by Claire Adams
Just looking at Buckjoy had my mind flooded with memories of Garrett. I saw Garrett’s amazing smile and the way he had taken such good care of the horses that night of the storm. There were so many things that I missed about Garrett and looking at Buckjoy made them all come flooding back into my mind.
“All right, but I think he likes you better than me,” my father said as he walked out of the barn with Buckjoy behind him.
I didn’t think Buckjoy liked me better than my father. The horse probably just associated me with Garrett and was hopeful he would be back soon. But eventually Buckjoy, as well as the rest of us, would just have to learn to live our life without Garrett around. That was the reality of the world we lived in. Garrett was gone, in his place was a fancy-dressing, rich guy named Malcolm and I didn’t think Buckjoy would have liked that guy any more than I would.
I saddled up Bambi after giving her a good bath. It was still early enough in the day that I could have gone out to the river, but decided against that. Instead, we rode up north to the big barn that was at that end of the property. It was there that I had hid out with the ranch hands after the murders had happened. That was the only place I could go where I didn’t have a memory of Garrett standing next to me, or at least I thought it was the only place I wouldn’t think about Garrett.
Everything I saw and did at the ranch seemed to be covered with a memory of something funny Garrett had said to me. I was constantly inundated with memories of a kiss we shared, a witty remark he said, or something else that had happened between the two of us. It was so hard to be on the ranch and have to deal with those memories.
Even though Garrett hadn’t been to the barn up north, I sat there and still couldn’t get him off my mind. That night replayed in my head and I remembered the sadness on Garrett’s face as he stood over the two men who had been shot. I would never forget that night as long as I lived. No matter who Garrett really was, on that night I saw how much he hurt when those men were murdered, and I could only imagine the guilt he felt because of their death. I closed my eyes and his face came into full view for me; he was officially everywhere and I hopped back on my horse to head into the main ranch again.
It was going to take a lot of distraction for me to finally get over Garrett and that meant I needed some sort of project on the ranch to keep me busy. I didn’t care what it was; I just needed something to keep me busy. Somehow, I had to forget about the man that I had loved.
Chapter 15
Malcolm
“It is with great pleasure that I announce the return of our beloved CEO, Malcolm Edwards,” my company VP said in front of a packed auditorium of our employees. “This man has proven what dedication he has to our company and to you the employees. He gave up his own freedom to keep us all safe and we will forever remember that. Thank you, Malcolm, and welcome home.”
The crowd cheered and stood up as I made my way from the side of the stage up to the podium. I hadn’t wanted to make such a public appeal to my staff; if it had been up to me I would have just sent out an email and called it a day. But Casey insisted that everyone needed the positive energy of an event and I was too exhausted to argue with him.
I was still in total shock that Frank had been murdered and I wasn’t going to have to testify. It was crazy how things had finally turned out and I had a really hard time wrapping my brain around it all. If I could have stayed in bed and watched movies for a month, it would have made me much happier than showing up to work and giving a huge speech for all the employees. I hated public speaking.
After more than a year in hiding and preparing to testify against Frank Gordano, one of his rivals had successfully murdered him in his jail cell. My information, the case we had against him, none of it mattered any more. Even the remaining people that were loyal to Frank were now on a hunt for his killer and didn’t care one bit about me. It was over in the most un-climatic of ways and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
Instead of getting justice for what Frank had done, I was left with an uneasy feeling and the disappointment of knowing I had given up a year of my life for nothing. Well, not for nothing. Obviously, my life had been in danger during that year. But it still felt like a lot of wasted time when there was no tried to go to and no closure for everything I had gone through.
As I addressed the crowd, I knew they weren’t there to listen to me whine about where I had been or the things I had given up for them. They wanted to get back to business as usual and that’s what I wanted for them too. The uncertainty of my disappearance was over and everyone could just move forward with their jobs and their lives now.
“Every one of you is special to me. I know that it was a difficult year and the uncertainty was very hard on you all. To get everyone back into the swing of things I’m going to be giving out bonuses to all employees.” The crowd started to go crazy. “These bonuses are because I care about you and your dreams. Use them for something fun, something that will better your life, or make your family more secure; but whatever you do, enjoy this offering as my gift to you.”
I could hardly hear myself talking as the crowd cheered and began chanting my name. They were excited about the money bonuses, but there was more than just excitement in the air: my employees were happy that I was home. The happiness in the air was so welcoming and something I would certainly never forget.
When I had first started my company, I couldn’t have imagined a moment like that ever happening for me. I had one pilot and one plane that I had financed with my local bank. My vision wasn’t to build a large corporation, only to have a small business that would actually pay my bills.
Luck played a big role in my successes over the years, but so did the hard work and dedication that I had for my company. I had given the last ten years of my life to my company and that was the only reason it was thriving like it was on that day. I had worked so diligently to hire the best of the best and to build a company that we could all be proud of and as I stood on that stage that was exactly what I felt: pride.
