I’m glad he’s not mad about that mix up with Miss Baxter. She looked towards the young woman who was still walking across from her. She couldn’t believe such a sweet, young lady commanded demons! Though she had heard about some of the kerfuffle surrounding Grimguild, Cosette couldn’t help but feel a bit sad she hadn’t been present to witness the Grim Reaper himself.
“What’s he like?” she asked, to which the young sorceress glanced her way. “Is Death friendly?”
“Mortimer is very busy, so he often seems grumpy. But he really wishes to go back to the old days of Armageddon and the such.”
“What is Armageddon?” All six of her eyes widened in wonderment.
Miss Baxter waved her hand. “Oh, something that happened a long time ago,” she said. “Nowadays he just sits behind a desk all day and waits for souls to come in. He’s delegated so many of his tasks but insists paperwork is still the most terrible thing in the seven hells.” She laughed. “To be honest, I think he only accepted my summoning ritual in hopes for a bit of fun.”
Cosette was bewildered. “So is he always attached to you?” she asked, thinking of the chain she had seen in Fallfield.
Penelope nodded, holding up one slender limb. Cosette’s black eyes widened into inky pools as phantom links began to materialize along the sorceress’ wrist. Large, black manacles tightly pressing against pale skin were slack, curving down towards the dirt roadway before fading away into nothing. There used to be one chain on each arm. Now there was only one.
“He’s always around, but I try not to bother him too much. Only when I’m using a lot of my magic does he tend to poke his head in to see what’s the matter.”
“Like when you were fighting those two mages in Fallfield?”
Miss Baxter smiled and took in a deep breath. “Chip and Benedict are nice men, but they’ll be loyal until I’ve found deep pockets.” She paused. “Mobsters tend to favor power and gold. I’m a banana without a peel at the moment.”
Cosette was amazed at how sweet this aspiring mob boss was. She found it a bit unnerving, but smiled nonetheless.
When they reached the first slope of the Helvallyn Hillsides the party divided into a single line. The hills were sharp and narrow, like steepled fingertips or two emerald waves crashing together from separate tides. The only one of their party that didn’t seem to find the climb hard was the old donkey at the back, though by the time they reached the summit of one jagged peak, Cosette could overhear the ragged breath of herself and her companions.
The mound after the first was even more precipitous, and with less grass holding together the loose rock that formed the summit. Cosette gasped when she heard the sliding debris, and shortly after heard a call for help as Fae Hershal began to fall. Stumbling right through Mr. Todd who had tried to hold out his arms to catch her, the poor bank teller’s daughter would have suffered a ghastly tumble if it hadn’t been for Jane Darcy, sure as a mountain goat, catching her before she had the chance to roll off her feet.
“One more hill, Miss Hershal,” he said, holding her in his arms.
Fae laughed, though most probably for show, Cosette thought, before regaining her footing.
“Thanks, mate!” she called back, running her hands through her silver-blonde hair.
Jane stared off for a moment after that. He didn’t continue on again until Salvador began to catch up, clanging like a walking cupboard along the cliffs.
“It’s getting dark!” Mr. Todd shouted, bracing himself as he bent double to catch his breath. “Shouldn’t we camp out?”
From the front, Dick Dashing laughed. “It’s just this way, Mr. Todd! We’ll be there in no time flat!”
And as it was, they weren’t. The mouth of the cave was small, hidden behind a rather large cleft in the hillside that disguised it in shadow. Simon would have sworn he looked in that exact spot more than a dozen times as they were climbing towards the peak, and saw nothing but an empty recess each time.
Mr. Dashing shouted “Eureka!”
Simon Todd had to admit perhaps he hadn’t been looking very hard before.
“This is it!” Dick shouted, coat floating in the cool, springtime air behind him.
From their position on the Helvallyn it was impossible to see Caper’s Creek. However, as they climbed, Simon was sure he had seen rogue veins of the river meandering about the lower cliff sides. He wondered if it was swollen this time of year, flooded from the rain and snow melt sliding off the hills.
“Can a dragon really fit inside this?” Fae asked, taking a step forward to examine the yawning rift.
