Moments pass as I gather my courage, I take a deep breath, grab the door handle and exit my car. My nerves are shot, I am standing on shaky legs, but I manage to stand.
“Make it rain. Make it rain down, Lord!” I whisper these words to the sky. I’ll take all the help I can when it comes to cleansing my soul.
I jump as my phone starts to rings. “Hel…hello?”
“Amber, where are you at? You know we need to leave in like thirty minutes.”
“Ahhhh…wh…what? What did you say?” I’m terrified of being here. I’m terrified of his response once he finds out where I am. Damn, I’m a mess.
“Amber, what are you doing?”
“Ummm, don’t be mad. Mom called and her flight has been delayed. Rosa called her, my cap and gown arrived and she left it in the kitchen. So, umm…I decided to come and pick it up?” The last was more of a question for myself. Yes, I am seriously questions my own sanity at this point.
“WHAT?!” Shit, I knew he would react like this. “You’re at that fucking house…by yourself? What the fuck for, for a stupid cap and gown. Why would you subject yourself to that? I can hear it in your voice, you’re scared out of your mind. Babe, please come home.”
Listening to him treat me as if I’m a helpless child has me stiffening my spine. I can do this! All I have to do is walk in and retrieve the package and head home.
“Babe, it’s okay, it’s just a package. I’m okay. If it will make you feel better, I’ll stay on the phone until I’m back in my car.” He doesn’t respond. “Chase…Chase…you still there?”
“Yeah. Amber, I’m so pissed right now.”
I activate my Bluetooth and head towards the door to let myself in. My hands are shaking so bad that I drop the keys on my first attempt at unlocking the door. So many bad memories bombard me. As the door opens I take in a deep breath to settle my nerves. Bad move, the smell of the home brings on more horrifying memories.
I reflexively whimper. “Amber” I hear Chase growl out my name in frustration. I am so far gone in my past that I lose the ability to respond to my here and now…my future. “Fuck this, I’m coming over there.” I don’t know if he is talking to me or to himself at this point.
I have no other choice, I fall back to what has always helped me in the past. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
It’s like I’m in a trance, I repeat my prayer aloud as if it were a record stuck on repeat as I continue on my journey. I arrive in the kitchen, I look around for a few minutes...where’s the package? Where is the damn package? “Where is the fucking package?” I ask no one in particular aloud.
“Amber, I don’t like this. I’m on my way, I’m just 20 minutes away. Get out of there!” I hear Chase’s frantic voice through my earpiece.
I see a slip of paper on the table and read it aloud. “Amber, your package is in your room.” Mom must have misunderstood Rosa.
“Get the fuck out of there now, Amber!” I ignore him.
My breathing has increased as I head up the stairs to my room. Visions of me dragging my broken bleeding body up here, has me freaking out, I start to cry. How could I not have known what that crazy man was capable of? Year after year, the abuse I was expected to shoulder, it’s staggering the amount of torment I endured at his hands. I stumble against the wall as sobs escape me.
I need to muster the strength to open my bedroom door, grab my package and run like hell. Run and leave all of this madness behind me.
As I open the door, I notice that everything has been boxed and stacked against the walls in a nice tidy way. The only thing that has not been disturbed is my bed. Anger engulfs me at the sight of this tainted piece of furniture. If I had a lighter on hand I would surely set it aflame. I scurry over to the bed to grab my package. As I lean over to grasp it, my bedroom door slams behind me.
“What was that? Amber, what was that?” My vocal cords have decided to abandon me because… I know. I know as surely as I’m standing here breathing. This particular scenario has been played out on plenty of nights, just as it has caused me to shudder back then…my body fails me now. I feel wetness skitter down my pants leg, how can one person reduce you to this point, a point where you soil yourself out of fear?
Living in this house conditioned me to accept his depraved acts. But, being away for so long has unconditioned me to the fear and the brutality he is able to unleash upon me, at any given time. The slamming of the door takes me back to the beginning, when I was just a mere child screaming for help and pissing myself out of fright. Memories of him having his way with me, unconcerned of my soiled state bombards me.
Oh GOD, he’ll have no problem taking me again, piss and all. I cannot respond to Chase’s simple questions, I’m too far gone. I stiffen at the familiar deep baritone chuckle behind me. I turn and let out a gasp at what’s standing in front of me.
“You’re back to pissing yourself again, I see. Do you think that will stop me? Haven’t you learned anything or have you forgotten due to you living in sin, like the whore you are? That’s okay, I’ll remind you. I’m going to fuck you, pissy cunt and all, it’s been too long.” The sight of him repulses me. He’s stark naked leaning against my bedroom door, completely aroused as he jerks himself while talking to me.
Scampering, I try to put as much distance between the two of us, as I can. “Nononononononono! Not again!” I scream out. “Behold I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” Luke 10:19. I speak scripture to give me strength in my time of need.
