by R. W. Peake
I absorbed this, feeling the weight of gloom and guilt settling on me. Phocas decided I needed some good news. “Valeria thrives,” my head came up at this, and seeing my interest, he smiled. “She has two children.”
“Two?” I said in surprise.
I knew about Gaius, her son who would be about eight years old, but I did not know about the second child.
“Yes, she had a girl a while back. I expect the baby is about six months old now. Her name is……..” he searched his memory, looking at the ceiling for a moment, before he brightened, “….Julia, yes that's it. Her name is Julia.”
“Well, I plan on going to see her the day after tomorrow. I suppose there’s no sense in going to Cyclops’ farm.”
Phocas shrugged. Gisela, who was silent the whole time, excused herself from the table to relieve herself.
Once she was gone, Phocas asked quietly, “You really love her, don’t you?”
I was startled by the question; honestly I had never really thought about it much.
“Yes, I do. Very much.”
I tried to keep the surprise out of my voice, but Phocas had known me too long. He grinned and said, “It sneaks up on you, doesn’t it?”
I could not help but grin back. As usual, he was right; it had sneaked up on me.
We left for Valeria’s farm two days later, shortly before dawn. I finished the transaction with my father giving Phocas his freedom, taking the necessary documents into town after Lucius grudgingly signed them. The look on his toothless face when I contemptuously tossed the agreed amount, contained in a leather bag, into his hands made my stomach turn. He was oblivious to my disgust, licking his lips and peering into the bag, mumbling to himself in glee.
“That should keep you good and drunk for the rest of your life,” I said as I walked out of his room, but he made no retort. The morning we left for Valeria’s, I asked Phocas to come with us, and my father thought to stop him, demanding that he stay to take care of him.
“I'm sorry sir, but I'm no longer your slave,” Phocas told him quietly, and the look on my father’s face as he realized exactly what that meant was worth ten purses of the size I paid. With great dignity, Phocas climbed into the wagon, and we rolled out of the yard of the house, leaving my father spluttering in impotent rage and not a little fear. He never had to take care of himself, ever. Now he was all alone, and I could not have been happier. We laughed about that exchange for at least a third of a watch on the road to my sister’s, until tears streamed from our eyes. I could not remember a time where I felt as good about myself as I did that day, just watching Phocas’ face as the realization that he was truly free finally sunk in. Valeria was as lovely as ever, at least in my eyes. Being a mother agreed with her, and I was quite taken with little Gaius, who followed me everywhere, peppering me with questions about the number of Gauls I had killed.
“He's been completely obsessed by the exploits of his Uncle Titus,” Valeria explained, and I shot a quick glance at her husband, but he did not seem to mind. Valeria caught my glance, and after he left to work in the fields, she assured me that he was not jealous. “He never had dreams of glory the way you did,” she said, and Gisela interrupted with, “He still does,” making Valeria laugh.
Much to my relief, Valeria and Gisela hit it off immediately, and in fact seemed to enter into some sort of silent conspiracy aimed at me, where knowing looks were exchanged between them when I said something. I found it extremely irritating, and it finally forced me to go seek out Valeria’s husband Porcinus outside. However, he was really only interested in talking about his crops and his animals, reminding me of why I was so anxious to get off my farm in the first place. The moment I could extricate myself politely, I went and found Gaius. We sat talking for quite a while, and despite myself, I was amused at the idea that I would find the company of an eight year old more desirable than that of other adults. Yet I was fascinated by the way his mind worked, and despite his age he asked some very intelligent questions.
When I commented about this to Valeria, she looked at him with maternal pride and simply said, “Oh yes, he’s very smart. In many ways he’s like you; I don’t think the farm is going to be enough for him.”
As she finished that statement an expression of worry clouded her face, and realizing that I had seen that look before when she looked at me, I tried to think of something comforting to tell her, but the truth was there was really nothing to say because I completely understood. I think that is when the idea first formed in my head that somewhere down the road, I would be playing a larger role in Gaius’ life.
Spending four days with Valeria and her family, as much as I enjoyed myself, by the end of the third day I was bored out of my mind. Valeria knew me too well for me to hide it from her, but if she was disappointed, she did not show it. The most notable thing that happened occurred on the morning we left to return to Astigi; I was surprised to see Phocas showing no signs of being ready to leave. I was about to talk to him when Valeria caught me and pulled me aside, telling me quietly, “I’ve asked Phocas to stay here, and he’s agreed.”
I am not sure why I was surprised, but I was. “Why would he want to do that? He’s free now; he can go wherever he wants.”
Valeria shook her head, and replied, “Look at him Titus. He’s an old man now, and he’s worked hard his whole life. He was as much a father to me as he was to you, and I think the least I can do, after what you’ve done for him, is give him a place where he can live in peace.”
I saw the sense in this, but I wanted to make sure that Phocas had indeed agreed to this and was not just going along with Valeria to appease her. I knew how strong-willed she was, so I could imagine that Phocas might have figured that the easiest way of dealing with her was to pretend to go along, then just sneak off in the night, but he was as adamant as she was.