“Well why not?” Jane said in a bit of a huff. He had been feeling rather odd since their unsavory climb to his home. Flying was so much less time consuming. How human beings traversed the entire world on two feet was beyond him. However, the dragon was rather offended at the seemingly unnecessary criticism of his porch, he usually liked to sit and watch the sunset from a flat plateau closer to the top.
“Not all dragons are the size of zeppelins, you know! Some can be rather small, but they sure as heck breathe fire like any other,” Jane exclaimed.
Fae stepped back, giving the young gentleman an odd look before glancing to the others. “My mistake, mate! Needn’t get you neck in a bloody twist!”
Jane frowned, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Perhaps the scholarly, young gent he was pretending to be ought not to be so outraged by a young ragamuffin’s un-insightful comment. He sighed and settled back into his disguise. “As the hired scholar of the group, I just thought it prudent to educate.”
Dashing laughed out loud. “Well, you came in handy after all!” he said, flinging an arm about the scarlet spectacle-clad young man. “Best one-fifth of a treasure trove I ever spent.”
It’s not yours to spend, Jane thought, but smiled anyway for appearances.
“Um I-if there might be a dr-dragon, shouldn’t we ought to be more…quiet?” The party turned, regarding Mr. Todd who was standing behind them all like a ball behind a chain.
Again, Mr. Dashing sprang forward. “You’re right, Mr. Todd!” he said, pressing a finger to his lips. “That dastardly dragon could be skulking about any of these shadowy crags!” Dick looked about suspiciously, causing Mr. Todd to break a sweat.
“Do you really think it’s that dangerous?” the spider girl said, playing with the few wiry threads that were wrapped about her wrists.
“Oh, it could be!” Dashing stood up straight. “We must be very careful! No time to camp, I’m afraid. We should be in and out.” He made a whipping motion. “Fast as a lash.”
Jane was surprised when Simon Todd stomped his foot. “Then why did we bring all these supplies?” he said. “We could have just climbed the damned mountain without them!”
“Well we needed food for supper!” Dashing defended. “And bags to hold the gold in the first place.”
“You’re telling me all these sacks and bags are filled with other sacks and bags?”
Mr. Dashing nodded. “How else do you plan to get gold down a mountain?”
Jane had to admit that although he hadn’t any intention of losing any of his hoard, he hadn’t really given any thought as to how they’d get it all out either. Stories always ended when adventurers found the treasure. He guessed the logistics of carting it away was insubstantial to telling a good tale.
“Well I wish someone would have told me that…” the Frelish accountant muttered. “I would have left my briefcase in Ebonguard.”
Mr. Dashing gave a tut, waving the sour accountant away with a snap of his wrist as he turned on his heel to inspect the cavern opening.
Though it wasn’t particularly big, it was wide enough for a youngling wyrm to squeeze through. Most probably as it aged, the dragon would have to construct the opening to be wider, but it was a good indication that they were not dealing with something ancient that was unknowingly under the jurisdiction of dragon law.
As small as the entryway was, the cavern took a serious dip upon c
rossing the threshold. Thin, jagged stalactites hung from the top of the cavern like needle-like teeth, catching in the light of the setting sun, but the floor almost completely fell away. Loose, chipped rock snaked downwards in the dark.
“Day or night it’ll be as dark as a coal miner’s arse down there,” Miss Hershal observed.
“It is awful dark,” Simon agreed.
But Dashing was resolute. “Not a problem!” he called, turning with a flourish. “We’ve a sorceress in our midst.”
Miss Baxter smiled politely, giving the young gunslinger a reassuring nod of her head when she didn’t immediately reply to his demand.
“Alright,” she said dutifully, waving her gloved hand over the top arc of her crook. Closing her eyes and uttering a few words, she conjured a violet human skull within the open space of her shepherd’s tool. Teeth clattering, it hovered darkly in the center for a moment before both empty sockets burst into bright flame, illuminating the space about her most brilliantly.
“Being a wizard seems a laugh! Maybe I will join and learn to hurl fireballs at the brothel owners next time they try to lay hands on me.”
