Chapter
14
Facing Life
~Sass~
For one hour, I allow myself to feel free. The open road ahead, the bike beneath us, Tank in my arms, and life behind us. For one hour, I just take in the ride. He’s right, with him, I don’t have to be Savannah ‘Perfect for Nick’ Perchton. I don’t have to be ‘Sass,’ daughter to Danza, Haywood’s Hellions’ VP. No, with Tank, I’m just Button, his Button. He takes me as I am.
Arriving back at my house, I’m left conflicted. I don’t want him to leave, but I know he can’t stay. Climbing off the bike, my legs are unsteady.
“Button, you don’t have to stay here with him. You know that, right?”
“Tank, it’s complicated,” I remind him.
“So you keep sayin’, but the way I see it, you can’t be you here. The fancy car, big house, stiff clothes, and boring hair… that shit ain’t you. Button, you gotta live life.”
“I’m safe living here with Nick. The Hellions aren’t safe. You, for one, should see that.”
“What I see is family. What I see is you’re afraid. You once called me out about being afraid of commitment. Well, Button, you’re full of fear, too. Fear of the unknown. There was a time when you wanted to take chances, to hell with the consequences. What happened?”
“Lots of shit happened throughout my life. The club life, it’s not for me. I’m not strong enough.”
“This is the life you were born into. It’s in your blood. Holding on to me just now, you relaxed into the ride like it was second nature. You know you’re meant for this, and you’re meant for me. Life’s too short, Button.”
“Tank, just let it go. Just let me go. Please,” I beg him, unsure how much more I can take before I climb back on his bike and let him take me away.
“Roundman once told me to play the cards life deals us. Well, folding is not an option. You’re in my cards. Life placed you in my hand and I’m building my winning play around you. Sort your shit, Button, because I’m not letting go.”
The tears are building behind my eyes. “Please, give me time. You were gone a long time.”
“I didn’t come here to upset you or force my hand today. I’m gonna go, but I’m not giving up on you.”
Leaning over to him since he’s still on his bike, I kiss his cheek. “Until next time, Tank.”
“Until next ride, Button,” he responds with a wink as he cranks the bike and then proceeds to pull away, leaving my heart and my life a mess.
*****
Over the next few days, my mind constantly drifts to the short ride with Tank. I miss the feeling of him in front of me. I miss the steady tick of the bike under me. I miss the wind blowing against my skin. I miss the hug of the curves. Most of all, I miss the man. Something in him pulls at me. He ignites a burn deep in my soul, and at the same time, he soothes and calms me.
My phone ringing pulls me out of my thoughts. Doll keeps calling. As long as we have been friends, I know she feels the distance between us now. I should answer. I should catch up with my life-long best friend if for no other reason than to respect our history. The problem is I am not ready to face the barrage of questions she is sure to fire my way. While I’m happy for her, listening to her tell me how great life as an ol’ lady doesn’t appeal to me right now.
Tripp may be a biker and he may be one dangerous fucker, but he would give his life for Doll. I have never asked and he has never told me or anyone, but on that one ride, I’m pretty sure Tripp took a life to save Doll at the stop where we had to get her from the restroom.
That’s what the club is about, though. Protect what’s theirs at all costs. The Hellions have connections everywhere. It’s not to say they claim to be above the law, but they’d follow their own rules long before anything that would involve cops or a court of law. Besides, Hellions’ brand of justice is sometimes more fitting to the crime than any punishment a judge in some court system can dish out.
My dad did some time years ago. He did a short stint in the state penitentiary for one of the early transports back before Doll or I were born. The club was fresh, still sorting out business dealings, getting their connections, setting up cops on Hellions’ payroll, writing firm club by-laws, and still learning to trust their brothers. I have heard stories about it. Dad and Roundman went down for the contents of the transport. As first time offenders, they got three years upstate; both claim someone on the inside set them up. Lessons learned, they said, and tightened down what they were doing. We have since had transports go bad and some guys do time for the club, but it’s kept under wraps as much as possible. Once again, the Hellions commanding the chaos around them.
