ORLANDO They shall be married tomorrow, and I will bid the Duke to the nuptial. But O, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man’s eyes. By so much the more shall I tomorrow be at the height of heart-heaviness by how much I shall think my brother happy in having what he wishes for.
ROSALIND Why, then, tomorrow I cannot serve your turn for Rosalind?
ORLANDO I can live no longer by thinking.
ROSALIND I will weary you then no longer with idle talking. Know of me then—for now I speak to some purpose—that I know you are a gentleman of good conceit. I speak not this that you should bear a good opinion of my knowledge, insomuch I say I know you are; neither do I labour for a greater esteem than may in some little measure draw a belief from you to do yourself good, and not to grace me. Believe then, if you please, that I can do strange things. I have since I was three year old conversed with a magician, most profound in his art, and yet not damnable. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart as your gesture cries it out, when your brother marries Aliena shall you marry her. I know into what straits of fortune she is driven, and it is not impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient to you, to set her before your eyes tomorrow, human as she is, and without any danger.
ORLANDO Speakest thou in sober meanings?
ROSALIND By my life, I do, which I tender dearly, though I say I am a magician. Therefore put you in your best array, bid your friends: for if you will be married tomorrow, you shall; and to Rosalind if you will.
Enter Silvius and Phoebe
Look, here comes a lover of mine and a lover of hers.
PHOEBE (to Rosalind)
Youth, you have done me much ungentleness,
To show the letter that I writ to you.
ROSALIND
I care not if I have. It is my study
To seem despiteful and ungentle to you.
You are there followed by a faithful shepherd.
Look upon him; love him. He worships you.
PHOEBE (to Silvius)
Good shepherd, tell this youth what ’tis to love.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of sighs and tears,
And so am I for Phoebe.
PHOEBE And I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO And I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND And I for no woman.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of faith and service,
And so am I for Phoebe.
PHOEBE And I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO And I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND And I for no woman.
SILVIUS
It is to be all made of fantasy,
All made of passion, and all made of wishes,
All adoration, duty, and observance,
All humbleness, all patience and impatience,
All purity, all trial, all obedience,
And so am I for Phoebe.
PHOEBE And so am I for Ganymede.
ORLANDO And so am I for Rosalind.
ROSALIND And so am I for no woman.
PHOEBE (to Rosalind)
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
SILVIUS (to Phoebe)
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
ORLANDO
If this be so, why blame you me to love you?
ROSALIND Why do you speak too, ‘Why blame you me to love you?’
ORLANDO
To her that is not here nor doth not hear.
ROSALIND Pray you, no more of this, ’tis like the howling of Irish wolves against the moon. (To Silvius) I will help you if I can. (To Phoebe) I would love you if I could.—Tomorrow meet me all together. (To Phoebe) I will marry you if ever I marry woman, and I’ll be married tomorrow. (To Orlando) I will satisfy you if ever I satisfy man, and you shall be married tomorrow. (To Silvius) I will content you if what pleases you contents you, and you shall be married tomorrow. (To Orlando) As you love Rosalind, meet. (To Silvius) As you love Phoebe, meet. And as I love no woman, I’ll meet. So fare you well. I have left you commands.
SILVIUS I’ll not fail, if I live.
PHOEBE Nor I.
ORLANDO Nor I.
Exeunt severally
5.3 Enter Touchstone the clown and Audrey
TOUCHSTONE Tomorrow is the joyful day, Audrey, tomorrow will we be married.
AUDREY I do desire it with all my heart; and I hope it is no dishonest desire to desire to be a woman of the world. Here come two of the banished Duke’s pages.
Enter two Pages
FIRST PAGE Well met, honest gentleman.
TOUCHSTONE By my troth, well met. Come, sit, sit, and a song.
SECOND PAGE We are for you. Sit i’th’ middle.
FIRST PAGE Shall we clap into’t roundly, without hawking, or spitting, or saying we are hoarse, which are the only prologues to a bad voice?
SECOND PAGE I‘faith, i’faith, and both in a tune, like two gipsies on a horse.
BOTH PAGES (sing)
It was a lover and his lass,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey-nonny-no,
That o’er the green cornfield did pass
In spring-time, the only pretty ring-time,
When birds do sing, hey ding-a-ding ding,
Sweet lovers love the spring.
