“Nokea, you know you’ve said that a million times before. What makes you think this time it’s a for sure thing?”
“Because I know. I feel it in my heart and in my soul. The only thing I need to do is figure out a way to get my energy back. I feel beat. I’m exhausted from all this crying, and it’s wearing me down.”
“I don’t mean any harm, Nokea, but I can tell. I ain’t never seen you look like this. The difference between you and me is Jaylin will never bring me down no matter how hard he may try.”
“No, Felicia. The difference between you and me is I love him and you don’t. That’s why it’s harder for me than it is for you. I’m not saying you don’t care for him, but that’s all it is. You will be able to walk away whenever you eventually get tired. Me, it’s going to take time. More time than I anticipated. But for now, as long as I don’t see him, I’m doing okay.”
Even though I hated to admit it, Nokea was right. I didn’t love Jaylin as much as she did—but if I couldn’t have him, no one would.
I left Nokea’s house on a good note. I didn’t tell her what I intended to do, but she made it perfectly clear that she was out of it. I couldn’t blame her; she had to be the one who suffered the most pain from Jaylin. I had only stepped into this mess four years ago and was already exhausted from the female bullshit.
When I got back home, I called Jaylin and left him another nasty message for dissing me again on Friday night. I changed clothes and waited for Damion to come over so I could get some type of satisfaction for the night. I was sure he’d be lacking somewhere, someway, or somehow, and that’s why I had to make sure Jaylin’s and my relationship got back on track. Soon.
17
NOKEA
It had been three whole weeks since I last talked to or saw Jaylin. I went to Infiniti Styles on the corner of Chambers and West Florissant Avenue to get my hair done, and then I shopped at the Galleria to find some outfits for the fall. As far as I was concerned, I was back in action. Not only did I look good again, but I felt good as well.
That was until late Sunday night. I’d eaten some greasy fried chicken at Pat’s place, and it had my stomach upset. I went to the bathroom and threw up. I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn’t; I felt nauseated and faint.
I went home, lay down in my bed with a cold rag across my forehead, and tried to figure out what was wrong with me. By morning, I had thrown up again. I called my doctor to make an appointment, and then called my boss and told him I would be late. The thought of food poisoning crossed my mind because for some reason, the chicken didn’t taste right to me.
I arrived at Dr. Beckwith’s office in the Central West End about nine-thirty in the morning. Immediately, the nurse called my name, so I didn’t have to wait long. When Dr. Beckwith came in, he asked me all kinds of questions. When I told him what my symptoms were, he said it didn’t sound like I had food poisoning and told me he wanted to give me a pregnancy test. Since I hadn’t missed my period, I knew it wasn’t possible. Besides, Jaylin and I only had sex one and a half times. Still, I knew one time is all it takes, so I anxiously waited for the results.
Dr. Beckwith came back into the room and pulled a chair next to me. He had a smile on his face as he slid his pen along the side of his ear.
“Nokea, I have good news and more good news. Which one would you like to hear first?” I’d been with Dr. Beckwith since I was a little girl, and he always joked around with me when something was wrong.
“Well, Dr. Beckwith, if it’s double good news, then let’s hear it.”
“First, you don’t have food poisoning, and second, you’re going to have a baby.”
The grin on my face vanished.
“Wha... what did you say?”
“Yes, Nokea, you’re pregnant. And we’re going to do everything possible to make sure you have a healthy baby.”
I was speechless. When Dr. Beckwith left the room, I dropped my head and burst into tears. I never thought I would have a baby out of wedlock. Mama and Daddy wouldn’t be happy about the news. I knew they’d be disappointed in me and Jaylin.
For the last few months, I had really been a disappointment to myself. Why did I have to make so many messed-up decisions? Decisions that cost me big-time.
Dr. Beckwith’s nurse came in and congratulated me. She gave me a hug and immediately noticed that I’d been crying.
“Are those tears of joy?” she asked, helping me off the examination table.
