by Bella Andre
She loved the fifteen-pound ball of fur with everything she had from the moment it licked her.
That could have been me.
But he was an asshole who didn’t deserve her. Even now, instead of finally letting her go to rebuild the life he’d torn apart, all Cole wanted was to hold her hostage in the limo and take her back to his house. All he could think about was finding some way to convince her that he really was sorry.
And that he really did love her.
But he remembered that first limo ride from the San Francisco airport, the way he hadn’t asked her if she would come with him to his house. He’d demanded it, as if her opinion hadn’t mattered.
He now knew that her opinion mattered more than anything.
“Where do you want James to take you?”
She looked at him in surprise, but the expression disappeared as quickly as it had come.
“Home. My home.”
Coming around to hold the door open for Anna, James looked at Cole like he was dogshit on the bottom of his shoe. His assistant waited until she was safely inside and the door was closed to say, “You’re an idiot. A complete fucking idiot.”
James didn’t wait for a response, just went around to the front of the car and slid in behind the wheel.
With Cole’s wife inside the car with him.
Possessiveness gripped him hard and he was just curling his fingers around the door handle to pull his wife out of the limo, to work like hell to convince her to come with him in his car, to try and get her to forgive him and give him another chance, when James hit the gas and the limo sped away from the curb so fast it almost took Cole’s hand off.
“Fuck!”
Cole took off across the arrivals lanes at a full-on sprint, dodging each car as if he were on the field instead of a crowded airport, until he found his car. Jumping inside, he sped toward the exit with his car door still open, barely closing it in time to prevent it snapping off on a cement pillar. He threw a hundred-dollar bill at the ticket taker and almost crashed through the gate in his hurry to get to Anna.
He didn’t know what he could possibly say, what he could possibly do, to get her to give him another chance. All he knew was that he couldn’t give her up.
Not without a fight.
Not until he knew for sure that she didn’t love him anymore.
* * *
He turned into her street just as James was walking down the steps back to the limo. Double-parking his car, not giving a shit if it was towed or even totaled by another car, Cole jumped out. He barely heard James say, “Swear to God, you must be the biggest goddamned idiot I’ve ever met,” barely saw the photographers clicking pictures outside as he ran past his assistant and up the stairs.
Praying she hadn’t yet locked the front door, knowing that she was so trusting she often forgot, he pushed against it.
And it opened.
Anna looked up from the spot where she was kneeling on the floor picking up mail, the dog sleeping in his carrying bag by the hall table. In that moment, catching her completely off guard, Cole thought he caught something in her eyes that she’d been hiding from him all day.
Love.
“Anna, we need to talk.”
She stood up, leaving her mail on the floor, her dark hair silky as it fell over her shoulders, her long lashes almost shielding her ocean eyes from him. She was so beautiful that simply looking at her made his chest hurt with every single breath he took.
“I don’t want to talk.”
She moved toward him and he expected her to slap him, to scream at him for ruining her life, to tell him to get the hell out of her house and her life.
Instead, her hands went to the hem of his T-shirt, pulling it up his body.
More confused than he’d ever been, Cole couldn’t think fast enough to stop her from dragging it all the way up to his armpits. And with her fingernails raking across his chest, it was instinct to lift his arms above his head so that she could get it all the way off.
“Anna. Sweetheart.” He wanted to pull her into him, wanted to force her to listen to him beg for forgiveness until she finally capitulated and forgave him for being the world’s biggest asshole. “I didn’t bring come here for this.”
“I know.”
She untied the bow at the front of her dress and a second later pulled it over her head and tossed it on the ground.
“Anna.” He put his hands on her shoulders, stupid enough to risk touching her when she was standing there almost naked and so beautiful he couldn’t believe his eyes, no matter how many times he looked at her. “You don’t want to make love to me here. Now.”
He hated the way she winced at the word love, hated it even more when she said, “You taught me too well, Cole, taught me not to fight what I really need.” So matter-of-fact. “And I need you. Here. Now. Just like this.”
Her hands went to his belt, unbuckling it, and he tried to still them with his own, but she was focused, one hundred percent intent on pulling his zipper down.
“Anna, baby,” he said, dragging the words from his own throat, “listen to me. We need to stop before you do something you don’t really want to do.”
The pain in her eyes broke his heart as she said, “I thought that was true. All my life I’d told myself I didn’t want this.” She dragged his jeans down and the erection he couldn’t contain jutted out at her through the thin fabric of his navy blue boxers. “I was lying to myself. You taught me all about lies.”
She dropped to her knees and he tried again, tried to stop her from doing something she’d hate him for forever.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to do this.”
She lifted her gaze to his, locked in tight. “I do.” Her tongue slipped out in a wet caress across his bulging cock head and he couldn’t stop his arousal from bursting onto her lips. “Even though you’ve broken my heart, I need this.”
Her words tore at him. She wasn’t saying she needed him. Just that she was addicted to exploring the deep sensuality that he’d helped her find.
