Losing Control (A Babysitting a Billionaire Novel) (Entangled Brazen)

by Nina Croft

  Another bad memory.

  She sipped her champagne, careful not to drink too much. She was sure Jake would stick to his word to not make love to her unless she asked. But to be on the safe side, she didn’t want to lower her inhibitions. She suspected it wouldn’t take much alcohol to drop her barriers sufficiently to beg him to finish that massage. Considerably less than it would take for Jake to decide his scruples wouldn’t allow him to do it.

  Why couldn’t life be simple? She wouldn’t have these issues with Steve. But only because she didn’t care one way or the other about him. Caring was dangerous.

  She whispered to Jake and then headed across to the ladies’ room. Her lipstick was gone—this makeup thing was a full-time job. Coming out, she walked straight into Nadia.

  “He doesn’t love you,” Nadia said.

  Kim was aware that Jake was only acting, and she didn’t want him to love her, really she didn’t. All the same, Nadia’s words twisted a knife in her guts. She gritted her teeth against the pain. “Yes, he does.”

  Nadia continued as if Kim hadn’t spoken. “He just feels sorry for you.”

  God, the woman was a bitch. “No, he doesn’t.”

  “But it won’t last, and he’ll come back to me.”

  “No, he won’t.”

  Nadia stepped closer. Kim hoped she wasn’t going to get physical. Or maybe she hoped she would. She searched the room for Jake, couldn’t see him anywhere, but his brother caught her eye and came over.

  “Nadia, you want to dance?”

  “No—”

  Damon ignored her resistance, put his arm around her waist, and led her away. Nadia, thankfully, wasn’t so far gone that she’d descend into an unruly scrabble.

  Kim sighed and leaned back against the pillar. She nabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and did a little people-watching. Finally, she located Jake talking with his father. As though he felt her eyes on him, he raised his head and stared at her.

  A slow smile curled his lips and started an ache in her chest. She wanted him. But indulging in a sexual relationship would change everything. It would lead to caring. And he’d want to control her because he cared. And she might let him.

  How could they ever go back to the way things had been?

  He said something to his father and put down his glass. His attention never left her as he strolled across the floor and held out his hand. “Dance with me?”

  She shut down her internal arguments; she’d worry about them tomorrow. Asking him to make love to her was out of the question, but she’d enjoy what she could have. She stepped into his arms, wrapped hers around his waist, and laid her head on his chest. It felt like coming home.

  And she’d worry about that tomorrow as well.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Have you heard a word I’ve said for the last half hour?” Jess asked.

  Kim shook her head, trying to get her brain in gear. “Sorry, what did you say?”

  “I asked what you think looks good.” Jess had met her for brunch the morning after the party. “Why do I get the impression your mind isn’t on food?”

  Probably because it wasn’t. Her mind was on something else entirely.

  “I can’t stop thinking about sex with Jake,” she said.

  Beside her, Jess dropped her menu and cast Kim a disbelieving sideways glance. “On his desk?”

  “Not necessarily.” Anywhere and everywhere, actually.

  “I thought you’d decided it was never going to happen…again?”

  “I did. I guess I must be sexually frustrated.”

  “So why not just do it?”

  Wasn’t it obvious? “Because I don’t want to have sex with Jake. Well, I do, but it’s not that simple.” She took a deep breath. Time to put her fears into words. “I think Jake might want more than sex.”

  “As in…?”

  Trust Jess to want the details. But Kim didn’t have any to give. Except the marriage proposal thing, but that hadn’t been serious. “I don’t know. Just a feeling.”

  “Well, don’t sound so tragic. It doesn’t have to be a disaster.”

  Kim scowled. “How do you work that out? This is Jake. And more to the point, this is me. It’s a catastrophe of gargantuan proportions waiting to happen.”

  “Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe you can both fall in love and have babies and live happily ever after.”

  Kim bared her teeth. She really wished Jess hadn’t mentioned babies. It was still too early to do a test, but the worry nagged at her mind. “I don’t want to fall in love.”

  She could see no good end to this.

  They hadn’t left the party last night until the early hours of the morning. Kim had been exhausted after not sleeping well for the last week, and that, combined with all the night shifts she’d worked, had knocked her out. In the end, not asking Jake for sex hadn’t been an issue. When they’d gotten home, he’d kissed her almost chastely on the forehead and told her to go to sleep. He’d been gone by the time she’d awakened.

  “Why don’t you want to fall in love?” Jess asked.

  “Because he’ll want to dominate me, tell me what to do. I swore I would never let that happen again.”

  “Jake isn’t your ex-husband.”

  “No, in some ways he’s worse.” Michael had had power over her because she’d been young and scared and naive and still suffering from her mother’s death. Once she grew up, battled her personal demons, she’d have left him with no regrets. Jake had just hurried the process along by helping her. Given her a job, a future, and a chance for independence. But unlike Michael, Jake could have real power over her because she cared about him.

  “How?” Jess asked.