“I’m completely capable of making up my own mind Titus,” he sniffed, seeing through my stated reason for asking him. “Your sister may be formidable, but remember I lived with Gaia for 30 years, so I know how to handle a strong woman. No, I’m happy to stay here. Besides, it will do me good to be around Gaius and the baby. Children keep you young, you know.”
I knew no such thing, but I was convinced that he was sincere in his desire to stay behind.
“Look at it this way,” he finished, “think how angry your father will be when he learns I chose to live with your sister.”
That thought indeed brightened my day, and it was in a happy frame of mind that I kissed my sister, picked up Gaius and tossed him laughing in the air one last time, then shook her husband’s hand before climbing in the wagon. Gisela and Valeria clung to each other for what seemed to me an inappropriately long time, and through their tears they whispered things to each other that made them both laugh, all the while cutting their eyes towards me. Perhaps, I thought, leaving was not such a bad idea after all. At least they wouldn’t be together to hatch plots aimed at me.
Heading for Astigi that morning, being honest, I was more nervous now than at any other point on the trip, because Juno and Gisela were about to meet. It made me anxious on a number of levels; what if they did not get along? What if Gisela was able to tell that at one point I had feelings for Juno? And perhaps more importantly, what would happen if the moment I laid eyes on Juno I realized that those feelings had not completely died, and worst of all, Gisela could tell? Such was my state of mind as we plodded along the road, the wagon kicking up dust, marking our slow progress towards town, and I tried my best to hide my thoughts but Gisela was always able to see through any such attempts on my part.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, and I was sure I could detect a note of impatience in her voice, not helping my frame of mind.
“Nothing,” I replied a little too quickly, only serving to confirm her suspicions.
She harrumphed, making it clear that she was not buying any such nonsense, though I was thankful that she did not press the issue. However, after a couple of miles of silence, I fo
und myself turning to her.
“It’s just that I’m worried that you and Juno won’t get along.”
I was thankful that, even if she saw through this, she did not choose to make an issue of it. “I'm sure we will get along fine,” she announced confidently.
I just hoped she was right, for all of our sakes, or else it would be a long trip back.
Arriving at Vibius’ house, I banged on the door. After what seemed like a full watch, it cracked open, and an old crone that had been part of Vibius’ household since we were children peered out suspiciously. Her eyes took in the sight of me and Gisela, and despite seeing she recognized me, her reaction was not exactly welcoming. She was never the cheerful sort, but she would at least grunt in recognition and open the door. However, this time she just stood there, not budging. Stifling my impatience, I tried to assume a reasonable tone of voice; I had learned that being a Centurion did not awe civilians nearly as much as Legionaries.
“Is Vibius in? He’s expecting us.”
Still, she said nothing, but I saw a look of indecision cross her face and I was about to just push the door open to enter when she finally spoke.
“Master Vibius is not receiving any guests today.”
She made a move like she was going to close the door, but I stuck my foot out and stopped her.
“We’re not guests. You do recognize me, don’t you?”
She nodded, but she still stood her ground, although she was looking more and more nervous.
“I know who you are Master Titus, but my orders are very specific, that Master Vibius is not receiving any visitors. Mistress” meaning Vibius’ mother “was very specific on that point.”
I bit back a curse, feeling my temper rise. “Will you just run and tell Vibius that we’re here and see what he says?”
She thought about this for a moment before grudgingly nodding her head, but before I could cross into the vestibule, the normal place for visitors to wait, the door was slammed shut in my face. The look of shock on my face caused Gisela to giggle, which she tried to stifle with limited success, only serving to increase my irritation. When I scowled at her, it only caused the laughter to tumble from her and despite myself, I started laughing too. We were still in this state when the door creaked open and the crone reappeared, this time making no attempt to hide her discomfort.
“I am sorry Master Titus, but my orders remain the same. Master Vibius is not receiving visitors.”
“I’m not a visitor, damn you,” I barked, causing her to visibly shrink in fear, only making me angrier, but at myself. Standing there for a moment without any idea what to do, I was then struck by an inspiration and reached into my pouch, withdrawing a gold denarius and waving it in front of her. “Old Mater, I understand that you can’t let me in. But you know who I am, you know I’m not only Vibius’ oldest friend, but I’m also his commanding officer. So you can at least tell me what in Hades is going on, can’t you?”
She stared at the denarius, the battle within her showing clearly on her face, and as usual, greed won out. With a speed that would make a Legionary proud, her hand snatched the coin from mine.
“There will be no wedding,” she announced, and she could not have shocked us more if she had set herself afire in front of our eyes. I glanced over at Gisela, who looked just as surprised and speechless as I felt. Finally, I managed to splutter out, “What kind of joke is this? This has been arranged for years! What happened?”
The crone shrugged. “The lady,” and her emphasis on that term conveyed her feeling that Juno was anything but, “has married another man.”
