by Jenny Siegal
Gingerly, I slip out from under his arm, an art perfected over the years. The muscles in my hamstrings and inner thighs ache from stretching last night, as I start the hunt for my dress and panties. Finding them on the floor at the bottom of the bed, I wriggle into my dress and zip it up. Grabbing my shoes, I pause to look at Dominic lying on the bed. My heart stutters as I give him one last look, suddenly wishing I was a different person, with a past I could be proud of. Instead, my past is one that I’m sure will ruin things.
As soon as the apartment door shuts quietly behind me, I regret leaving. The door locks, but it doesn't stop me from twisting the handle just in case. Guilt washes over me, I shouldn't have left him, I should have told him first. How do we have that conversation now? When I'm outside, I put my shoes on and start to walk home. It’s early so there is no one around to see me do another walk of shame. This is my first since starting college, and it better be my last.
• • •
The room is empty when I let myself in, and I remember Iris saying she was staying at Bryan’s house tonight. Out of habit, I double-check that the door locks before I take off my dress and underwear. It falls in a heap beside my bed, but I step over it and pull on shorts and tank top before crawling into bed. If it had been any other guy, I would have headed straight for the shower, but I don’t want to wash away the smell of Dominic just yet. Anything to keep the memory of our night alive for a little longer. To preserve the feeling of his mouth and hands on me. How good it felt to finally be with him and lie in his arms feeling safe and loved. It's a poor substitute, but I wrap the duvet around me like a cocoon and fall into a fitful sleep.
The sound of hammering on the door jerks me from my restless sleep. I stumble out of bed and stand with my hand on the lock, undecided about answering it.
“Charlotte, open the door.” Dominic's voice booms from the other side. Because I'm taking too long, he bangs again, and I jump with fright.
“Open the fucking door, Charlotte, or I swear to God, I will break it down,” he shouts. It's more likely that he'll wake everyone up with the noise he's making.
When I manage to unlock the door, he bursts past me into the room, pacing the floor and pushing his hands through his hair in frustration. The muscle in his jaw jumps furiously, and I shrink back against the closed door when he turns to look at me, eyes burning with anger. A storm is brewing in them, but all I can think of is how sexy he looks. The jeans and T-shirt are the ones I stripped off him only hours earlier.
“What the fuck is going on, Charlotte?” he demands in a tight voice. He doesn't wait for an answer. “You snuck out in the middle of the night. What the fuck is up with that?” His voice rises, and he still doesn't give me a chance to answer, before carrying on with his rant.
“I thought we had gotten past all the bullshit, I thought you wanted this.” The exasperation in his voice is clear, confusion written all over his face. It is all I can do not to take it in my hands and kiss him. That will have to wait if he'll let me. He deserves to know the truth, all of it. Now.
“I didn't want you to regret last night,” I start, hearing the tremble in my voice.
“Why would I regret it? In case you hadn't noticed, I'm crazy about you. I've been chasing you for months, but you keep pushing me away.”
“I know and I'm sorry.” I bite my lip, unsure how to go on.
“Just tell me what the fuck is going on.” Dominic waits expectantly for me to say something. Defeated, I slide down the wall to sit on the floor.
“There's something I need to tell you.” My head lifts a fraction to look up at him. Those strong arms crossed over his chest are in a wholly defensive gesture; steely eyes stare back, waiting for what's coming next.
“What?” Barely able to contain his anger, he glares at me. If only I had been straight with him in the first place. Then we wouldn't be having this conversation, and I could have saved us a lot of heartache. What a mess I've made of everything.
“I’m not the person you think I am,” I start and he cuts me off.
“Do you have a boyfriend, is that it?” he asks his brow furrowing.
“No, please, just hear me out. I was a totally different person before I came here. I didn’t like who I was, and I needed to change,” I start to explain.
“Why?” Some of the fight seems to have drained out of him, and he sits down heavily on the end of my bed. The distance between us is only a few feet but seems much greater.