  “When I was with Michael, it was as though what I wanted didn’t matter because I didn’t matter. And that I deserved whatever he did to me because he was right and I was nothing. I felt so helpless and so angry. If I’d had confidence in myself, I would have left him the first time he—”

  Jess rested a hand on her arm. “You’re not nothing! You were a kid, and your bastard ex took advantage of that.”

  “I know Jake’s not like Michael. But he likes his own way, too. What if I give in and get to the point where I can’t say no anymore, and I turn into a doormat and—”

  “You’re not the same person you were back then. You’re certainly no doormat—you’re a strong, independent woman.”

  Kim gave her a weak smile. “And you’re my friend. You have to say that.”

  “I wouldn’t be your friend if you were a doormat. I hate doormats!”

  She wanted to explain how she’d felt during that time, make Jess understand, but she couldn’t without mentioning her mother. And she’d never talked about her mother with anyone, as though speaking her fears out loud would make them true. But maybe there was one way she could explain. She took a deep breath. “I thought about killing myself when I was with Michael.”

  “What?”

  “I felt like I had no way out and no way to fight back. One night I stole his precious car and I kept thinking about how pissed he would be if I crashed it or drove it into the Thames. And how it would solve all my problems. And—”

  “Aw, honey, come here.” Jess pulled her into a hug across the table. For a minute, she held her tight, then leaned back and stared into her face. “The important thing is you didn’t.”

  “No. In the end I wanted to live. But I came so close. And now I can’t help wondering if things go wrong, I’ll end up feeling that way again—so dark, like I can’t find my way out. Maybe it’s part of me. Some sort of weakness.”

  “You’re not weak.”

  “I won’t risk it. I’ll never put my life in anyone else’s hands again.”

  Jess patted her arm. “So no wedding bells for you and Jake. But what do you want?”

  “For Jake and me to be friends again.”

  “Why don’t you tell him that?”

  The memory of his lips on hers flashed in her mind. How c
ould she go through the rest of her life and never feel that again? “Because I can’t stop thinking about sex with him.”

  Jessica grinned. “You could move away from the temptation and find another job,” she said. “I’ve got contacts. I could get you in somewhere.”

  “I might take you up on that. But I’ll worry about a job once the Nadia situation is sorted. In the meantime, I just want to go back to the way things were with Jake.”

  “Well, here’s my view on the subject,” Jess said. “Sex never lasts. It’s exciting for a while, and then it burns out. So all you have to do is advance the process and burn it out quicker.”

  “How do I do that?”

  “When I was a teenager, I used to drink cider with my friends. One weekend, I drank so much of the stuff that I couldn’t face any more. Ugh! Just the sight of a bottle of cider is still enough to make me want to throw up.”

  “So you’re saying if I have enough sex, then I’ll get to the point where I’ll never want to see another penis again?”

  “In principle.”

  Jessica didn’t have a high opinion of men. She hadn’t had a boyfriend in all the time Kim had known her. And it wasn’t from lack of offers—every single man in the office had asked Jess out. And she’d turned them all down. Maybe because she’d already had enough sex to last a lifetime—Kim didn’t know.

  She studied the idea from all angles. She’d tried avoidance, and that hadn’t worked. Maybe the opposite would have more success. And there would be certain perks. Very nice perks. A little pulse started to beat between her thighs, and she shifted.

  “It might work.” She doubted it, but desperation had set in.

  “So sate yourself in sex. Once you get your fill, you’ll realize that it’s nothing special and move on, or back, or wherever it is you want to be, unclouded by lust.”

  “And so, presumably, can Jake.”

  Kim suspected that there was a flaw in Jess’s argument somewhere. Probably the “nothing special” part. As far as she recalled, sex with Jake had been pretty damn special. But the idea was growing on her.

  So she’d offer Jake a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Unlimited sex for a limited time. And afterward, with it out of their system, her itch well and truly scratched, they could go back to being friends.

  In theory, it sounded good.

  The old saying “too good to be true” nagged her, but she ignored it. She was getting good at that.

  “You need to get away, though,” Jess said. “Because we’re talking say three months’ worth of normal sex all condensed into one weekend of decadence and debauchery.”

  Kim felt another twinge at the thought.

  “You need to be away from distractions,” Jess continued. “I’m booked on a job next weekend, checking the security system for some castle in Scotland. It’s in the middle of nowhere, and the place is empty—it would be perfect. Why don’t you suggest to Jake that the two of you do the job together? Come out of it a little bit sore but totally heartbreak-free.”

  The suggestion sounded good. But would Jake go for it? He’d told her he wouldn’t make love to her again unless she asked. But he wanted to. She knew it. And she was ready to ask.

  …

  Jake glanced up as the front door opened.

  He was glad Kim was back because he had to leave again on business and didn’t want to go without saying good-bye. He considered asking her to come along, but she’d be a distraction. He’d rather get business out of the way first and then concentrate on her.

  One problem at a time.

  He reckoned he’d gotten through to her at last night’s party after “pretending” to be her lover. But she’d looked so tired when they got home he hadn’t pushed his advantage.

  She entered the room in black jeans and a red shirt and pointed to his case by the door. “You going somewhere?”

  “New York. I have to sort out something there.”

  “Oh.”

