by Claire Adams
"Mama, you scared Riley and me half to death," I said in a calm voice. "You cannot keep doing this."
"It's my house. I can do whatever the hell I please," she replied as she covered her eyes again and shifted slightly to keep me out of her view. "Back off, girl. I don't need your nagging."
"This isn't healthy, Mama," I pleaded. "Your drinking is out of control. You need help."
Out of nowhere, my mother's hand rose up and smacked me so hard I lost my balance and fell backward onto the living room floor. I cried out as my head knocked against the coffee table, and my mother turned slightly and eyed me before saying, "That'll teach you to get all high and mighty with your mother. It's my goddamn house, and I'll do what I like in it. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Mama," I said, rubbing the back of my head as I scooted far enough away to be out of her reach. "But you need help."
"Fuck you, Leah," she said. "If you don't like it, there's the door. Don't let it hit you on the ass on the way out."
I picked up the grocery bags and walked to the kitchen where Riley sat with her back against the wall, staring out the window.
"She has a serious problem," she observed. "She really needs to get some help for it."
"Indeed she does, but there's no way we can make her do something she doesn't want to do," I said as I unpacked the groceries and prepared to make dinner. For a moment, I leaned against the counter and wondered how we'd gotten to this point and why it was so hard to change things.
"What are we going to do, Leah?" Riley asked as she stopped picking at her hand and looked up at me with a worried expression. The creases in her forehead were far too deep for someone so young, but she'd been forced to grow up more quickly than most kids her age.
"I don't know, Riley," I sighed as I stood up and continued unpacking the bags. "She really needs help, but I can't force her to do anything. I talked to Patrick last night. I'm hoping that he'll show up and talk some sense into her."
"Uncle Patrick's coming over?" Riley said, perking up.
"Father Patrick," I replied.
"Oh, right, Father Patrick," she repeated, rolling her eyes the way only a twelve-year-old could. "When is he coming, Leah?"
"He said I'm supposed to bring her to Mass, and he'll take care of the rest," I said. "But I can't see how we're going to get her to Mass like this."
"Tell her she doesn't have a choice," Riley said in a sullen tone. "Like you do with me."
"That's not fair, and you know it," I said.
"I love how adults always say that, but when kids do it, then it's always something about how life's not fair," she said. "Leah, I'm sick and tired of her always doing something to ruin things. I can't have friends over because it's embarrassing. And you never go anywhere or do anything, either."
"That's because I'm busy with work, young lady," I said trying to keep my voice from cracking. I didn't want her to know how right she actually was.
"Oh, bullshit, Leah," she shot back as she slapped the table. "All of this is such bullshit!"
"Riley! You are not to use that kind of language in this house!" I yelled as I turned and looked at her. "I know this is hard. I know Gram isn't easy to deal with, but we're all doing the best we can, okay?"
"Bullshit," she said as she got up and walked across the kitchen. She stood face to face with me, and my heart cracked a little as I realized how much she looked like her mother at that age.
"Riley, please," I said, shaking my head. I didn't want to have this conversation with her.
"This family is so incredibly screwed up, it's not even funny, Leah," she began as she crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me. "I'm sick and tired of all the secrets and lies and all the bullshit that goes on as we try to cover up all of the terrible things that have happened. Why did my mother leave? Why is Gram drinking herself to death? Why are you the one stuck taking care of us all?"
"Because that's what family does, Riley!" I shouted. "We take care of each other! We look out for each other!"
"Right," she scoffed as she turned away. "Like everyone else is looking out for us? Is that what you're saying?"
"Sometimes you have to shoulder the burden until it's someone else's turn, Riley," I said. "Not everything is equal."
"Oh, I know," she said as she walked out the kitchen door. "Believe me, I know."
As I cooked dinner, I turned the problem over in my head and felt guilty that Riley had a better understanding of the problem than I did, or at least she was the one who was facing it head on. I should have mapped out a plan, but the truth was that I was just too damn tired after dealing with all of the changes at work; and I didn't have anything left when I got home. I'd been taking care of everything for the past three years, and I was running on empty.
The guilt and shame washed over me as I thought about all of the things I should be doing. I should be looking for Molly. I should be taking better care of Mama. I should be letting Riley be a kid. Should. Should. Should.
"I can't do this all by myself, dammit." I muttered as I stirred the meat in the pan and warmed tortillas. "I need help."
A half an hour later, I called Riley to the table for supper, and she came in, dragging Mama behind her.
"Where's my drink?" she muttered as she pulled up a chair and sat down. "I want my drink!"
I shoved a glass of tea at her and watched as she drank it down without stopping. I refilled the glass and put a plate in front of her. She definitely looked and acted more with it than she had when I'd arrived home, so I thought I'd take a chance.
"Mama, Patrick asked us to come to Mass," I said trying to sound like this was an everyday occurrence.
"Who?" she replied as she wrinkled her nose and picked at the food on her plate.
"Patrick," I repeated. "Father Patrick, your son?"
"I don't have a son," she said in a flat voice. "I had two daughters, but one ran off with a good for nothing loser and left me with you. And why the hell would I want to go to church? What good would it do me?"
