This isn’t going away.
The fucking world ended.
Thinking of the strange feelings I’d been experiencing, I once again questioned my own sanity. My thoughts were too loud to silence. My heart thudded, and I couldn’t swallow the lump in my throat. Looking out into the abandoned world around me, I realized how alone we really were.
I bent down to reclaim the paper and turned on my heels to head back toward the truck, completely awestruck as the words I’d read replayed in my mind. Each was a reminder that the only world I’d ever known had ended.
Dave and Sarah watched me closely as I quietly climbed back into the truck. “You okay?” Sarah asked timidly.
Without saying a word, I reached back and let the newspaper fall from my grasp and into her lap. The paper crinkled in her hands as she picked it up, and she gasped. As she read the article aloud to Dave, I stared out the window and tried to tune her out. Snow was falling again.
“We better get back on the road,” I interrupted.
Dave eyed me and cleared his throat before starting the truck. The engine rumbled in the winter wasteland, and an uneasiness settled in my stomach as the gas station’s orange and blue 76 sign disappeared in the side mirror. How long before we find another working gas station? I closed my eyes, willing the troublesome thought away.
I settled myself in the front seat and glanced at Sammy and Sarah who were curled up in the back. I was comforted by the thought that I wasn’t the only person left in the crazy world.
Unexpectedly, Dave’s soft hand settled over mine, encasing it in a protective shell. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
A rush of affection filled my senses, and my skin grew warm. I managed a smile and focused my eyes on the snow-covered buildings that zipped by the window, trying to ignore the unwelcome sensations. “I’m just glad I’m not alone,” I said. “Why do you ask?”
“You always bite the inside of your cheek when you’re worried.” He flashed me a conceited smile. “You forget how well I know you.”
My relationship with Dave was complicated. I was glad he was there; I’d missed being around him since we’d broken up. His smile calmed my nerves, and when we talked it was with an ease I’d never felt with any other man. Dave was comfortable. But the way he’d been looking at me was problematic; he seemed to forget that we were better as friends than lovers.
Dave’s fingers tightened around mine, and a jumble of images—people and places—flashed through my mind. Before I could discern exactly what I was seeing, Dave slammed on the brakes, and the truck skidded to a halt.
Pulse hammering, I frantically glanced around, following his line of sight. Something ghosted toward us, unhurried, through the lace curtain of snow beyond the window.
“It’s a person!” Sarah’s hand flew to her mouth.
I could barely make out the hunched-over form. With each step the outline grew closer. “It’s a woman,” I whispered.
The lady gestured emphatically and seemed to be mumbling to herself. Her hair was ratty and greasy, and she looked like she hadn’t bathed in weeks.
“What the hell?” Dave muttered. He hesitated before moving to take off his seatbelt.
“Are you crazy?” I snapped, whipping my head in his direction. I reached out to him, clutching the sleeve of his green, down jacket.
We looked back to the woman. “She’s unwell,” I observed. “There’s nothing we can do for her.”
I immediately sensed relief flooding the truck’s cab. The sound of the automatic door locks latching echoed in our sudden silence.
“We can’t just leave her out there,” Sarah said naively, a shrill panic ringing in her voice.
“We don’t have a choice,” I retorted, my tone too harsh. I looked back at Sarah, whose wide, brown eyes hid behind her hanging curls. “Do you want to jeopardize our lives for hers? She’s obviously crazy. What if she tried to hurt us?” I asked, surprised at how well I had mimicked my brother’s impatient tone. Sarah still looked desperate to help the woman.
I softened my voice, trying to ease her worry. “Look at her, Sarah.” We peered back at the woman as she shuffled through the mounds of snow heaped along the side of the road. Her body was frail, and her face was gaunt. She wore no jacket or shoes, seemingly unfazed by the freezing weather.
“It’s so sad,” Sarah said, resolved to the woman’s fate.
