by Amber Garza
"No, but after what you've told me he seems to be pretty sincere." Paige gets over into the right lane and turns the corner. "Not to mention the fact that you've had a major crush on him for years."
"That's exactly why I can't say yes."
"I don't understand," Paige says, her eyebrows furrowed.
The school comes into view and my stomach knots. I wish I had faked being sick again today. I'm not sure I'm ready to face everyone yet. Last night after Tripp left I felt so much braver than I do now. "The thing is that I just like him so much. Before I got to know Tripp I thought he would be this macho, larger than life guy. But he's actually really sweet and kind of quiet — introspective I guess you'd call it. He's fun and easy to be around. I like being friends with him, and I don't want to mess that up. Does that make sense?"
"Totally." Paige guides her car into the school parking lot. "I mean, that's the reason I won't date you."
I giggle. "Because I'm quiet and introspective?"
"Not even."
"Because I'm fun and easy to be around?"
"Maybe a little." She chuckles.
I nudge her in the side, enjoying our banter. "Are you saying that you won't go out with me because you don't want to lose me as a friend?"
"Well, that, and I like boys." She shrugs.
"Eh, minor detail."
"I know, right?" She kills the engine, and I'm grateful that she's made me laugh. She made me forget how nervous I was, even if it was only for a minute.
While Paige and I navigate through the cafeteria to find a place to eat, I scan the room looking for Tripp. I haven’t seen him all day. I’m starting to wonder if he faked being sick today just like I did yesterday. Just the thought of that causes my stomach to clench. Does he regret the things he said to me last night?
After Paige and I find a table, I reach into my lunch bag and pull out my sandwich. While unwrapping it, a familiar spicy scent washes over me. My heart stops. The bench creaks beside me, and I turn to find Tripp sitting right next to me. He’s so close our thighs are touching. With him next to me, something as simple as breathing becomes difficult. It's like the air is clogged in my throat. A couple of his friends stare in our direction with a confused look.
Paige raises her eyebrows at me. Even some of the other students around the room are looking over curiously. My whole body heats up like that time I decided to try to get a tan, but instead ended up with a horrid sunburn. “What are you doing here, Tripp?” I ask in a harsh whisper.
“Eating lunch. What does it look like?” He chuckles, holding up his hand to expose the brown lunch bag dangling from his fingers.
“You realize you’re committing social suicide right now?” I say.
“I don’t care.” Tripp shrugs.
“Really?” I remember our conversation when he told me he was a people pleaser.
“Well, maybe a little.” His gaze flits over to his former table, and he shifts uncomfortably.
“Tripp, you don’t have to do this.” I sigh. “Go back to your friends.”
“I am with my friends.” He unscrews the cap on his bottled water as if he hasn’t a care in the world.
Only I know better. “I mean it, Tripp. You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
Tripp's lips turn up into a wicked smile. “You’re stuck with me, so get used to it. And if you don’t stop arguing, I’m going to call you Leelee again.”
“Leelee? Whoa, what kind of kinky stuff are you two into?” Paige guffaws from across the table.
I narrow my eyes. “It’s what Ainsley calls me because she can’t say Hadley. Tripp overheard her, and now he can’t stop calling me that.”
“Only because I like getting a reaction out of her.” He nudges me in the side with his elbow. “It’s so cute.”
Paige smiles at me, raising one eyebrow. Embarrassed, I shake my head and glance away. But no matter how nonchalant I pretend to be, my insides are dancing wildly.
“What is this?” Maverick’s voice booms over us.
I stiffen. Tripp cranes his head in Maverick’s direction.
“What is what?” Tripp tries to sound strong, but I hear the slight tremor in his voice. A quiet hush blankets the noisy cafeteria.
“I mean, are you sitting over here because of a dare or something, man?”
“No. No dare.” The vein in Tripp’s forehead throbs a little.