Between the acres of the rye,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey-nonny-no,
These pretty country folks would lie,
In spring-time, the only pretty ring-time,
When birds do sing, hey ding-a-ding ding,
Sweet lovers love the spring.
This carol they began that hour,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey-nonny-no,
How that a life was but a flower,
In spring-time, the only pretty ring-time,
When birds do sing, hey ding-a-ding ding,
Sweet lovers love the spring.
And therefore take the present time,
With a hey, and a ho, and a hey-nonny-no,
For love is crowned with the prime,
In spring time, the only pretty ring-time,
When birds do sing, hey ding-a-ding ding,
Sweet lovers love the spring.
TOUCHSTONE Truly, young gentlemen, though there was no great matter in the ditty, yet the note was very untunable.
FIRST PAGE You are deceived, sir, we kept time, we lost not our time.
TOUCHSTONE By my troth, yes, I count it but time lost to hear such a foolish song. God b’wi’you, and God mend your voices. Come, Audrey.
Exeunt severally
5.4 Enter Duke Senior, Amiens, Jaques, Orlando, Oliver, and Celia as Aliena
DUKE SENIOR
Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
Can do all this that he hath promised?
ORLANDO
I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not,
As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.Enter Rosalind as Ganymede, with Silvius and
Phoebe
ROSALIND
Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged.
(To the Duke) You say if I bring in your Rosalind
You will bestow her on Orlando here?
DUKE SENIOR
That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.
ROSALIND (to Orlando)
And you say you will have her when I bring her?
ORLANDO That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.
ROSALIND (to Phoebe)
You say you’ll marry me if I be willing?
PHOEBE
That will I, should I die the hour after.
ROSALIND
But if you do refuse to marry me
You’ll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?
PHOEBE So is the bargain.
ROSALIND (to Silvius)
You say that you’ll have Phoebe if she will.
SILVIUS
Though to have her and death were both one thing.
ROSALIND
I have promised to make all t
his matter even.
Keep you your word, O Duke, to give your daughter.
You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter.
Keep your word, Phoebe, that you’ll marry me,
Or else refusing me to wed this shepherd.
Keep your word, Silvius, that you’ll marry her
If she refuse me; and from hence I go
To make these doubts all even.
Exeunt Rosalind and Celia
DUKE SENIOR
I do remember in this shepherd boy
Some lively touches of my daughter’s favour.
ORLANDO
My lord, the first time that I ever saw him,
Methought he was a brother to your daughter.
But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
And hath been tutored in the rudiments
Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
Whom he reports to be a great magician
Obscured in the circle of this forest.⌈Enter Touchstone the clown and Audrey⌉
JAQUES There is sure another flood toward, and these couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.
TOUCHSTONE Salutation and greeting to you all.
JAQUES (to the Duke) Good my lord, bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in the forest. He hath been a courtier, he swears.
TOUCHSTONE If any man doubt that, let him put me to my purgation. I have trod a measure, I have flattered a lady, I have been politic with my friend, smooth with mine enemy, I have undone three tailors, I have had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
JAQUES And how was that ta’en up?
TOUCHSTONE Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the seventh cause.
JAQUES How, seventh cause?—Good my lord, like this fellow.
DUKE SENIOR I like him very well.
TOUCHSTONE God’ield you, sir, I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear, and to forswear, according as marriage binds and blood breaks. A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own. A poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will. Rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor house, as your pearl in your foul oyster.
DUKE SENIOR By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
TOUCHSTONE According to the fool’s bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.
JAQUES But for the seventh cause. How did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?
TOUCHSTONE Upon a lie seven times removed.—Bear your body more seeming, Audrey.—As thus, sir: I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier’s beard. He sent me word if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was. This is called the Retort Courteous. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would send me word he cut it to please himself. This is called the Quip Modest. If again it was not well cut, he disabled my judgement. This is called the Reply Churlish. If again it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not true. This is called the Reproof Valiant. If again it was not well cut, he would say I lie. This is called the Countercheck Quarrelsome. And so to the Lie Circumstantial, and the Lie Direct.
JAQUES And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?
TOUCHSTONE I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we measured swords, and parted.