These people weren’t just random employees that worked for me. Many of them had been hired by me direct and had worked with me for the last five to ten years. I knew their families, I knew their passions, and I was proud to have them on my side.
In the last few years I had lost touch with what truly mattered and I hadn’t kept in close contact with many of my employees. Instead of keeping that personal feel that I loved when I started to build my business, I had started to worry more about how much money I could make.
That greed had almost been the death of me and it had caused the death of a man I considered my friend. When I had returned home, I heard that Thomas Randal’s family had filed a wrongful death lawsuit against me and it hurt me all the way down to my core. He had been my friend as well as my coworker, and I did feel responsible for his death. It was going to be really difficult to fight a lawsuit when I thought they were exactly right to blame me.
When I was finally able to leave the stage and make my way back to my office, it felt good to have some peace and quiet. There were so many things about my life that I wanted to do better now that I was back. My employees’ happiness had been first on the list, but there was so much more to come.
My job as head of the company wasn’t just about making money. I had to do a better job of participating in the culture of my company and really making a difference in the lives of people who worked for me. One of those people was my assistant, Jennifer. She had sacrificed a lot while I was gone and I was eager to share some news with her about a new position I was moving her to.
“Hey, Jenn, could you come in here for a minute,” I said through the speaker that went directly to my assistants desk.
Jennifer had worked with Casey while I was gone and I had heard she was indispensable to him. She knew my thoughts and actions better than I did, so once I was gone, she was able to work closely with Casey and ensure that the company continued to run smoothly, despite my long absence.
“What can I
do for you?” Jenn asked as she walked into my office.
Her hair was pulled back into a bun and she had on a very classy-looking, blue suit. She was the picture-perfect assistant and I was crazy for even thinking about letting her go. But what I was about to do was for her good and not my own. For once in my life, I was going to start doing things for other people and not just for myself.
“Shut the door and come sit down,” I said with a stern look on my face.
She did as I asked and then sat nervously in the chair across from me. I got up and went around to the other side of my desk so we could talk better. I had heard some amazing things about what she had done while I was gone, she had acted more like a chief financial officer than a secretary.
“What are your ambitions here at Edwards Aviation?”
“Um, what do you mean?” she asked nervously.
“I mean, what do you hope to do here in the future? Do you have ambitions for Casey’s job, my job? What is your dream?”
She seemed extremely cautious as she looked at me and thought about what it was she really wanted to do. Jennifer was young, probably only about twenty-two or twenty-three. I knew she had a degree, but I wasn’t even sure what it was in. She had to want something more from her employment than to be a secretary to me all her life.
“Well, I have liked working with the finance department and helping Mr. Zane while you were gone. It was exciting, but I love my job and wouldn’t want to leave it. I enjoy working for you, sir.”
“How about this,” I started to say as I tried to keep a straight face. “We are growing fast and will need some new leadership soon. I’d like you to work side by side with Mr. Zane and learn the overall workings of the organization. Then in a few months, we can visit again and see what you’re best at and maybe move you to a new position.”
“Um, sure. I could work with him on my breaks and lunchtime, maybe even after five o’clock. That would be fine.”
“No, you do not understand what I’m saying. I’m actually moving you into a different position. For the time being, I’m not sure what it will be called, but your full-time job is going to be learning how to run the company from the perspective of each executive. Of course, this will be a very time consuming position and very hard, so I’ve taken the liberty of giving you a raise.”
I reached onto my desk and handed Jennifer an envelope that had her new salary information on it. My face was stuck in a permanent scowl as I tried desperately to hold back my excitement for this new opportunity I was giving Jenn.
“No, this is too much …” Jenn started to say as she looked in the envelope. “I can’t take this.”
“Oh, you can and you will. You worked tirelessly while I was gone and you did it on a secretary’s salary. You deserve this and I’m back dating the salary to last year so you will get that on you next check. I want you to stay. We need a strong, smart woman like you in our leadership.”
“Mr. Edwards, I don’t know what to say,” Jenn cried as she got up and hugged me.
“Say yes,” I smiled back at her.
“Yes, yes, yes,” she screamed.
“Now go see Casey and he’ll get you all set up with your new office.”
It felt good to be doing good things around my company and for the next few months that was all that I occupied my time with. I let Casey and Jennifer take on the day to day running of the company and I made it my mission to set up our internal programs that would help employees and built my company into something I could be proud of.
I had hoped all the good deeds I was doing would fill the emptiness that I had been feeling since getting back from Montana. But even four months later, I couldn’t stop thinking about Sarah. I had picked up the phone on several occasions to call her, but then decided against it. After four months, she was surely over me. I had lied to her, slept with her, and then left without notice; there just was no coming back from something like that.
