by Dune, Kyra
“Come on.” I led Serene along the top of the hill. I was painfully aware of how exposed we were up there, but what else could I do? We couldn’t go back into the woods, and I wasn’t willing to go down into the town. I only hoped nobody who wanted to kill us would spot us before we could duck under cover.
From up ahead, the sound of voices floated back to us on the wind. I stopped, listening. But whoever it was they were too far away for me to make out what they were saying. No way to tell whether they were friends or enemies.
I knelt in front of Serene so we were eye to eye. “I need you to stay here while I go and check things out.”
“No.” She clutched my arm. “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m not leaving you,” I said. “But whoever is up there ahead of us could be bad guys.”
“Like the ones who hurt Bailey?”
“Exactly.” Would this never end? “So I need you stay here where you’ll be safe. I’ll be right back.”
“Promise?”
I held up my pinky finger. “Promise.”
Serene hooked her pinky over mine and gave me a wan smile. “Okay.”
“Good girl.”
I slipped along the outer edge of the tree line, letting the voices guide me on. When they fell silent, I paused. The trees were thicker here; the underbrush high. I decided it would be smarter to continue on under cover, rather than out in the open. In case I really was creeping up on the bad guys. The smoke was thin, so rather than pushing it away, I actually drew it in closer to help hide my progress.
Figures moved around in a clearing up ahead, but I didn’t have a clear view of them yet. I needed to get closer before I exposed myself. I crouched, inching my way forward, wincing at every rustle and crunch my feet made. To me, I sounded like a whole herd of elephants tromping through the woods, but nobody in the clearing reacted, so I’m sure I wasn’t anywhere near as loud as I thought I was.
When I finally reached the point where I could see into the clearing, I stopped. No, I froze. I could not have moved in that moment even if I had wanted to. It wasn’t the clumps of people, some of whom had guns, that had me feeling as if all the air had been drawn out of my lungs. It was the bodies. The clearing was littered with them. Mostly kids, but I saw a few adults as well.
I didn’t want to see. I didn’t want to know. And yet somehow I found my gaze rolling across the bodies anyway, looking for something I prayed I wouldn’t find.
I saw Brandy first. All that jet black hair was impossible to miss. Only it didn’t look like Brandy, all crumpled up on the ground like a discarded doll. Like she wasn’t even real. None of this was real. Couldn’t be. Brandy was my best friend. My rock. She couldn’t leave me like this. She couldn’t die. Not Brandy. No way.
Three feet away, Curtis lay on his back with his head twisted at an impossible angle. He was staring right at me. But only from one eye. The other one was lost in the mess of charred flesh that used to be the left side of his face.
Everything started to spin around me. Oh, god, this was real. It wasn’t a delusion or a nightmare. I wasn’t going to wake up to bright sunshine and have everything be okay. Nothing was ever going to be okay again. They were dead. And I had killed them.
My knees hit the ground before I even knew I was falling. I think I screamed. I don’t remember making the sound, but I’m pretty sure I did, because people turned toward me. I saw the lips move on the one nearest me, but I couldn’t hear what he said. A great rushing, roaring sound had filled up my head.
A bullet hit the ground beside my right knee, kicking dirt into my face. And something snapped inside of me. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression before, but unless you’ve felt it, you can’t understand what it means.
Without even having to think about it, I dropped down into that place inside where my power waited. And this time, I let myself hit the water.
This incredibly huge feeling of pain and rage exploded inside of me as a red haze fell across my vision. Heat blossomed in the middle of my chest. So much heat it should have burned me up from the inside out. Instead, it sang through my veins like nothing I could understand. I had found my fire.
I was there. I knew exactly what was happening. I’m not going to duck my responsibility by saying it was like I was outside my body, watching someone else jump to her feet and run for the clearing. It wasn’t like that. Not exactly. I was still me, I was just a me I never could have been under normal circumstances. A me I didn’t even know existed.
Hell had not been in those woods when I was trying so hard to get Serene to safety. This was Hell. And I was the one who unleashed it as I washed the clearing in cleansing fire.
I won’t say I couldn’t have stopped myself. I can’t say it, because I don’t know. I didn’t try. I didn’t want to stop. I was a blazing fury bent on destroying everything in sight. Even myself.
Something cold hit me in the middle of the back with enough force to drop me. A chill wrapped around me like a smothering blanket, dousing my fire. I let out a breath that fogged the air. My teeth chattered. Cold as deep and dark as death stole over me and right before I lost consciousness, I heard a voice whisper in my ear, “Don’t be afraid. I’ve got you.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I woke in a strange bed staring up at a strange ceiling. Where was I? My brain felt heavy and foggy. Something had happened. Something bad. But I couldn’t seem to grasp what it was. My memories felt hazy.
I sat up and the room spun. Sharp pain stabbed the back of my head, making my stomach jitter. A moan crawled out of the back of my dry throat.