“No...I don’t know. I’m confused right now. Really, I don’t know how I feel.”
“I know it comes as a shock today, but once you get home and think about how much happiness this baby is going to bring to your life, you’ll feel a whole lot better. It’s normal for you to feel the way you are. Just don’t go making any decisions until you’ve had time to think about it.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving her another hug.
I called my boss and asked for some personal time off. Hearing how anxious I sounded, he didn’t seem to have a problem with it.
I drove down Euclid Avenue and thought about how Jaylin would feel about this. I knew how much he loved his daughter, who disappeared with her mother years ago, so I was positive he wouldn’t have a problem loving the baby I carried. Would this baby finally change our lives? Was this a sign from God we needed to be together as a family? The big question was, when would I break the news to him—or would I do it at all?
I needed advice, so I went to Barnes Jewish Hospital on Kingshighway, where Pat worked, to see if she would take an early lunch with me. She told her boss it was urgent, grabbed her purse, and we headed to the Pasta House.
“So, why are you dragging my butt out of the office like this couldn’t wait until I got home?” Pat asked. The waiter poured our water and handed us menus. I wanted to wait until he was gone to answer Pat’s question.
“If you don’t mind,” I said, “give us about ten minutes and we’ll be ready to order.” The waiter nodded and walked away.
“Okay, Nokea, out with it. He’s gone, so what’s on your mind?”
I reached my hands across the table and held hers. “Pat, I’m having a baby. The doctor confirmed it this morning, and I’m confused about what I need to do.”
She squeezed my hands tighter and yelled. “Girl, I’m so happy for you!” Her voice lowered. “But please don’t tell me it’s Jaylin’s baby. I know he’s the only one you’ve been with, but just make up somebody, please.”
I laughed with her.
“Girl, you know I can’t lie like that. You know its Jaylin’s. The question is, what am I going to do? I haven’t called him in weeks, and I’ve been working hard trying to get him out of my system. And just when I thought things were going well, bam—I’m pregnant.”
“I know I’m your best friend, but when it comes to Jaylin, I’m not one to give you advice.”
“Yes, you are, Pat. You’ve always given me good advice. I just never do what you tell me.”
“Well, I’m going to tell you how I see it. If you decide to listen to me, then fine. If you don’t, I won’t be mad.”
“Okay, that’s fair enough. I just need to hear your input. Then you can tell me how disappointed you think my very religious parents will be.”
“I don’t think your parents will be disappointed at all, especially since they like Jaylin.”
“You mean as much as they used to like Jaylin. I told Mama about what happened and she told me to move on with my life. Daddy came by to see me the other day, and when I cried on his shoulder about our ups and downs, he wasn’t too happy. Actually, he said he was going by Jaylin’s place to have a few words with him about how he’s been treating me lately. Of course, I stopped him.”
“Your parents love you. They’ll understand. You’re a grown woman, and I don’t think they’re going to be disappointed in their thirty-year-old daughter for having a baby out of wedlock. You have a good job, and you’ll definitely be able to provide for this baby. As for you an
d Jaylin, don’t tell him.”
“Why not?”
“I mean don’t tell him right now. Wait a while. And if he starts showing you some love without knowing you’re pregnant, then work things out with him. If he doesn’t call or come around, then raise this baby by yourself and do the best you can. The worst thing you can do is let him think you had this baby just to trap him. If he thinks that, you’re going to hear about it for the rest of your life.”
“But, Pat, you know I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. When he finds out, Jaylin is going to be excited.”
“I’m not saying he wouldn’t be. But you know how some men are. Always thinking somebody’s trying to trap their ass when they’re right there making that baby with you.”
“I really don’t care what Jaylin or anybody else thinks. I didn’t get pregnant on purpose to trap him.”
“Okay, Nokea, do what you want to. If you want to tell him, by all means, do. If it’s meant to be, then things will work out.” That was the best thing Pat said to me all day. Her advice wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but I always appreciated her input.