“Did you honestly think I would allow you to leave me? To just up and move away from me? How many times do I have to reiterate that, YOU BELONG TO ME?!” He yells the last of his sentence, which causes me to jump back. I am already against the wall with nowhere to go, my reaction to his yelling causes me to bang my head against the wall.
“Ahhhhhh!” I screech in pain.
“Fuck….highway…backed up….fifteen minutes away…calling cops…” I hear bits and pieces of Chase’s rant through my earpiece.
“I got here this morning and to my surprise, I find this place all packed up, even our bed. It took me a minute, but I was able to reassemble it just in time.”
He’s advanced further in the room and is now standing by my bed. My eyes can’t help but to see, the train wreck in front of me. His hand is moving much faster, his hips are gyrating, his head is thrown back in sick ecstasy as he releases a guttural growl. White spurts of his cum lands on my bed. I whimper at this animalistic act. It’s as if he’s marking his territory.
“Yeah, that was good! The anticipation had me all worked up. Seeing you again, knowing that I will have you to myself… Princess, I’m sorry about the bed.” He chuckles. “It was vital that I get that one off. As much as I have been craving you, I couldn’t let our first time be too quick. I want to savor you. Now, it’s time!” He says, smiling wickedly at me.
I find my voice as his horrified words and his debauched actions penetrate my fear. “t…time…time for what?” I’m reduced to stuttering.
“Time to have what’s mine again, what do you think?”
What do I think? What do I think? Well, I think he’s a fucking low life bastard, for one. A fucking child molester and a despicable excuse for a man. As I stand here huddled against the wall cowering from my father, it dawns on me the caliber of cowardice he possess.
Give me strength lord to stand up to this spineless man. “For You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord shall enlighten my darkness. For by You I can run against a troop; by my GOD I can leap over a wall. As for GOD, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.” 2 Samuel 22:29.
If it takes me all day I will not waiver on my faith. Not now! I will continue to fight with scripture and repeat them aloud if that will keep him at bay.
> “Do you think those words will help you? Do you think they will keep you safe?” He sneers at me as he takes a few steps in my direction.
“Yes!” I scream with authority. “These scriptures, these words of my Lord, of my GOD, is the only thing that got me through your nightly visits. It’s the only strength I had, the only armor I needed in this unwinnable war you thrust upon me. It’s the only thing you couldn’t take from me. YOU TOOK EVERYTHING ELSE FROM ME…EVERYTHING!” I’m panting in rage. “How could you rape your own daughter for all of these years?! How could you do that to me?!” I scream at him.
“What kind of sick fuck do you take me for?” He has the nerve to look aghast. “I would never fuck my own daughter.” He points an accusing finger at me. “You’re not my daughter…your MINE!” He yells back at me. “I picked you! Your bitch of a mother was so lonely and desperate for a man, she practically threw herself and her money at me. What sane man would turn down some lonely bitch willing to pay his way through the world? I could have walked away and left her to find another man, but why, when she was willing and ready to do anything to keep me.” He hits his chest to drive the last remark home.
I knew he was crazy all along, but this is beyond the realm of my comprehension. This guy has lost all of his scruples. He’s nothing, but a weak person, prying on the weak minded and weak willed. I refuse to be that willing person for him any longer.
He chuckles. “Can you believe it, the first time I was introduced to you I had been dating your mom for six months…six short fucking months and your stupid mother was trying to make you call me daddy. Hell, you couldn’t even talk yet. GOD, you gotta love lonely, gullible, stupid women! When I saw you for the first time, I knew you were going to grow up to be a stunning woman, my woman! So, I stayed, I married the bitch, just so that I can train you to be the woman that I needed. You sure have pleased me over the years, but I want more…I need more…I need you forever. Do you think I trained you all of these years, so that you could leave me and be with someone else? Bitch, are you crazy?! YOU – ARE – MINE!”
My guts twist at what he is describing to me. I’m stunned into silence at how candid he is speaking. “Now that I’ve finally finished the training, which by the way, anal was the last of your lessons…you think you can leave me! No Amber, you’re wrong!” He’s so angry by the end of his tirade that spittle flies from his lips as he speaks.
“What I know is that you will never, ever, touch me again.” I’m astonished at my cool tone. Throughout his tirade, a wave of peace encompassed me. From that point on, nothing he has said has affected me.
He’s not my father, well, I knew that already. So, that’s not a big surprise. My mother being weak, weak enough to let some man that she knew a hot minute, prey on her infant child. Yeah, that’s not particularly a shocker either. What did shock me was that he had planned my future, my sexual exploits since I was a mere baby. That pissed me off! I didn’t have a chance, I never had a chance for a normal life!
“I never had a chance….” I whisper out loud to myself. “That’s okay, because you won’t either. You better pray that GOD will have mercy on your soul because I will not show you any.” Maybe it was the tone of my voice that clued Chase in on the changing tide of the storm that has engulfed me.
“Babe, remember what I taught you. I’m almost there, ten minutes max, the traffic just let up. I’m driving as fast as I can. Clear your head of the anger and protect yourself the best you can. I’m on my way.” I startle at his deceptively calm voice. I actually forgot he was on the line.