Here goes nothing. Taking a deep breath, I look at the ceiling, exhaling slowly before I level my gaze at him.
“Before I left for college, I was a female version of you. I drank a lot, I partied a lot, and I slept around, a lot.” His eyebrows rise higher as he watches me from across the room.
“I told you about sleeping with the star football player. Well, that earned me a reputation as a slut, even though he was my first. Turns out that detail didn't matter. His girlfriend started rumors about what a slut I was and everyone readily believed her.” I blow out a breath and cast my gaze to the ceiling. “So, I lived up to the reputation. I told myself it didn't bother me, and I would be leaving as soon as I could. The old me would have slept with you in a heartbeat just because I thought you were hot. You would have no respect for me because I didn’t respect myself. Who wants a girlfriend who has slept with countless guys or one who sleeps with you on the first night?” All the bitterness I feel about my past behavior spills out.
Dominic looks stunned, and he hasn’t moved a muscle. Well, apart from the one jumping in his jaw as he grinds his teeth. Maybe now he wishes that I had confessed I had a boyfriend.
“Is that what you think?” His voice is gruff, and I give an imperceptible nod.
“But you’re not like that anymore.” He knows I’m not because if I were, I would have slept with him long before now. My heart sinks because there is still more he needs to know. I close my eyes briefly. Blood rushes in my ears like waves crashing on the shore while my heart races. I run my clammy palms over my thighs.
“When my granddad got sick, I cleaned up my act. He encouraged me to apply for college, and he made me promise to change. Then he died. None of it mattered in the end.” My voice is flat, devoid of emotion.
“I’m sorry, Charlotte.” Sympathy takes over from his anger, and I wince when he calls me that. Another lie.
“It’s not Charlotte.”
“What?” And there’s the confusion again.
“My real name is Charlie.”
“What the fuck. Now I'm totally confused.”
“I changed it when I came here.”
“Why?”
“I was determined not to earn the same reputation, so I reinvented myself. I changed my name to Charlotte and swore off one-night stands.”
“That's pretty drastic.”
“Yeah, well, I was pretty disgusted by my behavior.”
“What happened?” He scrubs his hand down his face. When he meets my eyes, he looks resigned to there being more and that he won't necessarily like what I have to say.
He deserves to know the truth. I should have done it earlier, but I was distracted. His naked body should come with a warning: beware, you will lose all coherent thought when you are in close proximity to it.
“The night before I left home there was a party at someone’s house. I hadn't planned on going, but I was pissed off at my mom. She'd ditched me to go out with some loser. The party was wild, and I got trashed. When I woke up the next morning, I was in bed with two guys.” I am looking for the slightest inkling of what he is thinking. The horror I expect to see isn't there, rather his face is like stone, and he isn't giving anything away.
“I don’t remember their names, if I even asked them, or what happened. I was disgusted with myself and terrified. It was the wake-up call I needed. I was sick of waking up with guys whose name I didn’t know or with tattoos that I couldn’t remember getting. Granddad made me promise to change, and I'd done so well, but in the end, I let him down.
That morning I cut my hair and left everything behind that reminded me of my past life. It seemed like the best way was to reinvent myself. I was even more determined to stop drinking, stop sleeping around, and be the person my granddad wanted me to be.” A shaky breath shudders from me.
“Did you think it would make a difference to me?” His voice is steady and sounds so calm, a total contrast to how I'm feeling.
“Of course, I did. How could it not? Who wants a slut for a girlfriend?”
“Is that what you really think?”
“Yeah, I was adamant that I wasn't going to have anymore one-night stands -"
“But it wouldn't -”
“Of course, it would. You were either going to sleep with me like you do all the others or run when I told you the truth. Here I am pretending to be a good girl while all the time I'm hiding what a slut I was.”
“Stop calling yourself that. Do you still not know how I feel about you?”