Feeling uncomfortable by the whole situation, I slide down in my seat and slump my shoulders. My gaze catches Sonya’s. Her lips are pursed like she just sucked a sour candy, and her eyes are narrowed. If only I could disappear into thin air right now I would.
“Then is it some kind of charity you’re offering?” Maverick won’t let it go.
“Mav, c’mon,” Tripp says. “I’m here because I want to be, okay?”
Maverick throws up his arms, exposing his palms like he’s surrendering to a cop. “Suit yourself, man.” Then he pivots on his heels and stalks off.
I exhale, relieved that he’s gone. But I can still feel everyone’s eyes on me, and it makes my skin crawl as if millions of tiny ants are invading my flesh. “Everyone’s staring,” I whisper to Tripp.
“Oh, let them stare,” Paige says, her gaze scouring the room. “Eat your hearts out, losers!” she bellows, embarrassing me further.
I hunch over, using my hair as a shield. Tripp brushes the hair from my face, his fingers cold against my warm skin. Feeling exposed, I grapple to pull my hair back, but he grabs my fingers in an effort to stop me. "Don't do that. Don't hide."
Desperation surfaces, and I give him a pleading look.
He drapes his arm over my shoulders. “It’s gonna be okay, Hadley.”
And oddly enough, with Tripp’s arm around me I feel like it just might be.
TWENTY-TWO
TRIPP
On Saturday morning I head to Hadley’s house to invite her to go to the lake with me. The sky is covered in thick, grey clouds, and the air is cold and dry. I don’t bring Bruiser this time because I want Hadley all to myself.
She laughs. “Seriously? It’s way too cold to go to the lake.”
“No, we’re not going to go swimming.” I pause for a minute letting the image take shape in my mind. Then I lean in close to her. “Although the idea of you in a bikini is definitely a tempting thought.”
She bites her lip, her cheeks flushing. I love how flustered I can make her.
“I actually thought we could just take a walk around it,” I say, remembering how much she enjoyed our walk on the trail.
“I’d love that.” She smiles at me and it lights up her whole face.
I drive us out to my favorite spot on the lake. When we arrive, there are hardly any people out. Not that I’m surprised. It’s almost winter time and it’s pretty cold. However, my sweatshirt keeps me warm. Besides, whenever I’m near Hadley my body temperature skyrockets. We head onto the trail, our feet clomping on the pavement.
I reach out, skimming my fingertips over hers. She shivers at my touch, and it gives me a feeling of satisfaction that I have that effect on her.
“It’s been a pretty crazy week, huh?” I say. The lake comes into view, water shimmering against the grey sky.
“Yeah, the craziest,” she responds, and her voice holds a mixture of despair and excitement.
“Next week will be better,” I assure her.
“Have you talked to any of your friends?”
I know what she’s asking, but I don’t want to think about the guys right now. So I turn to her and smile. “I’m talking to one right now.”
“You know what I mean.”
I sigh. Obviously she’s not going to let me off the hook that easy. “Yeah, of course. I still have to go to football practice, so I’ve talked to them.”
“Okay, but have you guys talked about anything or just played football?”
I grab Hadley’s hand, closing my fingers over hers. “Guys don’t talk the same way girls do. Football
is the way I communicate with my friends.”
She opens her mouth like she’s going to say something, but I yank her forward. “Don’t worry about it,” I say. “Everything will be fine. C’mon, let’s go this way.” I guide her off the track and into the dirt.
“I don’t want you to give up your friends, Tripp,” she says. “I never asked you to do that.”
“I know that, Hadley. I didn’t give up any friends. I just added a new one.”
We walk under large trees, their leafy branches hanging down as if trying to touch us. “But your new one doesn’t fit in with your old ones.”
I stop walking and turn to face Hadley. “What if I don’t care about that? Why should I have to choose?”
She shrugs. “Because it’s just the way things are. In high school there are insiders and outsiders.”
I run my hands down her arms, wishing she wasn’t wearing this bulky sweatshirt. I would give anything to touch her soft skin, to feel her flesh against mine. “It sucks. I wish it didn’t have to be that way.”
