another piece of me shatters. I've left it too late, my mom was right—he's had enough of me pushing him away and I’ve lost him.
By Friday, I’ve had enough of wallowing in self-pity and I've reached the angry stage. Correction, I’m livid. How dare he do this to me? How dare he parade around with different girls and make me feel that what we had was meaningless? All those times when he insisted I was his and would never be like the others, it was all bullshit. It doesn't matter that I told him to forget it, if I feel like this and I haven’t slept with him imagine how I would feel if I had. I storm into the union and flop down next to Iris and Bryan, who look up surprised to see me.
“Hey, Charlotte.” Bryan greets me, his expression growing wary when he sees the scowl etched on my face. I mumble hello and my eyes instantly find Dominic. I can’t help it, they are drawn to him. Surprise, surprise, he is with another girl, showing her how to play pool this time.
That night at the pool hall is still ingrained in my memory, and the knot in my stomach tightens. Her loud peal of laughter pierces my ears, and I flinch at the noise. When she bursts into another fit of giggles, I lose my last nerve.
“For fuck's sake,” I huff out and push up from my seat.
“Where are you going?” Iris asks her brow creasing with worry. “You just got here.”
“I’ve got a book to get from the library.” But Iris isn’t fooled by my lie. One look over her shoulder and she confirms what has me running out the door.
“Ignore it, Charlotte. He's doing to wind you up,” she says calmly.
“I was right all along,” I mutter more to myself.
“You’re just as bad as he is. Go, make up with him, and put us all out of our misery,” she grumbles. My mouth hangs open as I stare at her. That is so not like nice, calm Iris, who keeps the peace and avoids confrontation.
“She’s right,” Bryan chips in and recoils slightly when my angry stare swings around to him. “He's making us all miserable. He’s only pretending to flirt with that girl because you’re here. He misses you, and he wants you back.”
“He’s got a funny way of showing it,” I point out.
“That’s just him; he doesn’t know what else to do. I’ve known Dominic a long time, and I have never seen him act like this over a girl. You’ve gotten under his skin and he’s not used to it.”
“Just give him a chance,” Iris suggests, and her change of opinion confuses me even more.
“I need to get out of here,” I mutter as I pick up my bag, catching Dominic watch
ing me as I move toward the door. He has lost interest in his pool lesson and pushes away from the table to head in my direction.
Once outside, I breathe deeply and try to calm down. I shouldn't feel so angry. It’s my own fault; if I didn’t want to see him with other girls, I should tell him how I feel.
“Charlotte.” His voice stops me in my tracks. After another deep breath, I turn around to face him. My arms cross over my chest as he walks toward me; his eyes linger on my cleavage before flitting up to my face. Taking in my arched eyebrow he smiles, not giving a shit that I’ve caught him staring at my chest, again.
“How are you? I’ve missed you this week.” His breathing is ragged.
There is no humor in my laugh. “Yeah, I can see that. Shouldn’t you be getting back in there?” I am being a bitch, but I am helpless to stop it. I am hurting, and I want to make him hurt, too.
“Just making sure you're gonna come on Saturday." He looks at me hopefully.
Try as I might I can't hide the smirk on my face as I hear a double meaning in his words. The smile on his face tells me he knows it.
“Babe, you have a dirty mind, although,” his hot gaze travels over my body, “that could be arranged.”
Something snaps inside me. Maybe it is the lust I see in his eyes or my anger from witnessing him flirt with the girl inside but I take a step closer. A puzzled look flits over his face, and quite frankly, who can blame him.
“I'll hold you to that.” My voice drops and I stand on tiptoes, reaching out to rest my hands on his shoulders. Instinctively his arms wrap around my waist anchoring me to the spot and I press my lips to his.
What was supposed to be a chaste kiss has turned into something else, something full of promise. The realization hits me that I do need to take a chance. If I don't, I'll regret it and most likely lose him.
“You'll be there?” His expression sobers; can he tell from that kiss that I still want him, that I have never stopped wanting him. Now I need to do something about it. Bryan and Iris are right; I do want him. Over his shoulder, I notice the girl from earlier standing at the door to the Union. I’m not done yet and I can sure as hell give as good as I get.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I lean up and gently press my lips to his again, swiping my tongue along his lower lip, the taste off his gum lingering. The shock registers on his face when I pull back and I suck on my bottom lip, tasting the cinnamon. The girl waiting on him scowls and stomps back into the Union.
“See you tomorrow night,” I promise in a low voice. When I leave him, he has a dumbfounded look on his face. Maybe that wasn’t fair of me but two can play games and I’m not going to fight this anymore. Even if it is just for one night, I need to take the chance. I’ll give him a night he won’t forget in a hurry, and hope that when I tell him about my past, he doesn’t leave and shatter my already fractured heart.
Chapter Eleven
Iris looks up from putting on her shoes when I step out of the bathroom and stand awkwardly in front of her. Wide blue eyes look me up and down, widening even more—if that is possible—in surprise. The black lace skater dress with flesh colored underskirt is a totally different look for me. Well, for Charlotte it is, but for Charlie, it's pretty tame. It stops well above the knee and is cut into the v at the front shows plenty of cleavage. The skirt swirls around mid-thigh, and the heels I'm wearing make me taller, almost to Iris's height. Finally, her eyes stop at my new haircut, which is really just a shorter version of the last one, and the make-up I have on.