We remained quiet as the stranger disappeared from view. In only a moment, fresh snow blanketed the ground, covering any trace of her ever having been there.
Date: December 14, 11:25 PM
From: Zoe Cartwright
To: Danielle O’Connor
Subject: Attention K-Mart Shoppers
Hey D,
It’s strange trying to describe to you what’s going on right now. If you would’ve told me yesterday I’d be sleeping in a giant K-Mart, I would’ve laughed and said something like “why couldn’t it be a Target?” But, alas...here we are.
We perused the store for a bit before calling it a night. We stocked up on things we needed—art supplies and warm clothes for me in particular. Drawing is the only thing that’s sort of keeping me sane. Also, we took two solar generators from the Home Depot next door…those should come in handy if the power starts failing, and I grabbed a shitload of batteries and candles too. You never know, right? We got tons of other supplies, but I won’t bore you with the details.
It hasn’t been all fun and shopping today though. We had some issues finding fuel, resulting in our behind scheduleness (yes, I made up a word). We hope to make it to Dave’s family’s place in Ohio by tomorrow night, but the gas situation worries me.
We saw a very disturbed woman today; it was really unsettling. She was walking in the freezing cold. Not so strange except that she was half naked, had no shoes, and was completely oblivious to the fact that she was freezing. Let me just say, the effects of the virus seem much more real now that I’m out in the world.
On top of that, I’ve been feeling strange around Dave lately. I’m not sure why or what to do about it either. It’s like sometimes I can feel random, unwanted emotions when I’m around him. It’s making me feel schizophrenic, but I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m probably just tired, right?
Speaking of tired, I should get some rest. I want to make sure we leave first thing in the morning. Night night, D.
Hasta la vista,
Zoe
9
DANI
Date: December 15, 8:00 AM
From: Danielle O’Connor
To: Zoe Cartwright
Subject: From my phone
Zo,
Wow. So I was one of the few people to think of bringing a laptop. Unbelievable. Mine is in use right now. We’ve developed a rotation…just to be fair, you know? Whatever. Nobody’s taking my phone from me. We seriously need to scavenge a few more comps…
Anyway, I’m perma-partners with Jason on days we’re searching for surviving family and friends. That’s a new development as of this morning. It’ll be interesting. Oh...and that was a great idea about the solar generators. I’m going to tell Jason we need to snag some too.
That’s pretty weird about the feelings you’re having. Maybe you’re just realizing that you looove Dave, and it’s unexpected. What do you think? I’m sure you’re not schizo…but I’ll love you even if you are!
D
Please, please, PLEASE let Zo make it to Colorado safely. And PLEASE don’t let her be crazy! I squeezed my eyes shut as I begged every possible universal power to watch over my best friend. I can’t do this without her. I was on the verge of tears.
“Ready to go?” Jason asked from the doorway.
Startled, I leapt from my perch on the edge of the bed only to slip on the hardwood floor and nearly fall on my butt. I glared at the intruder who leaned casually against the doorframe. “Crap, Jason!” I snapped, turning to shove my feet into fur-lined winter boots. “Can’t you like, make a noise or something?”
Hustling a
round the room to gather my coat and gloves, I wondered how long he’d been watching me. Did he see my chin tremble?
“Ready,” I said and heard Jack jump down from the bed and trot to my side.
After a moment of hesitation, Jason nodded and straightened from his relaxed pose. He led the way out of the house and paused in the expansive driveway, letting the gentle drizzle of rain dampen us. Gesturing to a silver sedan, he said, “Hop in.”
“I thought we were walking…but I guess this makes more sense. Is it theirs?” I asked with a nod toward the house.
A sarcastic laugh escaped from his throat. “Does it matter?”
Does anything? I wondered and shrugged.
On the short drive to downtown Longview, I took the opportunity to examine Jason from the passenger seat. He was different—harder and more closed off—from the man I remembered. I’d been surprised when he announced that I would be his partner on search days, especially because I had the distinct impression that he was avoiding me.