  At least she looked a little disappointed.

  “So did it work last night?” Kim asked. “Will stalker Nadia leave you alone now? What did she say to you before we left?”

  “I think she got the message. She told me she could see I was infatuated, but that she would be waiting for me when I was over it.”

  “So not a total result, but not bad.”

  She strolled farther into the room and perched on the arm of the sofa, one long, jean-clad leg swinging. Her multicolored hair was tied into a ponytail, and she tugged at the end. A sure sign she was getting ready to say something she didn’t think he’d want to hear.

  She’d been out with Jessica, and he hoped Kim hadn’t taken relationship advice from the woman. He was fond of Jess, he’d known her a long time, but she was totally screwed up where men were concerned. He had no clue why, and she’d never opened up, but something had happened in her past. And he could imagine the sort of advice she’d give.

  “I’ve been thinking,” Kim said.

  Another bad sign. He waited for her to continue.

  Her golden eyes flicked to him and then away. “About sex.”

  So had he. Was she going to ask him? His dick twitched in his pants at the thought. But the timing was so not right. His driver was on his way, they had a slot for the company plane, and no leeway. He’d miss his flight if he didn’t leave soon.

  But to hell with the property deal.

  If she asked him to make love to her, he wasn’t going anywhere but to bed. With her. He held his breath.

  She chewed on her lower lip. Come on, he silently urged, just one word, just one little “please,” and he’d take over.

  Instead, she jumped up and paced. After crossing the room and back several times, she halted in front of him.

  He’d tried to keep quiet, but when she didn’t speak, he couldn’t hold back. “So, you were saying about sex…?”

  She cleared her throat. “Yes. I was thinking that maybe we should—”

  “For God’s sake, get it out, Kim.” He mentally slapped himself down; this was no time for impatience.

  She took a big breath and said in a rush, “I think we should go away together and have lots and lots of sex and get it out of our system.”

  He felt a frown tugging his brows together. “How much sex is that going to take?”

  “I don’t know. You’re the experienced one. But I thought we could go away for a weekend and—”

  “Have sex.” His dick twitched again.

  “Exactly,” she said.

  He wasn’t sure he liked the idea. She was still so sure that they could go back to being friends and everything would be rosy. But he had to admit that he liked this idea better than the avoidance technique she’d used so far. Maybe his plan to keep her close until she realized she couldn’t live without him was working, except she’d decided to put a time limit on the relationship.

  A weekend.

  It would take him a hell of a lot longer than a weekend to get enough of her. More like a lifetime.

  “So we go away together?” That part sounded good. “Any ideas where?” She’d obviously been thinking this through.

  “Jess was supposed to be on a job next weekend. In Scotland. I thought we could go instead.”

  So this was Jess’s idea. He knew the place. It was owned by a friend of his and was miles from anywhere, secluded, luxurious, perfect. And he’d wanted to visit again. The place might be for sale soon, and he was interested.

  “Will you be back from New York by then?” she asked. “We could move it to the following weekend.”

  Hell no.

  “I’ll make sure I’m back.” She wouldn’t meet his eyes, and he patted the seat beside him. “Come and sit down for a moment.” She hesitated. “Come on, Kim, you’re safe. I’m leaving in a few minutes. Even I can’t ravish you in that time.”

  She perched on the edge of the seat beside him. He reached out and looped her hair behind her ear, stroked the soft skin of her cheek, and her lashes fluttered closed.<
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  “Is this what you want?” he asked.

  She blinked. “I want us to be friends again.”

  “I’m still your friend. I’ll always be your friend.”

  “But it’s not the same. There’s this thing between us, and it looms over everything. I can’t look at you without—”

  “Without remembering how good it felt when I was inside you? Yeah, I’m having that problem as well.”

  “You are?” Her gaze flicked down over his body to settle on his groin. Jake shifted in his seat, his pants suddenly way too tight. “So you think it will work? We’ll have our fill of each other and then go back to being just friends.”

  Of course it wouldn’t work. But he offered a small smile. “Well, I’m willing to give it my best go. And if it doesn’t, then we’ll come up with something else. Now kiss me good-bye.”

  She leaned into him, and her lips brushed over his. She smelled of lemon soap and clean, fresh woman, and he groaned. His hands went to her waist, and he leaned back against the cushions, dragging her with him so she straddled his hips. He pressed her ass so she rested against his dick. Then he took her mouth in a fierce kiss. He wanted her to remember this during the week to come. He wanted her to think about them together. Dream about them together.

  Kim wrapped her hands around the back of his neck and pulled him deeper into the kiss. She stroked his tongue with hers as her breasts pushed against his chest.

  He was hot and hard, and he could hear a buzzing in his ears. The goddamn doorbell. Again. He had to go.

  “That’s my car for the airport.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Friday afternoon and Jake wasn’t back. He’d phoned at lunchtime—early morning over there, she supposed—and told her he was on his way. So where was he?

  She couldn’t check his flight arrival because he was in the company plane, which didn’t come up on the listings. She thought about phoning Margie, but then she might seem pathetic.

  Hell, she was pathetic.