Though she preferred not to witness the disappointment on her grandmother’s face, Eve straightened, meeting her gaze, aware that the benevolent woman deserved her complete attention and respect. In truth, the Dowager Viscountess deserved so much more. Eve should have considered that before leading herself down the path of absolute ruin.
“I did something unspeakable. Tristan has cancelled our betrothal.” Their wheels encountered a rocky patch, and the carriage shook as the cold, hard truth of Eve’s confession sliced through the cozy interior like a jagged blade.
Eve had expected to see shock, sadness, perhaps even disbelief reflected in her grandmother’s angelic visage. Instead, her grandmother expressed no such surprise.
“Tristan told you, then?” Eve whispered.
Her grandmother nodded before adding, “I came upon him when I was searching for you. Sebastian’s butler informed me where you’d gone immediately after my conversation with Tristan.”
Eve’s pulse pounded at a rapid rate. “What else did Tristan tell you?”
“That I must ask you for specifics,” Fiona spoke in a soothing tone, her cold fingertips gently caressing Eve’s tearstained cheek. “He also apologized for disappointing me.”
Clutching her abdomen, Eve winced as a knot of guilt and shame coiled within. In spite of the fact that she was at fault, honorable Tristan apologized to her grandmother.
Damn me to hell for hurting him!
“Eve,” her grandmother reached for her hand, squeezing it as if to infuse courage. “Please tell me what transpired this evening.”
It was past time for Eve’s confession, and she met her grandmother’s gaze once more, deciding that the sooner she uttered the words aloud, the better.
“Colin and I met when I visited my parents in London. He courted me upon returning to Northamptonshire, and we became unofficially betrothed while you were traveling abroad.” Such memories, the phantoms of her past, caught Eve when she was at her weakest. Her hands began to shake at the memory of what could have been.
Her grandmother clasped Eve’s hand tighter. “Don’t stop now, dearest. Please continue.”
“Since my father was absent throughout most of my life, Colin planned to ask you for my hand but was called away before doing so.” Her confession chilled Eve to the bone. “He departed England to join his family at their Scottish estate, never to return. I was too ashamed to admit the truth to anyone … even you.”
With her admission of guilt now complete, Eve realized that she’d been clutching her grandmother’s hand in a vise grip. She relaxed her sore fingers as the Dowager Viscountess released Eve’s hand.
“Oh, dear,” Fiona muttered before adding, “I presume you told Tristan the truth this evening?”
Eve shook her head in response and her grandmother repeated, “Oh dear, dear, dear.”
Though her grandmother’s response wasn’t one of disapproval per se, Eve felt an urgent need to justify her actions. “You must believe me, Grandmamma. I planned to tell Tristan the truth as soon as he returned from his business trip.”
She omitted a portion of the truth. After all, if Colin had never returned, Eve would not have admitted her past to Tristan or her grandmother. Judging from her grandmother’s silence, the Dowager Viscountess suspected the truth.
For the first time in her life, Eve loathed herself for every deceitful act she had committed since first meeting Colin MacAlistair.
Realization, harsh and judging, pounded her like a rough sea. After all the time she wasted this evening pondering how Colin had changed since his departure, it was Eve who had truly changed. She’d turned into a selfish and cunning chit.
“I never meant to hurt you, Grandmamma. Or Tristan, for that matter,” she said, her voice trembling as she choked back sobs.
“I believe you, darling,” Fiona’s tone was comforting. “Why didn’t you tell him in the first place?”
“The same reason I never told you … I was ashamed,” Eve lowered her head, unable to endure her grandmother’s somber expression any longer. Her voice was now barely above a whisper. “I loved Colin and was a fool for him. I waited for word from him, hoping for his return for far too long. Until I finally believed he would never return. After the deaths of my mother and father, I built my business and eventually Tristan became my betrothed.”
Fiona gently smoothed a lock of Eve’s hair from her eyes. “Did you explain any of what you just confided to Tristan?”
“No, I didn’t have an opportunity to do so,” Eve couldn’t look her grandmother in the eye, a new wave of humiliation rushing over her. “Tristan was furious, and rightly so.”