“You know,” I said lightly, trying to break the ice, “since you found me, this is the first time I’ve seen you out of your clothes.” Realizing what I’d just said, I blushed and stammered, “I mean, your Army clothes…obviously you’re not naked…I mean…” I groaned inwardly, reminding myself that I was no longer the teenage girl with a heartbreaking crush on her best friend’s older brother. That version of me was long gone.
Jason’s throaty chuckle was like lighter fluid on my burning cheeks. With a minimal half-smile and a barely-there dimple, he said, “It’s a little cold for that. And wet.” He parked the car in front of a long series of storefronts and stared ahead. “But then again, there’s really only one good reason to strip down in a car, and that would more than make up for the cold. Don’t you think, Red?” After assigning me a new nickname, he exited the car.
Stunned, I gaped at the now empty driver’s seat. Very vivid, very inappropriate images flashed through my mind. I was sure my whole body was blushing…and doing other things, unfortunately.
Suddenly, my mind screamed, What about Cam?
It took me a few moments to calm myself. When I finally exited the car, I tried my best to dismiss the meaningless flirtation. Jason flirted like other men breathed, easily and without thought. It meant nothing.
We spent the next seven hours searching the old brick apartment buildings and stores in the once-adorable downtown area for signs of life. We found few living people—all too insane or afraid to communicate. That, combined with the plethora of dead bodies, made for an unsettling day. With the clinging scent of rotting flesh following me, I wondered if I’d ever be able to enjoy meat again.
“Can we check that place for dog stuff?” I asked, pointing to a little pet shop in an antiquated two-story building across the street.
Jason shrugged. His ever-watchful gaze looked everywhere at once as we crossed the empty street side-by-side.
Once in the store, I followed our recently established routine and kept watch near the shattered glass doorway while Jason searched the building for potential dangers. He had just stepped through the only other doorway in the shop—a squeaky swinging door that led to the store’s back area—when four men rounded the block outside. They weren’t as dirty as the few other living people we’d seen, but they looked a hell of a lot meaner.
I ducked into the shadows and whispered desperately toward the back door, “Jason.”
Nothing.
I tried again, a little louder, “Jason!”
Still nothing.
The scruffy survivors stalked in a direct path toward my hideout, and I stifled a curse. “C’mon Jack,” I said softly, but my dog was nowhere in sight.
Just as I turned to rush toward the back of the store in search of Jason, Jack backed through the swinging door—he was dragging a very annoyed Jason.
“What the hell, Dani? Can’t you keep him under control?”
Jack’s chest rumbled, his mouth still full of Jason’s sleeve.
I stepped toward them and tried to explain, “Jason, there’s—”
“Well, well, well…what do we have here?” a gravelly voice interrupted from behind me. A chorus of deep, taunting laughs enhanced its menacing effect.
I froze mid-step, terrified. Based on the sound of the man’s voice, I estimated I was halfway between the strangers and Jason. I stared into Jason’s furious eyes, feeling like a horde of monsters would seize me from behind if I even dared to breathe.
“Come here, Dani.” Jason’s voice was calm and soothing—completely incompatible with his aimed pistol and threatening stance. At first, I thought his weapon was pointed at me, but I quickly realized it was fixed on the man behind me.
Did I just hear a footstep? Is he moving closer?
“Come on, Dani. Just come here.” Strain marbled Jason’s calm tone, nearly fracturing it.
They must be closer. Crap! But fear seemed to have cemented my feet to the speckled linoleum floor.
Jack padded to me, and snarling ferociously at the intruders, leaned against the back of my frozen legs; I had to either step or fall. After the first stride, there was no stopping me until I was safely stowed behind both Jason and Jack.
“There’s no need for that, son. We just want to have a little fun with the girl.” Irritation clouded the menace in the stranger’s voice, making him sound, of all things, a little whiny. His cronies shuffled and puffed up, looking like they were spoiling for a brawl.