Defiantly, I shake my head, and with a sigh, he leans forward. “I have been chasing you for months. Your past really doesn't bother me.”
My head snaps up so fast I jerk my neck. Did I hear him correctly?
“What?”
“So what if you've slept with other guys. I've slept with other girls.”
“Yeah, I try not to think about it or it drives me insane with jealousy. Anyway, you’re a guy and you’re in a band. It comes with the territory. I’m a girl, and it’s not seen as acceptable.” I wave my hand in the air frustrated.
“You're not like that anymore.”
“No. Until you, I have never met anyone that I've felt this way about. Someone I could bear touching me or staying the night with. You are the only person I have wanted to sleep with.”
“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or not.” He frowns. “This was all before you met me, though. If you can live with the knowledge of the girls I’ve slept with, then I can do the same. I’ve never felt like this either, even with Mia. Which is probably why I’ve never had more than a one-night stand.”
“Are you saying you still want me?” I hold my breath, hardly daring to hope that he might after everything I’ve just told him. He looks down at me sitting against the door and gives a small laugh.
Two strides are all it takes for him to cross the room and pull me up to standing. Automatically my hands rest on his shoulders as I look up at him. Being here in his arms feels so right.
“I've never hidden how much I want you. This doesn't change anything.” His head lowers closer to my waiting, upturned one. Green eyes probe searchingly into mine and the weight I've been carrying around lifts. The knot in my stomach begins to unravel and my heart doesn't feel so heavy. At last, I've told him everything and instead of him not wanting me, he still does.
“So, you’re really okay with all this?” I need to make sure I understand this.
“Yes, I’m glad you told me, but it wouldn’t have made a difference. Maybe you not sleeping with me right away has been good for us. We're friends, and we have fun together. I know that I want so much more than just one night with you.” At last, his lips claim mine in a slow, all-consuming kiss. My hands wrap around him, holding him tightly, pressing my body into him.
“There's just one thing.”
“What?” Some of my earlier fear returns and I pull back to search his face for a clue.
“I don't know what to call you.”
Relief floods over me and I laugh at myself. “I don’t mind. Charlotte has grown on me. I thought it was a fitting name for someone who didn’t sleep around.”
“I like Charlie better; it suits you.” His eyes twinkle with mischief.
“And why would that be?” I purse my lips, waiting to hear his reasoning.
“Because no matter how much you tried to hide it, I knew you weren't as innocent as you made out. Seriously, never drinking, no dancing. I don’t think so.”
“That was your fault. With anyone else it wouldn't have been an issue.”
“Really and why is that?” Dominic cocks an eyebrow and laughs at my pouty lip.
“You're really going to make me spell it out?”
“I think you should. You spent so much energy hiding your feelings so I never really knew how you felt.”
Snared in his gaze, I start to feel lightheaded. When I am able to speak, my voice is breathy and low.
“You know exactly how much you affect me. In a way no one else ever has.”
A satisfied smile plays on his lips, happy with my response. “You do the same to me.” His lips press down, drawing me into a deep kiss.
Dominic pulls back suddenly, his mouth turns down at the edges, and a crease forms in his brow as something occurs to him.
“Is my past an issue?”
It takes me a minute to think about it. Is it really? “No.” I shake my head. “Your reputation doesn't bother me. It never has. I knew you were a player when I met you. Different gig, different girl. I tried not succumbing to your devastating charms, but that didn't quite work. I've seen you in action, at that party; it was why I tried to keep away. I didn't want to be dispensable like them.” His scowl deepens, and I rush on.
“But lately, I don't know. You haven't seemed much like a player these last few months.”
A triumphant smile now graces that gorgeous, melt in a puddle on the floor face.
“I'm not, anymore. It's you I want, you're all I've wanted since I met you.”
He hears my scoff or was it an unattractive snort.
“I told you that you were special.”
“Yeah, well, I don't know about that, Hudson.” Flattered that he thinks so, I lower my eyes in embarrassment.
