by Sara Daniell
He had grass and snow in his hair.
"Apparently, I fell out my window and rolled all the way to yours."
"Are you okay?" I asked as I helped him in.
“Yeah.” He ran his hands through his hair to get all the stuff out of it then wiped his hands off on his jeans. I picked a piece of bush out of his hair that he missed. I wiped some dirt off his cheek. "We're gonna have to come up with a better plan."
I moved back and sat on my bed. "Havock, maybe we shouldn't be together," I said as I looked at my hands, tears filled my eyes. "Once dad's back I'll be locked away in some house somewhere." I looked at him and smiled softly. "And you have a world to see."
He nodded and waited to see if I had more to say. "Are you done talking bullshit now?"
My eyes locked on his, and I nodded.
He came closer so our bodies were touching and touched the side of my face. "Reese Johnson, I fell out of my window and rolled through the wet snow and probably some of Scott's shit to tell you that I am crazy stupid in love with you."
I couldn't help but laugh. Only Havock would say I love you like that. Another tear fell down my face. "You looked sick earlier when you said it."
"Because I was scared shitless."
I stood up and ran my hands through his hair then kissed him with all the love I felt for him. "I'm crazy stupid in love with you too," I whispered against his lips.
"I'm dreading school on Monday. How am I gonna pretend like you're just some foster kid staying with my family?"
"I guess we just stay away from each other," I said as I locked my eyes on him. "Now how about we get you out of those wet clothes before you get pneumonia."
He faked a cough. "We better hurry," he said pitifully.
I helped him get his hoodie and shirt off. I then kissed his chest. I looked into his eyes, stood on my tiptoes, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him. Hungrily. I wanted him. I needed him. Sometimes it felt like being with him was how I breathed. How I stayed afloat.
He didn't stop to ask my permission and it wasn't like I expected him to. He needed me just as much as I needed him. We were desperate for one another. He picked me up and my legs wrapped around his waist. He backed me against a wall to support me while he slipped my shirt off. He kissed my lips, my ear, my neck...anywhere there was bare skin, his lips found it. He then moved us to the bed and laid me back, pulling off my sweats, never once hesitating.
Scott made a noise from next to us. I looked at Havock as he put a pillow on the floor and put Scott on it. I cupped the back of Havock's neck. "I love you."
"I love you too."
I kissed him desperately and everything else faded into touches and feelings.
~~~
I survived the lighting ceremony although it intensified my nightmares for a few days. I spent many nights in Havock's arms with the door open and Mr. Rick and Mrs. Johanna's door open as well. It was getting to where I couldn't sleep without him. Although, I'd never admit that to him. He had a big enough head as it was. Our nights of love and passion had remained our secrets which was good or there would be an alarm on his window as well. I looked at the school and groaned. "I don't want to go back in there."
"Ah, suck it up kid. It's not so bad. Just a bunch of nobody's going nowhere," Jude said as he finished his cigarette. His car is broke down. Again.
Havock laughed. "We call them the Riverbend nobody's."
Jude nodded. "And we are the Riverbend Misfits. Would've made a great band name, dude."
"Yeah well you don't have people bumping into you, spilling soda on you, hitting you, or calling you names all day long, do you?" I said quietly.
"They're too scared to because they know that the two of us would fight back. Maybe you should fight back," Jude said matter of factly.
"Don't listen to him." Havock laughed.
"Oh shut up. You were just saying the other day that you wished she would grow a backbone."
Havock laughed. "I did say that."
I rolled my eyes at them. "Okay, if I'm going to get beat up out here I'll go inside." I shoved Havock's shoulder to get him to move.
"You could just crawl into my lap."
Jude laughed and got out.
Havock raised a brow. "Seriously. I know of some great back roads."
I laughed and smiled. "I'd love that, but my counselor would be calling your mom. I have a meeting after first period."
He kissed me not caring we were in the student parking lot where everyone was arriving for school. "Fine. Meet me out back where I smoke after lunch."
"All right," I said as I grabbed my bag and headed to class.
Three hours later I was sitting in the principal's office with ice on my eye.
I groaned when my therapist walked in with Mrs. Johanna, and the counselor. "I didn't hit back," I said as I tried to figure out why I was in trouble. I straightened when I saw two men come up behind them. Something wasn't right. "What's going on?" I asked as I looked at Mrs. Johanna. She looked upset. Very upset. Was it dad? Did they find him? I wondered as they motioned for me to stand up. Johanna started crying and begging for the men not to take me.
The counselor knelt down in front of me. "We heard and Mrs. Johanna admitted that you and Havock are seeing each other. You understand why it's not okay to live with them, right?"
"Please! I watch them. They won't do anything wrong! I promise!" Johanna all but screamed.
Tears filled my eyes. "No! I don't want to leave! Please don't make me!" I yelled as I stood up and moved away from them all.
"Mrs. Satterly, unless you want this reported to your boss I suggest you calm down."
Johanna covered her face as she cried. The men grabbed my arms.
"At least let her say goodbye!" Johanna begged. "Call Havock from class. He needs to know. Please!"
The counselor tried to calm Mrs. Johanna down as the men took me from her office.
"No!" I screamed as they took me away. "Please! Let me at least say goodbye!" I yelled and cried, but it did no good. I was pushed inside a black car. They sat on either side of me to keep me from bolting. I rubbed my arms as I cried. "Please!" They remained silent.
HAVOCK
Reese wasn't in the class we have together, but I figured her meeting with the counselor just lasted longer than usual. I headed out the back door and pulled my cigarettes from my bag. I lit it and leaned against the wall while I waited for her.
Five minutes passed. Okay.
Ten minutes. Started getting worried.
Ten and a half minutes I was texting her.
Me: Where r u?