“Wow, Charlotte, you look amazing. I’ve never seen you in a dress like that. You look totally different. Really hot.” She walks a slow circle around me, checking out my new look. “I always knew you were gorgeous, but you hide it under jeans and a T-shirt all the time.”
“My mom brought me this dress.” I tug the material at my hips. “I’ve not dressed like this for a long time. I used to wear short dresses all the time, but way sluttier than this.” I give a small, embarrassed laugh
“Seriously? Sluttier? Why don’t you dress like that anymore?” She tilts her head to one side and looks at me. Iris can read me like a book and see through all the bullshit. With a sigh, I sit down on the bed, and my hands twist nervously in my lap.
It's time to come clean. Iris is my best friend, after all, and I have been hiding all this from her, too. I need to trust her enough to tell her, just like I have to with Dominic.
“Before I came here, I used to dress like this and party a lot.” There is a nervous tremor in my voice.
Her mouth pops open in surprise. “I’ve never seen you so much as have a beer since we’ve been here, even when we’re out.”
“I used to get drunk and do things I’m not proud of. I was determined to turn over a new leaf, make a fresh start, when I came here, and so far, I have. It was because of my granddad that I finally changed,” I say sadly.
“She called you Charlie.”
“You heard that, huh. Charlie is my real name. I changed it to Charlotte when I came here.” Now that I'm telling her, it all sounds a bit silly.
“That’s why you never answer when I shout at you, isn’t it?” she asks, putting the pieces together.
“Yes,” I admit with a nervous laugh.
“Is this why you won’t give Dominic a chance?” She’s on a roll with the questions, asking all the right things, the things I don’t want to have to talk about. I nod, feeling the tears building. Why I ever thought that I would manage to pull this off and be different is beyond me.
“But why?” she asks incredulously.
“He’s a player. He could have any girl he wants. If he knew what I was really like, he certainly wouldn’t want me.” Bitterness laces my tone.
“That’s ridiculous. He’s crazy about you—”
“There is a lot Dominic doesn’t know about me, that you don’t know about me. I’m scared that when I tell him, he won’t want me,” I whisper as I confess my deepest fear. Iris’s face softens in sympathy and she sits down on the bed beside me, taking my hands in hers to rub her thumbs over my knuckles.
“That’s not true. He knows the real you. What you were like in the past doesn’t matter. I always felt like you were hiding things. You were really vague when you talked about high school or your life before you came here.” She turns to me; her big eyes are full of emotion as her arms reach around me to pull me into a hug.
“Whatever it is, you need to tell him so you can stop worrying and you can both move on with your relationship.” She squeezes me reassuringly.
As I stare at my friend, I thank God or at least someone in student accommodation that they paired us together. I don’t know what I would do without her.
“Since when did you become so wise? You are wasted studying physics.” She shrugs and her cheeks flush at the compliment.
“I can see how happy you are with him, different from when you first came here. You seemed kind of lost, lonely even, but with Dominic, you’re different.”
Realization steals over her face the longer she watches me. “You’ve fallen for him. Oh my God, Charlotte,” she rushes out gasping for breath. Excitement sparkles in her eyes; Iris is a hopeless romantic and lives for happy endings.
“No,” I protest loudly, ignoring her frown of displeasure as she shakes her head.
“You have. You have to talk to him and tell him how you feel,” she says adamantly.
“I can’t tell him. Ever.”
“It will all work out, Charlotte, but you have to talk to him.” She puts her arm around my shoulders, and I rest my head on hers.
“It won’t do any good. He won’t want me when I tell him what a slut I was,” I blurt out, my hard voice causing Iris to flinch at my words.
“What do you mean?” she asks bewildered, her forehead scrunching in confusion. My head falls into my hands in despair.
“That’s what I wanted to escape from when I came here. My reputation as a slut, which I deserved, by the way.” I turn to look at
her as she overcomes her shock quickly and gracefully as only Iris can.
“Charlotte, we all do things we regret. It shouldn’t affect your happiness now. You’re not like that anymore.” She is trying to make me feel better, and I love her for it.
“Let’s just go before I rethink this whole thing,”
“Can I ask why you’re dressed like that now?” This girl is so damn perceptive.
“Because I need to take a chance. All week I've seen Dominic with other girls and although I'm pretty sure he was only doing it to make me jealous, it has seriously pissed me off. It's time I stopped kidding myself that we are just friends. We're not and I'm so tired of fighting how I feel about him,” I rush out, starting to feel slightly frantic. “You're right; I need to tell him everything.” With my mind made up, I push up from the bed. It might just be for one night, but I don't care because I can't go on like this. At least as Charlie, I knew how to have a good time. I hold out my hand to her and she takes it, before putting an arm around my shoulders.
“Don’t worry, Charlotte. It will be okay.” She hugs me again and pulls me toward the door.
I’m not so sure, but I keep my mouth shut and let her lead me out the door.
• • •
Supercharged is playing their regular spot at Captain’s Cabin. As we flash our fake IDs, I notice the doorman is too busy staring at my cleavage to care when we were born. He gets an eyeful when I lean over a little too far, and Iris winks at me.
“I can see that there is a whole other side to you. Charlie was mischievous, wasn’t she?” She laughs.
“You don’t know the half of it.” I wink back at her.
We stand at the bar, and when it is my turn, I order us a beer and a shot each. If all my secrets are about to come out in the open, I don’t need to keep up the pretense that I don’t drink. Iris’s eyes are as wide as saucers when the bartender passes me our drinks.
“So when you kept insisting that you didn’t drink, that was bullshit,” she blurts out and