“You mean when they try to get you to pay your debts?” Simon rolled his eyes.
“You watch it, Simon Todd!” Fae spat defensively. “Else I’ll tell me Pops what you were really in Piper’s Toss fer!”
Mr. Todd snapped his mouth closed after that, nodding curtly as he watched Miss Baxter begin to lead the way downward. She was chuckling softly to herself.
“A light spell isn’t wizardry, Fae,” she said after a moment, cautious of the crumbling floor and large pieces of loose rock. “It’s Spellcraft. Mage spells.” She looked back, watching as the others began to scramble down behind her. “It’s all rudimentary magic. Though the way a spell looks does change if a wizard is hosting a Hell Lord.”
Rudimentary or not, it seemed awful handy. For once, Simon was quite glad to have been a ghost. As he made his way downward he had barely any reason to worry about slipping. His body was anchored only to the large, sturdy ground below. He did however lend an arm to Cosette, but the gesture was needless. Her legs and feet seemed perfectly able to traverse the cavern surface. As she hoisted her skirts up a bit to reveal more of her six spindly legs, Mr. Todd couldn’t help but think that they didn’t look as ghastly as he first thought.
“I ought to give this place a good sweep,” Mr. Darcy muttered aloud.
“Certainly the dragon won’t get around to it, eh?” Simon smiled.
Jane hesitated, painfully aware of how obvious the echo of footsteps was in his ears. “Well he may,” he replied after a few seconds, adjusting his spectacles. “Perhaps if we left him a polite review.” Jane was right behind Mr. Todd, Cosette, Fae and Miss Baxter and ahead of Dick who was taking up the rear whilst steering the ass. “I dub this adventure a jaunty journey filled with mighty monsters and cumbersome pitfalls. I am rating it lower than the average however, for the lack of tidiness in the dragon’s lair whilst we were trying to burgle all its worldly possessions.” A bit clumsily, Mr. Darcy sidestepped over a rather large boulder sticking out a large heap of stone in their path. “Next time make sure to give it a good sweep, won’t you, majestic wyrm?”
He grinned when Mr. Todd and a few of his cohorts chuckled.
“It’ll never know if you don’t tell,” Jane continued, frowning at how difficult human legs were making it to get into his own home. Again he wondered how bipedals did anything. He now understood how easily it must have been for Mr. Todd to have fallen to his untimely demise.
So caught up in thought had he been that Jane unceremoniously slipped upon a rather large slab of shale and began to fall. Luckily for the other members of the party, no one had been forming a straight line as they descended the cavern slopes, and so no one was immediately in the vicinity to break the fall of the poor dragon in disguise.
He fell with a rather nasty crack of his wrist, and began rolling downwards over the bumpy crags and loose rock, tearing his very nice tailored suit in the process. The others had heard the fall before seeing it, the commotion of rolling sediment echoing about the chamber. Before they had a chance to try and help however, a thin rope of thread shot out like fishing line, sticking to the young man’s leg before he had the chance to plummet any deeper and cause himself more harm.
“I’ve got you, Mr. Darcy!” Cosette cried, backing up along the wall. Her legs, free of boots or socks, clambered along the wall as she tugged on the webbing wrapped about each dainty wrist. The ends of the webbing were sticky, attached solidly to Jane’s pant leg as the others moved to help him.
“My my! Are you alright ol’ chap?” Dick called, the first at the young scholar’s side. Bracing him by the arm, Dashing hoisted the bedraggled gentleman to his feet, regarding his torn up collared suit and jacket with concern.
Jane groaned, the light from Miss Baxter’s magical torch better illuminating the dirt and scratches on his face as she got closer. “Yes,” he said, amazed at how soft human skin and bone was. He couldn’t recall ever taking a tumble down that slope as a dragon before. Jane Darcy felt slightly beside himself at the thought.
“Perhaps you ought to have a sit down.”
Jane looked up, seeing his own reflection in the lenses of Dashing’s targeting goggles. Before he had a chance to move his head to the side, Fae was beside him, pushing his hair out of the way to regard his forehead.
