by Jayne Rylon
Kaige pumped into his fiancée harder as he watched his woman use Cobra to get off. The pair grinned at each other when they broke apart, jostled by their respective fucking. Mustang patted Eli’s clenching abdomen as he rode her, her own stamp of approval.
Kaelyn had wedged herself between Bryce and Carver, as if searching for something more intense than the gentle loving she soaked in each night she spent in Rebel’s bed. When they played together, she got the extra level of spice she’d admitted she craved.
Meep looked around. He spotted Holden alone and abandoned his post. Roman took up where he left off with an intensity that made Swinger wonder if he was concentrating on distancing himself from Carver, just a little bit.
Oblivious to Barracuda’s stare on his retreating back, Meep scooted closer to Holden, crawling to eliminate the last few feet between them. Swinger glanced away from the stare Carver leveled at him, afraid of what his friend might see.
He shouldn’t have worried.
“We’re always going to be here for you. No one’s going to come between us. None of us would let that happen. And if you believe us, you should know it’s possible to find other people who would say the same thing, Swinger.” The guy didn’t wait for an answer. Likely didn’t want one. They weren’t exactly great at dealing with their emotions. Unless it was like this. With raw passion and pure adrenaline. Less talking, more fucking.
Holden cupped his friend’s head in his palm and drew the guy’s eager mouth toward him.
Warm lips closed over the head of his cock, sucking precome from the tip.
His toes curled, and so did his fingers, tangled in Meep’s hair.
Roman did something devious to Kaelyn, which Holden couldn’t quite see. Whatever it was had the woman coming within seconds. She shuddered and moaned. Except instead of deflating, her hunger renewed. She dug her nails into Bryce’s powerful shoulders and shoved until Rebel rolled to his back and let her use him however she liked.
Not far behind his lover, Roman took advantage of Carver’s position on all fours to slip in between the guy’s legs and fondle his balls. He raked the fingers of his free hand down Meep’s spine, until his hand tucked into the valley of Carver’s ass.
Meep’s steady sucking stuttered on Holden’s shaft when Roman massaged his hole.
Helpful if nothing else, Holden leaned to one side to snag a bottle of lube from the drawer in the end table. He tossed it to Barracuda, then tapped his finger on Meep’s cheek. “Watch those teeth when he plows into you, ’kay?”
To be a jerk, Meep nipped Holden’s balls before resuming his deep-throating. Too bad for him—Swinger liked it. Even better was the guy’s hum as Roman sank into his ass, fusing them before beginning a steady pumping into his welcoming hole.
Holden wrapped his hands around Carver’s upper arms, helping to steady the guy and also to ground himself. Free to display his affection for his fellow Hot Rods, he took advantage of the opportunity, rubbing his thumbs over the tattooed biceps that quivered beneath his touch.
Meep sucked harder, laving the underside of Holden’s cock.
Cries of completion echoed around the room as their partners found ecstasy. It seemed no one had stamina tonight. At least not for this first round. The tension that had arced between them resolved into calm. Their sharing reassured them that they were okay, their friendship was fine, their bonds were strong. None of them would be alone again, left to fend for themselves in a cold, cruel world even if they didn’t always agree.
That thought alone had Holden’s balls tightening.
He blinked a few times, trying to clear the stinging in his eyes. Surprised, he flinched when someone touched his shoulder softly. Kaelyn. She smiled at him before kissing him gently. Bryce sat behind Holden and held him upright, so he could simply enjoy the pleasure Carver granted him with every bob of his sultry mouth over Holden’s cock.
Sally and Nola came to lounge on his other side. Mustang rested her head on his arm as Nola massaged his scalp and feathered his hair from his brow. Eli, Alanso and Kaige knelt behind their ladies, lending their support and encouragement as Meep devoured Holden and Roman drove them all as he set the increasing tempo for their liaison.
Pumping harder, Barracuda forced Carver to take Holden deeper, which he did enthusiastically. The man could suck cock like no one else.
Still, Swinger held on, refusing to come until each of his friends had been satisfied.