Reaching around Jason into his unzipped coat, I pulled a handgun from his shoulder holster. I couldn’t help but notice the extreme tension in his body; each muscle was coiled like a viper preparing to strike. He was ready to take them all on…but there were four of them and only one Jason.
I stepped up beside Jason and raised the gun, though we both knew it would prove useless if the confrontation actually erupted into physical violence. I didn’t even know how to turn the safety off. Hell, I didn’t know where to find the safety.
But our aggressors didn’t know that.
Ominously, Jason warned, “Get the hell outta here. If I see you again, you’re dead.” As a chilly afterthought he added, “If you’d touched her, you’d already be dead. Leave. Now.”
They did.
I didn’t lower the gun until the men were long gone. I just…couldn’t. Jason had to pry it from my shaking hands.
I was still standing in the same spot, my arms hanging stiffly, when he spoke. “That was smart thinking, Red. I don’t think they’d have walked away like that if you hadn’t pulled the hot little badass card.”
Did he just call me hot? It worked as well as a slap, pulling me out of my frozen mind.
Hints of concern tightened Jason’s eyes as he hunched down to my eye level. “You okay?”
Listening to Jack sniff the nearby items in the store, I nodded and whispered, “No.”
Jason laughed. “Good answer. So how about that dog stuff? Find what you need. I’ll keep watch.”
I nodded again and wandered off in the direction of Jack’s sniffing and tail-thumping. I found him with his head stuck in a bucket half-full of two-foot-long, stretched and dried bull penises. That’s my dog, I thought.
Date: December 15, 7:20 PM
From: Danielle O’Connor
To: Zoe Cartwright
Subject: An interesting day…
Zo,
Today wasn’t quite what I thought it would be. We found lots of dead people in their homes, mostly in beds and bathrooms. They were also in some of the shops and in a bunch of the abandoned cars. And they definitely didn’t all die from the flu. I saw some that were obvious suicides. Holy crap, can I just say that dead people are GROSS. It sounds stupid and, I don’t know, flippant…but they are! It’s hard to think that they were alive like us a few weeks ago. It’s frightening to think about what the world might be like in another week. Or a month. Or a year.
And the living, they’re almost worse than the dead. Every person we found was crazy or violent.
Or both. Jason and I started calling them “Crazies”. Seemed fitting. Anyway, Jack, Jason and I had a run-in with some uber-hostile survivors today. Luckily, we managed to convince them to back off. Why aren’t people just happy to find other living humans? I’m getting to the point where I see movement out of the corner of my eye, and I immediately look for somewhere to hide.
So, I need to vent about something. You know how I’m search partners with Jason? Well, there’s this one Air Force chick (everyone else is Army Special Forces, aka…badass), who was super pissed when Jason announced the search partners. Something’s going on between them. It’s not surprising—she (Cece) looks like a perfect, curvy little Inca princess. Well, she would if she didn’t have “I’m a perma-bitch” stamped on her face all the time. Whatever. The point is, I’m now on her shit list. Awesome.
Want to hear something scary? After our little incident with the hostiles today, Jason has decided I need to learn how to use a gun. This has DISASTER written all over it. He’s waiting for me right now. I’ll let you know how it goes when I write to you tomorrow.
Ciao,
Dani
10
ZOE
The graveyard of snow-capped, motionless cars made driving along the highway eerie. Where were they going? Home? The hospital? Did they know they were dying? The air was heavy with silence. We all knew many of the vehicles scattered along the road weren’t abandoned—they were tombs for their unfortunate inhabitants.
“We’re almost there. It’s only another twenty miles or so, I think.” Dave smiled back at us through the rearview mirror, patting his chocolate lab on the head with his spare hand. I watched him playfully tug on the dog’s ears; Sammy’s tail thumped excitedly.
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