Reese: Tak
That's all I got back.
Tak? Weird. Maybe her phone died. She was bad about keeping it charged.
I went inside and started walking to all the places I thought she might be. A teacher passing by told me to go to lunch, but I ignored him. After giving up, I went to the cafeteria. Maybe she was there waiting for me.
I walked in and everyone stopped what they were doing. Even the lunch ladies serving food stopped. I looked around for Garrett. I didn't see him either. Jude? No where. When I turned around to leave the cafeteria I saw Garrett and Jude hurrying towards me.
“Wha-” Is all I got out before they both grabbed my arms and pulled me out of the cafeteria.
"Havock, they took her. Mom just called and there's nothing she can do. She wants us to come home."
“Who took her?”
"The state," Garrett said as we walked to the office to sign out. I didn't remember telling Jude bye. I just remembered giving him my keys for him to drive my truck to work since his car was broke down.
I signed my name and walked out with Garrett.
I stopped walking. "NO!" I yelled when reality hit me.
"Get in the truck. We need to go home!"
"But she's not there!" I yelled as tears filled my eyes.
"I know, but mom needs us. Let's go. Please, Havock. I know this hard but-"
"No you
don't know! You have no idea how hard this is! She can't..." I couldn't talk anymore. I was hurting. Worse than I have ever hurt in my life. Reese was the best thing for me. I wasn't changing who I was for her, but I was becoming better. She's everything I ever needed. She couldn't be gone.
“Havock...”
"NO!" I yelled again. My hands shook and my feet started moving. I didn't know where they were taking me and didn't really care. I needed her. Not anyone else. Her and only her.
~~~
I woke up in her bed. I remembered walking into the front yard and staring at the house but not walking in. It took dad and Garrett both to make me walk inside. They suggested that I go up to my room and rest, but I went to her room instead to lay down. I gripped her sheets in my hands. They smelled like her. My eyes watered as I sat up. I heard Scott as he whined from the floor.
I picked him up and pet him. I could tell he needed to go outside. "Alright, let's go." He followed me into the entry way as I put on my jacket. When I opened the door he bolted out and took off towards the street. I ran after him yelling for him to stop.
There was no doubt he was looking for Reese.
I heard my truck coming. Jude was bringing it back. Scott ran out in front of him, and I did too. He blared the horn and slammed the breaks just before he hit us both.
He jumped out of the truck. "WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!"
I picked up Scott. "It...I...it's...he..." I couldn't get anything out that made sense. I had risked my life for a dog. A damn dog. Her dog.
I knew that it was stupid, but I also knew I'd do it again if I had to.
"Get in the truck," Jude said as he cursed. I scared the shit out of him.
Scott licked me then whined. His little nose sniffed around the seat. He hopped into the floor board and found a shirt that was Reese's. He laid on it and whined. I laid my head back against the seat.
"What am I gonna do, Jude? I feel like my insides are ripping apart."
"What happened to the Havock that didn't give a shit about anything? I think I liked him better. He wasn't so damn whiny."
I knew he was teasing. He was trying to make me laugh, but it wasn't working.
“He met a princess.”
Jude burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh, who the hell are you?!"
"I'm being serious, Jude!" I yelled as I punched the inside of the door.
He pulled up to his house. "Are you gonna be able to drive yourself home or should I call Garrett to come follow you home?"
"I can drive myself."
"And you'll go straight home?"
“I'm undecided.”
"Do you even know where she is?" he asked as he grabbed his backpack.
I didn't say anything. He was right. I could drive around forever looking but even if I did find her, I wouldn't be able to see her. I heard mom explaining this to Garrett and dad while I fell asleep in her bed. They wouldn't tell mom where she was. They wouldn't even tell her if they made sure to call the doctor to get her prescriptions sent over to wherever they were using. They wouldn't even let her drop off her things. We were to have no contact with her. And it was because of me.
"I'll go straight home," I said as I looked at Jude.
"Alright, text me when you get there."
I nodded and scooted over to the driver seat. I drove home with the music blaring.
I looked down at Scott who was staring up at me.
When I got to the house, I got out and held the door for Scott. He followed me in. Mom started crying when she saw me and wrapped me in a hug.
"I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU WENT!!"
"Mom, calm down. I'm here. I took Scott out then had to take Jude home."
"But I didn't know that! I thought you were leaving me too!" she cried.
I held mom in my arms as she cried. "Havock, I loved her like she was my own. I failed her. I failed her mother. I just wanted to keep her safe in our home."
"It's my fault. I shouldn't have gotten involved with her."
Mom looked up at me. "We can't change that. We can just hope and pray that they will take care of her. I'm so scared for her, Havock. She's not stable and now they've taken her from the only place she ever really felt any love."
My mind drifted to making love to her. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. It wasn't just sex. It was so real, flawless, and unmatchable. I needed to feel her against my body again. I needed to be able to whisper things that only she would ever hear. I needed to hold her and tell her I love her. Tears filled my eyes.
"I plan on packing her things and taking them to the police station. They'll be able to bring them to her. Maybe," mom said.
No. No! Her drawing book. "I'll pack them up," I said quickly.
Mom nodded and wiped a tear that fell down my cheek. "Are you crying, Havock?"
"I love her, mom." My voice sounded so broken. So unfamiliar.
Mom smiled. "We'll get through this."
She walked into the kitchen where dad was. I walked to Reese's room and found her drawing book in-between her mattresses. I wanted to flip through the pages to relive the moments she documented so perfectly, but I couldn't yet. It was too hard because I knew that I may never experience those moments with her again.
I felt like if I did look at it, I was giving up hope and saying goodbye. I didn't need closure. I needed her. I had to hang onto the hope that when she did get to leave that place one day, she'd come back to me.
To be continued. . .
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