“Take it easy. You’re still recovering.” Derek came over and sat beside me on the bed.
A rush of relief went through me. “You’re alive!” I threw my arms around his neck, needing to feel that he was really real without knowing why.
He hugged me tightly. “Okay, I love you too.” He gently pried me loose of his neck and lowered me back down on the bed. “But you need to rest. You’ve been through a lot.”
“I don’t understand. What...” I took a closer look at him. He looked ragged around the edges, is the best way I can think to describe it, and he had a dark bruise along his jaw. “What happened?”
His expression grew troubled. “Don’t you remember?”
“I’m not sure. I...” I rubbed the spot between my eyes. “I remember the alarms going off in the bunker, and going out with Megara and some other dragons, but then everything is really hazy. Where are we?”
“Do you remember the dragon Megara told us about, the one who was helping her?”
“Malcolm... Something.”
He nodded. “Malcolm Bryce. This is his hotel. We’re sort of hiding out here. What’s left of us.”
Fire. Why was I thinking about fire? And why did thinking of it make me feel like screaming. “So there was a fight and you... But no, you went out the secret entrance. So you were fine. Right?” Something in his eyes brought on a flutter of panic. Fire again. “Where are the others? I want to see them.”
“Abby.” He looked away from me. “I don’t... You really can’t remember anything? Not about Hannah or Serene, or... or anything?”
“Hannah? I...” I pressed a hand to the side of my head. “Did... Oh, god, I... I killed Hannah. I killed her.” Things were coming back to me in patches. Slow. Things I wished would stay forgotten.
“You had no choice.” Derek met my gaze. “Serene told us what happened. It’s not your fault.”
How easy for him to say when he wasn’t the one with her screams echoing inside his head. “Serene is okay?”
“Thanks to you,” he said. “It was a good thing you didn’t let her go down into that town. It was full of Alastair’s people.”
“Right. Okay. Yeah. I remember. But after that I left Serene, right? Because I heard voices.”
“Yes.” Derek took hold of my hand. His expression was horribly gentle. “And then?”
“Then....” Brandy. Curtis. Fire. I groaned, doubling o
ver even though the pain was in my heart and not my stomach. “Oh, god, no, please, no.”
Derek wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so sorry, Abby. It... everything was...” His voice thickened. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep them safe for you.”
My eyes burned though there were no tears. It was all there fresh in my mind. Raw as an open wound. I twisted to the side and dry heaved. My stomach was empty, so I had nothing to throw up, but my body wracked with spasms anyway. Like I was trying to purge myself of the memories. And Derek held on to me, keeping me from coming completely apart at the seams.
I sank against his shoulder when the moment had passed. Sobs built up inside my chest and stuck there, a heavy weight making it hard to breath. I closed my eyes against the throbbing in my head. My body wanted to cry, but I was all dried up inside.
“How many people did I kill?” I asked.
Derek sighed. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Doesn’t matter?” I laughed, though it sounded more like a harsh cough. “Right.”
“You lost control. It’s understandable after all you’d been through. You didn’t hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it.”
Oh, but even feeling the way I felt, I knew that was a dangerous thought. “Nobody deserves what...” I swallowed. “Do you understand what I did? I’m a monster.” And not only for the people I killed with my fire. Those people weren’t responsible for all the dead bodies in that clearing. I was. If I’d only told Megara that Zack knew about the secret entrance, none of this would have happened. Brandy and Curtis and all those others, would still be alive.
“Don’t say that.” Derek took hold of my arms and held me out from him. “You are not a monster. I know what you did. It doesn’t change how I look at you.”
And he meant that. He really did, which only made me feel worse. Because maybe he didn’t look at me any differently, but I certainly did. “At the end, there was someone. It was cold. Who stopped me?”
Derek pursed his lips. “It was Zack. He tried to kill you.”
Don’t be afraid. I’ve got you. Zack’s voice in my ear and his battle training pulling me back from the edge. Would I have burned myself out if he hadn’t stopped me? I don’t know for sure, but I think there’s a good chance the answer is yes.
“You’re wrong.” I said. “He was trying to help. He saved me.” Even after all Hannah said, even with pure logic telling me otherwise, I believed that. Maybe he betrayed us. Maybe he gave away the secret entrance. Maybe he was as much to blame as I was for all the death. But he saved my life. Of that, I had no doubt.
“I saw it with my own eyes,” Derek said. “He attacked you. If I hadn’t been there with my fire to stop him, he would have killed you.”
“Did you...” I had to swallow. My mouth had gone dry. “Did you kill him?” Maybe I shouldn’t have cared. But I did. I cared a lot.
“No. But I wish I had.” Never before had I seen my brother’s face so hard. “He ran and I was too worried about you to follow. But if I ever see him again, I’ll finish the job. That’s for sure.”
