For her…tomorrow. And she wouldn’t be hanging around for the wrap party, either. She’d change her flight and get the heck out of town the minute Ryan said cut.
Now behind closed doors, she evaluated her reaction to the news critically. It was a little trick she’d learned in therapy to get in touch with her feelings.
Anger? There was a touch of that, but at least he’d had the nerve to tell her the change to her face. He could have just posted the new schedule and then avoided her for the next twenty-four to thirty-six hours.
Betrayal? Not really. He hadn’t done anything but his job. The whole movie budget was a mess and he had to do something.
Sadness? This one. Right here. Sierra was sad that she was leaving him. She liked Ryan an awful lot and he didn’t realize it but he’d gone a long way to restore her faith in men. Of course, Tyler and his friends had been the first to do that but Ryan had helped. She’d never had a sexual relationship with a man she was already friends with. She would miss it and him. The sex too, if she was brutally honest with herself.
I don’t think I’m the fling type.
She hadn’t expected to become this attached emotionally to Ryan. She’d spent the last eighteen months being detached from so much in life, it had been a shock to get close to him. She’d learned a long time ago not to get attached to people and things, but that lesson was becoming a distant memory. Her therapist, and Billie, would be thrilled.
Turning sad upside down, she needed to concentrate on what was good. She’d broken through a huge barrier with Ryan. She’d slept with a man again. She’d learned that sex could be as wonderful as she’d heard. She’d had a quick affair with a handsome man. This wasn’t anything to be upset about.
More resolute after sorting out her feelings, Sierra reached for her phone to make the changes to her itinerary. It was time to go home. In a few months Ryan would be a lovely memory, a man she’d smile about whenever she heard his name or watched one of his movies.
Ryan Ward was many things. He was a great director, a wonderful lover, and a terrible camper. He didn’t know shit about surviving an ice storm. He was a good man. But he wasn’t her future.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
The waves of the bluer than blue Caribbean lapped against the soft sand warmed by the sun. Sierra stretched out her legs and wriggled her painted toes before taking another sip of her fruity rum drink. The smell of sea, salt, and suntan lotion permeated the air and she took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the scent. It never ceased to make her happy and serene.
This was paradise.
Tyler and Billie had rented a luxurious home on the island of St. Thomas and that was why Sierra was sitting on the beach next to her sister under an umbrella, drinking a tasty libation. They’d gone swimming and sunbathing earlier and now they were relaxing in the shade, listening to the waves and the seagulls, and chatting about their plans when it was time to leave.
Sierra glanced over her shoulder at the house. “Where is Tyler? I haven’t seen him in awhile.”
“He went for a run. He has to stay in decent shape for this new movie.”
“But he gets to keep his shirt on this time.”
It was important to Tyler that his whole career not be based on his abs. He was excited about working with his close friends again. This wasn’t a Thunder movie but a much more cerebral and suspenseful psychological thriller. Paige and Nate had penned the script and Max was even playing a bad guy, much to his glee. Nate, Tyler, and Sam were the men in white hats.
“He does and he’s tickled to death about it.” Billie tapped her fingers against the wooden table between their lounge chairs. “I have something to tell you about the movie.”
Sierra’s sister had been acting strangely these last few days. Actually, she’d begun wondering if Billie might be pregnant.
“Oh? What about it? Are you going to be in it?”
That would explain the strange behavior. Sierra would be left alone in Los Angeles while Billie and Tyler were on location. She’d be fine but her sister worried too much.
“In it? No.” Billie shook her head and then sucked in a breath. “There’s no other way to do this but to just say it.”
Whoa. What was going on here? This didn’t sound like a happy announcement like a baby.
“So spit it out.”
“The director backed out of the movie at the last minute and now Ryan Ward is going to direct.”
Billie’s words hung in the air between them like a flashing neon sign in a bar window. Too bright to be ignored and twice as annoying.
Ryan Ward. Sierra hadn’t heard that name in months. Of course, she’d gone out of her way not to, deliberately avoiding any gossip sites. She didn’t want to see the latest actress he was bedding currently.
“Ryan to the rescue again,” she finally replied, careful to keep her voice even. No one needed to know how often she thought about him. “If he’s not careful he’s going to get a reputation as a hero.”
“We were lucky to get him.” The words rushed out of Billie’s mouth, all running together. “The movie he was working on lost its financing so he had a hole in his schedule.”
Ryan Ward. Sierra was still trying to wrap her mind around it. Not that it mattered. She wasn’t in the movie so she wouldn’t see him.
“That’s…great. He’s a good director.”
Billie was sneaking sideways glances at Sierra. They’d always been able to practically read each other’s minds. It appeared that today was no exception.
“Are you okay with this?”
Sierra took another sip of her cool drink, the rum sliding down her tight throat. It hadn’t been that way before she’d heard his name. “Does it matter? I won’t see him or anything. I’m not in the movie.”
“You could see him if you wanted to. I’m going to visit Tyler on location. You could come with me.”
Her sister was only trying to help, but that would only make it worse.