She ran her hands up onto his stomach, his muscles tightening beneath her soft touch.
“That first night in Las Vegas you unlocked the door to a part of me that I was denying.”
She sucked his cock head inside, swirling her tongue around it. When she pulled back there was lust in her eyes—and so much bleak pain all Cole wanted to do was pick her up and tuck her against his chest and not let her go until it was gone.
“I can’t help but crave touch now. Can’t stop wanting that rush of release.” The breath she took shook her body. “Crazy,” she whispered. “I need crazy.” Her voice, her expression was ravaged with painful knowledge. “I’ll never be able to lock that door again. Even after you’re gone. Even without you.”
Jesus, she was outright telling him that she was going to replace him. That whether or not he was the man in her bed, she wasn’t going to force herself to live in a sexual prison.
The thought of another man ever taking Anna—taking what was his—twisted up inside of Cole. His hands became fists in her soft hair.
“I’ll kill anyone who touches you.”
She answered his threat by cupping his balls and taking him deep into her throat.
Just like he’d taught her...that first night when he’d asked her to trust him.
Something inside his chest splintered apart even as his cock grew harder inside her sweet, sucking mouth.
He’d betrayed her trust again and again, from that first kiss, when he’d convinced her to come to the wedding chapel to say “I do,” on that morning he asked her lie to his grandmother, when he’d sat beside her in her parents’ house and let her lie to her own family.
He needed to stop this. Needed to stop himself from taking something he didn’t deserve from her.
He’d never deserved her, not for one single second that she’d let him be a part of her life .
Her fingernails scratched along the skin behind his balls and he felt them tighten u
p into his body. She sucked him in deep while laving her tongue along his shaft. Using every last ounce of self-control he possessed, he dragged himself from between her sweet lips.
“No, baby. Not like this.”
But her eyes were wild and that wildness made her stronger, stronger even than a man who tackled giants for a living. She gripped his hands, tugged him over her as they tumbled onto the floor.
Cole couldn’t leave her, couldn’t possibly walk away from her. He needed her too badly, needed to erase the storm in her ocean eyes—and even more, needed to find a way to smooth out the lines of sadness around her soft mouth.
He tried to thread his fingers through hers, but instead of letting him hold onto her, she put her hands on his face and leaned up to kiss him, biting, sucking, stealing his breath away.
A stronger man would have stopped her.
A good man would have known that kisses like this would only make things worse.
Fuck. He had no practice at being that man. Didn’t know the first thing about taking care of anyone but himself—and his grandmother.
But even seeing the fallout right in front of him, even knowing he wouldn’t be able to erase the guilt when they were done, he couldn’t stop himself from pushing her thighs apart with his knee.
And then he saw the thin barrier of her panties.
Thank God.
He couldn’t just take her. Couldn’t do the one thing he knew he’d regret forever.
But just when he was on the verge of thinking clearly again, Anna dropped her hands from his face and yanked aside the crotch of the panties, revealing her sweet, silky pussy to him.
Even then he might have been able to fight himself back, might have had a prayer of getting off the floor and not pounding into her, if she hadn’t said, “Take me, Cole. I can’t stand it anymore. I need you inside of me. All day I’ve needed you. Even when I hated you, I still needed you. Still craved your touch. Your kisses. Your cock.”
He’d loved to hear her beg, loved knowing he’d made her so crazy with need that she no longer had any way of fighting her arousal. But, God, he’d never wanted to hear her sound like this, like she was a woman who didn’t have any other option but to beg a man who’d hurt her to fuck her. Like she was trying to screw away her pain, doing anything she could to trade it away for a moment’s pleasure.
“Please.” Her voice broke on the simple word.
And Cole’s heart broke, too.
“I love you, sweetheart,” he vowed. “I love you so damn much it’s killing me.”
Her eyes flashed with momentary hope before pain came crashing back down, so much pain that he’d never hated himself more even as he pushed into the warmest, wettest comfort he’d ever known.
“Anna.” He had to drive all the way into her, watching her neck fall back as a whimper of deep pleasure left her throat. “My sweet Anna.”
Her hands were where he’d taught her to keep them, up above her head, her nails scratching at the wood floor. But he’d taught her that when he’d stupidly thought that fucking her was just a game.
What an idiot he’d been. Because Anna had never been a game, not from that first second he’d seen her across a crowded room.
She’d always been perfection.
And pure love.
But he’d been scared of feeling so much, so fast. He’d thought he needed freedom, only to find out too late that freedom was the biggest lie of all. Freedom was nothing but missing her already, even while she was here in his arms. Freedom was nothing but wishing he’d had a fucking clue what he’d had when she was his.
He reached up for her hands again, couldn’t stand not holding onto her, but when he placed his palms over hers, she flinched.
Cole bowed his head.
And grieved. For the woman he’d lost.
Because even though she was right there with him, the truth was that she was already gone.