Zack being alive brought on too many confused emotions. I pressed my hands to my eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Okay.” I felt him get up off the bed. “You rest. I’ll come check on you later. Oh, someone has been waiting to see you. Do you feel up to a couple more minutes?”
“Sure.” I dropped my hands to my lap.
Derek opened the door to the small room and spoke to someone outside. “Don’t stay too long. She’s tired.”
When he was gone I expected to see Jonah, or maybe even Megara. If they were still alive. Instead, it was Luka who came into the room. Seeing him there with his hands behind his back and this sad look in his only served to sharpen my pain. But it was no more than I deserved.
“Hey,” he said.
A smile wobbled across my lips. “Hey. I’m glad to see you’re not hurt.”
“You wouldn’t say that if I had my shirt off.” He sounded almost like himself, but not quite. “I got thrown into a tree. My ribs are a fantastic shade of purple. But I’ll live.” His voice wavered a bit. “I’m glad you’re okay too and I wanted to say thank you. For helping Serene.”
“Don’t thank me,” I said. Which was probably harsh, since he couldn’t possibly know I was responsible for Bailey’s death. Nobody knew. And nobody was ever going to know. “It’s... just don’t, okay?”
Confusion crossed his face, but he didn’t press the issue. I was grateful for that. “I know you’re tired, so I won’t hang around. But I have something for you.” Luka brought his hands out from behind his back. And in one of them was Curtis' camcorder.
It was like being punched in the gut. I opened my mouth, but I had no words. Tears, so far denied me, came now with no warning. I didn’t want to look at that thing. I certainly didn’t want to touch it. Just having it in the room was almost more than I could stand.
I turned my head. “You keep it.”
“No. I can’t. Curtis...” He had to take a moment before he could go on. “The movie he was making is for you. It’s about you.”
“What?” I looked up at him. “I don’t... He showed me part of it back in California. It’s not about me.”
“He showed you a few unedited clips is all. He told me. Besides, I was helping with it so I should know. It was meant to be a birthday present. A year in your life. Only, now it won’t get finished.” Luka’s eyes swam with tears. “But you should have it anyway.”
I couldn’t take it from him. I couldn’t even move. I guess Luka understood, because he sat the camcorder on the bed beside me. “He really loved you, you know. He told me after his parents were killed, you were the only reason he held it together. I just... I thought you should know.” By the time he left the room, Luka was crying.
The door was shut. I was all alone. I sat staring down at the camcorder. It looked so strange lying there, instead of in my cousin’s hand where I was more used to seeing it. The thought of watching the movie terrified me. Part of it was knowing how hard it would be to see my friends all together, alive and smiling. But mostly I knew coming to that last frame, knowing it would never be finished, having to really come to grips with Curtis being dead, would be too much. I thought it might tear up whatever was still left of me.
But then I thought, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe if I watched it, I could wrap myself up in the guilt and the pain and find it in me to finish what I started in that clearing. End it all.
It was a terrible thought, I know. But my world was shattered and there were so many sharp edges to jab at me. It wasn’t over. They’d come after me again and again. More people would die. And for what? How much easier to let it all go.
I picked up the camcorder. It was so cold in my hand. My finger hovered over the power button as my heart stood on the brink of a choice. Give up or go on? Was it possible to make all the death count for something? Could I ever pay for what I’d done? Could I change the world? Did I even have it in me to try?
I closed my eyes and imagined how it would be if Brandy was standing in front of me, hearing me say the things I was thinking. The way she would roll her eyes and shake her head. “Don’t be so ridiculous,” I imagined her saying. “Giving up without seeing something all the way through is hardly a viable option. How can you possibly know what will happen?”
Her voice in my head made me smile a little. And Curtis. “This is a superhero movie," he'd say, "and you’re the star. Movie can’t end until you save the world. Those are the rules.”
I laughed, surprising myself. I wouldn’t have thought I had a laugh left in me. “Okay,” I whispered, setting the camcorder on the table beside the bed. The movie wasn’t ready for me to watch. It wasn’t finished yet. And neither was I.
**********************************************************
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kyra Dune was born in Oklahoma, but spent most of her life travelling with her family. She is the author of
more than two dozen fantasy novels, including: Shadow of the Dragon, Elfblood, and Firebrand. As a child, her favorite stories were those that told of ordinary children being whisked away to magical lands. She has yet to find her own secret wardrobe or rabbit hole, but she hasn’t given up the search. You never know what might be waiting over the next rainbow.
MORE YA FANTASY BOOKS BY KYRA DUNE
DYSTOPIAN FANTASY
ELFBLOOD TRILOGY
Elfblood
The Silver Catacombs
City Of Magic
Shadow Of The Dragon
EPIC FANTASY
WEB OF LIGHT DUOLOGY
Web Of Light
Dark Light
DRAGONSTAR DUOLOGY
DragonStar
The Black Mountain
SWORD & SORCERY
FIREBRAND TRILOGY
Firebrand
Ten Kingdoms
Dragons Of War