“Not one good thing could come from that. Besides, you’re assuming that he’d want to see me. I’m sure he’s moved on by now. He probably has some beautiful actress on his arm. It’s better if I stay away.”
Billie sighed and moved restlessly in her chair. “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t encouraged you to have a fling with him none of this would have happened. I’m so sorry, sis.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I was attracted to him and I slept with him. You didn’t push me into bed with him. I’m a grown woman. I made my own decision.”
“And now you regret it. He broke your heart.”
Ah, if only it were that simple. Then she could just hate his guts and blame it all on him. Except nothing in life was that black and white.
“He didn’t break my heart,” Sierra replied, exasperated with her sibling. She was making this far more dramatic than it really was. “I just liked him much more than he liked me. I’ve come to the conclusion that I would have liked to continue the relationship to see where it might go.”
Billie made a sour face. “He’s not good enough for you.”
Sierra giggled at her sister’s dramatic antics. Always the actress. “He’s not a bad person. He just wanted a brief thing. That’s what I thought I wanted, too. It’s not his fault that I changed my mind. Heck, when I left I thought it was for the best. And I don’t regret sleeping with him. I’m glad I did it.”
Thinking about him these last four months had made her feel more alive than she had in a long time. Missing him was an actual, real emotion that people felt every day. She’d shut so much of that down in pure self-preservation, but it wasn’t healthy in the long term. Life hurt sometimes and it wasn’t always going to be perfect sunshine and rainbows.
“I’m still sorry. I still feel like it’s my fault.”
Sierra set her drink down on the table. “You need to get over it.”
“You need to get under it. I mean, get under another man.”
Her eyes going wide, Sierra speared her sister with
a look that would have quelled a lesser woman. “Excuse me, what did you say?”
Billie smiled. “The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one. That’s a popular saying.”
“So? There are lots of popular sayings. Early to bed and early to rise. If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen.”
“Are you questioning the wisdom of Ben Franklin and Harry Truman?” Billie asked, sputtering with laughter. “Seriously, it’s not the worst idea in the world. A new guy to get your mind off of the old one. Tyler has lots of handsome friends.”
“Almost all of whom are actors. I don’t want to date an actor. But thank you. Do I really seem that unhappy? I’m not.”
Billie scrutinized her sister for a long minute. “You don’t seem unhappy. You seem…subdued. Like you’re thinking all the time. Do you think about him a lot?”
It wasn’t the quantity that was the problem, it was the quality.
“Surprisingly, not that often. Just every now and then when something reminds me of him. I can go days and not think about him.”
She had gone days. At least once, maybe twice.
“What reminds you?”
A smile curved Sierra’s lips as she remembered back. “Toasted marshmallows. The cold. A roaring fire. Spaghetti with tomato sauce. Chocolate chip cookies. Robert DeNiro.”
“Uh…DeNiro?”
“DeNiro.”
Billie leaned forward, her gaze darting around them before settling on Sierra. “Sis, do you become aroused watching Raging Bull?”
It was too much. Sierra couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up at Billie’s silly question. She was also sure that it was intentional on her sister’s part.
“It’s no shame,” Billie said with a somber expression. “We can get you help.”
Hold her aching ribs, Sierra dashed at the tears leaking from her eyes. “You are such a goof ball. No, I do not need help.”
“The first step–”
“For heaven’s sake, stop it,” Sierra scolded. “It was a few days out of my life. I liked him and I still do. Heck, if the relationship had gone on we probably would have crashed and burned by week six. I think it’s just that now I’ll never know. That’s what is bugging me.”
It was a point of which Sierra had constantly reminded herself. Even if they had tried to date, they wouldn’t have made it. Hollywood, careers, and a man that didn’t do commitment weren’t conducive to relationship bliss. It wouldn’t have worked.
Billie’s expression turned serious and a little sad. “Did you love him?”
Sierra had stayed awake more nights than she could count thinking about that very question.
“I think that I did in a small way,” she answered with a smile. “And I don’t regret what I felt. I think that I could have fallen in real love with him if we’d had enough time.”
Time. It had simply never been on their side.
But she had many years ahead of her and she couldn’t spend them thinking about Ryan.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
It was time for the table reading of the script and the entire cast was assembled on the soundstage. Tables had been set up in a circle so they were all facing each other. Ryan twisted open the top of a bottle of water and watched as the main actors rolled in, laughing and talking like the old friends they were. This movie was going to be perhaps the easiest job he’d ever done.
The cast was filled with consummate professionals who knew when to take direction and also when to tell Ryan to blow it out of his ass. Sam Collins especially took no shit from anyone and Tyler Gaylord had a reputation for giving no fucks. The script was a dream and they were all excited and ready to work. Hell, even the budget and schedule were reasonable. All in all, Ryan should be having the time of his life.
I shouldn’t have taken this job.
He’d been lured in by the amazing casting and the exotic locales. A few more countries ticked off of his bucket list, plus he’d always wanted to work with Nate Mason, Maxwell Hayes, Tyler Gaylord, and Sam Collins. He’d be lying, though, if he didn’t admit – at least to himself – that he’d almost turned the movie down. Where Tyler Gaylord was, there was a chance of Sierra being there as well.