Annoyance fills me when I hear my phone ringing again. Quickly, I let it go when I see it’s Amy on the caller ID and not Doll again.
“Hello,” I answer sweetly.
“Hey, Sass, how’s it going?”
“Pretty good. You doin’ all right?” I ask genuinely.
Doll brings up so much history. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her; it’s that I don’t want to feel the way I feel when I hear from her. She leaves me feeling unsettled. Amy, although tied to the club, doesn’t evoke such an emptiness in me like Doll. With Amy, I can justify the tie as she needs my help with work. It’s not about the club, I tell my mind even though I know she will update me on all the guys.
“Things are good, but it’s not the same without you here,” Amy says. I know she misses having me at work with her.
“Oh, I doubt anyone realizes I’m gone,” I laugh.
“Well, I thought you’d want to know…” She’s quiet.
“Spill it. Don’t leave me hangin’, dammit.”
“I think Tank’s going on a transport. Tripp called ‘Vida’ at the office, but she’s out with one of the kids, sick. When he couldn’t reach her, he called me and said to have Roundman send Tank to Catawba.”
“It may not be a run. Tripp and Tank have been friends for years. Sometimes Tank will go visit to hang out or check up on the chapter for Roundman.”
“Whether it is or isn’t, I thought you’d want to know.”
“I appreciate it, but I gotta let that go. I gotta let him go.”
Being the understanding person she is, Amy doesn’t press the issue further. Our conversation goes to casual pleasantries before she has to end the call and get back to work at the garage.
I’m changing the bed sheets in one of the guest rooms that never gets used when my phone rings again. My day-to-day routine has resorted to this, changing clean sheets to have something to do while looking at the caller ID before I answer.
I don’t recognize the number.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Button.” His voice causes my heart to skip a beat.
“Tank,” I whisper.
“Yes, Button. It’s me. This is my new number so program it in your phone, baby.”
“Okay,” is all I can manage to reply, still surprised it’s him on the other end of the line.
“I’m going out of town for a few days, but I wanted to call and make sure you had my number.
No matter what time of day or night, if you need me, you call me, even if it’s just to talk.”
“Ummm…”
“Gotta go, Button. Talk soon.” And with that, he disconnects the call before I can respond.
Finishing up my house tidying, I try to push back the thoughts of Tank that are trying to invade. Knowing if I save his number in my phone I will be more tempted to call him, I decide to write it down and put it in my dresser. Should I ever need to reach him, I can, however it will be deliberate and thought through. I am so conflicted right now. I would be too enticed to call him every day if I save it in the address book of the phone.
Deciding to focus on my priorities, I go down to the kitchen to start dinner. I am not much of a cook, but I get by and am learning more with my newfound free time.
I am taken off guard when Nick is home from work early.
“Savan
nah,” he calls out from the front door.
“I’m in the kitchen.”
“Who have you spoken to today?” he asks with a face of contained rage.
“Huh?” What the hell is he talking about? What is he so pissed off about? Why do my conversations matter? I didn’t talk to anyone in one of his precious circles. I didn’t talk about him. What’s his point?
When he stalks over to me, I back up, bumping into the counter. He puts one hand on the counter on each side of me, caging me in. “Who did you speak with today on the phone, Savannah?”
“Doll called, but I didn’t answer—”
“Who else?” he interjects before I can finish.
Deciding I will try to leave Tank out of this because Nick is already on edge, I aim for distraction. “I missed you today. I was getting ready to start dinner, but since you’re home early, we can go out for the night.”
He raises his hands off the counter, pulling me roughly and unexpectedly against him. He whispers in my ear as fear builds inside me. “One more time, who have you been talkin’ to today?”
“Amy called about work.”
“You really want to push me, don’t you, Savannah?”
“I haven’t a clue what you’re talkin’ about.”