“This isn’t so very bad. We shall explain everything to Tristan. I am certain he will forgive you for withholding the truth, darling.”
The Viscountess’s unswerving faith in her granddaughter caused Eve’s self-loathing to reach an all-time high. If only it were that simple but, no. When Eve Weston makes a mistake, it certainly is on a grand scale.
“No, Grandmamma, he will never forgive me. Not after my actions tonight.” How would Eve admit to the kiss? Her shame when Colin left her was nothing compared to the mortification she felt when discovered in his arms, kissing him with such reckless abandon.
She was still a fool for him. After all these years, Eve was nothing more than a damned fool!
As if sensing her inner turmoil, the Viscountess prodded, “Out with it, darling. You can stall from here to Sunday, and I dare say it won’t get any easier.”
Eve summoned her courage, at last meeting her grandmother’s fixed gaze. “Tristan discovered Colin and me …” It was best to get it over with. “We were kissing each other.”
The Viscountess’s eyes widened, her lips puckering as if she’d just tasted something extremely sour. After several moments of silence, she managed “Oh, my,” in a ragged whisper.
The carriage swayed to a stop and silence once again befell the interior. Fiona opened her mouth as if to say something then closed it, apparently thinking better of it.
Eve sat in miserable stillness, feeling more guilty and disgraced with each passing second. Just when she thought that no more tears remained to be shed, Eve began to weep once more, the weight of what she’d done too heavy to withstand. “I never wanted to disappoint you or cause you such pain, Grandmamma. Not like Papa. I wanted to make up for his indiscretions not create my own.”
“Oh, darling girl,” her grandmother stroked Eve’s back in a soothing circular motion. “It doesn’t fall on your shoulders to salvage our family from your father’s disgrace. You may be strong, but it is not your burden to bear.”
Inhaling deeply, Eve added, “I disappointed you. I am so sorry.”
“You will never be a disappointment to me,” the Dowager Viscountess kissed Eve on the top of her head. “I will concede you’ve made a mess of this, but events could be worse.” She emphasized her last words, her tone innocent, almost childlike.
Eve leaned against the colorful feathers adorning her grandmother’s shoulder. “How could it possibly be worse?”
The Viscountess remained silent for several seconds. “I’m not certain at this precise moment but allow me a day or two and I shall think of something.”
After chuckling in spite of herself, Eve exhaled causing a feather to sway from her face. “I have made such a terrible mistake.”
Fiona nodded then asked, “Do you love him? Colin, that is.”
Her granddaughter had been hoping she wouldn’t ask that particular question. Eve despised herself for loving him, and the last thing she wanted to do was admit it.
“I don’t trust him. He nearly destroyed me when he disappeared,” she answered, endeavoring to sidestep her grandmother’s question. “I still don’t know why he left or where he went.”
“Yet, in spite of that long list of deterrents, you kissed him tonight. I am to assume you didn’t do so this afternoon when you took the carriage to visit him?”
The Viscountess’s peers oft
en underestimated her, choosing to categorize Fiona Weston as flighty or, worse yet, downright dim-witted. However, Eve knew the woman to be sharp as a blade. It came as no surprise that the kind, elder woman would challenge her.
“No, I did not kiss Colin this afternoon.” Eve admitted what she hoped would encourage her grandmother to drop the subject. After her grandmother arched her brows, Eve confessed, “I don’t trust him.”
“Harrumph,” the Dowager Viscountess declared over her shoulder before descending the steps of their carriage. Once Eve followed suit, her grandmother looped her arm through her granddaughter’s and led them away from the house choosing instead to proceed down a foot path illuminated by moonlight.
“You have made several glorious attempts at avoiding my question,” Fiona grinned as she spoke, her amusement evident. “Now then, let us try this again shall we? Do you love Colin MacAlistair?”
Eve contemplated her grandmother’s question before confessing, “God help me, I think I do.”
“You mustn’t be so hard on yourself,” Fiona stroked her granddaughter’s cheek with her cool, knotted fingers. “You can’t help whom you love.”