The moment Carver shouted around his mouthful of dick, while Kaelyn snuck a hand beneath him to milk his cock, Roman joined in with fierce grunts. He impaled Meep on his shaft, shooting deep into the other man’s ass.
Only then did Holden let go. He kept his eyes open as he came. Meeting the supportive gazes of the people surrounding him with their love. They amplified his rapture until negative thoughts vanished and only bliss remained.
They brought him down gently before pairing off again to cuddle.
This time his solo status bothered him where it never had before. Being part of the gang was all he’d ever known. But maybe it wasn’t all he was destined to have.
The thought terrified him.
He tucked his limp cock into his sweats and hastily drew them into place at his waist. What if he’d missed his chance because he’d had blinders on? Was it too late to change his mind about Sabra?
He needed to think.
“You awake over there?” Carver kicked his ribs lightly from where he hogged the sectional sofa. “We’re going to watch a movie. The new one with Joe Danger. You in?”
“Nah, I’m beat. I think I’m going to crash.” He rolled to his feet and stuck his hands in his pockets.
“Gotta go think of what to say to Sabra tomorrow, you mean?” Alanso poked at Swinger. No sense in denying it.
“I’m going to have to make it good, right?” He winced. Would she bust his balls for the way he’d treated her? He deserved it. Still didn’t mean he couldn’t hope he got off easy. Maybe if he distracted her, she’d forgive him. After all, he knew how to give a woman pleasure. And he liked doing it. A lot.
“I’d say so.” Bryce nodded.
“Right. Well, night then.”
“Sleep well.” Nola skimmed her fingers over his forearm as he passed.
Swallowing hard, he paused then bent to kiss her cheek. Holden didn’t want her to think, for one moment, that there was any bad blood between them. “Thanks for doing what’s right for the shop, even if I gave you a hard time.”
“I like when you give me a hard time, Swinger.” She smiled up at him.
“Hey now.” Kaige mock-growled at his woman.
She only laughed. “You like it too. Either that or you’ve got a wrench in your pocket right now. Who wants to bet you don’t make it through the movie without having to get off again?”
“Not me. He’s gonna do you,” Kaelyn singsonged. And everyone laughed.
Holden chuckled too as he entered his room and flopped into bed. Staring up at the ceiling, he attempted to compose a speech for Sabra. In the end, he decided to wing it. To speak from his heart and hope she understood. At least he knew he’d have some time to work on her if they’d be filming the Hot Rods show together for a while.
Despite the thoughts rolling around in Holden’s brain, or maybe because the ruckus of the day had exhausted him, it wasn’t long before he drifted off, with explosions and the shouts the Hot Rods fired at the screen in the other room keeping him company.
Holden managed not to scream this time when a loud bang woke him. It was so dark, he couldn’t see the empty soda bottle in his hands—the one he’d dug out of the garbage then pretended was a submarine, zooming around the bathtub he slept in. He wanted to run into the other room, where his mommy lived all the time and he got to live sometimes. But last time he’d gone inside on his own she’d yelled at him and spanked him for making her boyfriend ang
ry. Sitting had been ouchy for days after. He was supposed to stay in the bathroom, on his blanket-bed in the tub, until she came to get him. No matter what, mister.
If Holden didn’t be good, the man—whichever one was over to play tonight, he couldn’t remember all their names—might hurt him, she’d said. They might hit him. Or worse. He remembered the way some of her friends had looked at him lately, before she’d started making him sleep in the dirty old bathroom. Creepy creepers. They made his tummy ache.
He thought his mommy should have nicer friends. Ones who played whatever games she wanted instead of making her cry after they left, and sometimes before. Holden cheered her up as much as he could, drawing pictures and acting silly. Making Mommy laugh was his favorite game. Except he wasn’t always so good at it.
He tied his blanket around his neck like a cape and crawled out of the tub with his Top Secret Quiet superpowers engaged. A sliver of orangey light fell through the crack in the door onto the floor. Pressing his eye to the gap, he peeked into the other room, then wished he hadn’t.