I quote aloud a scripture that should clue my target in on what’s to come. He’s so amped on the vision of me underneath him as he has his wicked way with me, that he doesn’t take heed. “It is GOD who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, and sets me on high places. He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze…I have pursued my enemies and overtaken them; neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed, I have wounded them, so that they were not able to rise; they have fallen under my feet. For you have armed me with strength for the battle; you have subdued under me those who rose up against me.” Psalm 18:32. I close my eyes for the briefest of seconds to still myself for what is to come.
In that infinitesimal space in time, he makes his move. “Fuck the mumbo jumbo shit your speaking! You can pray for my forgiveness while I’m in you. Now, come here!”
He tries to grab for my arm, but I side step him. “You want to play hard to get today? That’s good babe, that makes the victory that much sweeter for me.” He taunts as he stalks me around the room. “Once I get my hands on you, I’m going to drill you so hard and so good, you will never want to leave me again.”
He reaches for me again, I try to outmaneuver him, but due to all the boxes in the room I miscalculate my steps and trip over a few of them. I hastily roll to the side, he grabs a handful of my hair and yanks my head with such force that I’m dragged back to the ground.
“Ahhhh!” I yelp out in pain. At this point I can care less if he pulls my hair from their roots, I will not allow him to mount me.
The gloves are off. All I can think of, is all the times he has gained the upper hand. How many times he has yanked me by the hair in order to cower me into submitting further degradation. Fuck that! He wants me, I’ll give him all of me! Let’s see if he can handle the new me. My latch has been released, I am no longer his tamed beast.
“You MOTHERFUCKER!” I release a mighty roar.
I turn so that I am facing him. The pain of this action does not register. His death grip in my hair does not register. All that I care about is seeing the pain that I am about to unleash on his pathetic ass.
I grab the wrist of the hand that’s holding my hair. I punch up with all of my might, I aim for his joint connecting the forearm to his upper arm. I hear something crack as I plow my fist into him. As he screams in pain, I laugh in joy, as the tables quickly turn in my favor.
“You better pray that the cops get here before I kill your sorry ass.” I say forebodingly.
This is the last thing that I clearly remember saying before I literally blank out. I go on to perform my civic duty to a symphony of exquisite screams. Morbid it might be! Therapeutic…most defiantly!
Chapter 32
(Chase Mitchell)
My heart is in my throat. I had a feeling this was Amber’s big secret. Listening to this sick bastard infuriates me. I’m driving on the shoulder trying my best to bypass the bumper to bumper traffic on I-10. No matter how fast I’m going, it’s not fast enough. My reason for breathing is stuck in a room with a sadistic monster and I’m too far away to help her.
Cold rage burns through me at the thought of years of abuse she has had to endure, at his hands. All I’m sure of right now, is that my Bluetooth has become my modern day torture device. I’m ready to yank it out of my ear and throw it as far away from me as possible, but I can’t, it’s my lifeline to her, my only way of knowing what’s going on in that house of horrors. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, no one should have to endure hearing their loved ones go through this. Helpless, that’s how I feel.
“Ahhhhhh!” I hear Amber screech out in pain. Why can’t this stupid car go any faster?
“Fuck him for putting his hands on you. Protect yourself Amber, you are no longer his victim! This highway is backed up, I’m driving as fast as I can, babe. Hold on, hold on for me, I’ll be there. I’m fifteen minutes away. I’m calling the cops…” I’m franticly yelling in the phone at her. Damn….Damn…DAMN!
I grasp for my actual phone and push the button to add a call. I quickly type in 9-1-1. Please help us!
“911, what’s your emergency?” Relief floods me, knowing that someone will be able to help us and possibly make it to the house before me. I merge the calls.
“This is Chase Mitchell. I’ve merged you in with my fiancé, she’s being attacked. Are you recording this call?”
&n
bsp; “Mr. Mitchell, this call is being recorded. Can you give me the address where the attack is taking place?” I rattle off Amber’s moms address. “I have units heading over there as we speak. Could you tell me what’s going on?”
“You all were called a few months ago because she was attacked outside her home which subsequently ended in her being raped. She has been living with me since she was released from the hospital. The person who attacked her was never caught. This is the first time of her going back to her parent’s house. While on the phone….she has a Bluetooth on so, her father doesn’t know we are privy to his sick rants…he’s the one who attacked her that night. HE’S BEEN MOLESTING HER SINCE SHE WAS A CHILD!” I scream the last part.
“Take some deep breaths, Mr. Mitchell. We will remain on the line to monitor the situation until units are on the scene.” I try to do as she says, until….
“Yeah, that was good! The anticipation had me all worked up. Seeing you again, knowing that I will have you to myself… Princess, I’m sorry about the bed.” He chuckles. “It was vital that I get that one off. As much as I have been craving you, I couldn’t let our first time be too quick. I want to savor you. Now, it’s time!”
Spoiled Secrets Page 24