“No, Grandmamma, you are being too kind,” Eve’s tone brokered no argument as she began to pace in a small clearing surrounded by well-manicured shrubs. “Tristan has been wonderful to us. He is everything I could ask for in a husband, and he should have been enough for me. Instead, I broke his heart.”
“Did you intend to hurt him?”
“No, of course not,” Eve assured her grandmother. “But that makes my actions even more repugnant, doesn’t it? Until Colin’s return, I truly thought I was over him and believed I would be happy with Tristan. All the while, I failed to disclose to Tristan that I knew his brother, let alone that we were unofficially betrothed. I betrayed Tristan.”
The realization humbled Eve even further. What Tristan noted about their conversations regarding his investigators – had she truly used him for information about Colin, unbeknownst to herself? Could she have unknowingly been so wretched? The mere possibility made her doubt everything she once believed about herself.
Eve paused for a moment, biting her lower lip before garnering the courage to ask in a whisper, “Do you think it’s possible to love two men … two completely different men? Or do you think I was just fooling myself all along?”
“It is possible, darling, and I am certain that you care for Tristan,” Fiona patted Eve’s hand. “But I suspect that you never cherished him as much as you do Colin.”
Her grandmother was correct, and the admission pained Eve. “I am ashamed to agree with you. Especially since Colin doesn’t deserve my devotion, not after disappearing for years,” Eve searched her grandmother’s familiar pale gray eyes, seeking comfort. “What is wrong with me?”
Fiona grinned. “Nothing is wrong with you, my darling. We have no choice but to love the people we are meant to love. If fate destines for you to love the eldest MacAlistair, who are we to argue?”
There it was again. The second mention of fate this evening.
Damn fate.
“I can’t marry Colin,” Eve shook her head as she remembered his proposal if one could considerate it as such. “I could never do that to Tristan, besides, what type of marriage would Colin and I have when I am unable to trust him.”
“Does he wish to marry you?” the Viscountess asked, her stare intense and unwavering.
“Yes,” Eve nodded, “he wants to save my reputation, but I refused.”
“But if you love him, dearest …”
Her grandmother’s words floated through the air. Eve studied the twinkling stars high above. “Love is not enough.”
“Oh, darling girl, if that were true, the world would be a fine mess. Your grandfather once said that love can bring peace to warring nations and lead us to our salvation.”
“My grandfather was a romantic,” Eve grinned, remembering the stoic man. To the rest of polite society, the Viscount appeared to be aloof, even cynical, but his family knew the truth. Never had there lived a man who worshipped his wife more than he. Eve had always wished for such devotion but Colin’s desertion did more than break her heart and wound her pride. It extinguished her hope that she would ever experience such everlasting affection.
It dawned on her that Tristan was the safe choice. Tristan was incapable of breaking her heart because it belonged to another, whether or not she wanted to admit it at the time.”
“Oh, bloody hell,” Eve muttered aloud.
The Dowager Viscountess gaped at her. “Watch your language, dear.”
“My apologies, Grandmamma but I just made a rather infuriating realization—”
“That you have never stopped loving Mister Colin MacAlistair?” her grandmother remarked in a singsong voice.
Eve narrowed her eyes, growing infuriated with how well her grandmother knew Eve’s innermost affairs of the heart.
“Love cannot survive without trust,” Eve’s words were sharp and judging. “I’m no longer gullible enough to believe in love or the power of it.”
“Well, then, it’s a good thing I am here,” the Viscountess fingered the feathers accentuating her neck, a grand gesture symbolizing her flair for the dramatic. “I, my sweet granddaughter, am enough of an idealist for the both of us and I will not allow you to turn away from affection, even if it is in the form of Colin MacAlistair.”
“What are you saying?” Eve blinked, attempting to rid herself of the fog clouding her brain. “Surely, you can’t be instructing me to marry Colin?”
“Not on this night. All I ask is that you consider his proposal before ruling out such a possibility.” Fiona stepped forward before stroking her granddaughter’s cheek. “Please promise me you will do as I ask.”