JAQUES Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
TOUCHSTONE O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book, as you have books for good manners. I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may avoid that, too, with an ‘if’. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an ‘if’, as ‘If you said so, then I said so’, and they shook hands and swore brothers. Your ‘if’ is the only peacemaker; much virtue in ‘if’.
JAQUES (to the Duke) Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? He’s as good at anything, and yet a fool.
DUKE SENIOR He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit.⌈Still music⌉ Enter Hymen with Rosalind and Celia as themselves
HYMEN Then is there mirth in heaven
When earthly things made even
Atone together.
Good Duke, receive thy daughter;
Hymen from heaven brought her,
Yea, brought her hither,
That thou mightst join her hand with his
Whose heart within his bosom is.
ROSALIND (to the Duke)
To you I give myself, for I am yours.
(To Orlando) To you I give myself, for I am yours.
DUKE SENIOR
If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
ORLANDO
If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
PHOEBE
If sight and shape be true,
Why then, my love adieu!
ROSALIND (to the Duke)
I’ll have no father if you be not he.
(To Orlando) I’ll have no husband if you be not he,
(To Phoebe) Nor ne’er wed woman if you be not she.
HYMEN Peace, ho, I bar confusion.
‘Tis I must make conclusion
Of these most strange events.
Here’s eight that must take hands
To join in Hymen’s bands,
If truth holds true contents.
(To Orlando and Rosalind)
You and you no cross shall part.
(To Oliver and Celia)
You and you are heart in heart.
(To Phoebe)
You to his love must accord,
Or have a woman to your lord.
(To Touchstone and Audrey)
You and you are sure together
As the winter to foul weather.—
Whiles a wedlock hymn we sing,
Feed yourselves with questioning,
That reason wonder may diminish
How thus we met, and these things finish.
Song
Wedding is great Juno’s crown,
O blessèd bond of board and bed.
‘Tis Hymen peoples every town.
High wedlock then be honoured.
Honour, high honour and renown
To Hymen, god of every town.
DUKE SENIOR (to Celia)
O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me,
Even daughter; welcome in no less degree.
PHOEBE (to Silvius.)
I will not eat my word. Now thou art mine,
Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.Enter Jaques de Bois, the second brother
JAQUES DE BOIS
Let me have audience for a word or two.
I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day
Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
Addressed a mighty power, which were on foot,
In his own conduct, purposely to take
His brother here, and put him to the sword.
And to the skirts of this wild wood he came
Where, meeting with an old religious man,
After some question with him was converted
Both from his enterprise and from the world,
His crown bequeathing to his banished brother,
And all their lands restored to them again
That were with him exiled. This to be true
I do engage my life.
DUKE SENIOR
Welcome, young man.
Thou offer’st fairly to thy brothers’ wedding:
To one his lands withheld, and to the other
First, in this forest let us do those ends
That here were well begun, and well begot.
And after, every of this happy number
That have endured shrewd days and nights with us
Shall share the good of our returned fortune
According to the measure of their states.
Meantime, forget this new-fallen dignity
And fall into our rustic revelry.
Play, music, and you brides and bridegrooms all,
With measure heaped in joy to th’ measures fall.
JAQUES
Sir, by your patience. (To Jaques de Bois) If I heard you
rightly
The Duke hath put on a religious life
And thrown into neglect the pompous court.
JAQUES DE BOIS He hath.
JAQUES
To him will I. Out of these convertites
There is much matter to be heard and learned.
(To the Duke)
You to your former honour I bequeath;
Your patience and your virtue well deserves it.
(To Orlando)
You to a love that your true faith doth merit;
(To Oliver)
You to your land, and love, and great allies;
(To Silvius)
You to a long and well-deserved bed;
(To Touchstone)
And you to wrangling, for thy loving voyage
Is but for two months victualled.—So, to your
pleasures;
I am for other than for dancing measures.
DUKE SENIOR Stay, Jaques, stay.
JAQUES
To see no pastime, I. What you would have
I’ll stay to know at your abandoned cave. Exit
DUKE SENIOR
Proceed, proceed. We’ll so begin these rites
As we do trust they’ll end, in true delights.
The Oxford Shakespeare: The Complete Works Page 222