And still, he couldn’t let go, had to hold onto her as their bodies drove towards a completion that they simply couldn’t fight.
A droplet of liquid fell from his face onto hers and she opened her eyes.
Cole didn’t remember crying as a child at the loss of his parents. He hadn’t cried when his grandmother had told him she was dying. He’d thought he was too strong to ever break.
How wrong he’d been.
“I love you, Anna. Forever.”
At the same time as he made his vow to her with words, he made it with his body, driving up into the spot that was guaranteed to send them both over the edge.
But even as her ocean eyes swirled from green to a dark blue, even as she cried out against him, even as he made sure that she was connected to him in the most elemental of ways...Cole had never felt more separated from her.
She was giving him her body as openly as ever, but even as she’d let him kiss her, touch her, even as she’d cried out with pleasure beneath him, she was holding back the most important thing of all.
Not the love that he knew she still felt for him. No matter how well she thought she’d
“learned” how to be sensual, it was love that made her respond to him.
But she didn’t trust him anymore.
And losing the trust of the sweet, innocent woman he’d propositioned in a Las Vegas club was by far the hardest hit Cole had ever taken.
Big enough that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to play the game again.
His grandmother’s words came at him as if she were there in the room with them. “Can’t you see your entire future is Anna? Don’t throw it all away. You’ve fought before. Fight again.
Fight like hell to fix what you’ve done wrong.”
“Please, Anna,” he said, their bodies still connected, “please give me another chance. I know you deserve a man who hasn’t lied, cheated, and stolen. I know you deserve a man who doesn’t break bones for a living. But Anna, can’t you see that I’m the man who’s in love with you? I’m the man who will do every single thing he can to make you happy for the rest of your life. I’m so damn sorry for every mistake I’ve ever made. But especially this mistake. Because hurting you is the worst thing I’ve ever done. The stupidest. Please give me the chance to prove to you that I can love you right this time. Please give me the chance to prove to you that I’m not going to blow it.”
“Why should I?”
She was angry now and he could feel the tension thrumming through her, through muscle and bone and skin covered in sweat from both their bodies.
“I gave you the chance to love me. I gave you the chance to be a real husband to me. I trusted you, Cole. And you still hurt me. You still did the one thing you knew would tear us apart.
You made sure it would happen. You taught me more than pleasure. You taught me how to close down my heart. How to protect myself from pain. You taught me how dangerous it is to trust.”
Her breasts rasped across his chest as she finally let go of the anger she’d been holding inside, her hands fisted on him as if she wanted to beat him off her.
“You’ve already had every chance in the world to love me right. So why the hell do you think I would possibly give you another?”
Fight. He needed to keep fighting. For love.
For Anna.
“Because you’re brave enough to trust me. Because you’re brave enough to know the truth when you finally hear it.”
She blinked and he could see droplets on her eyelashes. “Whatever you think you saw in me, it wasn’t bravery. It was stupidity.”
“No, baby, no more lies.”
Still hard inside her despite his climax, he shifted her closer with his hands on her hips, and heard her gasp.
But she didn’t pull away.
It wasn’t much. It wasn’t forgiveness or redemption, but it was something.
And he’d take any little bit of hope he could get.
“People have been running from me my whole life. I’ve got scary down to an art form.
But you—you’ve never run.” Her
eyes widened with surprise. “You’ve never let me scare you away.” He still held her close, their bodies still connected in the most intimate way possible.
“Don’t let me scare you, sweet girl. Not when telling Ty those things was just a stupid act, just me trying to pretend I was too tough to fall in love. Not when you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met.”
He could barely breathe, the blood rushing in his ears making it hard for him to hear himself say, “Be brave for me, sweetheart.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Anna’s family crowded the VIP box, along with her friend Virginia. She’d asked them to come and even though she could see they didn’t understand why she was here at Cole’s game, they came.
She didn’t understand it, either.
All she’d known was that she needed to do this, needed to prove to herself that she really was brave. Cole had said the words to her again and again, but believing it for herself was something else entirely.
Last night, after their crazy floor-sex, he’d gone back to his house. And she’d been so lonely she was surprised she'd survived the night.
Since graduating from college, she’d lived alone. She’d liked the silence, enjoyed reading or listening to whatever music she wanted. Sure, she’d sometimes longed for a partner to share her life with—more as the years went by—but she’d never once felt lonely.
Not until Cole had gone.
Cole had only been in her house twice, but she could feel him everywhere. She’d never look at the entry the same way again, or the kitchen where he’d picked her up and carried her the afternoon after their wedding. And her bedroom...well, she simply couldn’t go in there. So she’d slept on the couch.
And wondered all night about Cole.
If he was sleeping.
Or if he was as tormented by loneliness, by desire, by regret as she was.
If he was barely able to keep himself from grabbing his car keys and coming back, just as she was.
If he dialed her number dozens of times, hanging up before the seventh digit each time, like she had.
If he missed her as much as she missed him.