Even if I wasn’t going to have Sarah, I did still miss the great scenery and relaxation that I had in Montana, and one afternoon I decided to take a look at property there. Perhaps buying a vacation home in the state would give me a hideaway that I could rejuvenate myself from.
I had vacation homes all around the world, but none of them ever felt relaxing for me when I got there. They were in big cities or on beaches, but I had never truly felt as relaxed as I had been while at the ranch. The idea of owning my own ranch wasn’t exactly what I was looking for. I certainly couldn’t run a place like the Millers had, but I did like the idea of building a cabin far away from everything else and maybe even getting myself a horse.
Buckjoy had come to trust me and I enjoyed taking care of him. He was wild and by the time I had left, he was tame and a great horse to ride. He was loyal to me and I felt bad that I wasn’t there to take care of him. I had to hope that he would let Sarah care for him and treat her just as well as he had treated me.
My search for a cabin started simple enough, just a general look at cabins for sale in the state. The more I looked though, the more I realized that the entire state wasn’t as beautiful as the Miller ranch had been. For fun, I looked up the property north of the river just to see if it was still for sale. Maybe they had found a buyer, or maybe not; I wasn’t sure what I had hoped to find. But when the photo of the river with the mountain in the background popped up, I couldn’t help but laugh.
I remembered that moment so vividly as I had jumped into the water to prevent Sarah from falling in. The rush of cold water had engulfed me and the shock to my system had me wide awake until late in the evening. I also remembered Sarah’s hands as she had forced me to take my jeans off and the excitement I felt from just looking at her.
She was amazingly beautiful, smart and one of the most incredible women I had ever met. There wasn’t a day that had gone by where I hadn’t thought about Sarah’s amazing smile and what it would have been like to marry a woman like her.
When I was with Sarah, I felt like the world was so much smaller and my chances of happiness so much larger. At the very least, I had learned what it was to be in love and it was going to be really damn hard to move on with life knowing what I had once had.
The Miller’s property was listed for four million dollars, which was a little disappointing since Sarah had said she had hoped to at least get five million for it. I was sad to see that the property hadn’t sold yet; that meant that the Millers were still struggling financially and I hated knowing that. They were good people and I took it upon myself to forward the land information to a couple of developers I knew, just to see if they might be interested in land up in that neck of the woods.
Overall, I was happy to be back home. I really couldn’t complain at all, my life was just like it had been before. But it was just as empty as it had been before as well. I went to work and came home without the excitement of someone who I cared about and that was hard to move forward from. The more I tried to get back into my old life, the more I felt like my old life didn’t fit me anymore.
It didn’t excite me to fly from city to city and visit with clients. I got no enjoyment out of the random women that flirted with me and tried to get me to sleep with them. Life just wasn’t getting back to normal at all and I had to figure out why. I had been happy at the ranch. Even if my back story had been made up, I was happy; and I wanted to feel like that again.
When Casey invited me out to drinks, I wanted to refuse, but decided it was time I made more of an effort to get out in society again. Casey wasn’t just my vice president, he was my friend and a fun night out was exactly what we needed.
Hanging out with Casey was different than hanging out with my other friends that I had been refusing since I had gotten home. Casey was a father and I knew he wasn’t interested in going out so we could pick up women. He had genuinely just asked me so we could relax, drink and catch up; that was exactly what I needed.
“You look like an old man lately,” Casey said over the club noise. “I swear you aged ten y
ears while you were gone.”
“I feel like one. My body hurts more being here and not working out than it did lifting hay bales all day long.”
“I bet all that farm work kicked your ass.”
“It was a ranch, but yeah, it was hard work. I enjoyed it though. It’s surprising how much more enjoyment you can get out of life when you aren’t always running around trying to make money.”
Casey just laughed at me. He probably thought I was joking, but I was being very serious. I didn’t enjoy my life nearly as much now that I was back home and it was stressing me out. I had to figure my way back to happiness and just didn’t know what the path was yet.
After being gone for a year, I had genuinely expected to be over the moon with happiness when I got home. But even the night I walked into my house again had felt totally empty. I had called up my sister on the phone and talked with her for hours, then made plans to visit with her the following weekend.
Seeing my sister in person had been a long time coming and I was glad that she had accepted my apology for being a giant ass over the years. She was my only true family that I had left and I was going to do a much better job of keeping in touch with her.
“Thanks for the bonus, man; my wife was so excited. I’m sure she thinks it means we can have more kids. Or maybe she’ll just buy and expensive purse,” he laughed.
“You don’t want a bigger family?” I asked.
“I don’t know, man. It scares me. How do I know I’ll be a good dad? I feel like I suck at it. She seems so perfectly inclined to be a mother, but I just don’t have a clue what I’m doing when it comes to being a dad.”
“Purely because you’re worrying about it means you’ll be good at it. You’ll be a kick ass dad. I mean, your daughter is like a year old already. You have to be doing something right.”