He pushes me harshly back against the counter and cages me back in. His eyes lock on mine in pure malice. “I know he called. I know you talked three minutes, forty-eight seconds.”
I flinch as he raises his hand. Suddenly, he grabs the back of my head and his lips slam down on mine in such brutal force I can feel the liquid pool on my bottom lip and taste the metallic bite of my own blood. He then pulls away just as cruelly.
“You are mine, Savannah. We have an arrangement.”
I only nod my head in agreement, unsure of what’s really going on here. How the hell does he know who I spoke to?
Reaching into his back pocket, he pulls out a phone I haven’t seen before. “Here’s your new phone with a new number. Time and time again, you say with your words that you want none of that life, yet your actions say something differently. Given your conversations were so short today, I’m hoping that means you want to walk away but good manners prevent you from cutting it off. This phone is an easy solution to that problem.”
“Nick, do you really feel this is necessary? You said yourself that I didn’t talk long.”
“Make it simple, Savannah. Give me your old phone. Use the one I’ve provided you. I told you I would take care of you. I provide you a beautiful home, a safe car, clothes that are made for your body, and now a phone to communicate with me. I’m your priority! I’m the only one you should worry about calling anyway.”
Not knowing what to say to any of this, I reluctantly nod my head in agreement. Clearly, my old phone causes him agitation, and Nick’s been nothing but nice to me. He’s done so much for me, I can concede this to him.
~Tank~
Back to the grind. Cross and I are on our way to Catawba to meet with Tripp and Rex. Thorn and the Desert Ghosts MC have negotiated a transport leaving Cherokee, North Carolina, going to Arizona. Anything off the reservation is Hellions’ territory. Given the nature of our business and our affiliations, the Ghosts want us to handle the entire transport. Knowing the Indians living on the reservation will do anything for tax-free money, we know this transport will contain guns most likely. Crossing multiple state lines requires we know our routes and watch our tails.
Since it’s our first run for them, Tripp and Roundman want every man doubled up in the two vans along with a lead car and a follow-up trailing leisurely behind.
The distraction of this run is perfect timing. Sass needs some space and time. She’s torn between the illusion of what she thinks she wants and what she really knows. Pretty boy won’t live up to her dreams in the long run, though. I just need to be patient and let her see she wants more out of life than the finer things. Sass has never cared about money and that hasn’t changed. She’s scared and running, that’s all. She’ll come back; it’s just a matter of time.
When Cross and I make it to Catawba, Tripp, Rex and the boys take us out to the local bar we always go to. Tripp and I have had some damn good times here. We enter and immediately Tessie’s head looks up from behind the bar. She watches us all as we nod, which is our usual indicator to uncap the beers and line them up.
Rex breaks away from us and walks behind the bar like he owns the damn joint, slaps her ass, whispers in her ear and walks away while Tripp and I settle on two bar stools at the end.
“Rex, I told you no more,” Tessie calls out to him.
“Old habits die hard,” is all the reply she gets as he continues on his way to the pool table rooms.
Those two share a long history together. Tessie knows more about most of these guys than their ol’ ladies do. As a bar tender, most of the guys have unloaded their share of problems on her shoulders. From what I gather, waiting around for Rex to grow up has gotten tiresome for Tessie and she’s trying to move on. There are secrets hidden in her brown eyes, ones that she tries to keep locked away. One day, though, they’ll come out; they always do.
“You doin’ good man?” Tripp asks taking me out of my musings.
“Yeah, I’m getting stronger every day.”
“You with me for this run?”
“Aren’t I always, brother?” I reply with a half grin. Tripp and I work well together, always have.
“We pull out tomorrow night, so enjoy yourself tonight.” He laughs as he takes a pull off his beer.
I pick up my own beer to take a drink, but before I can so much as get one pull, a barfly is sauntering over. Her denim mini skirt is so short I’m certain her ass cheeks are hanging out the back. She brings her hand up on my shoulder, applying just enough pressure to let me know she’s there and wants me to turn towards her rather than stay facing the bar.