"Patrick is your son. He went into the seminary," I said trying to jog her memory. I knew that the alcohol had wreaked havoc on her brain, but part of me wondered if she wasn't just being stubborn. "He's a priest over at Queen of Peace Parish. You used to love going to Mass when we were growing up. You were proud of Patrick when he joined the priesthood, Mama."
"I don't have a son," she said stubbornly before shoving her mouth full of burrito and chewing loudly. I shrugged and shook my head as she added, "And I definitely don't need a damn church telling me what to do."
Mama ate little more than a few bites of food, and halfway through the meal, she fell asleep, leaning on the wall next to the table. I shook her gently, but she was out.
"How did you get her up?" I asked.
"I told her that there was vodka at the table," Riley said grimly. "She got right up and headed in."
"This has to stop," I said, shaking my head as I stood up. I put my mother's arm over my shoulder and, with Riley's help, managed to get her on her feet and back to the bedroom.
Later, after all the dishes had been washed, and I'd packed lunches for the next day, I laid down on own my bed and tried to summon up the courage to face my mother and force her to get the help she needed. But all that kept popping up was the feeling of Jack's strong arms wrapped tightly around me, holding me to his chest, and the brief whisper of a kiss that we'd shared.
I felt the ache of longing running from my head to between my legs and surrendered to the fantasy for a brief time before finally falling into a deep sleep.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jack
"What do you think you're doing?" Lincoln asked as he burst into the office and found Sloan and me discussing our plans for renovation.
"Good afternoon, brother," I said without smiling. It had been several days since we'd seen each other, and I resented the fact that he'd dumped the stipulations of the will on me and disappeared. "What brings you to this part of town? Slumming, are you
?"
"Dammit, Jack, this is bullshit, and you know it!" he said in a voice that barely contained his fury. "You cannot spend millions of dollars to renovate this damn place when you're supposed to be turning a profit!"
"Sloan and I are working on that, dear brother," I said. "You remember, Sloan, don't you?"
Lincoln shot me a murderous look as he nodded at Sloan and said, "Good to see you again."
"Likewise," she said giving him the once-over before turning back to the project spread out on the big conference table. Sloan had always despised Lincoln. She'd thought he was an arrogant know-it-all who believed women were inferior. I wasn't sure if he thought women were inferior or if he was just afraid of how powerful they actually were. Either way, Sloan was right about him being a know-it-all.
"Sloan and I have been discussing the renovation that would allow Baby Steps to increase warehouse capacity," I said. "We believe we've found the most cost efficient way of doing it."
"This is bullshit, and you two know it!" Lincoln protested. "You cannot sink more money into this company without a bank loan, and I won't allow it!"
"Oh, well if that's what you're worried about, then rest easy, brother," I said. "I've shifted a portion of the profits from Baby Steps' diaper business into a renovation fund, and we're using that to pay for the project."
"You can't do that!" he shouted. "You didn't get approval!"
"I hate to remind you of the fact that I'm the CEO of this company, and I have the final say in how profits are reinvested," I said as I gave my brother a smile that didn't reach my eyes. I was happy that I was going to stick it to him in a way that he couldn't oppose.
"You are going to regret this, Jack," Lincoln warned as he turned and stormed out of the office.
"Wow, always the gentleman, isn't he?" Sloan said with a raised eyebrow as she slid her hand up my thigh under the table.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I said as I looked at her.
"You said you'd give me what I wanted any time," she shrugged as she withdrew her hand. "Never hurts to ask, does it?"
"My God, you're a total nymphomaniac, Sloan," I said, shaking my head. "Focus on the work in front of us, and then I'll reward your good behavior."
"Or better yet, you'll let me reward you," she said licking her lips before flashing me a sexy grin that sent a shockwave from my brain to the one place I couldn't control.
"Knock it off," I growled as I tried to focus my attention on the construction plans and forget about the fact that she was wearing a skirt that was slit just enough to give me a peek of her thigh-high stockings. "We've got work to do."
"If you say so," she said, turning her attention back to the blueprints on the table.
It took me a quarter of an hour to tame the beast that she'd awoken, but I did it and then sent her off to call on several of our biggest clients in Manhattan. I knew she'd charm them into ordering even more products and that she'd sell them on the idea that we'd be expanding our focus to make our warehouse a one-stop shopping spot for all high-end boutiques in the city.
After Sloan left, I gathered up the plans for construction and headed down to the warehouse.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Leah
"Behold, I bring good tidings of great joy!" Jack boomed as he walked into my office holding a roll of papers that I assumed were the plans for the warehouse renovation.
"Is that so?" I asked turning around to face him. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I looked up at him. He'd let his scruff grow a little wilder than usual, and his eyes were full of mischievous mirth that matched the grin on his full lips. Given the fact that I'd been fantasizing about him for weeks, this felt like a little more than I could take. I cleared my throat and tried to sound businesslike, "What have you got there?"
"These, my lovely warehouse manager, are the plans for the renovation that will be starting over the weekend," he said, proudly holding them up for me to see. "Want to see them?"
"Do I have a choice?" I laughed as my brain stuck on the fact that he'd called me lovely.