After lunch, I decided to stop by the barbershop to see Stephon. Since he knew Jaylin better than anybody, I thought he might be able to offer me better advice than Pat did.
When I walked in, he was on the phone while working on somebody’s hair. He looked at me and smiled, then hurried to end his call.
“What’s up, Shorty? I know you didn’t come in here to get your hair cut.”
“No, I didn’t. I wondered if you had a minute to talk.”
“Yeah, let me finish this young man’s hair and I’ll step outside with you to chat. In the meantime, get a soda out of the machine,” he said, handing me a dollar bill. “While you’re at it, get me one too.”
I went to the machine, got us some sodas, and then put his drink on the counter of his workstation. I looked at the pictures lined on his mirror; it was all about him and Jaylin. He had a few pictures of some females, but you’d have thought Jaylin was his girlfriend.
I looked at one picture where Jaylin had on a black gangster hat with a toothpick in his mouth. He looked ghetto, kneeling down with a peace sign held up. It was a good picture, but trying to put on the ghetto look wasn’t working for him.
As the fellows in the shop rambled on about women, I found myself a chair and took a seat. They didn’t care if I was around; they dissed women so badly that I was almost forced to say something. Just when I was about to intervene, Stephon finished his customer’s hair.
“Come on, Shorty. Let’s go to my car,” he said, opening the door to his BMW so I could get in.
“So, what’s so important that you came to see little ole me on the job?”
“First, I want to know if you’ve talked to Jaylin.”
“Yes, that was him I was talking to when you walked through the door. He’s in the Ba—” He shut his mouth before finishing.
“Don’t stop now. Where is he?”
“Nokea, why you always making me tell you shit about Jaylin? You know how tight we are. I don’t want to be caught in the middle of this chaos between the both of you.”
“I don’t want you caught in the middle either, but I have a serious problem I’m trying to work through right now. So, the more I know what’s going on with him, the easier my decision is going to be.”
“What kind of serious problem do you have?”
“Where is he? Once I know, I’ll be happy to tell you about my problem.”
Stephon hesitated to tell me, but I begged and pleaded with him. I expressed how it was in my best interests to find out as much as I could about Jaylin and his new woman. I knew that he and Jaylin were close, but I also knew he thought of me as a friend. Stephon had always shown me that he had a good heart. That made it much easier for me to trust him with my secret. I believed that no matter how close he was to Jaylin, he wouldn’t betray me by telling Jaylin the news that was mine to tell or not tell.
He scratched his head then put his hands in his pockets. “He...he’s in the Bahamas. He’ll be back on Monday night. So, what’s your problem?”
“Who is he with? I know it isn’t Felicia because she came to see me the other day and said she was out of the picture. And I also know he isn’t there alone.”
“Then I guess you answered your own question.”
“Tell me, what is it with him and Scorpio? Is he in love with her?”
“Nope, don’t think so. I just think she got a hold on him right now. If you know Jaylin, this phase will be over soon.”
“I don’t know, Stephon. I see more to it than just that. He’s different. He’s had this I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude about everything lately, and that’s a side of him I’ve never seen before.”
“Yeah, he has changed a little bit, but men always get excited about something new in their lives.”
“Well, I hope he gets excited about this baby I’m carrying.”
Stephon’s eyes bucked and his mouth opened wide. “What? Nokea, are you pregnant?”
“Yes, and... and I don’t quite know how I’m feeling about it. I just found out this morning, and since then I’ve laughed and I’ve cried—don’t know if I’m happy or sad.”
“I... I’m very happy for you and Jaylin,” he said, reaching over and giving me a hug. “And if you came to ask me if Jaylin is going to be excited about the news, hell yes! He’s going to be ecstatic. He misses the hell out of his daughter, and your news will be like music to his ears.”
“Yeah, but since things haven’t worked out between us, do you think he’ll feel differently about having a baby with me?”