“Hey, Tank, remember me?”
“No, should I?”
She makes a pouty face that is beyond obnoxious. Ladies, take note, guys don’t find the pouty face cute. We don’t want to give in when you make the face. Really, we want to laugh at you and send you away. If it’s your ol’ lady making the face, you give her whatever the hell she wants so she keeps doing everything she does for you. Your kids make that face, you give them what they want so you can give your attention back to your ol’ lady, but some barfly? Bitch, take that nonsense somewhere else.
“How ‘bout we go back over to the pool table and relive our time together so you’ll remember me?”
“Did I fuck you on that pool table?” I ask, tipping the neck of my beer in the direction of one of the tables, knowing I have done that a handful of times in more than one bar.
“Yeah, baby, you did.”
“Well, I’ve fucked more than a few barflies just like you on that same pool table, so apparently, you weren’t very good or memorable.”
Her face contorts in what I think is irritation, but she’s relentless. “We watched Tripp go at it with my friend while we fucked. Come on, Tank, I’ll make it memorable this time,” she whines.
She reaches up and runs her finger over the scar in my hairline from the brain surgery I had to remove the bullet and fragments. “This is hot.”
“The bullet was hot when it hit my head, too. Losing a year of my life was not.” Her reminder of what I have lost brings out a fierce anger in me the more I think about it. “Look, bitch, I’m in the middle of something. If I wanna fuck, I’ll find you. Otherwise, go bother someone else.”
Seeing I’m serious, she removes her paws from my shoulder with a whimper before walking off.
Tripp is looking at me wide eyed. “She’s got you wrapped, doesn’t she?” he asks in a way that tells me he already knows the answer.
I’m not ready to go there yet, though. “Who?”
“Who? Sass, you fucker. I know you were talkin’ to her and shit when we were on the ride. Even though it could’ve put us all at risk, you couldn’t resist. Getting shot, knockin’ o
n deaths door, facin’ the Reaper, I don’t see that giving you resistance. I see that givin’ you spark and fire to get your woman.”
“It’s complicated,” I answer with Sass’s usual reply to me.
“Complicated, my ass. You’re a fuckin’ Hellion, own that shit. Sass has you tied in fuckin’ knots. Trust me, man, I have my own ol’ lady I tried to walk away from, and you see where that got me. I’m a married fucker. That shit blindsided me, but I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Comin’ home to her after a run, man, there’s nothin’ like it.”
“It’s complicated, let’s leave it at that.”
“All right, man. Just don’t sit idly by and watch life go on without her in it. We all want her back where she belongs. Her ass is meant to be on the back of your bike, brother. Don’t give up on her.”
Rather than answer, I take a pull from my beer. Finishing it off, I set it down on the bar and nod to Tessie to bring me another. I should go fuck the barfly, but I’m not in the mood.
“How’s Caroline’s situation? Rex got that under control?” I decide to change the subject.
“Hell, that’s a whole different story, brother. She’s a stubborn one. The dude is seriously twisted. She’s in danger, but pushes Rex away. We’re tryin’ to help her, but she’s got to want it, not fight us too.”
So much is going on in each of our lives right now. I don’t know what to say to help my brothers handle things for Caroline. The scales can easily tip to the wrong side, permanently changing the balance of so much. She’s an innocent and doesn’t understand our lifestyle. Rex could easily kill the fucker giving her a hard time, but she would know it was us. I’m not sure she’s ready to deal with that kind of knowledge on her conscience. If the guy keeps up his relentless pursuit, Rex may not have a choice but to take action before Caroline gets hurt.
Two weeks later, I’m back, belly up to bar with Tripp. The transport was smooth and without one issue, so Thorn and the Desert Ghosts are already setting up the next run.
I have tried to check in with Sass only to find her phone has been disconnected. If she thinks she’s going to shut me out, she’s got another fuckin’ thing coming. I’m putting my life back together and she’s the biggest part of it.
Forever Ride Page 13