Eve’s heart constricted. She’d just as soon walk across a desert without any water than consider Colin’s proposal for if she were to consider it, Eve would be forced to acknowledge that she wanted to accept it. Such thoughts petrified her because as sure as the sun rises in the mornings and sets in the evenings, Eve knew Colin MacAlistair to be damaged.
No matter how much she loved him, it would break her heart to learn that he couldn’t be mended.
* * *
“Never has one man’s return home caused such a commotion,” Sebastian’s voice echoed throughout the wood paneled room. “I trust you fared better than my vase?”
Colin turned to face his brother, the man who he knew only as a friend for so long … a man he hadn’t seen since learning the truth about his parentage.
Upon returning from his years in hell, Colin had expected their relationship to change with the knowledge that he was Sebastian’s illegitimate brother. He couldn’t have been more wrong. From the moment he first saw Sebastian it was as if no time had passed. Their friendship remained intact. In addition, Sebastian welcomed Colin into his home and into his family. He also respected Colin’s need to keep the truth quiet.
To all outsiders, they had become one family ever since Sebastian married Gwen. Except there was now a rift, all because Colin coveted his younger brother’s betrothed.
“I’ve certainly made a bloody mess of things,” he confessed. “I know how Tristan feels but how about my sister? Does she despise me yet?” As Tristan’s twin, Colin was certain that Gwen would never forgive him for his actions.
“Gwen loves you,” Sebastian’s tone brokered no argument. He walked over to the gilded wood console then grabbed a crystal decanter filled with amber liquid. He poured it into a matching tumbler before offering it to Colin.
Colin shook his head, lifting his glass in the air. “You are a little late as I have already helped myself to your excellent liquor.” He then took a hefty gulp of brandy, hoping it would infuse warmth into his limbs. Since Eve fled, his heart felt hollow and cold. Even brandy failed to warm him.
How odd. He hadn’t felt his heart in so long, certain it no longer existed. Until his kiss with Eve had reawakened it. Her kiss caused him to fee
l it beating, hard and fast. Even now, he couldn’t ignore its steady rhythm.
Not since Eve.
Sebastian carried his glass in one hand and the decanter in the other, marching towards the sofa in the center of the room. As he placed the decanter onto the table, he said, “You may need to refill your glass before we begin.”
“I take it you want an explanation?” a rhetorical question, of course, since Colin was certain that his brother sought exactly that.
“It would be appropriate.” Sebastian sat on the sofa and crossed his legs, apparently waiting for Colin to begin.
After swallowing the remaining contents of his glass, Colin refilled and took another large gulp before admitting, “I was acquainted with Eve several years ago. We were betrothed, albeit unofficially. Her family was unaware as was mine.”
Sebastian nodded. “I’m assuming you broke the betrothal before you could tell anyone?”
“Lachlan called me to his estate in Scotland.” Colin paused, taking another hefty swig of his brandy. Even now, after all of these years, the memory clawed at his insides like a wild animal. “I made the mistake of telling him.”
“I take it he wasn’t happy about the match?”
Colin’s limbs began to relax from his brother’s strong liquor. He welcomed the numbness. “To the contrary, he was thrilled.”
As he watched the confusion cloud Sebastian’s features, Colin remembered Fiona’s comment. They both had their father’s azure eyes. It was a matter of time before others noticed it, as well.
The ton would soon uncover one of his secrets.
How long until they learned the rest?
Sebastian cleared his throat, jarring his brother back to the matter at hand. “My apologies. Where was I?” Colin asked.
“Lachlan was thrilled,” Sebastian prompted.
“Ah, yes, well it’s not every day that your son tells you he is marrying a Viscount’s daughter.” Colin paused for dramatic effect. “But, then again, I wasn’t his son. He took morbid delight in revealing all the sordid details to me. He also reminded me that no Viscount’s family would ever allow a bastard into their midst. You see, Lachlan planned to take great pleasure in announcing to Eve’s parents, not to mention all of polite society, the truth about my parentage.”
Enticing Eve: Scandalous Secrets, Book 2 Page 10