“You’re preaching to the choir, Tripp. But we’re not going to be able to change anything. We just have to accept it. The problem is that you’re an insider, and I’m not.”
“It’s funny because I feel more like an insider when I’m with you,” I breathe out the words.
She wrinkles her nose, disbelieving. “How can that be?”
I circle my hands around her wrists and draw her closer, my body igniting. No girl has ever made me feel like this. I lower my head until our foreheads are touching. “I’ve never felt this close to anyone before, Hadley. It’s like we have this crazy connection that I didn’t even know existed. I feel like I can trust you more than anyone else. My whole life it’s like I’m a puppet and everyone else is pulling the strings. But then I met you, and you never even tried to control me. You just let me be me. And it was so freeing. For once I’ve taken a leap. I’ve done something I wanted to do, not what everyone else wanted me to, and it feels so damn good, Hadley.”
She giggles nervously, but keeps her forehead pressed to mine. I’m grateful that she doesn’t back away.
“Being with you feels good,” I say.
“Yeah, it does.” Her breath whispers over my skin.
Emboldened, I say, “Go out with me.”
Without giving her the chance to turn me down again, I bring my hand up to cradle her neck and tilt my head so that our lips are almost touching. I swear that watermelon lipgloss she wears has become a freaking aphrodisiac to me. My pulse spikes and my palms fill with moisture. I’m dying to kiss her. No, scratch that. I need to kiss her. Before our lips can connect, her palms splay against my chest and she shoves me backwards. I open my eyes, stunned by the rejection.
“I-I’m sorry, Tripp. I just can’t.”
“What are you afraid of, Hadley?” I snatch up her hand, locking her in place so she can’t run off again. “I know you like me, so what’s stopping you?”
She laughs bitterly, and I wonder if it was the wrong thing to say. “Yeah, everyone at school knows that I like you thanks to Sonya.”
“It’s not because of Sonya. I know because I can feel it when we’re together.” I trace the lines on her flesh with my thumb. “So, what’s the issue?”
She shakes her head, and I can practically see her hiding behind those invisible walls she builds around herself.
“Please tell me, Hadley.” I pull her even closer.
“I’m afraid of losing you,” she says in a rush of words.
“What?”
She releases my hand, and takes a couple of steps backward. “Tripp, the past couple of months have been amazing. I love hanging out with you. And I totally understand what you’re saying about feeling a connection between us. I feel the same way, and I am starting to trust you so much. But the thing is that you have a reputation of being kind of a player.” She scratches the back of her neck. “I guess I’m afraid that if we go out, you’ll get tired of me and when we break up I won’t have you in my life at all. That’s a chance I’m just not willing to take.”
“Hadley, when are you going to learn to stop believing what others say about me? Haven’t you gotten to know me well enough to know that I’m not a player?”
“You are different than I thought you would be, Tripp. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be here. But I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You go out with a different girl every month.”
I hate that what she’s saying is true. I hate that I ever looked at another girl before her. But ever since I fell for her, I haven’t seen anyone else. It’s like I don’t even notice that other girls exist. She’s the only girl I want. I have to make her see that. I frame her face with both my hands, skimming my fingertips over her soft skin. Our eyes lock and there's an intensity in hers that makes me freeze. My breath catches in my throat. “That’s because those girls weren’t you, Hadley. I didn’t care about them the way I care about you. God, I feel like you are the girl I’ve been waiting to meet my entire life.” I sigh, exploring every inch of her face with my fingers. “What can I do to prove to you that my feelings for you are real? Tell me and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything for you.” I incline my mouth toward her right ear, resting the pad of my thumbs on her bottom lip. “I want to be with you so bad, Leelee.”
I feel her lips curve upward, sliding against my fingers. “I believe you, Tripp,” she whispers, her breath feathering over my hand.