“Why do you call me Hudson?” he asks quietly, concentrating on running his fingers the length of my hair.
I give him an awkward shrug. “I suppose I was distancing myself. If I gave you a nickname, I could keep pretending that we were friends.” When I look up, his eyes are blazing with passion and heat rushes through my body at the way he is looking at me. Kind of like how the wolf would have looked at Little Red Riding Hood, like he wants to eat me up.
“We’re not friends anymore.” His breath rushes out, and my body shivers in response.
“But...” I stammer, my brain working frantically to keep up, what is he saying? “I like being your friend.”
“So do I, but we're so much more than friends. Haven't you realized that yet?” His stare bores in mine and his stormy green eyes mesmerize me. Who knew such intensity could be such a turn on?
“Yes,” I breathe out. There is a crackle of anticipation in the air as his head dips toward me. The second his lips come crashing down on mine, hot and insistent, my brain short-circuits. A skillful tongue goads my own to duel with his. Never one to turn down a challenge, I return his kisses with everything I have. Little swipes of his tongue over my feverish skin have me whimpering with need. The tips of his tongue traces over the pulse in my neck which is now racing far too fast and trails it further down, nipping at my sensitive skin. Chills spread over my hot skin and goosebumps follow the path of his tongue as he kisses lower.
Deftly his hands slide my tank top up and over my head, throwing it aside. A rush of breath whistles past his teeth and his eyes flare with salaciousness as his gaze slides down my half-naked body. My chest heaves as his mouth seals over my nipple, teasing it to a point with his tongue.
A deep ache starts in my core, thrumming with need for him and when his mouth moves to the other nipple, talented fingers continue to tease the first one. It is getting harder and harder to support my weight because my legs have turned to jelly. My hand delves into his thick dark hair, giving me something to hold on to as he drives me insane with his expert tongue. A hand roams up my back as he starts to kiss his way back up my body, nipping and sucking much the same way as he did on the way down. Cradling my head in his hand, he angles it so he can kiss me hungrily. The other hand takes hold of my butt, tilting my pelvis toward him so I feel the thic
k ridge of his erection pressing through the denim of his jeans.
Reaching down to I run palm along the length of it. Exerting more pressure than normal Dominic groans, deep in the back of his throat, and pulls me nearer to the bed. Desperate to feel his smooth skin against mine, I bunch the fabric of his T-shirt in my hand and start to pull it up his body; he takes the hint and reaches over his shoulder to pull it off. Our kiss breaks for seconds before his lips are back on mine and my hands can roam over his naked torso, touching his warm skin and feeling his taut muscles beneath my exploring fingers.
It's not like this is the first time I've seen his semi-naked body, but I'm still blown away at how gorgeous it is. Now I can take my time and explore every inch of him without holding back. While my hands are busy with his belt buckle, I dip my head to press small feather light kisses on his chest and down to his stomach. The grip he has on my hair tightens, and I risk a glance upwards. Wow, my breath stutters at the smoldering look he gives me. Once I've wrestled with the zipper I push his jeans to the floor.
“What, no underwear?” I arch a brow in surprise.
“I was in too much of a hurry to find you.” He meets my grin with a wicked one of his own. Pulling me flush against his body, his erection is hard and throbbing as it presses into my tummy.
The heat from his tantalizing body seeps into me. His lips never leave mine as he pushes down my skimpy shorts; I wiggle them down my legs and step out of them.
“Is that door locked?” When I shake my head, he jogs quickly over to lock the door. In a flash, he's back in front of me.
“God, you are ridiculously sexy,” he rushes out, and my cheeks flush at his compliment.
“I've wanted you for months. I don't think I can wait a minute longer.” His lips crash down and his tongue teases its way in to explore my mouth. My hold on him tightens and I press my body into him. Our kiss deepens, and all-consuming desire stirs deep inside me, making its way through every cell in my body, as he maneuvers me down onto the bed before straightening.