My shock deepened, as did my confusion. “How could that be? Vibius and she had been communicating for years, and believe me, I would have known of such a thing because he would have told me.”
“He would have told you,” the crone agreed, “if he'd known the truth.”
Gisela moved next to me, as rapt in her attention to the woman as I was. Seeing that she had a spellbound audience the crone warmed to the task, first taking a fearful glance over her shoulder then stepping outside, pulling the door closed behind her.
“The lady never told Master Vibius the truth that about a year ago she fell in love with another. They kept their love a secret; nobody knew about it or we would have let Master Vibius know.”
“But how could Juno do that to Vibius?” I demanded, my own anger at what she had done surprising me. And Gisela did not miss it either, her eyes narrowing in suspicion, though I was too far gone at that moment to care much.
“Because she’s a weakling and a fool,” the crone spat, and for a moment we stood silently, sharing in our mutual loathing for someone who betrayed someone we cared about.
“When did Vibius find out?” Gisela asked.
“Not until three days ago,” the crone replied.
“Three days ago! We’ve been home for more than a week! How did she avoid telling him for so long?” I was completely mystified.
“Oh, the usual ways a woman uses when she doesn't want to see a man. She claimed to be ill, to be having female troubles, but it wasn’t until Master Vibius finally went to her house and more or less broke down the door and confronted her that the truth came out.”
“What happened?” I asked. “He didn’t hurt anybody, did he?”
She shook her head. “No, it was even worse than that. Paulus, one of the house servants who went with him said it was like all the life went out of him. He didn’t do anything, he didn’t say anything. He just turned and left. He came back to the house, locked himself in his room, and he’s been there ever since.”
“He didn’t……….” I almost could not bring myself to say it aloud, but I still had to know, “…..cry, did he? I mean,” I said hastily when I heard Gisela’s snort of anger, “in front of her?”
She shook her head again. “No, he kept his dignitas; at least until he got home. Then he howled like Cerberus gone mad all night long and into the next day before the poor thing finally lost his voice.”
I did not know what to say; selfishly, this had as much of an impact on my life in some ways as it did Vibius. Gisela would not have a companion to help her when her time came, yet I could not begin to imagine how Vibius was feeling, and in turn I felt totally helpless. I thanked the crone, who disappeared back inside the house. Turning to Gisela, I said, “We need to go get a room at the inn. I don’t think we’re going to be staying here.”
The gods have a sense of humor, I have always believed that, but I have also learned that it is usually a cruel one, and it was at this moment they chose to play a little prank on Gisela and me as we walked to the inn. We were just approaching the forum, with Gisela and I completely engrossed in conversation about what we had just learned, so that when we turned the corner and almost bumped into two people, it was not particularly surprising that we did not notice them. But when I turned away from Gisela to excuse ourselves, I found myself staring into a familiar pair of eyes, open wide in what was clearly as much fear as surprise, eyes that I first gazed into on a dusty day long ago after rescuing my best friend from a bucket of cac. Both of us stood stock still, and while my eyes never left her face, my mind registered a figure standing next to her, a man a few inches shorter than me, which was not unusual, but of almost as muscular a build as me, which was. Nevertheless, my eyes never left Juno’s, so I do not know how long we stood there before her mouth actually produced an intelligible sound.
“Sa..sa..salve, Titus,” she stammered, then before she could say another word, I felt my own come tumbling out.
“How could you do this to Vibius, you…….whore?”
I did not even know I was going to say it, and the instant the word came out she looked like I slapped her, and I heard Gisela gasp behind me. However, it was the man with her, who I assumed was the bastard who had stolen her, that took a menacing step towards me, his hand moving to a civilian dagger at his belt. Before either of us knew what was happening my hand, as if possessing a mind of its own, grasped
the hilt of my sword, pulling it in one smooth motion and placing the tip of the blade against the man’s throat, my arm held straight out. All it would take was not much more than a twitch of my shoulder and the blade would punch through his throat. A part of me was grimly amused at the idea that here I was on only my second visit home, and I was already about to kill someone else. For his part, the man did the right thing, standing completely motionless, all hint of aggression gone from his face and body.
“Titus, please, I beg you don't kill Quintus. He’s my husband! I can’t tell you how horrible I feel…..” I must say that the fear I heard in Juno's voice was quite satisfying.
“Shut up,” I told her quietly. “Let the men talk.”
Locking my gaze with Quintus, I took his measure, while he took mine, and I saw with some sadness that there was not much there that I thought worthy. Oh, he was strong enough physically; I learned that he was a smith, actually running a very successful business with several apprentices and journeymen under him. But there was no spark there, no anger at having a blade at his throat, no hint of defiance that told me that while I may have gotten the best of him that moment, he would not forget and I would have to look over my shoulder the rest of my life. Instead, there was just the naked fear that a civilian has for a trained soldier, and I would be lying if I said I did not savor the moment.