Mommy had crashed onto the floor. Her eyes looked funny again, like when she took too much of her medicine. Holden looked around the room, as much as he could through the crack. He didn’t see anyone else. Holding his breath, he listened real hard. No one made any noise, except for his mommy, who sounded like she’d run extra fast up all the steps to their apartment.
His hand wiggled the doorknob. Would she be mad if he snuggled by her? That was what she did when he was sick and needed medicine of his own. Even if his medicine never made him feel like hers did.
Holden was scared. Something felt bad. And he wanted his mommy.
He scampered out of the smelly bathroom, letting the door bang. Mommy must be very sick. She didn’t yell at him for making noise or hurting the door. He trotted to her and lay by her side, burrowing into her warmth. Tonight she didn’t make him cozy, though. She seemed as cold as he was.
“Holden?” she whispered, her voice not sounding pretty like when she sang him songs.
“I’m sorry, Mommy. I don’t want to sleep in the tub anymore. Can I stay here with you?” He petted her soft hair.
“For a little while.”
He had to lean closer because he could hardly hear her whisper. A lot of times she told him not to yell inside. And at night he had to be quiet as a mouse. So he didn’t say anything. The funny sound of her breathing only got faster, even though she was resting.
“What’s wrong, Mommy? Are you sick? Didn’t you get enough medicine?” He looked onto the table and saw lots of wrappers and a scary needle. He hoped he never needed medicine like that. “Do you need me to get some from the man on the corner? I could go see if he’s there or wait until he’s not sleeping again.”
“I deserve this.” She moaned and rubbed her face on the yucky carpet.
“Huh?” Holden sat up, the skin on his neck acting like there were bugs on it. He scratched it.
“Don’t let anyone do this to you, baby.” She sobbed. “Never let someone hurt you like this.”
Tears poured down his mommy’s face along with snot. She rubbed them away.
Something red smeared on her cheeks.
Blood.
“Mommy! You’re bleeding.” He felt sick when he could smell it. On her. On him as he tried to smoosh her skin together like she’d done the time he bashed his shin on the corner of the radiator when he learned flying was only make believe but gravity was for real.
“So sorry. I can’t do it anymore, kiddo. If your dad had stuck around, maybe it would have been different. If he’d cared about us—”
“I don’t need a daddy. Remember how you told me to tell the other kids that when they teased me? You said it’s fine to have just a mommy who loves you very much. I love you too, Mommy. We don’t need a daddy.” His fingers were slimy with the blood now, but he was too scared to look at it.
“That’s right. And you don’t need a mommy either, brave boy. You’ll be fine without me. Never forget. You don’t need anyone, Holden. Stay strong. Stay alone. Have fun, but don’t give your heart away. Or you’ll never survive. This pain…it’s unbearable. Nothing dulls it anymore. Be smarter than me. Don’t take that risk. Do you hear me?” It took her a long time to say all those words. But still she managed her mom-voice. The kind she used when he was about to get in trouble. “Promise, Holden.”
“Okay, Mommy.” He didn’t really understand what she was saying, but he wanted her not-angry.
“Good boy.” She smiled just a little, the first time he’d seen her mouth shaped like anything other than a frown in a while.
It looked weird upside down.
Her lips. Getting gray now.
“I love you, baby.” Another tear rolled down her cheek, but no more followed. “I’m sorry.”
And then she went super, extra, really still. Like she was playing the quiet game in the bathtub and didn’t want any of her friends to hear them. Except she was way better at it than he was.
He always had to pee or wanted to play.
Mommy was like a statue.
She didn’t even blink.
Or breathe.
“Mommy! Mommy, wake up. Mommy!”
No matter how hard he shook her, she didn’t.
Holden howled again, his raw throat making a pitiful hoarse cry. He thrashed against whatever kept him pinned down, unable to save his mom. Why hadn’t he gone for help? Why hadn’t he realized she was dying right in front of his eyes?