“He bungled himself up good, he did!” she remarked, looking sidelong towards Cosette who had come to join them once Jane was on his feet again. “That was a bloody good shot!” she said.
Cosette looked down, bashful at all the attention directed towards her. “Sorry. It can be a bit sticky. You might need to give your trousers a wash.”
“He would ’ave had to give ‘em a wash anyway if he’d fallen the whole way down.”
Jane closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath. He didn’t like being in this much pain. His wrist especially hurt. If he turned back into a dragon he was sure he’d be fine and whole again. Nostrils flaring as an idea struck him, the aching dragon gentleman leaned into his accompanying friend, teetering a bit on his own feet.
“Thank you, Cosette,” Jane said, smiling at the concerned sharpshooter. “I think I shall endeavor to rest a moment But you should continue on. A dragon’s unlikely to see me nestled against the wall if one comes in, and you’ll be faster without.” He didn’t protest as Dashing lowered him to the cavern floor.
“Ya want us to leave you?” Fae looked abashed.
But Jane only sighed, leaning his head back against the wall as his voice echoed throughout. “It’s not like you won’t come back. I fully expect to be retrieved after you’ve finished filling your pockets with gold.” He grinned with a slight nod and grateful smile to Cosette. “But, though thankfully I haven’t perished, I am a bit out of sorts.”
Dick nodded, crossing his arms in front of his chest in a motion he deemed sage. “I think it’s a good choice. Let the man breathe. Mr. Todd and I will make short work of the treasure hoard.”
Dashing was confident, Jane noticed. Simon, alternatively, looked honestly troubled.
“If you’re sure you’ll be alright, Mr. Darcy,” Simon said.
Jane cradled his wrist in the palm of his other hand, wincing when a sudden shot of pain bolted up his arm. “Right as rain, as the saying goes,” he said through clenched teeth.
Mr. Dashing sprinted back up the slope to grab Salvador and haul him down carefully over the loose rock. The beast may have had a dented skull, but it was still as surefooted as it had ever been.
“We’ll be back in no time flat, Mr. Darcy,” he said once he had rejoined the others. “The quicker we are, the better. Let’s continue on!”
They all nodded to the hapless gentleman, promising a hasty return. Despite the discomfort in his human body however, Jane was glad to be left alone. It gave him the perfect excuse to not be in the same vicinity when the dragon inevitably appeared to chase them
away.
Sighing as he leant his head back against the wall, Mr. Darcy watched as the light of Miss Baxter’s crook was slowly swallowed by the darkness. The smoky scent of sulphur and burnt stone was prevalent in his nose, more so as his sleeve brushed the wall and came back covered in ash.
“Home sweet home,” he said with a smile, thinking of all that wonderful gold and how it sparkled in the light of dragonfire.
Chapter 39
Osullocked Out
The cavern leveled out at the base of a large stalagmite after a good fifteen minutes of fretful climbing. Reaching up towards the roof of the cavern, it resembled thick columns of boiled milk spilling over the side of a cast iron pot. Coalescing at the bottom of the stalagmite was a collection of other, smaller rocks of the same texture. The party waited until everyone had a chance to catch up, looking deep into the large expanse of darkness that stretched away from the entrance slopes.
“I’m worried about Mr. Darcy,” Fae said, looking back over her shoulder. “We shouldn’t have left him there.”
“The smell of smoke is more pungent here,” Simon observed, afraid of a sudden sneeze.
“No fear, Miss Hershal. He’ll be fine, a good rest is just what the young scholar needs!” Dashing jumped down, Salvador clop clop clopping along after him. After passing the reins to the party equerry Dick walked forward, surveying the large open space with his nose in the air. “The barrier is just this way,” he said. “You’ll see the treasure beyond.”
This seemed to calm Fae’s concern for the moment, and the four of them continued onward. Small pools of water collected at the base of the cavern walls. In some sections where the rock fell away, waterlogged tunnels looked like wavering crimson from the light of Penelope’s burning crook.
The Curious Case of Simon Todd Page 42