I draw back, searching her eyes. She nods subtly, and it’s all the invitation I need. I curve my hand around her neck and bring her face closer to mine. My lips brush softly against hers, and they taste just as good as I had hoped. Hungry for more, I press down firmly. Her lips are unmoving, so I pull back for a minute, a question in my expression.
“Hadley, you want this, right?”
She smiles, embarrassment etched on her face. “Yes, it’s just I don’t really know what to do.”
It takes me a minute to understand. “Is this your first kiss?”
She nods, her cheeks reddening.
“Hadley.” My heart swells at her words. “You don’t know what this means to me. I’m so glad I get to be your first.”
“But what if I’m horrible at it?”
“That’s not possible.” I tuck my finger under her chin and lift her head. “I’m going to make this the most memorable first kiss ever.” I trace her lips with my fingertip slowly until the tip of my finger is coated in that crazy gloss. Bringing my lips close to hers, I speak against her mouth. “This kiss will be the best first kiss ever. Trust me.” I run my tongue over her lips before gently sweeping my lips over hers. Her hands slide up my back and it turns me on so much I want to kiss her fiercely. But I know I have to go slow. So I pull back and take a breath before feathering my lips over hers again. I suck on her bottom lip gently and then release it, but then she grabs me, pressing against me. I can feel her heart beating erratically under mine.
“Easy there,” I say. Then I press my lips to hers again, sliding my tongue over her lower lip. She opens her mouth, surprising me. Screw going slow now. I dart my tongue inside her mouth, swirling it around. As if taking my cue, she shoves her tongue into my mouth, and it causes a low growl to erupt from the back of my throat. I rake my hands up her back and my fingers tangle in her hair.
When we part, I take a deep breath. “God, Hadley, that was incredible.”
“Yeah, it was,” she says breathlessly. “Let’s do it again.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” I grab her face and crush her lips to mine. This time we kiss more intensely. I can’t do anything slow at this point. I kiss her greedily, not ever wanting to stop. When we come up for air, I stare into her eyes needing an answer. This can’t be a one time thing. I’ll go crazy. “Is it a yes then, Hadley?”
“It’s a yes, Tripp,” she says with a smile.
TWENTY-THREE
HADLEY
“You had your first kiss? Hads, this is amazing!” Paige shrieks through the phone.
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Giggling, I lower my back down on my bed. Stretching out my legs, I notice my chipped toenail polish and make a mental note to re-do them. Clothes spill over in my hamper in the corner, and my desk is littered with papers and pens. I’m not the cleanest, most organized girl in the world. However, today I’m too excited to care about any of that. “I know. It was amazing.” My mind flits back to the lake, and my insides flutter with excitement.
“This is crazy, Hads. I can’t believe you’re going out with Tripp Bauer. It’s like a fairytale.”
“I know.” Despite my best efforts to keep positive, negativity slithers in. “It does seem too good to be true, doesn’t it?”
“Hadley, stop,” Paige admonishes me, and I can picture her stern face in my mind. “I know what you’re doing, but don’t second guess this. I can tell Tripp really likes you. I know I’ve been really hard on him in the past, but he seems like a pretty good guy now that I know him.”
Glancing over at my dresser, I take in the pictures of Paige and I that line the top. It was a gracious thing to say. The truth is that Paige has always hated Tripp and his group. She can’t stand what they represent. But she’s such a good friend to me, and I’m grateful for her support. “You’re right, Paige. Thanks.”
“Any time.”
After we hang up, I see that I missed a text from Tripp. As I open it, my heart skips a beat.
Tripp: Can I come over later?
Me: Sure. Wanna join me for dinner? Mom’s making tacos.
Tripp: Sounds great.
Me: OK. C U soon.
I throw my cell on the bed and hop up. Opening my door, I step into the hallway and walk toward the family room. I find Mom sitting on the couch reading a book.
Her head pops up when I enter the room. “Hey, Hads.”
“Hey, Mom. I was wondering if it was okay for Tripp to have dinner with us tonight.”
Mom grins. “Of course. He’s always welcome here, you know that.”