“Hey, you’re all right.” Warm hands held him, not the cold ones he’d never erase from his memory. “Swinger, it’s me. Carver. Roman’s coming too. He went to get you a drink. You’re home at Hot Rods. Holden. Can you hear me? Wake up, damn it!”
His heart raced. The sawing action of his ragged breaths made his lungs burn.
Instead of focusing on that, he listened to the voice.
The calm one. The steady one. It had never let him down. Unlike his mom. Or his sperm donor, who’d disappointed them both. Crushed them.
“Meep,” he rasped.
“Yeah.” The guy loosened his hold as Holden went slack. “Yeah, it’s me. Fuck. That was a bad one. You haven’t dreamed of her in a while.”
“Sorry.” Swinger swallowed hard, or attempted to around the dry lump in his throat. “I told you to pick a different room instead of sharing a wall with me. You never would listen.”
“I’d rather be close. You’d do the same for me.” Carver sagged as he sat beside Holden. He kept his hand on Swinger’s shoulder, solid and unshakeable. After one of these nightmares, Holden hated to be alone. Even if he couldn’t stand to talk about what he’d relived.
Meep understood and gave Holden what he needed—space and company.
Roman crashed through the door, his eyes wild as he surveyed the scene. The pulsing light from the Hot Rods screensaver Holden intentionally left on each night highlighted Barracuda’s craggy profile. “Is he okay?”
Roman spoke to Carver, as if Holden weren’t sitting right there.
“Getting there.” Swinger spoke for himself. “Better if you’ve got a beer or something for me to chug.”
Barracuda didn’t speak, his eyes still glued to Meep. He handed over a mostly empty 750 mL bottle of St. George Absinthe Verte. Holden accepted the strong shit from Roman. Why did the guy have this stashed in his room? Was he drinking hardcore again?
Right now, Swinger could only be glad. He downed three gulps—feeling every bit of the 120-proof liquid searing his guts—before handing the poison back. Or he would have, if Carver hadn’t confiscated it.
“Thanks,” Holden mumbled as he crashed to his back on the bed, his forearm flung over his sweat-drenched brow and eyes so he didn’t have to meet their concerned gazes. It’d been years since he had a nightmare that vivid.
“No problem.” Carver didn’t ab
andon him. Neither did Barracuda edge toward the door. No, he sank onto the mattress, the heat of his body radiating full length against Holden’s.
“Mind if we stay?” Roman asked from his other side. The bed shifted again as he made himself comfy without waiting for a response. Thank God they all had king-sized beds. They had come in handy through the years. Though Holden preferred their other activities to this.
“No.” The guys both tensed, so Holden clarified, “I mean, I don’t want you to leave. I—uh—I need you.”
Wasn’t that the pisser? His mom had made him swear he’d never get attached, presumably to a woman. He hadn’t. But if anything ever happened to the Hot Rods, he’d be lost. Totaled. So how could he consider flirting with Sabra, the only other person who’d tempted him to get closer than a casual, one-night affair?
A problem for tomorrow.
Maybe his ghosts wouldn’t look so intimidating in the light of day.
Holden let his head rest on Carver’s shoulder while Roman reached across Swinger’s abdomen to hold Meep’s hand. If that meant Holden’s friends’ arms locked together in an impromptu seat-belt hug around him, well, he didn’t plan to complain.
“Hey, Swinger,” Roman mumbled, as if he’d had a few shots of that disgusting liquor himself.
“Yeah?” He didn’t look at the other man.
“If you snore, I’m gonna pound your nuts.” He grunted, then relaxed on the pillow they shared.
“Wouldn’t dare wake you. Obviously you need as much beauty sleep as possible, dude. I swear you’re getting uglier by the day.” Holden silently thanked his friend for returning them to more comfortable ground. Maybe now he could rest. Numbness from the alcohol speeding through his veins combined with the familiarity of his friends and their antics to soothe him.
Determined to salvage what rest he could, he closed his eyes and rehearsed his apology to Sabra, allowing himself to be distracted by visions of what might have been if he hadn’t walked away to keep his painful past at bay. His mom wouldn’t approve.