After almost five months since he’d seen her, he was still confused as hell. No one in his entire life had stuck in his head this long. It was as if she’d taken up residence in a part of his brain and she strolled out every now and then just to remind him that she was still around. He thought of her at the most inopportune moments. Just the other night he’d had a date and she’d talked about her brother taking his kids camping and toasting marshmallows.
Suddenly he’d been back in Sierra’s living room, sitting in front of that warm fire and feeding her marshmallows. Her pink tongue sliding across those full lips to get every last drop. He’d gone hard at the mere memory.
The date hadn’t gone anywhere, either. In fact, none of them had lately. He’d put it down to being so busy he’d barely slept but the fact was he just wasn’t interested in other women. He constantly compared them to Sierra and they all came up short.
Christ, it was bad. He needed a brain purge but he had a sneaky feeling that she’d still have a piece of his heart.
Somewhere around the end of month two he’d admitted that he might have fallen a little in love with her. More like a crush than a full blown “let’s spend the rest of our lives together” kind of thing. She’d been so different than the women he’d dated in the past and he’d almost thrown himself on the trunk of the car that drove her away from the set that last day. He’d told himself that it was for the best, that they didn’t have any sort of future.
He still believed it. He’d thought about what might have happened if he’d asked her to stick around, maybe jet off with him to some vacation spot where they could have spent their days on the beach and their nights making love. It would have been heaven, but then reality would eventually intrude and he’d have to fly off somewhere and make a movie. The separation would weigh on their relationship and eventually one of them would end it. No, they’d been right to leave it the way they did. Now they only had good memories.
The actors had settled into their chairs and were staring at him expectantly. Shit, he’d been gone again. Back to Sierra’s dark little condo during the storm. He needed to be sure to keep too busy to allow that to happen often.
“Welcome,” he said, flipping open his script. All business, dammit. “I’ll save the introductions for later during lunch. Let’s get going on this table read. Any questions before we get started?”
If anyone wondered about his abrupt greeting they didn’t say so aloud. Time to get to work.
* * *
Tyler had never seen a man avoid a topic as doggedly as Ryan Ward avoided asking or talking about Sierra. In the two weeks they’d been working together on this film, it would have been normal and natural for one or both of them to have brought up Ryan’s work with Sierra. The one time Tyler had brought it up?
Ward had shut down the conversation and immediately changed the subject. Even his expression had changed to a little bit nervous and panicked. Tyler had felt so sorry for the poor bastard that he’d respected the man’s wishes, although there was a part of him that wanted to pull the director aside and tell him that he was fighting a futile battle.
Tyler ought to know. He’d fallen for one twin and he wasn’t ever getting out. Not that he wanted to. He didn’t. He’d never been happier in his life but a confirmed bachelor like Ryan Ward had to be sweating bullets.
There was another part of Tyler that also wanted to punch Ward in the face and hope it would knock some sense into him. Sierra was definitely pining for the man and Billie couldn’t seem to convince her sister to move on. These two people just might have fallen in love with one another. Tyler didn’t blame Sierra for their separation. The young woman didn’t know shit about relationships, love, sex, or men. But Ryan Ward? He fucking knew better, or at least he should.
That
one thought had been festering away inside of Tyler for two whole damn weeks.
That’s why when Ward was working with them to block out a fight scene, Tyler took the opportunity to take a swing at the other man. To an innocent bystander it would look like an accident but Tyler wanted to make sure that Ryan knew exactly why he’d been clocked in the jaw. As the director staggered back, Tyler leaped forward to catch him before he hit the wall behind him, but he also took the opportunity to whisper in Ward’s ear.
“That was for Sierra, you son of a bitch.”
Stalking off the set, Tyler headed for his trailer with Sam Collins on his heels. He ignored the older actor but Sam just reached out and grabbed Tyler’s arm, whipping him around.
“I’m sure he deserved it but I still wonder why you just punched our director.”
“It was an accident.”
Sam grinned and took a step back. “You made it look that way but I’ve seen too many movie fights to believe that. What’s going on?”
Tyler wasn’t sure that Sierra wanted her business spread all over but this was Sam. The story wouldn’t go any further. This man could keep a secret.
“He worked with Sierra about four months ago. They had a fling.”
Sam and Sierra were good friends and he’d given her a big break in movies. He was also incredibly protective. It might not have been a good idea to tell him after all. Sam’s face clouded over and he looked pissed the hell off.
“What did you say?”
Tyler sighed and glanced over his shoulder, ensuring they wouldn’t be overheard.
“They had a little on-set fling. They both agreed it would be casual but I guess Sierra kind of fell for the asshole.”
Sam’s brows pinched together and his lips flattened into a straight line. “Then we should all take a swing at him. I’ll get Nate and Max.”
Tyler shook his head. “I shouldn’t have done it. They made a deal. Ward didn’t do anything wrong. Not really. I just hate seeing Sierra so sad. I doubt he’s worth it.”
And the Winner Is Page 11