"Now, if you look at this you can see how the crew is going to build up and out," he said unrolling the plans on my desk and moving around behind me so that he was forced to bend over my shoulder to point out the various features. I tried to control my breathing as he moved in closer. I could smell his musky scent and felt the warmth radiating from his skin, and it was all I could do to keep my mind focused on the words coming out of his mouth.
"Uh huh," I nodded as he pointed to the various improvements that were to be made.
"And right here," he said, bending so close that his lips were inches from my ear. "Here is your new office!"
"I get a new office?" I asked turning in surprise and nearly brushing my lips across his. We stared at each other for a moment, and then he looked back at the plans.
"Yes, right here, there's going to be a big office with room for a conference table and a bathroom off to one side so that you don't have to share with the warehouse workers," he said smiling. "What do you think?"
"I think it's amazing," I said, wondering how he was going to find the money to pay for all of this. Baby Steps was a profitable company, but I knew that we didn't have the kind of money this renovation would take.
"But you're wondering how we're going to pay for all of it, right?" he asked.
"How did you do that?"
"I know you, Leah," he said leaning down so that he was speaking softly into my ear again. "I know what you're thinking, and I know what you want."
For a moment, I wanted to lose myself in the smooth sound of his seductive voice, and I almost let go. Then a nagging doubt cropped up, and I remembered the way Sloan looked standing in front of his desk up in the office. He wasn't interested in me. He was just interested in the chase.
"Yeah, sure," I said ducking away from him as I pushed my chair back and stood up. "You know that I want a bigger office and my own bathroom. Don't we all?"
Jack's face fell as he stared back at me. I could tell that he was disappointed that I hadn't fallen for his seduction routine, and that annoyed me.
"Well, I thought you'd be a little more excited than this," he admitted.
"When will it be finished?" I asked as I moved back toward my computer and punched a few keys just to distract myself from the fact that he was still standing entirely too close to me. No matter what my mind said, my body was still responding to Jack's presence.
"Did I do something to offend you?" he asked quietly.
"No, what?" I said, spinning around to find him standing right behind me.
"Did I do something to offend you, Leah?" he repeated as he looked down at me. I squirmed as I looked up at him, trapped in his gaze.
I knew I shouldn't. I knew we shouldn't, but in an instant I made a choice and stepped close enough to rest my hands on his chest and raise myself up enough to kiss his lips. Eyes open, I saw his eyes widen with surprise, but he didn't back away. Instead, he kissed me softly without touching me. Our lips became the conduit for all the things we'd been holding back since the wake, but it was soft and sweet rather than the carnal passion I'd imagined every night alone in my bed.
He stood stock-still and let his lips lead the way. Gently kissing, and then flicking his tongue across my bottom lip before taking it between his teeth and gently pulling. I moaned softly into his mouth, and still he didn't move a muscle. I could feel his heart pounding wildly beneath the palms of my hands, but I followed his lead and didn't move. He urged my lips apart with his tongue and then teased the inside of my mouth when I acquiesced. He licked, sucked, and nibbled my lips as I reciprocated, eyes wide open as neither of us moved anything but our mouths.
I'd never felt such an erotic intoxication in my life, and I didn't want it to end. The sound of a slamming door caused us to jump apart. Startled by the noise and uncertain about what we'd just done, I looked down at the construction plans.
"These look great!" I said in a voice that was a little too loud.
"I can't wait to see how this turns out."
"Um, okay," Jack said, tilting his head as he gave me a confused look. "Do you want to …?”
"I really need to get these orders entered in the computer, and I've got a ton of calls to make," I said rushing to fill the space where the question I didn't know how to answer lay. "I'll check in with you later, and we'll talk about the way we're going to accommodate our orders while the construction's going on, okay? Okay!"
"Okay, Leah," he said with a confused grin spreading across his face. He nodded and then grabbed the plans off of my desk and rolled them up as he headed out the door.
"You just let me know when you want to talk," he said before he turned and walked down the hallway. I could have sworn I heard him chuckling all the way back to his office.
*
Hours later, on the train home, I could still feel the heat of the kiss. I'd wanted more than just the kiss, and in the private, little part of my brain, I'd gone to the place where that kiss had led to something far steamier and satisfying. As the train pulled into the station, I pushed aside the movie I'd created, and with reddened cheeks, looked around to see if anyone had noticed. I was safe.
At first, after Jack had left my office, I'd wondered if I was going to get fired, but then as I thought more about it, I couldn't figure out why he hadn't said more afterward. He'd held back and then just left the office rather than taking charge and sweeping me off my feet.
"Okay, get a grip, Walsh," I muttered to myself as I walked the few blocks between the train station and the house. "We're in the twenty-first century, after all. Guys don't always take control. Sometimes women have to."
I continued the self-therapy session until I opened the front door and found Mama standing over Riley shouting at her.
"You stupid, good for nothing, useless idiot!" Mama yelled. "What in the hell is wrong with you? Answer me!"
Riley sat on the tile floor in the entryway with her back against the wall. She was staring straight ahead her arms wrapped around her knees, which were pulled up against her chest. Her mute response told me that she'd disappeared somewhere in her mind.