“No. And things are going to work out for you two. There’s no way you can let another woman stand in your way. When he gets back on Monday, you go right over there and tell him.”
“I’ll make a nice dinner for him and then tell him. Thanks so much, Stephon. You don’t know how much you’ve put me at ease.”
Stephon kissed my forehead and said he had to get back to work. His advice was definitely the kind I needed to hear. He lifted my spirits up so high that I stopped by the mall and bought two outfits for my son. I had a deep feeling it was going to be a boy. I also threw in a bib that said I LOVE MY DADDY and some pacifiers. I couldn’t wait to tell Jaylin about the baby. Monday couldn’t get here fast enough for me.
18
JAYLIN
Scorpio and I had the time of our lives in the Bahamas. She was good, relaxing company for me; exactly what I needed to get my head on straight. The moment we arrived on the ship, it was on. Men checked her out like she was some kind of beauty queen or something. I had the women all checking me out, too, but not like the men rode Scorpio. And it seemed like the harder they looked, the closer she clung to me. She didn’t leave my side. She didn’t complain about anything, and she definitely had enough sense not to bring up Nokea or Felicia on our vacation.
Before we left St. Louis, I’d gone to Saks Fifth Avenue and bought her two beautiful evening gowns to wear for dinner. One of them was black with pearls that gathered around the neckline. The back was open and the bottom had a tail-like flare. The other was short and red with a sheer scarf that draped on her side as she walked. The edges were trimmed with rhinestones and perfectly matched the sexy red shoes I bought. The dresses and shoes cost a fortune, but when I saw her in them, she was definitely fit to be in Jaylin Rogers’ world.
At our first dinner, we got so many compliments as a couple that she lied to people and told them we were on our honeymoon. For me, that took shit a bit far. When Scorpio said it, I didn’t correct her right then and there, but while we were in our cabin, I did.
Other than that incident, she really knew how to keep a brotha happy. Rubbed my feet at night, massaged my body with oil, and washed me up in the shower. Of course, I returned the favor and rubbed her body too, but she did it to the extreme. And the sex—whew—it was on. Every time we stepped foot in our room, we were at it. Could barely get the door open before we ri
pped each other’s clothes off. I had even gotten some at four o’clock in the morning on the upper deck of the ship while mostly everybody else was ’sleep. Scorpio didn’t mind being creative, and that was a positive thing.
I enjoyed being with this woman, and frankly, I hadn’t thought about kicking her to the curb anytime soon. She’d been taking damn good care of me, and I had no problem splurging my money on her.
Our second to last night in the Bahamas, I went to a jewelry store and bought her a diamond Rolex she seemed to be infatuated with when we browsed earlier. She didn’t know I’d purchased it until we got back to our cabin. After I showed it to her, her eyes filled with tears. She made love to me that night like sex was going out of style. Fucked me so good, I damn near cried myself.
But after tonight, our last night of vacation, it would be time to get back to reality. I had to decide where I was headed from here. I was tired of my situation with Felicia and Nokea, and was ready to try something different. Maybe settling down with one woman wasn’t a bad idea. For now, Scorpio was giving me all the things I needed, with the exception of cooking for me. But with sex as good as it was, I could hire a chef to cook for me, or very well do it myself. I had some serious thinking to do, and this vacation allowed me time to think about my future.
Scorpio and I put on our swimming gear and went for a late night swim on the upper deck with some of the other couples. She laid her pretty self between my legs as we looked up at the sky and tried to count the stars.
“I counted six hundred twenty, Jaylin. How many did you count?” she asked.
“I only counted ten. Ten over here, ten over there. I don’t know....Why don’t you help me count?” I picked up her hand and we reached for the sky. We counted together and when we got to twenty, I took her hand and kissed it.
“Jaylin, what’s on your mind? You’ve been awfully quiet today.”
“Nothing much. Just thinking about how much I’ve enjoyed these past several days with you. Thinking about how good it’s been to get away from all the bullshit at home. That’s all.”
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